Connie Shin

And at about 10 p.m., we reached the bottom of Manhattan, and some people were there to congratulate us, to celebrate my birthday.

And the next morning, when I woke up, I remember feeling disappointed.

I had thought that by doing this big, bold, brave thing, I would know myself better, I would feel closer to my dad, and through that process, I would have the words for this victim impact statement.

But the walk didn't change anything.

But now I realize that it was the start of me thinking about my life beyond 32.

Like I've obviously surpassed my dad's age and I've realized that planning a future for myself is its own form of a legacy.

Like I am my dad's legacy.

My very aliveness is a testament to that legacy because every day I get to live the life that he never got to.

Couple of months after the walk, December 2020, I did attend the hearing and it was over Zoom.

And there was no amount of walking or talking or thinking that could have prepared me for that experience.

Nothing could have prepared me for the experience of being in my own home, logging onto Zoom and just waiting for his face to appear.

Nothing could have prepared me for the experience of hearing his voice and listening to him talk about the events that led him to kill my dad.

Nothing could have prepared me for the experience of learning he has a daughter and we are the same age and we've both worked in education.

And when his face finally did appear, I didn't know where to look.

I remember thinking like, oh my God, can he see me?

And when it was my turn, I read my statement directly to his face in his square and I explained what it was like growing up without a father because of something he did when he was 21 and yet still believing that he should be released from prison.

But the judge denied his appeal.

But about a year after that, I wrote a second statement, this time to a parole board.

And I explained that my feelings had not changed since the hearing and I was still advocating that he be released from prison so that he can go home and explore what it is to live a life well lived for him.

And just last year, I received an online notification from the state of Maryland letting me know that he was released.