Christina P
Appearances
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He's a single Eastern European guy. So it's paper plates, plastic forks. I'm eating hot dogs for dinner at Cupid's in the Valley. What? Shout out 818 Van Nuys. I should slash. And I still fucking order it. Shout out. Here it goes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, same school, but that's a level of, like, I remember watching Pippi Longstocking and she cuts her spaghetti with scissors. Like, I was doing that and thinking it was fun and eating Chef Boyardee out of cans. Dressing like Punky Brewster running around. Oh, for sure, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's the worst because I would mix up their names, so I'm getting in trouble from my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Multiple. I'm calling Debbie Susan and Susan Debbie, and then who the fuck is Nancy?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Like it's like Hungarian. Like there's yeah, there's hot dogs in the freezer. I can eat that. There's Chef Boyardee in the cans, which is great budget gourmet. I lived on the budget gourmet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, yeah. They were frozen meals. Yeah, frozen dinners. And to this day. Oh, right. So good. There was a wave.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course. Wow. And I would still eat it to this day. And the French bread pizza.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course. I thought it was... Yeah, I was fancy. I, you, yeah, you, International Foods.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Remember the name of the waiter? Jean-Luc. Do you remember the commercial?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I thought I was posh. I didn't know that we were garbage. I thought, like, we can afford budget gourmet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I love a French bread pizza. It's the best. It's the best. The sweetness of the sauce.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, wow. Mama Celeste Supreme Pizza. I felt like I was a gazillionaire.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, no. We'd go to the grocery store, and he would just let me buy whatever the heck I wanted.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, or Alpha Beta. It doesn't exist, but he dated one of the checkout girls, Nancy. My man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But that's the thing. I was bait because people, I was cute and boring. Oh, look at her. And what a good dad. Wow, this guy takes care of his kid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And I could dress however I wanted, which nowadays they let children do. I pick up my kid from school and there's girls wearing ballerina skirts, whereas I did that in the 80s and I would get a talking to. I would dress like Madonna because we go, oh, I would get my clothes at the swap meet. because he loved the valley indoor swap meet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And I thought I was so cool because I could wear like my swap meet outfit and with those cool kung fu slippers. Do you remember those white shoes that the Karate Kid, when that movie came out, they're like white cloth shoes with like the hard plastic bottoms. They're like ninja shoes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I could buy whatever I want. Yeah, I could eat whatever I want. It was, like, pippy long, so I could go to bed. Like, I don't even remember having a bedtime. I don't remember brushing my teeth. I don't remember, like... Kind of feral.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I loved fire, and my dad would go to sleep, and I would just play with the fire. I watched the flames dance. Where? his house like the fireplace yeah we had a fireplace and he'd go to sleep and i would just stay up and like throw shit in the fire i would have sent you away if i came down in the middle of the night you were sitting there worshiping fire no thank you
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yes. So that's a cool part of my parents is I would say because they were Europeans that we traveled very extensively. Really? They had a really nice education. Now that I think about it, okay, so my dad would take me to Club Med with him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I know. What happened? Well, first of all, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. My husband has told me forever to come on this show and do it because he is sure that I will be the garbagiest guest.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's what he would tell us that night. He's like, always eat before you drink. This way you can drink without throwing up. And I was like, okay, Dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
A couple Carnival cruises. Martinique. No, so we did go to Club Meds in, like, Mexico. I go to Mexico a lot every summer with my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So I did research it. It did start off as a French restaurant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
a sex resort essentially and i didn't realize that i just thought it was like this fun wasn't a dave and busters like like french it was all in french and i got to hang out with other like like european yeah other fucked up kids and we'd run around the village so they call them the village and i i don't know how by the grace of god like i did not get kidnapped or abducted molested so like i don't i think i was like my mother was so vigilant about like you don't talk
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Hypervigilance is what my therapist. Did you guys have that too? Are you guys as traumatized as me?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, okay, yeah. Well, it gets worse. So then he would take me to bars and nightclubs with him in the States when I'm in third grade. Third grade? School nights, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So the hand. Okay, so we live in Texas. There's snakes in the backyard. Okay. This morning I found a copperhead. A poisonous snake. Yes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He doesn't even know what that is. Are you crazy? But I love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
We would go to this bar in the valley called the Beef and Barrel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, and gosh, yes. And I think that those years really set me up to be a great, like to be a stand up comedian, like to enjoy that, that dinginess.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. I stopped drinking alcohol after like 60 days ago. It's horrible. But anyway, the point is... Okay, Beef and Barrel. I have the best memories of it, though, because it was the 80s. And the music was amazing. So everybody's like, the 80s were the best. I'm like, yes, they were. It was Duran Duran. It was Lionel Richie. It was Frankie Goes to Hollywood. It was...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You know, and I have this great memory of dancing with sailors. There were sailors in their outfits.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Third grade. They had just come off whatever break, and they were on the dance floor with me. And they were like, I'm this novelty. I'm this little girl.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So fun. And at one point, it's like a wedding. Yeah, exactly. It was Moany Moany, you know, that song by Billy Idol. And sailors, yeah, there's a thing where they go, hey, motherfucker, get laid, get fucked. Like, you sing it in between. I remember being like, what's this new poem? And I... And I remember chanting it with them. Hey, motherfucker, get laid, get fucked.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And then I'd go to school the next day. I went to a nice Lutheran school. And like, how do you explain to other kids that you just chanted with sailors?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Well, you play with the kids in the morning before school. You got to move. This is nuts. Yeah. That's crazy. They don't leave. So what I do is I pick them up. I milk them, which I learned to do in Australia when I did road rules in the 90s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Not uniform yet. That's in Catholic school. When I got kicked out of public school, I had to go to private school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So I am. Yeah. By ninth grade, I start to realize that, like, my home life is weird, that something's up. Like, my mom's crazy. My dad's crazy. I've got this Indian stepdad. I've got three new stepsisters that are Indian.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
They're about, we're all, I have one that's like a year older, one that's five years older, and one that's about four years younger. Perfect. All right in the mix. So fun. And I love them, and I'm thrilled to have a family.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's great, because now she ignores me. So now I'm free.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, I bounce. Every year I go back and forth. I get kicked out of my mom. My mom can't take me. My dad, I get annoyed with my dad. I go back to live with my mother. It's like fucking terrible.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He's the best. So my Indian stepdad... is a criminal genius. He passed away so I can tell these stories. What? Brilliant man. So he escapes. Told you about the samosas. It's so good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I bring him in. So he's brought up in like Bombay and he's poor as shit. And he only wants to come to America. So he somehow gets in our U.S. military, goes to Stuttgart to station there, finally comes to America, comes to Van Nuys, which at the time was good. It was the 70s, which is the San Fran Valley again. And basically what immigrants do, I don't know if you guys, you don't know.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Immigrants are geniuses, especially if they're criminal. You figure out loopholes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So he was a brilliant mind at loophole findings. And he had scammed a couple ladies before he met my mother. He would marry blonde ladies, take their credit and establish businesses, make millions and millions of dollars, not pay taxes, file bankruptcy. Millions. Millions.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So I went from living in a two bedroom apartment in the valley with my mom, like an immigrant, whatever. And she meets this guy because she decides it's time to get married.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
This is 1988. Get the fuck out of here. She puts an ad in the.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So in the Indian newspaper, because she is convinced, she says to me, I like Indian men. They are they are tall, dark and handsome.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's crazy. Yeah. So I pick it up, and you get a glass, and you just pop it onto the edge of the glass. Like Steve Irwin would do. Yeah, yeah. And I go to do it. I go to grab its neck because I've secured it because you put like a rod and you secure the head. I pick it up and it got me. It got me right there. Wait, you got bit?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
and they are which i'm like i'm pretty sure that's wait there's an indian newspaper there's an indian newspaper in california because there's a lot of indian people okay and uh she wants indian men so she puts an ad and she says buxom european woman seeks educated indian man for marriage oh sorry uh well off basically have to be rich okay sure
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And I mean, huge tits, blonde hair, blue eyes. I'm listening. Like an Aryan goddess.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
she is she was hot yeah she was a model in hungary before she escaped i mean she was she was just banging right so we get these bags of letters and the one letter that catches her eye is of this guy i will say sure subash this is indian name and he's in front of a mercedes convertible they're sending pictures photos of course man
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And he's got the Mercedes and Armani suit, a Rollie, and he's got those old school car phones, the brick, dude.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He's wild, dude. So she sees that. She's slipping out of her seat. She's fucking done, dude. A month later, they're married. One month.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And I remember putting bets on it with my new stepsisters, my new stepfamily, how long this marriage will last. And I was like, it's got to be a year tops because my mom's like super crazy. She's hot, but she's nuts. There's no way. They lasted 17 years. Wow. They were a fantastic couple. That's awesome. Good for them. Because they were both... bananas, bonkers, bat shit, crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And they would do business together. I don't know what he did.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It was lovely. And he was, sadly enough, the most paternal and functional of my step-parents. Gotcha. He loved comedy. He loved Jay Leno. He and I would watch comedy together, and he would tell jokes, and we would, you know, fart at the table, and he was fun. I have memories of going to Rite Aid for ice cream, or Thrifty. It's called Thrifty in L.A. For pistachio ice cream. He loved that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And he'd go, he was fat. He was really fat. I did not picture him fat. Really? I didn't picture him either. He was very fat. Because he grew up poor, so when he came to America, he was eating pizza and bear claws. Pistachio ice cream.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He was a fat guy. He loved ice cream. So he said, let's go to Thrifty and get some ice cream. And he'd get in the car. And he'd go, hold on a minute. And he would get out of the car. And he would take a blade. And he would slash some guy's tires in the parking lot. And then get back in the car. And then we would just go to Thrifty and get our ice cream.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Well, it was – no, he wanted ice cream. Ice cream, yeah. But he just had to do this errand.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Just knock it out because it was on the way. The parking lot was at the – it was right – it was on the way. So he just pulls over. We go. I'm like, what's, you know, Subash doing? Oh, he's just slashing a guy's hair in the car. And my mother was there too, and I remember she's like high-fiving him and like they love it. Yeah, he did it. And that was their dynamic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, they would start, he would start fights in like grocery stores, like telling people to shut their, you know, shut your fucking kid up. And then my mother would hype it. He's like, my mom was a hype man. And I know, look at your face.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He was. But here's the crazy part is that to me, like the coolest sure stepdad i got i lucked out and i look a lot of stepdads are like super molesting and pervy like he wasn't like he encouraged me to be comedian that's great i know it's kind of sad that this is like the most supportive adult i had but
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, our lawn got set on fire because somebody was retaliating against him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, of course. Did you get anti-venom or whatever? Yes, and it's going to make me a little sleepy. So if I drift off...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So we go to a two bedroom into this like, I finally now I'm living in like this really nice house.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Overnight. It's like literally we get, my mom marries this guy. She gets the rock. She gets a Mercedes and she literally takes her Mercedes to her...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
her gym where she works out at the women's only okay in in the valley and she's like look at these bitches i'm rich like she's like what's up i've got money she slashed everybody's tires went and got some rocky road and went home yeah like a lady what were some of the businesses like what was it like real estate was it like importing x like what was the right so i found out later uh before he passed basically he was a shylock so he would loan money money
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And he would take the deed to your house or car. Okay. So at his time of his death, he had all these deeds to every motherfucker's house in L.A. And he was like, he was stacked. No kidding. So that was one of them. Where'd that cash go?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, I'll tell you what really happened. Okay, so my kids are garbage. Oh, is that yoga? Yeah, no. No, it's kind of a garbagey, garbagey thing. So my two sons play with knives all the time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I mean, there was a time he was about to go to prison, and I don't know, somehow he got out of it. But one thing I do love, and I will say... As my Indian stepdad did believe that in America, if you were rich, it transcended your race. It transcended your background.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's fucking true, bro. Because look at his ass. Like he's like some fucking nobody from Bombay. He shows up. He marries his hot ass Hungarian lady with big tits and blonde hair. and, like, is driving a Mercedes, like, only in America.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's got the chills, yeah. And so both my... It's the American dream, unfortunately. Yeah, my dad and my stepdad are, like, these hardcore...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
killing it wow dude like you can fucking do that like yes you can i don't know about today but back in the day okay that's wild i know well then you got the internet and facial id and all that kind of stuff now fingerprints dna well it'd be a little tricky so so i wanted to work when i was a teenager and i legally i had to be 15 he changed my birth certificate what So I could work legally.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So my birth certificate, he could do that. Like he would fix papers. That's nuts. Back in the day you could in the 90s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It was that easy. You could fix loan docs. You could fix payroll or pay stubs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yes, I have that, too. You know, I have friends, relatives, Hungarian shit. Like, there's this one guy my dad was friends with. He's passed away now, too. Like, his racket was, like, getting inkjet printers. That's so specific. Ink cartridges. And then refilling them and selling them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's 100%. That was it. The ink's where they get you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Jesus. That and, like, I had a relative who, during communism, was like... Was in some ring of sending jeans back to... That was big.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
They're nine and six, and they love playing with knives. And last night, my older boy was cutting some box open with a knife, and I was like, give that to me, Ellis. And I go to grab the knife, and he just jerks it back, and then it just slices my hand open.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, most of them got out, and then they went back, which to me is like, bro, what? Like, around the 90s, my dad remarries to a Hungarian woman.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And so now he's, like, rekindling these roots of, like, oh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I do, too. Yeah. So they get a property in Hungary. So now we're going to Budapest. Like, every year we go, or not every year, every few years in the summer or whatever, I go talk to some fucking foreign cousins and get diarrhea. Man, what a fucking life. This is nuts. It's the worst. I know. It's the worst. No, the best part is when I turned 18, my dad.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
What was the first job, by the way, that he forged? Oh, so awesome. Marylander Marketing Research.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Hi, this is Christina calling from Mary Landrieu Marketing Research. I was wondering if we had a few minutes today to take just a brief survey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
This is Christine. Thank you. Thank you for calling. But before that, I worked at my dad's shop in the summers, and I would answer his phones. Okay, that makes sense.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But then they asked me questions about pallet jacks and shit, so I had to learn about what to do.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I do too, unfortunately. Or like propane versus electric forklifts and shit like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Disastrous. Okay, so this is a nightmare. So by the time I'm in the middle of ninth grade, I told you I lose my mind because I'm like, dude, my family, something's wrong here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I blame myself. I think I'm the one that's crazy. You don't know when you're a kid that your parents are messed up. You think you're messed up. So I get really depressed, and I just, like, stop going to school. Really? Like, ninth grade, I was just like, you know what? I'm not going to school. And I would get into fights with, like, cholas and black girls and stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I fought back, I should say. I got my ass beat a lot, and I was like, I was goth, and I was getting into, you know, just experimenting with drugs.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I'm in the nice house. It's ninth grade. My life has completely changed because I have this, like, new stepfamily, and... Yeah, and I'm just getting depressed and weird, and I'm trying drugs, and I'm like, I'm not going to go to school anymore. Don't like it there. And my grades just go straight fails. Oh, no, sorry, straight Ds. Straight Ds.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I failed gym, but I begged the teacher to give me a D so that I could transfer out and go to Catholic school. Because my mother saw that I was failing, and God bless her for going like... yeah, you need help. And I was like, put me in a mental hospital. I think I need mental help. I'm crazy. She's like, no, no, no, you don't need, just go to Catholic school.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So that was their solution to send me to Catholic school. And I loved it because the structure, the nuns, I, you know, Hey, I, I loved Catholic school and it saved me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Essentially, and I found great friends, and my best friend I met still is my best friend to this day from that place. I wore a uniform there, and I thrived, and then my grades got better and better, and I eventually eked my way into college. Nice, nice. High school is a disaster because home life now, stepdad is doing his thing. And, you know, what's going on? Why did his windshield get shot out?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Gotcha. You know, there's fights. There's plates of food being thrown. It's getting messy. It's getting hectic.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But that's the thing is like when you grow up and that you don't ask questions. You're just like, oh, yeah, that happens. Like you don't even. So basically I start spending more time at my friend's house. Gotcha. My boyfriend's house at the time. I have a great boyfriend who's sweet. And I make a good group of goth friends and I'm just not home very much until I get into college.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I got in on academic probation. I barely, I didn't even break 1,000 on my SAT.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That was so stupid. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I was like, I didn't study.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But I wasn't. It just turned out I had a tough. I couldn't study. How can you study when there's chaos?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So we have knives in our kitchen, like cutting, normal cutting. Like steak knives. Yeah. It's like actually there are like the Cutco ones, the ones that they sell door to door, which I love.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, so once I'm in college, I get good grades. For the first time in my life, I'm getting straight A's. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm not stupid. I'm just, my home life is stupid.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, they were broken up by the time I... I'm 13 years old, so like 1988. Okay. LA. Dodger Stadium.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
This is more him. Love and Rockets is the opening band. Pixies.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And here's the cool part about that. So I make friends with, I'm sure I can talk about this because she's written books about it, with Jennifer Pentland, who's Roseanne Barr's daughter. So she and I, Pentland and Pajitsky, she's got access to money. Sure. No one's watching that either. No one's home there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's crazy. That's what I say. That's so funny. I feel like it. Anyway, so I make friends with her. And for the first time in my life, I also see comedy. God, I'm going to cry. And I see like it's possible to have fun. And their home is fun. And her father, Bill Pentland. Oh, they saved my life. Sorry, I'm not supposed to cry on a fucking comedy show. No.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
but their home is fun and they have stuff in their living room, like a fake spaghetti thing. That's like plastic. And the fork is in the air.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Cause he was a funny guy. They were funny people. And like, I just love that family and I credit them for saving my, that's amazing. Like shout out to that whole family for saving me basically. Um, So who's the point? Oh, so we got lots of access to money and time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, we took a limo to Dodgers Stadium when I'm 13 to see the cure. And I was like, what is this life like? This is so crazy. Robert Smith.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, what do you mean? Those guys are killing it. Are you, like, gay for him? Do you have gay feelings?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, but I was this close to selling Tupperware because I went to a Tupperware party and I was like, this stuff's really good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, you're so gay. I'm sorry. You're gay, I'm sorry. You don't want crying. I know, I'm such a f***er. Oh, God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And you go, all right. I don't know. I don't know because all these kids are on Molly or...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So don't you poo-poo, psychedelics. Don't you poo-poo your LSD.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And then it went downhill by 98 because there was too much like strychnine or weird shit in it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I agree because when I went to college in San Francisco, same thing. The drugs were amazing. Yeah. Great time. Yeah. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I did. Man. I did. That's when it was all happening. I mean, I'm getting the chills.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Like, listen, she is, I think just the greatest of, I just loved her. So I still love her so much. And yes, we visited the set and I remember like seeing a crap service table and Which, I don't know, why do they call it a craft service? I thought that, I don't know why they fucking call it. It's just like a table of snacks. Yeah, sure. And being like, oh my God, they get all these snacks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, it's the best. Nutri-Green bars, Stimfast, what the hell?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And I loved that family, too, because there's this, I remember, so I went to her wedding to Tom Arnold. That's nuts that you were at that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's who I am, Forrest Gump. That's crazy. There's so many. I can tell you stories where I'm like, why am I in this room right now? That's nuts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I'm not on the cover. I was 13 or 14, I think, and I was wearing a purple velvet dress that I bought at a vintage store. And Jenny's sitting next to me, and she's making a goofy face. That's crazy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Right there, front row. And there's this great quote in that article. I'll never forget. She goes, we're America's nightmare. We're white trash with money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Welcome to the show. Exactly. And I so respected her for that, too. Money doesn't change you, bro. It just makes you who you are. Yeah. You know, that's why it can amplify real issues.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But that's why people, like, it's a great quote. And I think about it all the time when I, in my own life now, I'm like, look, I may be wearing nicer shoes, but on the inside,
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Okay. So anyway, just, you know, just knives. This is last night. This is last night. Ellis, can you open up this Amazon box? Okay, mom, I'll do it. And instead of grabbing scissors or whatever, he just grabs a kitchen knife. And I'm like, no, no, no, not that one, bro. And I go to grab it. And he, you know, just wants the knife. How bad of a slice?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You know what's so funny? It's because I'm such like communist mentality. I still have guilt. I don't do that. Really? No, I'm the opposite.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, I moved out of the ghetto. We moved out of... We were living down... I'll tell you what I just did. That counts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. This is what I do, is I will buy the most nicest of the... It's not a shitty thing. I don't want to say that. Tom will be like, do you want a nice car? And I'll be like, I just want a Volkswagen bus. I've wanted one for my whole life.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. But in my mind, I'm like, I'm really being reckless here with money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Or even just the cars that I saw other kids having. Like I would love a Volkswagen Cabriolet.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, but I would learn for that one because my dad had one of those. Oh, that's so cool.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I learned in Australia. Actually, I can do it on the left side because I was on road rules. Remember, I can do that. I learned in Australia.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It fucking sucked, dude. My fucking boring ass stepmom, dude. She's so fucking boring. She had like a gray Chevy Nova 87 with a gray interior. I'm like, how fucking uninspiring are you that, like, the outside's great? Yeah. You couldn't even pick a color, bitch.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's crazy. I trashed. I smoked so much in that. The ashtray was overflowing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, no. This is before blues. This is brown, whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What are you smoking? I want a picture. Can I guess?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Benson and Hedges. Hey, Benson and Hedges menthol. Don't tempt me with a good time.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Okay. You at one point did smoke GPCs, the generics, to get by.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Hold on, you. I think you really, you're going to go for a stronger, you like a stronger pull. You want to feel that. I'm going to go with like, I don't know what I'm going to say that's like filterless. Maybe like a little. Yeah. A little billy. How old do you think I am?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You got cash. What are you doing? See, this is what I want to talk to you guys about. There's two types of trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
The Reds have, they used to say, fiberglass in the filters. I don't know if that's true, but that's a gnarly one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I love booze. I love cigarettes. I don't do any of it. I don't do any of it anymore. I love booze. Alcohol and cigarettes. Is there anything better than getting drunk and fucking ripping butts?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Percs. Well, yes, I agree. I never got to do Quaaludes, which is my biggest regret.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I did do Valium in eighth grade. I stole Valium. Eighth grade? Great. I did pot when I was 13. Yeah, me too.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Pot's okay. Oh, wait, no. I lied. I lied. The first time I did pot, I was nine years old. I ate brownies at a party.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I need to go to therapy after this. My life can't be the worst. There's got to be way worse.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
OK, I tell you something, because I don't think you need fucking dishes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You need cash. I would give you a thousand bones. OK, there you go. That guy. Very nice. Great answer. My husband's more generous. He'll probably give you more.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I believe it was somewhere around there. It was sitting around there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, 1,000, you're doing great. Yeah, you have a duty, especially I always tip well, too, because I've been a waitress.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Fuck, I hate when, yeah. Because, you know, you always know the celebrity that doesn't tip well because they will tell that story forever.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I know. You know who I heard, and he's got me too, so I can say his name.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
A lot of who's who. A lot of who's who. Carrie Fisher. I used to wait tables on her. Okay. She was lovely. Yeah. Then the guy that played Doc in Back to the Future.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Lovely. Nice. Lovely. I like to hear that. Yeah, that was at a French restaurant.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So no, you don't dance at a wedding. Here's what I would do. Full disclosure. I probably wouldn't come to the wedding because I don't want to do anything anymore. Like that. But I'd send you a nice check. I'd be like, I love you, bro. Mazel, this is it. I love you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I love it. I love it. Yeah, it's a red one. Yeah, it's in my bedroom.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Full disclosure, my older son wanted the lava lamp. And so I was like, keep it in here in case it gets set on fire. Yeah, those are dangerous. Oh, they are?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
The kid's got a fucking knife going. What am I worried about?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But this is different because in my mind, if I have cuts and it's bleeding all night, which it was bleeding all night. Bleeding all night. All night. It was red and wet. And I was like, I can wait. I got to go to this podcast tomorrow, you guys. I've been looking forward to it. I literally was like, I'll just wait until after the podcast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Right now it smells like fucking French fries, McDonald's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Wait, why? My kids do, dude. They fuck up my car. They're putting their food in their milkshakes. In that car?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's crazy. That's why I'm horrible. But no. Okay. You know what I discovered the smell of? Have you ever been inside of an anthropology store?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's cold. I figured out, because I went up to them, and I'm like, your store smells so good. What is it? Capri Blue. So I bought Capri Blue, and now that's what my car smells like. That's in your car?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I don't have the energy. No, no. Right now, it's those sticks from Italy. The diffusers. Okay. Yeah, those are good. Those are nice.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Do you want to know what the height of sophistication was in the 90s?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
In your drawers, if you had like a potpourri. Oh, yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, the bowls were good. They smelled like strawberry and stuff. I know you're talking about... Yeah, that's pretty good. I wanted to eat those too, yeah. Huh. But growing up, no. But I will tell you the trashiest inclinations. Like, I want to put car seats on my cars. Like the covers. Like a beaded one?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Not the Indian kind. But like a soft one. And my husband was like, you don't do that, babe. You can just sit on the seat. And I'm like, but it's going to get ruined.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course I did. You did? Of course we did. I think Eastern Europeans are a little bit like black culture a little bit because we laminate our furniture.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
laminate your face a wild way to say that we both eat like pigs feet and like the parts of the animals that are considered like not yeah yeah and then we're both like flash like eastern blockers will fucking show you what's up like this is my gold chain i love it yeah so like mad respect mercedes a hundred percent like yeah
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Even now, I wear Burberry pants sometimes, the checks, and black people love it. I don't know what it is, but black people respect Burberry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He's not home. He's not home. He's working. He's in Boston tonight.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. Are you peeing in the shower, though? Of course I'm pissing in the shower.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course I brush my teeth in the shower. You leave the toothbrush in there? Of course I leave my toothbrush in there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, does Tom's? No, he's not garbage like me. Like, no.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's what normal people would have done. Who have self-care. Like, I don't have that. What's the kid say? Sorry. No, he's devastated.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I got the... I got an electric toothbrush because I'm also very maniacal about my dental hygiene.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course I floss. And I use the fucking sticks and then I throw them on the side of the bed and my husband gets furious.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Because I keep the sticks in the drawer next to my bed. And you just drop it on the floor. And I taught my son to do it yesterday too. And he goes, what do I do with it? I go, you just put it on the side of the bed.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No. The flossers, yeah. I'm a pig. I'm very gross. I'm disgusting. I think I'm as bad as Tom, if not worse. Man. I do shit to shower. I think a mountain lion just walked by.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Do you ever shit to shower? Like if I'm in a hotel and it doesn't have a bidet because we have the washlet, I will take a shit in the toilet and then I'll go straight to the shower to clean out my ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You're doing that? I'm disgusting. Yeah. I'm gross like a dude in a lot of ways like that. Yeah, definitely. Dump and jump. I like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Now, because I have breast cancer, I drink out of glass containers because of cancer stuff. But prior...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
bro I don't fuck a tap I don't drink out of the tap okay because I'm from LA that shit's fucking contaminated I don't care what you tell me I'm never drinking tap water okay even New York I know in New York they're like you can drink it it's so good like bullshit so I would give like a water bottle plastic
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I am Eastern Black. I love a good soda water, but I do Topo Chico because we're in Texas. Okay. You may have a Topo Chico. Thank you. I appreciate it. Perrier's not bubbly enough. You're saying it wrong, I think. I don't think I am.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
When did you guys have sparkling water for the first time?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
For sure, yeah. So, yeah, so I tough it out. Because in my mind, this is what you do. Crybaby pussies go to hospital. I can wait. I'll wait and see.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Get fucked on the tap. I told you. Hey, Chubb, did you hear it the first time? Even at my poorest, I was always like, I don't know. I'll take a sippy sip, but I don't... They don't wash them glasses. They don't wash... And I know because I've worked in... Sure. As a cocktail waitress. Don't ever eat a garnish at a bar. You know how disgusting... It's the only fruit I get. No, don't...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
The nasty waitresses, your hands are filthy from waiting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
What are you talking about? What's the dirtiest thing you eat? What's the dirtiest?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I would eat their fries, but I wouldn't eat the primary thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's so gross. Oh, I've got a gross one. cigarette butt there's just like there's like a little bit on there like half a millimeter it's old as shit though it's been sitting in the ashtray outside it's crusty and old do you still smoke it and you're most desperate no Ryan?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. You wouldn't do that. A butt that's got just a little bit left.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, like you said, you know, like Roseanne said, you know, we're America's nightmare. We're white trash with money. You're just garbage with money.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, yeah. You know how many tracksuits I have now? Like Adidas ones?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Adidas, strictly. No, I don't do no fucking... I'm telling you, I've tried the rest. Adidas is the best.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
it's true there's something it's just you know why because in eastern europe it's like the currency of like this is this is yeah this is the shit dude so like my dad wore them it's just i don't know do they look fly they just like tight they fit right do you ever ski in jeans i've never skied you've never skied holy shit never once oh my god you ever been sledding Once?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, I just squirted some Neosporin on it because it creates like a gel.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Jesus Christ. Who's the male equivalent? Who's male garbage?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And then I just put like four Band-Aids, like regular sized. Uh-huh. And then they just bled through.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Can I tell you something? In my mind, delivered fast food is such a crime.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You get off your ass, you go fucking get that fast food because it's only good for five minutes tops.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Let me tell you what's up. Every Friday, my dad would take me to the bar at TGI Fridays, the one in San Fernando Valley. Shout out Canoga Avenue. And he had a TGI Friday. So good. I'd get the Oreo cookie milkshake, and he would hit on chicks.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Now, I will say my favorite is the Bloomin' Onion at Outback Steakhouse. That's like 3,000 calories. It's up there. But my absolute favorite.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's how you know she's trash. I'm garbage, yeah. Nine favorites. Tony Roma's.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Tony Roma's. It's a chain of ribs, and it's garbage, like frozen, and they thaw it out. They give you a loaf.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It was a chain in California. I don't know if it went across. I don't know, yeah. Fuck Applebee's. I'm sorry. I know that's sacrilege. That's all the time we have for today, folks. I've never had a good entree there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It's the top tier. You're it. I love it, yeah. Chili's is great. You get that bourbon chicken. I like that one.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Out of the bag. What are you doing? Why would you take it out of the box or the bag?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I didn't eat breakfast. I was at the fucking ER. That's true. I was at the hospital.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
What do they eat? Trash. Because they're kids. Nuggies. Grilled cheeses. Mac and cheese. Out of the box. Old school 80s.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Really? Were you a Rice-A-Roni fan? Too sophisticated, believe it or not. Too hard to make.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I feed that to my children. Ramen, and I could put an egg in it. I like to put shaky cheese on it, and that was one of my latch keys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Of course, it's shaky. It's my favorite kind of cheese.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Two years ago, maybe. I literally just never thought about it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, but I don't like it because it's not top ramen. I don't like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But that's my stupid Polack brain. It's like, I'll just put on like six band-aids. I'll be fine.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yes, two containers because I have a backup one in case that one goes out fast.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Okay, okay, I'll let you go. I'll let you go. Oh, my God. Yeah, I love all that stuff. I love all that stuff.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, but who cares? You know. Filet mignon the hell's that now tell me please tell me remember this and then I'll let you guys sure Franken stuff hot dogs This is the epitome Franken stuff I remember cheat Oscar my cheese dogs with the cheese inside of course.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Frankenstuff hot dog. They had the chili injected in the middle.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. I could eat that right now. That's wild. You know what?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You know, it feels like air fryer, the height of sophistication, the little hot, little hot dogs in the croissant. Oh, the pigs in a blanket.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. I still get it. No, I get the sausage rope. The smoked turkey. Yeah, it's really good. Really? Oh, yeah. They make them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah, I do Instacart. I get up every weekend. I get shit done by kids.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Whole Foods? H-E-B, of course. They got the best stuff, man. Uh-huh. Wait, hold on. Bagel Bites? That's funny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I don't walk around there. I just Instacart. Just install straight Instacart. Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
This is very controversial. Both, obviously. Okay. I like plain Pop-Tarts. I don't like the frosted kind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, we didn't have that. Band-aid is weakness. That's what I'm telling you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
You know what I loved about the toaster strudel is that it came with its own package of frosting. Sure. And you felt like a king or queen. Like, I get to squeeze this with the distribution.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I don't touch that shit either. All right. Thanks, guys. I'm the trash.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Well, Eleanor's pretty garbagey, too, so I'm thrilled to be in her company. I take that as a great honor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I love you so much. You guys love us. Thanks for having me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I don't know. Buy my lipstick. ChristinaP.com. I make some fucking dope ass lipsticks. They're not garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
There's a lot of class in you. That's it. I love you guys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Do you even remember going to the dentist for preventative?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
That's what I think, too. Like, I don't remember. Because I take my kids preventatively. And now they put stuff in there so that they don't get molar cavity. Like, there's all these things. It's called fluoride. Right. We didn't do that until you knocked a tooth out. Really? Oh, my God.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I'm telling you, you're all trash. Jesus. We didn't even know about this. We didn't even know. My parents didn't even know what Star Wars the movie was.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Okay, so they actually didn't need to sew. They used Steri-Strip, so there's like four. Okay. There's four things gluing. They glue them together. They're gluing my skin together, and then I just keep this on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I was this close to asking, and I was like, I look like a junkie.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
okay so this is the cool part so parents escaped from communist hungary in 1969 so they grow up just horrific deprivation the communists took over the escape how how'd they get out literally on foot through yugoslavian yugoslavian border jesus they get caught they get thrown back to hungary they get on a train they get through they they finally escaped to italy in trieste
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And they're in a camp for a year, like a refugee camp. I know it's a horrible start. It's bananas. And finally, the Catholic Church sponsors.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Your two thirds suck my dick. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So they're so tough. And then so we got we went to Canada and then I was born in Windsor, Ontario.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
They start a new life. It takes about 14 years before I come around.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So they're just trying to be, you know, that my father always tells me, like, I let we landed in Canada. And I was blown away. I was so excited. I could buy a hot dog and the Coca Cola for $5. And he says, I saw a black guy with a hat with a feather. Big cars, and I knew this is where I always belonged.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yes, exactly. That's old school. Very old school. Very tough. Holy shit. Very tough people who raised me, and I... This is why I, you know, I think I'm a little more obtuse to average human things. Okay. Because we just didn't – who cares? It didn't register. None of that stuff registered. It doesn't register to me. Like, you should do this or that. You should – Sure.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
I just don't see it because I'm like, why? You're a crybaby pussy? Like, what just – So anyway, I'm born in Windsor, Ontario, Canada, which is across from Detroit. It's probably the grossest part of Canada. It is the garbagiest part of Canada. Just to put it in perspective, Canadians, so many Canadians die. Every year, because they get hammered and try to swim across Lake Ontario.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
So my God, he's so crafty. So when he was in Hungary, they forced him to go into the military, the Russians, and he learned how to fix cars and machinery. So when he came to Canada, he learned how to do forklifts. Okay. And then when we came to the U.S. in 1980, when I was four, he started a forklift business in the San Fernando Valley.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
He did incredibly well. Really? And became like the biggest forklift business in the San Fernando Valley. What?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
And my parents divorced because he was like, I made it to California, time to start banging. Really? You have to go through all that? Yeah, well my mother, so my mother was schizophrenic and crazy. Gotcha. So he was like, I gotta go. And...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No. Only child? Until I'm 12, my mother remarries to an Indian guy who's a criminal. What? What? I should write down.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
But what's exciting is that that's a whole new layer of garbage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Because he liked, for instance, he would make samosas for me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Those things are banging. They're great. A little chutney or something. Yeah. But instead of regular beef, he would use the Taco Bell seasoning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
No, mom is working. Mommy is working as a receptionist. So I'm living in, like, primarily, like, a two-bedroom apartment in Reseda, like, Tarzana. The same one Brody Stevens grew up in, as we always talked about. It was primarily single mothers and immigrants and, like, Israelis and Persians.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
It was better. Yeah. It was like this. No, not like this is nice. It was just a nice middle class Canoga Park valley dwelling.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Christina P!
Yeah. But then I go to live with him because my mom's crazy. She's schizo and she would kick me out and go live with him. And that's when the trashy really.