Daniel Jones

Hi, Melissa. Good to be here.

Hi, Melissa. Good to be here.

I get asked that a lot, and I think about it a lot. And I think mostly I've seen in essays, but ones that seem, you know, that are sort of successful in terms of what happens in them and not, is there's kind of a dividing line between people who continue to open their hearts and those who shut down. And one is the path to happiness and one is the path to unhappiness and regret.

I get asked that a lot, and I think about it a lot. And I think mostly I've seen in essays, but ones that seem, you know, that are sort of successful in terms of what happens in them and not, is there's kind of a dividing line between people who continue to open their hearts and those who shut down. And one is the path to happiness and one is the path to unhappiness and regret.

And it's not always easy when something ends or when you suffer a real loss. And to see people who continue to put themselves out there and say, like, this is my one life, I'm going to make something of it. And yeah, I admire that and I feel like it's changed my life.

And it's not always easy when something ends or when you suffer a real loss. And to see people who continue to put themselves out there and say, like, this is my one life, I'm going to make something of it. And yeah, I admire that and I feel like it's changed my life.

Well, that line comes from an essay by a writer named Thomas Hooven. Actually, I call him a writer, but he's a doctor and was a medical resident. And he'd come from a difficult childhood. His fiancée at the time had similarly come from a difficult childhood. And they found each other, and their relationship was kind of a refuge from their past family lives and their childhoods.

Well, that line comes from an essay by a writer named Thomas Hooven. Actually, I call him a writer, but he's a doctor and was a medical resident. And he'd come from a difficult childhood. His fiancée at the time had similarly come from a difficult childhood. And they found each other, and their relationship was kind of a refuge from their past family lives and their childhoods.

And any kind of conflict they would have was like apocalyptically threatening to that love. And his whole concept of love was peace. She, perhaps sensing the fragility of that, broke off their engagement just a few weeks before they were to get married. And he was just not long before starting his medical residency. And he went off to this medical residency just devastated.

And any kind of conflict they would have was like apocalyptically threatening to that love. And his whole concept of love was peace. She, perhaps sensing the fragility of that, broke off their engagement just a few weeks before they were to get married. And he was just not long before starting his medical residency. And he went off to this medical residency just devastated.

And how am I going to get through this? And it was lonely. But it turned out to be kind of a boot camp for him in what... real love means, and that real love involves conflict and disappointment, and it has to be able to absorb and hold all of those feelings. It can't just be about peace and comfort.

And how am I going to get through this? And it was lonely. But it turned out to be kind of a boot camp for him in what... real love means, and that real love involves conflict and disappointment, and it has to be able to absorb and hold all of those feelings. It can't just be about peace and comfort.

And during his residency, he learns that and comes out the other end of it, what he says, as a more full human being and a better doctor, and meets a woman where they are able to have a full relationship that he describes as being more like a basketball than a vase. One is durable and can bounce and can take a beating, and a vase is something that breaks the first time you drop it.

And during his residency, he learns that and comes out the other end of it, what he says, as a more full human being and a better doctor, and meets a woman where they are able to have a full relationship that he describes as being more like a basketball than a vase. One is durable and can bounce and can take a beating, and a vase is something that breaks the first time you drop it.

but looks beautiful from the outside. And it resonated so deeply with me because I felt so similarly to him in my life of wanting to avoid conflict, of feeling like love should not... If you fight, that means you're not meant to be together.

but looks beautiful from the outside. And it resonated so deeply with me because I felt so similarly to him in my life of wanting to avoid conflict, of feeling like love should not... If you fight, that means you're not meant to be together.

And on the contrary, to be able to manage a fight and grow from it and know someone more deeply because of it is one of the main keys to sort of a durable and lasting relationship.

And on the contrary, to be able to manage a fight and grow from it and know someone more deeply because of it is one of the main keys to sort of a durable and lasting relationship.

There's a popular conception that a relationship that ends is a failed relationship. And, you know, every relationship can have its value. And to think of something as a failure because it ended, it's not fair and it's not wise. It's not productive and it's not true.

There's a popular conception that a relationship that ends is a failed relationship. And, you know, every relationship can have its value. And to think of something as a failure because it ended, it's not fair and it's not wise. It's not productive and it's not true.