Co-host/Guest

Okay, let me slow it down here for a second. Your name is Rusty?

And if I can get to Mumbai, I would happily ride around in a wheelchair with you side by side.

Rusty, I'm not a great wingman, but I'm a lot better than your father. Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to.

All right. I can prove it. Well, Rusty, it's so cool to talk to you. It's such a pleasure.

Rusty Irani, and you are from Mumbai, India. That's where you're talking to us from. And tell us a little bit about yourself, Rusty.

I always show up in porn. I don't know why, but I got more fans who thought they were finding porn.

They said more people typed in than what they did. I guess they just typed in. I want to see a dick. And then I popped up.

He was.

He was awesome. I think Joel Goddard's still alive.

Yeah, Joel Goddard's still alive.

Let's not get it out there that he's dead because they might try and bury him. Okay. The late, the great, great dual god. Yeah. Yeah. He's still alive.

Super fan. Yeah. Hey, Rusty.

I'm so glad that you found me. You were searching for porn, but you found Conan O'Brien. And that's the best way to find me. And thrilled to have such a funny, creative friend. cool person, be a fan.

Yeah.

That's so cool.

Well, Rusty, I hope to meet you in person one day, but until then, be well, tell your father to knock it off. and take good care of yourself.

Can I ask you quickly? So you have this ailment.

Progressive disease. And how do you get it?

Yeah, that stuff isn't meant for adults either.

So you're walking around Mumbai as a kid.

Four score and seven years ago.

Yeah, exactly. So, Rusty, first of all, I just love that clearly you've been wrestling with this progressive disease, but you have such... All pun intended, yes. Yeah, but you have such a fantastic, I don't know... You have such a fantastic outlook. You're so funny.

I mean, you have a you have an amazing spirit and an amazing attitude, Rusty. And tell me, what's it like? What is it like to be someone who's in a wheelchair in Mumbai? What's that experience like?

I love this intro. Thank you very much.

That's so true. So they're not, because, you know, in the United States, there's a lot of rules and regulations about, as you know, because you visited here, about wheelchair access and making sure that people that use wheelchairs.

Well, it doesn't sound like it would be much good anyway to go to the town hall. It doesn't sound like it would be receptive. So if I were to come to Mumbai and you and I were to hang out together, what would you want to do with me? What would we do together?

Easy.

Rusty, you can't just say, behold, the Conan.

Who?

This sounds like a fun, cool channel, and it sounds like you also... I've been nursing for a long time. It sounds like you would want to do a lot of comedy, too.

Who are you? Identify yourself, sir, immediately. I am Sir Rusty Rustamirani from Mumbai, India. Oh, my God. Your name is Rusty and you live in Mumbai, India? Absolutely. I don't think I would have guessed that, but I wouldn't have guessed anything. Nothing you said after that intro would make sense to me.

Blind guys using condoms with Braille.

You want them to laugh with the disabled.

I'm curious, you said that you spend a lot of time, obviously, you're very well-versed in cinema. What about video games? Do you like video games?

They have ripoffs of popular video games in India.

Do they have a knockoff of Grand Theft Auto?

I think they just pulled this up. We've got a clip here. Eduardo is very fast. Eduardo was just able to find a clip. This is the Indian version of Grand Theft Auto. And you see what I mean? Oh, my God.

They just... Oh, multiple Mario.

I don't know what's happening. I don't know what's happening.

I hope that's the prototype.

And so it mostly involves rickshaws? Yes. The Grand Theft Auto doesn't involve cars. It involves rickshaws.

So you say you live with your mother and your father. Tell me, what's your relationship like with your dad?

Rusty, I love you already. I really do. You seem like an amazing person. What a burst of energy and joy from Rusty. Rusty, tell us a little bit.

That's so cool that you know your parents.

This is now world famous that my parents would shoot potatoes at each other.

Wait, how is he a wingman slash cock blocker?

I can't believe your dad stepped in and ruined it. I don't think... You're telling a woman at a bar, play with my joystick, and then you're mad that your dad fucked it up?

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, first of all, this is nothing my dad didn't say to my dates. He was constantly stepping into the room and saying, he can become erect! It has happened! And then he would go back, he would retreat, and the door would shut. He was like a little cuckoo clock. But he'd just float back. Yeah, he'd float back. Erections are possible with the boy!

Yeah. Wow. Well, it sounds like we have similar fathers. They were built to embarrass us. Because, I mean, I wasn't I obviously I was not in a wheelchair, but I had my own struggles. And my father was always coming in at just the worst time and saying the worst thing. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I think.

Yeah, I don't want to see you on caffeine if this is you without caffeine.

I was raised Catholic and we don't masturbate. Yeah. Let me see your palms. Okay, Rusty. There's hair growing. Rusty. Rusty, I don't know what to do with you, Rusty. I really don't. But you know what I have to say? You've been dealt a difficult hand, to say the least. But good Lord, you have made this such a joyous experience. You're really funny. You have a great sense of humor.

It sounds like you're having a good time. And I applaud you. I really do. I think you're a really impressive person. And it's very cool to know you. It really is.

Exactly. Social media is like comparison on steroids. It's not just about seeing those vacation photos. It's about those perfectly curated lives, the career milestones, those effortless successes. Oh, yeah. And every time we see those posts, you know, our brain gets a hit of dopamine that feel good chemical.

Yeah.

I know. Isn't that crazy?

It is. It's totally messed up. It's like this dopamine loop that keeps us hooked on scrolling and comparing even when it leaves us feeling inadequate. But the good news is we can totally break free from that cycle and even use those envy triggers to our advantage.

okay i'm intrigued how do we do that okay so i call it the let them power move okay it's this two-part framework that helps you reframe envy and use it as fuel for your own personal growth and the first part is all about detachment you literally say to yourself let them have their wins let them post those perfect vacation photos

Yes, exactly. It's about like taking your power back.

And not letting those external comparisons dictate how you feel about your own life. And then once you've detached from that need to compete or compare, you can move on to the second part of the framework, which is let me.

OK, this is where you turn envy into a roadmap for personal growth instead of dwelling on what others have you shift your focus to what you want to achieve. And one of the most effective tools for this is the comparison journal, a comparison journal.

Yes.

Yeah, it might seem counterintuitive, but trust me on this one. OK, so here's how it works. Let's say you're you're scrolling through Instagram. And you see a friend who just launched their own business and you feel that familiar twinge of envy. Instead of letting that feeling fester, you grab your comparison journal and you write down what specifically you envy about their situation.

Exactly. You're getting specific about the trigger. And then the real magic happens. You ask yourself, what does this envy reveal about my unmet goals and aspirations? Maybe it's a desire for more autonomy in your work, a yearning to be your own boss, or a need for a creative outlet.

I love this topic.

Yes.

Now comes the action part. You take those insights about your unmet needs and turn them into concrete steps. So if you crave more autonomy, maybe you start researching freelance opportunities. If you desire a creative outlet, maybe you enroll in that painting class you've always been curious about.

Yes.

That's the essence of the let me part of the framework. It's about shifting your focus from what others are doing to what you can do to design a life that truly aligns with your values and aspirations.

It sounds so counterintuitive, right? We're always told to stop comparing ourselves. Right. But like, what if those feelings are actually clues about what we want and aspire to?

See you in a sec.

It's definitely easier to stay in that comfort zone of comparison, but it's not a very fulfilling place to be. The Comparison Journal is such a powerful tool because it encourages you to get honest with yourself, to face those desires you might have been pushing down and to start taking action towards them.

Exactly. It's about shifting your perspective from they have it and I don't to what can I learn from their journey and how can I apply it to my own life?

Yeah.

And, you know, one of the most inspiring things I've witnessed is how people have used this approach to create real change in their lives. Like we had one listener who was constantly comparing her fitness journey to a friend who seemed to effortlessly crush her workouts. And she was feeling so demotivated. But then she decided to try the Let Them Power Move and the Comparison Journal.

She wrote down her envy triggers, identified her desire for consistent workout routine, and then... She actually started waking up at 5 a.m.

Wow.

That is commitment.

It's amazing what happens when we channel that envy into action, right? Yeah.

Yeah. It's so easy to get taught up in that I could never do that. But this approach really flips the script. It's like, what can I learn from their approach and how can I adapt it to fit my own life and goals?

Oh, I've definitely been there. It's so easy to spiral into self-doubt and think, why didn't I get that promotion? What's wrong with me?

OK, so I'm choosing to focus on celebrating their win rather than dwelling on my perceived loss. Exactly. And then you turn your attention inward. Let me focus on my own career path. You grab your comparison journal and explore, you know, what this envy is revealing about your own aspirations.

Maybe it's a desire for more leadership opportunities, a need to develop new skills or a yearning for greater recognition.

Perfect. You've identified the trigger. Now ask yourself, what does this envy tell me about my own career goals? Maybe you realize you've been yearning for more responsibility or that you've been neglecting to develop certain skills that would make you a stronger candidate for leadership roles.

You got it. It's about transforming that envy into fuel for your own career growth. And it's not just limited to work, you know.

We'll be right back.

Let's say you're feeling envious of a friend's seemingly perfect relationship.

Yeah, absolutely. And like, it's no surprise we feel this way, right? Our brains are literally wired to make comparisons. It's a primal survival mechanism. So think about our ancestors, right? For them, comparing themselves to others was crucial for survival. They needed to assess their social standing, their resources, their potential mates.

I know.

It's so easy to fall into that trap of thinking, why doesn't my relationship look like that? But remember, what you see on social media is just a snapshot, a carefully curated highlight reel.

Exactly. So instead of getting caught in that comparison game, you can use the let them power move to shift your focus. OK. You start by saying let them have their happy relationship. I'm sending them good vibes. And then turn your attention inward with let me focus on nurturing and deepening my own connection with my partner.

Exactly. Maybe it's about having, you know, more open and honest communication, prioritizing quality time together or simply expressing more appreciation for your partner.

That's the essence of it. It's about recognizing that comparison itself isn't the problem. It's what we do with those feelings that matters. By understanding the neuroscience behind envy, we can start to see it as valuable data, a guidepost pointing us towards what we truly desire.

And the best part is that as you practice this approach, you'll find that those feelings of envy start to lose their power over you. When you're focused on your own journey and taking steps towards your own goals, you're less likely to get caught in that endless cycle of comparing yourself to others.

That's a powerful shift in perspective. It's about reclaiming the power of comparison and using it to your advantage. So for our listeners who are ready to ditch the self-doubt and embrace the power of comparison as their greatest teacher, what's the first step?

Exactly. Ask yourself, you know, what is this envy trying to tell me? What desire or longing is it revealing? And then you grab your comparison journal and start exploring those insights.

Totally. So first, remember, there's no right or wrong way to journal. It's your own personal space. So just start by simply jotting down the envy trigger. Like what sparked that feeling? Was it a social media post, a conversation, an observation? And then delve into how it made you feel. Don't censor yourself. Just let it flow.

And the part of the brain responsible for this is the amygdala, which is constantly standing our environment and comparing us to those around us.

Exactly. And once you've acknowledged those feelings, then you can start to explore the why behind them.

You know, what unmet need or aspiration is this envy pointing to? What does it reveal about what you truly value and desire in your life?

Exactly. And the final step is, you know, brainstorm some actionable steps. Like, what can you do today, this week, this month to move towards those desires? Maybe it's signing up for a course, having a difficult conversation or simply carving out more time for those activities that bring you joy.

Yeah.

Yes, that's the goal. And remember, you don't have to do this alone. We've created a free comparison journal template that you can download on our website, themessypodcast.com.

It includes some prompts and exercises to guide you through the process.

We're so passionate about providing you guys with the tools and resources you need to support your growth and wellbeing. And, you know, we're so grateful for your support. It allows us to continue creating this content.

And remember, progress isn't linear. You know, there will be days when you feel those pangs of envy creeping back in. But with practice, you'll become more adept at, you know, recognizing those triggers, exploring the insights and channeling that energy into positive action.

Thanks for joining us for another deep dive on The Messy Podcast. We can't wait to connect with you again next week.

Sounds good.

How much?

Yes, ma'am.

by new year.

That was the same Santa I think that visits our house too. It doesn't wrap. That's a good idea.

Yes.

Yes.

Should a couple, aka should we? Um, no.

Okay, I was like, I don't think so. Do you? Listen. I think that's kind of tacky. There's a difference between. To ask for your wedding guest to pay?

Right. Like it's that kind of thing.

two crisp hundred dollar bills and a card and then you get to decide and then you decide what you do like don't put don't put cash app like that is so not it a qr code hey i don't know maybe we're just like am i just like a gen xer is that what the problem is

We'll blame Gen Z. I feel like we do too often. Too often.