Dan Soder
Appearances
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
There was a boat that like, it was like one of those short stack boats, almost like, you can bring it up. I want the clinical version of the boat because I don't get shorts.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, that was perfect. Yeah, thank you. Really good. I thought Christian Bale was in the room. These are called container ships? Container ships. But doesn't that sound more made up than short stack? Container, I know. It sounds like bullshit.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So this this like this boat went into the bridge. You see it at night. It like shuts the lights off and it fucks it up with people on the road. I don't know. I don't know if anyone died in that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But everyone likes to go like, oh, terrorist. This was a terrorist attack or whatever. But just like the small jet that almost got hit this time, just like a guy being an idiot. Fucking around. Being like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Dude, is that fucking plane about to take off? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. It's like coming down and you're like. It's a fuck, fuck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And someone's just yelling your name in your ear. Going like, Bobby, Bobby.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
and then somebody dies yeah have you ever had sex with somebody you didn't want to have sex with i don't know how to answer that you mean like just like i thought like i wasn't physically attracted to or that no but you just knew that they were a little cray cray you know sometimes you're like what's gonna happen once i enter this that's my early 20s brother yeah man yeah yeah i don't know if you've ever been to tucson arizona
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brother? Brother. Tell me about it, brother. I was living it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Did they have to lower you? My brother hooked it up. Did they have to lower you down into her?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, it's a hookdown. It's a hookdown. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, but... She goes, it was like a medical procedure. She goes, I'm going to lay on my back. Then you're going to enter me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Through a... Yeah, well, she saw me MC the improv in Tempe. She's eating a bucket of chicken, a nice Saturday night special, and a bad TV comes on, and she goes... My little lover.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Or walrus. It was a walrus flipper. You know when animal trainers realize that it's out of control? Yeah, dude. Like Bobby gave one of those where he goes, give it back. Okay. We're not playing anymore.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, Jesus. I don't know. I'm over 200, so I would imagine probably over that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Whoa. And it was just like after a breakup, and it was just sweet season. I just quit drinking.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I quit drinking a couple years before, and then it was just like eating everything.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, you do. In the hotel room. You're goddamn right. How do you fucking know? Are you a secret sweetie? I'm out in the open with it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Brother, I live it. It's Easter season. So I'm in knee deep in the shit. They're doing jelly beans. I just picked up two bags of jelly beans. Didn't even mean to. What? Wow. Because you got Jolly Rancher. It's Easter season, so everyone's doing their jelly bean. I got Jolly Rancher and Airhead jelly beans. Wow.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, because you drink. You're getting all your sugar through the booze. When you cut it, that's when you want that. That's what it is.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I can't think of something that is more opposite of who I am as a human being. No, I'm saying you won't like it. I have never seen just an insane miss like that. You have zero working knowledge of me as a human being. I know. If you think I'm anywhere close, I have dressed the same like I'm moving since I was 12 years old. Yeah. You don't understand what I'm saying to you, Dan. He's a labor baby.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I would never wear rings. I can't wear a watch. No, he's a labor baby. I have thin wrists. This is information I was not privy to. Well, guess what, brother? Before you diagnose, take a look at the x-ray. I'm sitting right here. I'm a kind of doctor where I don't look at the x-ray. I'm a diagnoser. You go, it's cancer. And they go, is it?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Somewhere where I'd have to be somewhat serious, I would be getting in trouble for trying to be fun.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Honestly, that's way close. You put me on the mic for the fucking flying Giuseppis or whoever, whoever's in sequins going flips in the air, and I get to build a tent? Yeah, he killed it. And then I make a mistake. Yeah. And then a couple families.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
If I got my four roses, you know, my little flask of whiskey and my traveling jacket. Fuck.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You underestimate Shane. Yeah. I knew him before. So he was deep in hot chicks before? Before he got bit by the radioactive spider and he became Shane man. Okay. Dude, he's charming. He's low-key a cutie pie.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And I'm going to tell you right now. I used to go with Shane. Shane used to go on the road with me and feature for me. And when we would go to like Boston or something like that, Boy would, we were both single, boy would clean up. Yeah. Because the ladies would be like, ooh, I want me a pale daddy. Right. And he'd be like, shut up, you're gay. And they'd be like, ooh, I need them freckles.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You don't want that smoke. You wanna start this war, dude? You are calling on, you're yelling at a cloud. He picks me up. You're yelling at a thunderbolt. Like a little boy.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But let's both be. Hey, Bobby, I'm down, but let's make this cool on all of us, all right?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is like trying to negotiate. We're all going to be cool. We're going to be cool. We're all going to be cool. We're going to make a point we can all agree on.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, we had fun. Was it when I hurt my lip? You hurt your lip, but you were gone. I didn't see you. That's hilarious. I texted you. I'm one of the only people that texted you. When you called me as Ralph Barbosa- I picked up and I said, I was one of the only people that texted you. Okay.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah. Is it true? Probably not. You know what? I don't care because that kind of loyalty. Yeah, that's where it is. Fuck the truth. I'd rather have that kind of loyalty.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, absolutely. Strong jaw, looking like I'm just getting big gay rods stiff.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm just going to say it right now. It shouldn't be illegal to eat a homeless person's ass. It should not be.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm trying to make a new form of hooch. He's reading Dostoevsky. He's like, man, Raskolnikov really did have to murder that lady.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, they're all in the tunnel. Yeah, where do they go in the tunnels? Honestly, you don't know. It's like a crisp fall day, and then they're just, where are they? And then it gets hot, and then you're like, oh, I can't walk my dog. Maybe they're frozen and they thaw. That might be. You go, seasons are changing.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Please don't do this. Everything's fitted for a reboot right now. Dude, thank you so much. Honestly, tell me Bobby Lee and the Brendan Fraser role. You would be a great Encino Man. You as the new weasel.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
let's go um this okay let's talk about what they should remake ah yeah okay we talk about what movies they should i'm gonna go down the same line of where we already are one of my favorite movies that's underrated airheads i fucking would love a new airheads but how do you do airheads radio doesn't matter anymore podcasts oh they like they like take over i never saw i never saw airheads
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But they're the bad guys. The good guys are the bad guys. They're like idiots. They take over the radio station.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I mean, let's do it. What about remaking... Gremlins. Love it. How about one and two? Give me the whole franchise. Start with one. Yeah, start with one. I'll tell you right now, I'm so geeked up.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Honestly, if they ever do a reboot and you're not voicing the Mogwai, someone's missing big. I want to be the Mogwai.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Do kids get in trouble in the woods? Did you see the lady in Georgia that got arrested because her son walked like half a mile to a store? Yeah, I saw that. Insane. Insane. Ten years old. She was charged, right? Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Amazing. They call that free-range parenting now. What? When you just let your kid be a kid. When you're not helicoptering anymore, now it's called free range. I ran away from home for a week. I'm not kidding you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Dude, I had a friend that didn't have to check in with his parents to sleep over. Just could just do it. He could fucking, he could turn the key and launch it himself. So random. You go, you want to sleep over? He goes, yeah. You going to call her? He goes, what for? I don't want to bug them. Yeah, I don't know. I think they probably.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, absolutely. Do you know there's kids that are like, they're giving Ozempic to like fat kids now and you're like, no, no, no. You're not going to have funny people when you grow up.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Right. Let them be fat and weird and awkward. Anguilless. Dude, you want that smoke.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Just write that? Thank you, dog. Did you fucking? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And honestly, I love it. It's like holding a cat with its claws out. It's still sweet, but I'm trying to keep you away from the problem areas. Oh, yeah?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm telling you we hold council with the man. Okay, good. Hold council.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Honestly. It's going to be great. I just, I feel like a fur trapper that's come out of the mountains and told you like, you don't want that war. Dude, you think that's ghillie. I'd give you some Sam Elliott knowledge right now and say, Bobby, sometimes you eat the bear. Well, sometimes the bear eats you. That's not funny. That's not funny. Yeah, the way you said it.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm going to tell you right now, you moonwalking son of a bitch. Oh, I moonwalk, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. That might have saved you.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Is that really your laugh? Yeah, that's how I laughed. That made me laugh.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That good a comedy and that good a person. So you got a two for two. Oh, my God. You feel it now, huh? You know what, though? Yeah. At least you're reflective of it. And the accountability.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know what, man? Honestly, they won't be able to find me in Vermont if I stay off the internet. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, this is when the music changes. This is when the music changes on the dock.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, stop. You are entering a new phase in life where you are taking ownership.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
If you watched a trial with that kind of admit where he goes, I'm sorry I killed her. But am I sorry I killed her? Not really. But I am sorry that I did it. I felt it and I'm fine for feeling that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
When did you notice it? Like what was the worst day so far? Like today?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That actually explains a lot. You know what? That is it because you're aggressive. You're being very aggressive. I'm being very aggressive right now.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Dude, I just realized it. The reason I tried to fight you in that bar was because I have a boner. I'm just pumped out of my mind.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It's good, dude. Is it like... Have you had Frank Pepe's in Connecticut?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
They're trying to make it that... They're trying to make us... Is Hartford there? In Connecticut? Yeah. Yeah. But Frank Pepe's is in New Haven.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Frank Pepe's. It's very good. Okay. But do you think, so far, do you think Pizza Bianco was the best you've ever had?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Let's rank. By the way, in Los Angeles, I go to Kettle Glaze every time I'm here.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Oh, are they like a busy donut? A busy donut, yes. Here's what I like about this. Kettle glaze goes like this.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Ooh, bitch. Yeah, those pictures, Bobby. You're right. This is it. Are you being sarcastic? No, I'm being a whore. 100% for real. I'm telling you. You showed me that first fancy shit. I don't want that. This is, yes.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Also, the way they do their pizza, it stays more like a pizza. Domino's, they overload you with the fucking dough and the cheese. And your swearing is right for that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Go to Western. My buddy Matt's kid just- I haven't seen Little Caesars in forever. My buddy Matt's kid just tried it for the first time last week, and he was like, he says it's the best food he's ever had in his life.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
But what if you guys had a little Caesars pizza party and it was brought to you?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
This is some oak. We're just going to shave it onto your... Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
They didn't even take a bite? Yeah. I would see myself getting very upset about that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Do you think it's like when you get a Guinness in Ireland? It's just better?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, that's what got me out. You know Julian McCullough? Yeah, I know him. He did the Guinness brand ambassador thing, and then he quit drinking, and they were trying to find a new one, and he's like, you should have my buddy Soder do it. Can I talk about him?
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No. No, I was just saying, I got to go to the, I got to like go, they flew me to Dublin and I got to like, I had to drink Guinness for like two years. The best. And by the end, I was like, get this mud water out of my fucking hand.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Are you saying he lost his look? Something happened. Did you fall out of love with him? because he's still handsome. Maybe you fell out of love with him.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Dude, Bobby's like Tim Gunn. He's like, what are you, fat bitch? Yeah. Look at this gross pig. I loved it. Ew. What a fantastic. Julian rules. He's so funny. He's very, very funny.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
And thanks for giving me the brand ambassador job in 2011. Thank you, Julian. I got to quit waiting tables because of it. Wow. It was pretty sick.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I mean, changed my life. I bought a laptop. I didn't own a laptop from 2007 to 2011. Slow down. Is Joe Monterey still around? I don't know. You know him? Yeah, I know Jim. Joe Mattarese.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yes. That's how I felt about my iPhone. First time I got an iPhone, I'm like, I'm watching porn on this thing.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Feels good. Thank you. By the way, Bobby, I'm sorry. Easy fucking answer, dude. Just like the way you described me. So rad. You went, the worst thing with me is me trying to be confident with myself. Yeah. It's hard to, I know. You can shit on me all you want. Bring it on, baby. Yeah. We can have fun. But the second you go like, good job, I go, how's this fucking? It's the hug and stepbrother.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Why are we like that? It's the hug and stepbrothers. Because it's what, you just said it earlier. It's the bullying that made you funny.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I've told this story before on the regs, but I was working the blue room in Springfield, Missouri. And I drove from Kansas City to Springfield and I had a bunch of texts and people were like, They're like, dude, the club's running a special where if they buy tickets to you, they're entered into a raffle to see Matt Rife. And like so many comics texted me, screen grabbed it and sent it to me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
They're like, wow. really yeah they're like same audience they're like they're like hey buy tickets to this fucking ogre and then maybe you can see matt rife and it worked it worked wow yeah my ticket sales were dog shit and there were people there and it was it was wild that's like where you're like oh so you guys are running around okay and then when it really happens you go
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
That's a full circle moment, though. Taping your special in Minneapolis.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I'm getting an orange dream machine, and then I'm going upstairs.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Edmonton's great. Now, that's where we might differ. Oh, you got clipped out there. There might be a reason why I don't use them as a club chain anymore. Oh, I fucking, you want to talk about one of my worst weekends of my life. Yeah. Was the, that fucking club house of comedy in Scottsdale. Scottsdale. Scottsdale. Cause you know, it's North Scottsdale.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
It looks like, dude, at a point it looked like a moon base when you drive up and you'd be like, there's nothing. It looks like Mars. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I just ate shit every night. So bad. Is that 12 years ago again? Yeah, it was 2013, 2014. Wow, wow, wow. I think the Edmonton happened like 2016, 2017. This is like 2014.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I remember specifically I called Gary Goldman, and Gary Goldman was like, just do your best stuff, keep your head down, get through the weekend.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I also have like some resentment for Arizona because like you went to school there.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You know, we both went to school there and you kind of come back and you're like, you weren't that nice to me.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You're like, I couldn't get pussy for sure. shit at this school. And now I'm coming back and being like, but I'm doing a show in Tucson this fall. I'm very excited. I haven't been back to Tucson in like fucking years.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, no, no, no. I don't know what venue we're doing yet, but we're setting it up.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Well, he was fucking... I want to do the Rialto because that's where I saw Chappelle in Tucson.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
During the Blackzilla season one of Chappelle's show. It was a fucking... Wow. Without a doubt, one of the greatest live stand-up shows I've ever seen in my life. Guy did like 70, came back out, did 20 encores. Get fucked. Get fucked. Ripping it. I hate that.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
So Richmond, Virginia. I'm going to be at the Funny Bone April 4th and 5th. And then in Spokane Comedy Club, May 1st through the 3rd, we got a big announcement coming up with a bunch of shows that I'm going to hopefully be dropping very soon.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
No, no, no. I want to dick lock with you. First off, I'll dock with you all day. He will. I'll go get foreskin put on my penis in order to dock you. Wow. I'll do whatever the reverse. You know what? I believe you. Whatever the reverse.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
You just feel like it is. I feel like. Yeah. I feel like it is. Yeah.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
I don't know. These plane crashes are crazy how many are happening. There was also an avoided one. Did you guys see the one? We just talked about that just now. Whenever something like this happens, I immediately empathize with the other plane. Just like remember when the bridge in Baltimore where the boat drove into the bridge?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Oh, yeah. We prank phone call Chappelle on Legion of Skanks. You call? No, we prank phone called a Fox News producer that thought Lewis... Jay Gomez had given her Dave Chappelle's number, but he had given her Dave Smith's number. It's on YouTube, and it's part of the episode, but I was just at home playing video games, and they were like, hey, can you call this lady as Dave Chappelle?
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And she fucking bit, dude. She bit hard. And it was like, I was trying to just keep talking about how important Lewis was to comedy, but then I would just add different things in where I'd be like,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
i've heard he's got a very dangerous foot finish i wouldn't show you toes if i was around him and she was like oh my god i think i was wearing open toad sandals she was talking to chapelle that's great that's amazing do you were you always doing him like i was i mean i'm a massive chapelle fan sure in 2012 at the cellar i got blackout drunk and hung out with him and i i was like
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
telling him old bits he hadn't done on any specials. And I think it freaked him out. And I've stayed away from him ever since. Ever since then. Because I felt that moment where I was like, I think, I think this is a lot. Too much. I was like, do you remember, you used to, the white people eat bit was so much longer. And he was like, man, you know my bits better than I do.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
But he did have, I had the coolest moment possibly ever in standup, speaking of cigarettes,
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
at the cellar that night he got off stage and he coming he came and hung out at the table and he was sitting next to me holding a cigarette and i was like i always want to know what kind of cigarettes i've been like i've been going to see you since i was 16. yeah just want to know what kind of cigarettes you smoke and he was like oh i smoke american spirits yeah i was like this is we're at the table at the olive tree yeah inside and i go oh you want to smoke a cigarette and he goes smoke right here and i go well
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
I can't because I need this place for rent. But you're Dave Chappelle. You can smoke here if you want to. And he goes, you can if Dave Chappelle lights you a cigarette. And I looked at Esty and Esty went like that. And I, I took, and I swear to God by the third drag. Yeah. Every waiter and bartender was staring at me like fucking soda gets to smoke inside.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
And I was like, this is fucking unbelievable. And I took a couple of hits and I put it in the, I put it in like the ashtray and Esty was like, thank you.
Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
The High and Tight 800th Episode | Your Mom's House Ep. 800
Me neither. That's the hardest I've ever heard Nadal laugh. That's the hardest I've ever heard Nadal laugh.