Dan Savage

When I was coming out as gay, not the same thing as coming out as poly or coming out as non-monogamous. But when I was coming out as gay, I told my mom I was gay, but didn't tell my dad and told my mom she wasn't allowed to tell my dad. And I told one of my siblings I was gay, but told that sibling not to tell my other siblings and told some of my aunts, told them not to tell my uncles.

When I was coming out as gay, not the same thing as coming out as poly or coming out as non-monogamous. But when I was coming out as gay, I told my mom I was gay, but didn't tell my dad and told my mom she wasn't allowed to tell my dad. And I told one of my siblings I was gay, but told that sibling not to tell my other siblings and told some of my aunts, told them not to tell my uncles.

And eventually the stress of tracking who knew and who didn't know, uh, was so great that my mother came to me, my mother who originally didn't want me to come out to anybody at all, and told me I had to come out to everybody. I had to stop playing games. She told me, my mom was Amazingly insightful and articulate. She told me I wasn't coming out.

And eventually the stress of tracking who knew and who didn't know, uh, was so great that my mother came to me, my mother who originally didn't want me to come out to anybody at all, and told me I had to come out to everybody. I had to stop playing games. She told me, my mom was Amazingly insightful and articulate. She told me I wasn't coming out.

I was yanking people into the closet with me one at a time. And that inspired me or that lit a fire under me and I came out to everyone. And I remembered that phase of my life listening to your call because you say you don't want to be deceptive or dishonest about your relationship model. And yet you don't want to be out to your parents.

I was yanking people into the closet with me one at a time. And that inspired me or that lit a fire under me and I came out to everyone. And I remembered that phase of my life listening to your call because you say you don't want to be deceptive or dishonest about your relationship model. And yet you don't want to be out to your parents.

You don't want to be out to the parents of your daughter's friends. You just don't want to be out about being in an open relationship. And so if you told your kid that, Exactly what was going on. In a way, you would be yanking your kid into the closet with you and your husband. And the closet, as my mom told me at that moment when she said, you're not coming out.

You don't want to be out to the parents of your daughter's friends. You just don't want to be out about being in an open relationship. And so if you told your kid that, Exactly what was going on. In a way, you would be yanking your kid into the closet with you and your husband. And the closet, as my mom told me at that moment when she said, you're not coming out.

You're just pulling us into the closet with you. My mom said in that moment, like, I get it now. Being closeted sucks. I don't like it. And I feel like you... may be burdening your child with keeping your secret. If you confide in your child or you come out to your child about where exactly her father is, rather than telling your child the vague little white lies that are easily told.

You're just pulling us into the closet with you. My mom said in that moment, like, I get it now. Being closeted sucks. I don't like it. And I feel like you... may be burdening your child with keeping your secret. If you confide in your child or you come out to your child about where exactly her father is, rather than telling your child the vague little white lies that are easily told.

Daddy's away on a business trip. Daddy had to go home to help grandma with something. Daddy had to be at work super early today. There are kick the can down the road things you can say to a nine-year-old. Eventually, you will not be able to play these sorts of games with your kid. Eventually, your kid is going to figure this out.

Daddy's away on a business trip. Daddy had to go home to help grandma with something. Daddy had to be at work super early today. There are kick the can down the road things you can say to a nine-year-old. Eventually, you will not be able to play these sorts of games with your kid. Eventually, your kid is going to figure this out.

And this is a difficult place, a difficult thing to navigate for parents in open or non-monogamous relationships who are invested in in being perceived to be monogamous by friends, neighbors, other family members. You may be sexually not monogamous, even poly, but wish to be perceived as monogamous. You wish to function socially as monogamous. Socially monogamous is what you want to be.

And this is a difficult place, a difficult thing to navigate for parents in open or non-monogamous relationships who are invested in in being perceived to be monogamous by friends, neighbors, other family members. You may be sexually not monogamous, even poly, but wish to be perceived as monogamous. You wish to function socially as monogamous. Socially monogamous is what you want to be.

And you reach a point where your kids are going to figure it the fuck out because kids aren't idiots and They live with you and they'll overhear things or they'll pick up on things. Usually that happens when the kid is an adolescent and that can be volatile because if the kid just gathers enough information to think dad is cheating on mom,

And you reach a point where your kids are going to figure it the fuck out because kids aren't idiots and They live with you and they'll overhear things or they'll pick up on things. Usually that happens when the kid is an adolescent and that can be volatile because if the kid just gathers enough information to think dad is cheating on mom,

Then the kid faces this existential crisis where they either have to keep that secret for dad and they become complicit in what they perceive to be an adulterous affair. Or they have to go to mom and tell mom something mom might not want to know and something mom knowing could imperil dad. Their home life could blow up their parents' marriage.

Then the kid faces this existential crisis where they either have to keep that secret for dad and they become complicit in what they perceive to be an adulterous affair. Or they have to go to mom and tell mom something mom might not want to know and something mom knowing could imperil dad. Their home life could blow up their parents' marriage.

And so that's – it's just a really perilous time for folks in open relationships, for parents in open relationships who aren't out about being open or poly. That adolescence where – You know, you worry about your kid figuring it out or figuring out part of it and feeling terrible and conflicted. Or you tell your kid and you say you can't tell grandma.

And so that's – it's just a really perilous time for folks in open relationships, for parents in open relationships who aren't out about being open or poly. That adolescence where – You know, you worry about your kid figuring it out or figuring out part of it and feeling terrible and conflicted. Or you tell your kid and you say you can't tell grandma.