Claudia Oshry

Two to three weeks or two to three years.

Or two to three months.

Yeah.

Not sure.

Without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you do need to know.

In no particular order.

In no particular order.

I don't know.

It feels like the order is a little particular since you're moving things around.

Yeah.

You didn't choose that crazy headline, did you?

I don't know what I chose.

Another one that you showed me before the show.

Can you read it to everyone?

Jackie was like strolling the Daily Mail and she was like, this headline just kept getting crazier.

This is a worst nightmare headline.

And just when you think the headline is over and it couldn't possibly get worse, it does.

harrowing moment 550 pound internet star is lifted into police van by six in caps cops because she was too big to fit in suv during arrest why are you laughing before she vanished you are before she vanished what i just want to say laughing at a time like this you are never beating the fat phobic allegations

No, but like just the story gets crazier and crazier.

And like.