Coleman Ruiz

And the older two were born.

My middle son was two at the time.

Oh, I mean, that's what I mean, Andrew.

Like I, you know, personal work and therapy afterwards, it was then that I started looking over my shoulder, just in general.

Like everything was suddenly...

like has to be watched with a vigilant eye.

Oh, that one's not even, there's no question about that.

No, I think, well, maybe.

I'd have to ask her that question.

I think I was backed away from the 24-hour ledge a little bit.

I knew that the boys obviously would be taken care of with my wife.

That never crossed my mind probably until you just asked the question.

That was almost just like table stakes.

Back to this adaptive but maladaptive behavior.

When Doug was killed, I just realized I had to work even harder to try to stay alive.

Because if you met the guy, there is, I'm going to say it probably multiple, there is not a fucking human on the planet that was as tough and as focused and as hyper dialed in to how to do the job 100% effectively as he was.

And it happened to him, you know.

And I just never, it's almost embarrassing, Andrew, to say I never thought about it like that until Doug was killed.

Yeah, to put it in context, what we have to remember is part of the beauty of taking a young person and taking all the ingredients that a person comes into special operations, pick your service.

I'm agnostic.