Ciara

the aging aspect and like we're not good enough if we don't get the there's just so much what is something that you learned in your 20s that you still carry with you to this day that you can share with us patience i i really that's one of my favorite words well actually perspective is one of my favorite words but also patience i would say patience um is everything

You know, sometimes, like I say, you want things to happen at a certain marker for you. And they may not happen until you're 50 or 60 years old. You just don't know. Right. So to me, you got to have patience in the process, like trust the timing that's meant for you. Things are going to happen for you when they're supposed to. Even for me, I have to remind myself when stuff is ugly.

I'm like, this is a part of life. Yeah. Right. This is you're supposed to have a little bit of the ugly. Like I say, sometimes you have to go through the ugly to get to the pretty.

Yeah, and sometimes, too, things look pretty on the outside, but you don't know what somebody's going through when you're looking at what they have going and you want what they have. Girl. You don't know what they're going through.

Right? So it's like you got to trust your own timing. It's so much better that way. Do you know what's crazy for me? is I remember in the days of me being signed to traditional labels, and I would look up and I'd watch other artists. I'm like, I've been around the block for a long time, but she just come in and she looking like she rolling two times faster than what I just.

And I'm busting my butt. I'm like, I know I work hard and she works. I know she ain't showing up how I show. And it looks like the world is just going so taken off of them. It's like, you know what? That's for them. Like, and celebrate it too, actually. I think there's something really good about celebrating the success of others because when it's your time, it's going to happen for you.

Things take time. Yeah. Right?

It gets crazy. And sometimes too, I think when you go so fast in the beginning, you don't have much to look forward to or you don't appreciate it. Like I appreciate every step of the way for myself because of what I've gone through. And I know for a fact, I wouldn't appreciate it if I had everything given to me, the world given to me when I wanted it, you know, when I wanted it basically.

And it's like me telling my kids, like you can't have everything at, you know, can you imagine how crazy the world would be if we had everything we wanted when we wanted it? Like that would be nuts. We'd all be miserable. Crazy.

like crazy like we were running around like crazy I'm telling you everybody lost like you know like losing it too so there's something to like you know the struggle there's something to adversity there's something to getting knocked down and getting back up there's something to like all of that good stuff right and just like trust the process like if this meant for you it's gonna happen for you when it's supposed to how it was supposed to and it's gonna be so great

Oh my gosh. I don't say how far along I am because I'm kind of funny on marking the time because the most important wish is a healthy baby and desire. And I feel like when you mark time, it kind of puts pressure on the time marker. Totally. But I am, I am, the bump is bumping. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling a little, I would say big and slow, but you know, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling grateful.

Oh my goodness. When you know you're supposed to make a super defined decision in your life, you know it from like the head to your feet, from your feet to your head and your soul and your body, you know it. And it's almost like your taste buds change, right? You have a taste bud for a certain kind of thing and then the taste buds just go.

You gotta sometimes also look in the mirror and reflect on yourself too, right? Like, okay, what are things that I could be doing differently in my life? Or, you know, what's a part of what I'm looking for a change, but what does that mean? So you have to kind of define everything about making changes in your life that are very critical.

And, you know, I've talked about before, obviously when you have a child, it's very important to me. Like now it's no time to play around. Like the whole like experimentation kind of phase is out the door. It's like I am now responsible for another life. Right? So what am I doing? Like, how am I thinking that through? So, you know, and then when you're tired, you're tired, you're tired, you know?

And so we get tired and we don't want to be tired all the time. Like, you know, I'm like, I want to, I want joy. I want to make sure my cup is full. Like, how am I living my life? Like I always say, don't let nobody waste your time.

Like, that's one thing, like, we talk about, like, you know, life and the trajectory of life and what, you know, it's like, I don't care if it's relationship or friendship, business, whatever it is, like, don't let it waste your time. It's just not worth it. Yeah. Right? So, yeah.

I mean, those are things that come to my mind, how I process when I'm making a pivotal, when there's a pivotal moment in my life and then...

And I wonder like what advice you have because it's like. The thing is, is that what you do learn is toxicity will, it can kill you. Like toxicity, putting toxic things into your body is not good. It's not, like, so I think it's like we have to be real with ourselves, right? It's like, what do you want out of life for yourself?

You have to be a little selfish in your thought process, and whatever's around you needs to align with that, right? Like, you know, that's important, like, but that whole, like, the toxic, like, is like, There's nothing fun about being confused all the time or someone taking you on the ring around. That's not fun. It's not fun.

Well, yes. Like how is a person talking to you? How do they treat others? How do they, you know, you do ignore a lot of stuff, like when you just want to see what you want to see. But again, when you start thinking holistically, it's like, you know, no one's going to be perfect, but you do want the one that's perfect for you.

Like, and how many boxes can they check off for you that fits like what your desire is? And it should be both ways, right? Me and Russ, we always talk about being equally yoked. Like for us from day one, like honestly, I think it was a, you know, healthy place. And I thank God because we always saw, we kind of saw a lot of things the same way.

So this is baby number four. Number four.

Listen, track record. And sometimes too, like, listen, you know, you don't, you, again, you see things how you see them. Like sometimes you do overlook things because of your perspective. And again, it's like, you're trying to see things like the glass has full, like you're trying to see it from a positive lens. But again, like what's a person doing?

did you always want a big family i did i'm an only child so i think because of that like i used to always beg my mom and dad for a brother or sister like please please please can you have another baby and they would be like it's not happening um and then i kind of like being a only child as i got into my teens like this actually works out it's all about me i like it

I think more than anything, it's like, they can tell you everything. A person can be like, oh, I've changed and I'm doing that. And I've heard those stories before. Yeah. I've heard that song before. But what are they doing? Right. And I think sometimes you tend to put the words before the actions. Right.

You listen, you listen more versus like just watching, like, how are they showing up or not showing up? Like, and then sometimes you don't realize like they're telling you. It's like they're telling you the same thing in a different way. It's like, well, wait a minute. What you told me last time, you're telling me the same thing again, and you're doing the same thing again. So like, what the fuck?

You know what I'm saying?

full stop yeah red flag red flag yeah for sure it's like it takes two yeah you know and like how are you showing up like you ain't showing up so i ain't showing up either i'm actually going i'm out like yeah i showed up and i'm cool like you ain't gonna exhaust me to the because honestly you can lose yourself in those moments like and like i said it's one of my greatest fears and i've been there before i'm looking to someone i'm like you ain't gonna waste my life

I'm sorry like that's not an option like it's so scary though right it is scary it is scary but you know you gotta like put your foot down for what you want and what you deserve all the girlies are taking notes right now they're like fuck yes yeah like yeah but don't be afraid

Leave it at the door. I think that's so important for yourself and your own sanity, but it's also not fair to your partner to bring old baggage that is from the past. Because then I think you don't give yourself an opportunity to fully be in that love and be engulfed in that love and to create something fresh for yourself.

Before Russ came into my life, I didn't think he was gonna come into my life that fast, to be honest with you. But before he came into my life, The place that I was at mentally when I decided I'm desiring something different and I was very intentional in that phase of my life and obviously you have my baby in my life, my first born. I took that moment for myself.

Cause I think sometimes too, like if we go back to back, you know, in relationships, you also aren't having a chance to like make peace with yourself and to really like tap into you in a way that you maybe don't know you need to, but you need to sometimes pause, like take a break and just like love on yourself, reset, get clarity. You know, the past is the past.

Where are you trying to, where do you want to, and really to look ahead, like and be clear and intentional with that. So I think, I will say, the moment before Ross came into my life, I said, I thought I was gonna be single for like four years at least. I was like, I'm not doing this, no. I'm tired, like I'm like, what's going on?

And I'm also, it's self-reflecting, it's everything going on, right? So I had like to go through that phase and that process and that journey, And so in that moment when you're resetting, the things that are of the past, they're starting to become of the past to you. So it's like you're already clearing up your mind just in general for yourself.

Not even for someone to come into my life, but just me doing this self-cleanse thing I need to do with myself.

get really find myself like who am I like what's this woman want to feel like when she walks throughout the world like what does she talk like what does she think like like I mean he's all these things that are about myself I'm like this is what I need for me right and then of course like who's going to be in her life like I'm thinking about these things and I'm like I mean my mind is as vivid as it can be and like he's going to be

man of God like he's gonna love kids I have a child now I'm like he's gonna love to like travel the world like I mean all these things like I'm envisioning it so much that I can taste so you talk about those taste buds that taste buds starts to have a palate it's all it's like fit for all that stuff so I'm thinking that way you know already so when I see it I know it mmm and when I saw my honey my husband like I've never seen anything like that yeah never

not i haven't talked to anyone like that like i haven't felt anything like that but i feel everything that i said like i almost can cry my hormones but maybe it's not my hormones but but i could like see like it was exactly what i was saying right in front of me like it's crazy like crazy how when when did you meet him like what was the situation how did you meet

when did you meet him like what was the situation how did you meet we met um when we meet what year was this 20 oh gosh 2015 okay in 2015 okay um where were you we were actually in california and the crazy thing is we started talking early at first um we were chatting a little bit and then we had our first in-person meeting before we so before we met in person we were chatting a little bit and when he met in person was the craziest thing because i

was trying to make sure I'm doing this right. Cause mind you, I hadn't met a guy at this point. I hadn't talked to a guy or anything at this point. So I'm like, this is like, you know, it's a guy in general.

And then he always hosts, he was like, well, cause I'm like, well, when we were meeting, I'm like, I also was looking at it from a friendship perspective, you know, I'm just saying like, you know, the buildup before you get there. And he was like, what friendship? He's like, I want to look for an old friend, you know? So we joke about that. I love it. Because I want to be like really like.

Best buds. Yeah. What you talking about? I mean, but he was cute though, you know, you know, but you know, we, we gonna start, we gonna go on phases kind of thing. Right. But when we met in person, um,

the first time in person we talked um was actually at my place oh and you know the it was kind of the not kind of but it was the best thing for the both of us we felt because even though we were you know meeting as friends and all that stuff even though we're doing that it's not you know My son was there and my dad was there. So see the friendship perspective.

Oh yeah, you really were like, he's probably like, oh my God, I'm meeting the dad.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We actually talked about it. And you know, what did he say to me? He was like, well, I'm gonna have to meet him anyways. Like Wes was very like, I love it. Confident. Very. So I'm like, you know, so we meet. And again, that's not that's not like a traditional way. I'm not telling someone to do that. Yeah.

But because it's he and I, you know, you're public figures in our world. Unfortunately, oftentimes I think if you jump, you put the cart before the horse before you are officially together. The world puts this pressure on you. And this is just become something else that it kind of like gets in the way of what. you know, the true, like the true thing is that's there could be.

So we just were being private basically. We were going to go out to dinner and then we kind of like, we just, let's keep it in. What did you guys do? So we just talked and we were supposed to have dinner. Food was like, belly was like content, even though it was hungry, it was content. Like, you know, cause we were like talking and talking and talking and

it was crazy everything that we talked about like we were aligned on like and i'm not gonna lie to you it was one point in time we were talking and he was talking to me and i wasn't hearing nothing he was saying because i was like he's so beautiful like i'm looking at him i'm like he's like gorgeous like because i didn't like look i didn't look him up i don't want to know anything about like him before we met right so i'm just like wow

Yeah, no, I was. I was literally just sitting there like he's talking. I'm like, oh, wait, but just run. Yeah, just run. No, but the words were like this over my head. And so, yes. He's like, do you agree? You're like, uh-huh. What'd you say? Yeah, I love that for sure. I mean, I'm hearing what he's saying. I'm in the conversation. But I can't remember all that we were saying, you know.

He's looking great. It was nice. So we just sat and talked. Yeah. I knew, and I said this the other day, when I was talking to him, I was like, this is something different. I knew that I'd never felt what I felt in that moment. I knew this was a different man that I was talking to than, you know, I just knew, it was different. So much to the point that I called Yoli, my best friend,

I called her after and I said, Yoli, I was like, I don't want to jinx anything. I was like, but I think he's, and she goes, the one. And I go, yes. And I've never said that in my life. Never said that in my life. So. He was meant to be. Without a doubt. Without a doubt. What was it about him that really impressed you that day? It was, you know what, his conversation, how he talked about life.

Oh my goodness, I feel grateful. It's actually, this is the 19th year, the 20th year is coming up. Coming up, okay.

It's also a feeling too. You know, it's kind of hard to put in words, but I know, I know what I'm talking to. Like I said, those taste buds are activated. Like I'm talking to like. every sensor, everything that I had on the palette was like, it was stimulating. It was like clear, like, um, you know, and so I just knew like, even how he talked to my dad, you know, and my son was like moving around.

And at some point in time, like he's holding him, like there was actually this funny thing. Y'all think we ever told by this, but, um, Where there's this chair that's like in my living, in my kitchen. And the chair is like about to fall over. And future is literally, my son, he's right there. And literally Russ like slides in the socks, catches the chair.

Honestly, no, this may sound dramatic, but no lie. He slides over, catches the chair. And I'm like, okay. Okay. okay superman we got a superman and i was like no but you know you're literally sitting there like no it was just everything no everything about everything like there wasn't one thing that wasn't

yeah so but knowing that I'm about to enter that year um I feel a heart full of gratitude um it makes me feel motivated you know um it's so funny because it also just reminds you why you just keep on going like why you don't stop why you don't stop believing and you stay committed to your vision because when I was young I was like I spoke so much into like the things that I saw happening for myself and it's kind of crazy like I actually I had a goal sheet so my goal sheet I was um

100%, no, no, no, no, no, 100%. And also too, and I think I've said this, but just in case, it's like literally the conversation we're having is so aligned, like you're going back and forth and then you're like, you're going like, yes, like everything you're saying is like a fiery kind of feeling to it because you're like almost talking to yourself a little bit, right?

But there's something he made me think about. Hold on, wait, let me see. Oh, the giddy thing, right? What's so amazing, and I feel so blessed,

um because now we are in year seven of marriage eight years of being together baby on my way is that i still get the giddy feeling i think it's so important we always talk about that right is that you still want to like russ always says you know i believe his dad would say to him like you got to always compete it's kind of one of his things that he came up with but you got to always compete

so it is that thing where it's like even though you do build a comfort over time you still want to like you know you still want to make sure you keep it like cute you want to keep it sexy you want to keep it spicy you want to keep it fun like we still do we do date nights every friday because in football that's the off day

So we do date nights every Friday and we stay committed to that and we like look for, it's something I look forward to and the fires, they burn, like, you know, and you still feel like dating all over. The other night we played Uno at dinner and I was like, and I said, babe, can we take the Uno cards? And he was like, yeah, we can take it. And he played Uno, but those, the little things.

And I was like, I had so much, I literally told him the next morning, I'm like, I had so much fun. So I think it's like, it's all that. It's like, do you have someone in your life that's also down to try new things with you? Do they accept you at your lowest of your low points? Every day is not perfect.

I've had moments where I look up and I'm going through a challenging time and he's the one person, the only person I can look to in that moment.

and he has always has the right words to say like you know all those things are important too like how does a person speak to you when you're at your low right in your relationship because that's key like it's really you too like so true when it's all said and done like it's you too and you have your kids of course too but like

changing the diapers right away. No hesitation. He's an amazing father. Like watching him with all of our kids is like, it is one of the sweetest things. It's one of the sexiest things, to be honest with you. I'm just saying, ladies, when a man jumps in and changes the diapers and he be pulling up to the teacher parent conferences and he be, you know. It's like, ooh.

He surprised Cece at the dentist the other day and she was like, daddy. And I was like, daddy. I would say the same thing to you.

like 14 years old when I wrote it down before I got discovered, I had three goals. So the first goal was to get discovered. Okay. And I wrote on how I was going to get discovered. So I'm going to get talent shows and all this kind of stuff. And then my second goal was once I got discovered to sell to three to 40 million albums and I did five, which was a blessing.

but it is that's what you want like you that feels good you know it's like it feels it feels good when you know there's something about a man turning on that part of them like you know they're manning for you they're they're being a man for you but they're also being a man for your family yeah like there's no better feeling than knowing that when we all look up And if we look at him, he's got us.

I know he's going to wrap his arms around me and my babies fully. There's no depth that he won't go to for us or to make sure things are right for us. It's kind of hard to put that in words, but that feels good.

Oh, gosh. You know what's crazy? I left football before he came into my life. Like, I'm a tomboy, so I watched the game with my dad growing up. But, you know, I mean... I say that because I think that you really enjoy, I really enjoy the journey with him. I enjoy the highs and the lows with him. I enjoy his competitive nature. I really respect it.

One thing about Russ is when it comes to football, he is so dedicated to football. It's like football and family, football, family. He's really dedicated to his game, and I really admire that. So obviously doing what I do,

i feel like i get so much of a motivational dose like every day on his journey and what i do like i get really inspired like you know um you know you would think that i'm in the huddle with him when he's in the huddle you would think that because like i'm in this thing like But we have so much fun. Sports are such a powerful force. Music is a powerful force.

So it's such a blessing to have sports and music in our household. But I do enjoy the joy that we get, even, like I say, the highs and the lows, getting ready for each Sunday or if it's a Monday night or a Thursday night. the jump up in our household with the kids, also being excited. It's just a whole, it's a blessing. I was about to say, tell us what's the vibe of the house on game day?

What are we doing? Game day, so Russ is a creature of habit. He's very consistent, so it's very routine. He does his body work, his treatment work, and all that good stuff. And he's in his peace then. And typically when he does it, I'm with him. So mommy's like, okay, kids, I'll be right back. But I gotta be there in that zen moment. And then he goes through his motion to prepare for the game.

So check off one and check off two and three was longevity. So it was broad, but I was still like envisioning like longterm success. So to know that having a vision as a young girl, dreaming big,

And then the kids are definitely upstairs running around like chaos, turned up, excited. It's not that serious for them at this age. Although I will say future is getting more serious. He's also into sports too. So he can feel a little bit of the journey too. Sienna's like,

go daddy yeah and when it's like go go i mean this is just different levels right but um we have that flow and then um he gets ready we do it we he gets ready to roll out the door we do prayer every every time before a game as a family he goes off to do his thing and then it's me and the babies we're getting ourselves together we ride to the car we jam out i'm dj mama The kids are DJs, too.

They all want to pick their own songs. It's all the good energy rolling up to the stadium. And then we roll into the suite. And then, you know, when you sit down, I'm not going to lie to you guys, especially being pregnant, the emotional roller coaster is like... Oh, Lord. I'd be talking to myself. Like, I mean, it's just a journey. I'm like, geez, heart stopped pumping so fast sometimes.

Like, it's crazy. I love it, though. Like, it's crazy because you feel, like I said, I'm in the huddle, too. I'm out there, like, you know. You know, I'm wanting, you know, always the best outcome. So it's so good. But it's fun. And after the game, we eat dinner together, you know, or whatnot. And it's but it's pretty chill. It's exciting, but it's pretty chill. Right.

Because it's super, you know, Russ is really serious about what he does. And I think it's important that we respect that journey, that process for him. Yeah. You know, on a daily basis. So we try to make sure we kind of, you know. It's a combination of all that stuff. I love it.

I don't like playing my music back to me. I just feel like that's kind of weird sometimes. But I'm not going to lie to you. Tell me. When I have a song that I really love. I might listen to myself a little bit, you know, just a little bit. You know, and my kids, they may pick my songs. Like when I put up Level Up, they love that song.

and it actually happens dude it's kind of crazy because it's kind of the story of my life like I speak a lot of life into like a lot that happens to me um and I envision it before it happens and it's crazy that we're sitting here almost 20 years in it's also crazy to hear you at 14 putting that goal list together I'm like what the fuck was I doing at 14 like

I'm honestly, I'm not singing because it's my record, but I really love my song How We Roll. That's my jam. And I ain't gonna lie, I put it on the other day and played it back about seven times. I'm like, this song just feels so... Like he's me to, you know.

He's like, guys, this is mommy. He will. You know, he's really big on like, guys, you gotta listen to mommy's music. He will make sure they know my music or hear it and listen to it. But he'll definitely make sure the kids like, you know, support mommy, which is sweet. Like they, I think one day it was like the kids were having to pick between one song or the other.

I don't even know what the songs were, but one of them was mine and one wasn't. And he was like, you better pick your mom's song.

Being able to be honest and communicate, I think, has been game changing for us. And even when it's ugly, sometimes it's got to get a little ugly. Like I said, get a little ugly before you get to the pretty. But I just think there's nothing better for me than knowing I was able to say what I felt fully and he heard me.

do damage to you, can be harmful to you. So the glorifying of things that are harmful to you will never be cool to me. Never be cool, like never be fly, never be the way of, you know, it's just that's just not it to me personally. So.

So Cece and Ciara are connected. It's not an alter ego. But there is an energy that comes out when you say Cece. Like, I turn my lip up a little bit. She get a little stank with it. I'm from Atlanta. So, you know, there's a lot of soul in what we do there. And, you know, when I came up

it was obviously my nickname, but people would be like, you know, when they say, go Cece, go Cece, go, go Cece, go Cece. Like there's an energy that comes with that. There's a feeling that comes with that. And it's, you know, it's, I would say, I just, I really on this project, I wanted to make sure I had those core elements of what that is.

Cause that's something special for me from a music standpoint. Like when you say go Cece, When you say go CC, go CC, go. Like there's something about that. That's just like a little, it's a little saucy, you know? And so, um, you know, that, that's kind of it. It's not an alter ego though. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a little sassy vibe. She got a little more sass to her CC era, you know? if you talk to me and i'm in my like sierra mode um and it depends on the situation i try to like you know like michelle say when they go low you go high yeah you know that kind of thing cece might she might snap back a little bit she might bite back a little bit just a little bit i love it i love it you know

What's the vibe? I feel like this music on this project is kind of like that perfect house party energy where you can kick back if you want to. It's feel good. It's a sexy record, but it's also if you want to chill back, people, if you want to roll up, roll up on the skates or roll up literally if you want to.

you know put toast up to it if you want to my song two in love it's a slower record that's a moment where i'm trying to remember it's like one night russ and i like had a little bit of a disagreement And I'm like, gosh, like the truth is I'm just too in love, you know?

Yeah. Well, my dad was, my mom and my dad were supportive. And I always say the one thing I can say I'm truly thankful for is that they allowed me to

It's so sweet. It's so sweet. Well, you know, it's that feeling on that record where it's like you're upset. Like, you know, I watched this TikTok or something someone was doing and. they were like mad at each other. It's like, this is how couples do when you're mad. Like, but you still love each other. And like, you slam the cart, you let them in the car, but you slammed her hard.

Or you like got to give them food, but you open the fridge with attitude and you close the fridge with attitude. Like that kind of energy. So like on two in love, I'm like, like you, he always put his arms around me a certain way. And like, if he doesn't do it, I'm like, like when someone was sleeping, I'm like, I feel that. Like, I mean, I want to be mad too, but I want you to put your arm on me.

Like, You know, I'm like, it's like all those kind of feelings. So before I put this project out, it's exactly like what I wanted it to be. And there's no better feeling than that.

do what i wanted to do like they didn't stop me my mom was more you know she had more reservations than my dad did about the music industry because she watched all those vh1 like true story like i forget what they call the show what was the show called do you remember um yeah something like a true hollywood story yes something like that yeah basically it's like all the bad stuff so you watch those shows and you're like fuck

you sound like russ like don't get crazy now okay let's just go one baby at a time thank you thank you i had so much fun and congratulations to you you were like killing it like i think there was this new article on about you and forbes and um you know i mean keep on doing what you're doing you're obviously doing um you're obviously giving a platform for women you've created a platform for women that is very important and critical and your personality is incredible so keep on shining your light

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Cheers. Woo. We did it. Call your daddy. Woo.

Yeah, it's a little scary. Like, is that what my daughter's getting into? My mom was thinking that way. So I think she was a little like, what's that music industry world about? But she still allowed me to do it. And she was super supportive. My mom and my dad were. My dad would travel late nights to the studio with me, sleep on the sofa.

While I'm recording in the booth, drive me back home, get ready for school. I mean, he was in it. They both were supportive. So, you know, I'm glad they let me do that. Right. I'm glad they allowed me that opportunity. And I will never forget that for my babies. Yeah. Like I got to like let them pursue their dreams and what they're passionate about.

So I took a I've taken a note from that couple notes from your parents. I love you.

Oh, my goodness. That's hard. I know. I will say, I think Goodies was very special for me, because it put me on the map. My first single was number one for eight weeks long. We were breaking records and all this cool stuff then, which was really amazing. And it was kind of that moment where my identity was established right away, but it was clear on who this girl was.

Sierra from Atlanta, Cece from Atlanta. But here to stay kind of energy, I feel. And I think even the imagery of things that we did, like the swimsuit with the jeans and I wear my tall boxer boots. I mean, I couldn't go anywhere without the high top. High tops are still my thing to this day. But the boxer boots were like my jam. I needed my wrestling boots actually.

I was always super, super focused, super driven. You know, very, very headstrong. Yeah. You know, I remember when I was like, put my vision together for the project. I'm like, I want to do like this. And I'm do like that. And I'm do this. And it's gonna be this like, and I was very clear on my vision. Like, no one could tell me anything different. And I was very opinionated. Yeah. At a young age.

Oh, just that was, that was a very special moment for me, because I'd always dreamt of something is like, that's like the Super Bowl for music, right? It's like, it doesn't get any higher than that award. So for me, that was super special and significant. But to be honest with you, my world was going so fast.

So as you can imagine, it literally was like the first 10 songs in my career, whether it was my song or collaboration, they were all top 10, top five, top three records. or number one records. So I don't think I really allowed myself until a little bit later to stop and like really realize where I was.

And I think you realize it even more when you have a challenge, when you face adversity, that's when you go, oh, you start to realize like, okay, exactly where things were.

um you know and then when you're determined you stay at it you fight through it you battle through your challenges and you keep it moving and you keep on staying on the track because that's all a part of it but my true made it moment though i will say if i could pick a moment where i'm like oh like was definitely winning a grammy yeah yeah damn damn yeah i think a lot of people are like i hope that's my oh i made it moment when i win a grammy here we go

You got to leave your emotions at the door. There's a time and a place for sincerity and being emotional, especially as a woman. So early on, I learned that, you know, I'm like in business, there's no there's no gray. It's only black and white. Right.

So if you can, you know, find a way to manage your emotions, you know, that's it's game changing because you also realize that a lot of people in our industry don't really care for your emotions. A lot of people don't really care in general.

it's like what can you do for me in this moment what can you do for me in general that's kind of the mentality from a lot of people a lot of my experiences and then when you know the good ones you hold on to them and you value them but i think being a young woman being determined um you know and all that good stuff and having to like manage my stuff like mind you my parents weren't like

you know navigating this world for me i was a young girl like hiring and firing and do i mean like everything so the emotions i had to learn early take them leave them at the door yeah yeah do you think that like on a personal level like how did you stay grounded while you're getting like

I'll be honest with you. I'm a spiritual girl. I think a lot of people know that. So for me, my foundation was that I had faith. For me, I know who God and Jesus is. That's important for me. Everybody has their thing. But I think that kind of helps to keep me level set. The people around me, to this day, I still call my boy Jasper, who I met when I was 14 years old, recorded my first song.

He was there in the booth with me.

so mind you that's 20 plus years of relationship my best friend and makeup artist who's been in my career since i was 60 my first professional shoot as a solo artist actually my first professional shoot in general she did that so we're 20 plus years of friendship and she's my matron of honor my team i stay pretty consistent i try to keep it like i'm a creature of habit i think consistency is key

But I do believe having people, having that consistent group of people and circle of people that I can trust and know they got my back, I think that was a big part that really helped me to stay level-headed and to be able to reset or have a place to go to. Because I always say, I don't care how strong you are, I don't care how capable you are. You have to have somebody you can talk to.

Like that is so important because the one thing that is very detrimental to can be detrimental to a person is when you bottle stuff in and you don't have a place to go. Yep. So for me, I think having a place to go has always been a great thing for me or someone I can trust and talk to. Even if it's just one person. Everybody doesn't have to know your stuff. But just one person.

If you have one, you have enough for me personally. And then, of course, I pray and all that good stuff.

And sometimes you get screwed over. 100%, you gotta have people that you know are gonna be honest with you, that will hold you accountable. But it's also how do they hold themselves? How do they live their lives too? You can't have the wrong people feeding you like you said. That's when it is dangerous.

And one thing I have learned is that when you're vulnerable, that is the most crucial spot to listen to the right person. Because you can listen to the wrong person when you're vulnerable and they can send you completely left, right? Like that's the thing about life. It's like amazing how one decision can change your life for better or for worse. One decision, right?

So who's feeding you when you're vulnerable? Like that's so important.

One of my greatest fears is to have a certain amount of success. It's like the highest level, but to not know who I am. And I'm very, very intentional about that. Like making sure I'm checking myself too. Like I gotta check myself sometimes too. And it's like, I wanna be incredibly successful, but I don't want it that much. I'm like lost in the end.

And still be empty. Yeah, I'm so terrified of that. And I see it happen so often in my industry. Like a lot of the greats that I respected and admired, a lot of their stories,

like it's not that beautiful story that you saw and why you fell in love with what they do and i'm just like man like that's not truly living to me like it can't my life my the success of my life can also be based off of the materialistic stuff and the awards and all those great things like that's that just can't be enough to fill my cup because honestly sometimes those things don't happen for you when you want them to happen anyways like there's still things that i wish i you know could do i'm hoping to do yeah

and it may not happen so i've got to make sure i have a level set an understanding of like what is my definition of success right when you're so young you look so far ahead like and you should you should look far ahead and you shouldn't dream big but you're like sometimes so honed in on like you know all these things that you have so much time to get to and it's like you know you got to have perspective right you gotta like stay rooted within yourself and know who you are along the way

Home for the holidays and my mom is filled to the brim with petty work gossip. Someone took her stuffed toy off her desk and then tried to replace it. But she knows it's fake.

I am on a neighborhood Facebook page and a month or two back, I saw someone asking if it is legal for a landlord to throw a party at your house. Everyone responded that a landlord should not do that and gave varying advice. Fast forward to this week and there is a post titled, there might be a potential parking issue on X street.

My landlord is throwing his first cuddle party tonight and I thought I'd warn my neighbors. I think he is having 18 to 20 people at the house. He's planning on having these parties every Friday night.

Found out that my situation ship got cited for threatening Pokemon Go players on his property.

I know. I was like, oh, she's like walking to her death.

Right.

I don't just watch TV all day. Thank you very much.

Because he has blocked those words.

Period. For my mental health. Thank you very much.

Wonderful.

We have so much money.

But I barely noticed with the receiving line.

I'm stuck on it. We won't get past it.

A hot? Self-proclaimed. I know.

I played hot, sexy, amazing, smart.

And so in this character... And how did you get ready for this role?

Yeah. They're like, that's not. They're like, that's actually not. Yeah.

Yes. Yes.

And thank God for that.

Yeah. Probably. So here we are. Yes, of course. Yeah. Well.

You will be going 100. You will be going 100.

Because I love her.

Thank you very much.

Excuse you what? Do you feel like that's how you delivered it? No, I was like, excuse you what? That's what it was.

Disgusting.

And he's like, Hey, I gotta get out back out there. But, uh, good luck out there. The skates are getting, uh, dry. No,

And she did.

She's like your bald head is so good.

I hate that.

Well, that is that. What are you going to do about it?

He was just waiting.

All right. Here we go. I got a lot of questions for you.

The typical Nick question. How's your heart?

Call me Jennifer Coolidge.

And then I'm like, oh God, what do I do? It's so awkward. I gotta take a shower.

He won't let it go.

Is what I finally considered.

I was waiting. Shots fired. I was waiting. She's like, and we will be going to Jamaica.

justice for zoe what do you mean justice for zoe she made it farther than she should she played the game and by should i mean like for someone who had no connection with the lead no one-on-one no one for no opportunity she had no one-on-one and then her final date is in a silent yoga session like tell me you don't like me literally like you don't want to know anything about me

It was like, I'm so excited to like actually have time with him. And then she's like, a silent yoga session.

Someone from Canada is being mean.

We shall see. I mean, I hope with the shake up, they also shake up the show a little bit. Same. That's what I'm hoping.

Well, because I hope what happens is that like new people come in and then the work environment on their end becomes less toxic if it was, in fact, that way. And then people like kind of get their like creativity back and are excited to like shake things up on the show and it ripples back.

And then I don't know if we want to talk about it, but Carolyn commented on her cut down that we posted. Oh, yeah. Saying that she now doesn't like Tom Sandoval anymore.

What happened there?

You know what they need to bring back? They need to bring back the, was it called the Bachelor Games?

Bachelor Pad, yeah. The one where they cross all the seasons and then they would play and be partners. You're thinking Winter Games.

yeah that three seasons and went away and then like what 2014 was the first year of paradise something like that was that also the same show where like at the end they like similar to how it is on love island where they get the chance to either split the money or like if they both

Well, I thought those were the lyrics until Sierra corrected me.

I want to know what's happening in the fantasy suite if you've got bubble gum. These are important questions.

Because I'm still saying fantasy suites. I have a question. So in this episode, Katie and Latia talk. And Katie says that she wishes that Zach had waited to tell her about what happened in the fantasy suites with the other women.

Would you guys want to know after the fact?

Zach had told Katie when the season was still going on. And she's saying that she would have rather... He's like, I had sex with so-and-so? Yeah.

She said that that was something that bothered her that Zach told her about like what was going on or that he had been intimate with someone else. And then she suggested to Latia that like, you don't want to know. And Latia was like, yeah, you're right. I don't want to know. And then she said to Grant, like, I don't want to know what you've done with other women.

And I'm like, I would want to know. I don't think I would.

That's crazy that in all the years of The Bachelor, that's never happened. Right, and then you have situations like Susie where she found out that Clayton had been it. He said that before he, he said that too.

Us Weekly, are you listening? Breaking news.

And she wasn't afraid to say hi.

So it's all rich people.

Who specifically?

That someone would like have a disc.

Right.

You mean it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Please plug.

Yeah.

It's like...

It's honestly... The comments she's been getting are so bad.

And she was disgusted because it was a majority of them were women writing these articles with disgusting titles. It's gross. It also reminds me kind of a Britney Spears growing up where it was just like the second that it was like a midriff or whatever. She's 16. She's 18. She's 22. It's like it does not matter how old she got. Everyone was criticizing. You're too sexy. You're too this.

And it's like, why can't anybody like why can't a woman that you've seen since she was a child? Why is everyone else allowed to grow up? But they're not.

And like, why are we allowed to comment on like how we think that they should be presenting themselves to the world? you're following it. So, like, just be a consumer.

Like, I'm allowed to stunt your growth as a person? Like, that's wild.

I will say that in Vanderpump Rules, you can see like, I think it was Jax's wedding, but there's like a dish on like a counter that like while they're getting ready for the wedding, then it's just kind of like, if you see it, you saw it.

Must have been missed in the editing. But like, yeah, it's just like it's number one guy in the group.

Well, I was like, I don't know if you remember, but during that period of time, Jax obviously wasn't on television. So Jax was crusading, starting his podcast, talking about like fatherhood and like how he's such a changed man and marriage. So it was like he was very much promoting himself as a family man while Tom Sandoval.

So he felt like he was the authority to speak on it because he knows firsthand who Tom Sandoval was. He was the one that was also furthering that narrative.

Oh, she wished you a happy life.

Mm-hmm.

Well, because it's Tanya's ex.

We haven't talked about anything in the last episode. We thought we'd do it.

I was like, maybe one of the housewives. It's like, finally, it's time. I actually hate you.

They're all involved in something, something much more insidious.

Wait, no, I think that Greg did change his name because she calls him by the name that she met him. And the whole thing is that Tanya, Jennifer Coolidge's character, was with that man in the last season.

Anyways, moving on.

Like, no. But also, Kathy, you're making amazing television. Like, oh, you're going to. Yeah. Do you want to read the person you hate the most to narrate and star in your fashion show? Oh, my God. No, go find your seat, Kathy.

I mean, there's a point in time where Sutton and Garcelle both were the new person. And to Justin's point a couple weeks ago, that it was like, Dorit was a part of the mean girls.

Did you not tag your outfit? Is that why? I didn't. Oh, how? Now you're not doing this for the greater good.

The Fox 4. Like, Lisa Renna ruining lives. Like, she aided in that. So it's like, she would always be making comments and things to where it's like people... Dorit's smarter than people give her credit for. And that's kind of what Sutton says. It's very like, you know what you're saying when you say it. And Dorit's like, I didn't realize that that made you feel this way or whatever it is.

And it's like so many times you can take hit after hit and be like, you didn't realize like you didn't realize. So they're just defensive against her because she was a bully. She was a part of the group of the girls that were bullies.

Because Kyle's the star of the show. This is the first season I've ever seen where Kyle even kind of had a bad edit in the beginning of the season where I'm like, I was like, oh my God, I think Bravo turned on her because she did that interview with Mauricio's show. Because you've never seen a bad edit or somebody bringing up Mauricio's cheating allegations. That would have been cut from a season.

And then we had it just like an abrupt, well, your husband has some infidelity rumors. And she was clearly caught off guard being like, what are you talking about? And they would usually edit that out, but they kept it in. So that's where I'm like, Kyle, Kyle's getting hers too, but it's just, I understand Garcelle and Sutton not being able to fully trust Dorit. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And I mean, I think with what's going on in Dorit's life, it's like now she's, you know, forming her own personality and her independence outside of PK and the mean girls. And she's standing on her own, which is really great to see. We've just never really seen an authentic Dorit. I haven't liked Dorit until this season.

Maurice.

1,000%.

You did not.

look on your face you know yeah and she's a young model so i'm like i'm not shocked that she could call the paparazzi on that situation it's it's a it's a plausible situation that could have happened especially since sutton was like i've been to that airport a million times and jennifer anderson was there and there was no paparazzi yeah i thought they all kept comparing him to brad pitt they're like he's no brad pitt it's very everyone it's very shania twain that don't impress me much

It was that generation. It's like no matter what, Brad Pitt will always be, him and George Clooney will always be the number one guys. That's a beautiful thing.

Yeah, please.

Oh my God. It was so funny. The first time that I was watching the first episode with Connor and they're talking being like, oh my God, you look so good. You look so good. And Connor's like, what the fuck is going on here? And I was like, she's asking about what work she's got done. He's like, how the fuck did you get that? And the next thing that comes out of her mouth is, so who's your doctor?

But I was like, yes, it's like that is...

unfortunately toxic female friendships there's a lot of underlying notes covered in niceness the chills that go up my spine every single time i watch it with my friends and we're just constantly like well they all talk about each other and then catch each other talking about each other and they're just like well we all do it yeah they all hate themselves and each other yeah so yes common not for me but common have you ever experienced that oh my god yeah

You have to choose not to in your life.

Well, we know.

I don't know what the gays do. I don't know them.

Well, the thing is that they're not the closest friends, even though they're like best friends. They all live in different places. So this is the first time that they're coming together, which means like FaceTimes and like kind of catching up. But like this is the first time that they're like,

all together and I've had bigger groups of friends where it's like not everybody is as close like you have people that you're closest to and then people that you're like kind of forced to be friends with because this person's friends with them so they're always coming around but it's like I don't like them but I can't I'm not gonna cause an issue with this person because we're all friends so I'm like and that's why the whole like girlies posting keeping your circle close and like finding three good friends like that's why we get to that point because you go through so much toxic shit with women and

But I'm like at their age, it's sad that that's still an occurrence. But like, yes, as you grow up and have groups of friends, your circle gets smaller and smaller because of shit like that.

A hundred percent.

Yeah. They all are jealous of each other for different reasons. Real good girlfriends are people that are happy for you, that support you, that like literally lift you up. Girlfriends like this are the people that are like praying for your downfall, being like, no, you got this girl.

Literally.

Absolutely.

It was brilliant. The timing? I didn't see it.

But that's why people do love White Lotus, though, is that he always does incorporate what's really happening in the times and the conversations that we're having. So we are seeing a reflection of ourselves in the TV show.

I just love the need to tell you as to why versus just doing.

Their feet wet.

It's like Beverly Hills Housewives. And like, I used to like, I grew up on reality television, but like teenage. So it's like the hills, Laguna Beach, pretty wild. And I'm like, so seeing this, like,

I don't know. I feel like there's like a way to like be like, oh, I'm a progressive parent, but also scare them being like, so this is Narcan. This is when somebody overdoses is about to come to death, which you might be responsible for. So you need to be able to administer this.

Like, that's what I'm saying, where it's like, because I would be thinking if somebody's showing me what this is, I'd be like, well, I never want that to be used on me, let alone do I want to be responsible to use that on someone else.

Okay, say less.

I just love that she's trying to, like, diffuse a situation between her daughters while, like, all of a sudden being like, boom.

I just like love how real she was, too. And she was like, what the it's a picnic. What do you mean? Bamboo and sugar products. I'm bringing plastic.

This upcoming. This Monday. Next Monday. It's the next Monday that's coming up. So it would be the next Monday. That Monday is coming.

No, you're saying Monday.

Because we're in this week.

Whatever. I'm also like, is it kind of your fault for talking to a pregnant person about your number one baby name? Like that's kind of like a kiss of death.

That's what I'm saying.

To Nick's point earlier, because I have to say that like watching your season, this is one of the first Bachelor seasons where like, I'm not fully sure watching throughout who you're going to pick because you have such good chemistry with these women. Right. Um, did you I don't know how I can ask this.

And I'm like, did you have a first impression on somebody to where you thought maybe they would make it to the final two and it did happen or like it was the person that you picked? Or is it something that you like, grew to have a relationship with a person and that's how they ended up being a final? Like, did you know?

What's the most surprising thing that you've learned about yourself going through this process?

If I told you a story about something that happened on Monday on Wednesday, I would say this past Monday, this Monday, I went to... No, no, no.

Absolutely. And also, are you surprised that the process worked in the way that it has?

How scary was hometowns in the sense of like, usually you're meeting somebody's just one set of parents or family or friends. And it's like you did. four so like I did a lot back to back you know like how did that feel like having to prepare for was it three well Dina's family didn't well still friends friends sometimes are scarier friends are scarier than family sometimes

When Juliana's dad was like, Hey, kissing my daughter. Like, did you get a little like tight in the stomach or did you know he was joking?

This Monday.

10?

I didn't know it was like, you know.

The swords and the armor and stuff.

Yeah, that was crazy. I forgot about that scene.

Okay.

100%.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

He makes an insane steak. Yeah. On the. Yeah, I'm okay. An insane steak. Yeah, I'm okay. The steak's just like.

Oh, perfect.

Do you want to Sportsman's Lodge? We do go to the Sportsman's Lodge. It is there.

It is.

Yeah, we need a good long finale.