Daris Whitfield

I've never watched a reality show at all in my life, right, other than the ones that you send me to watch. And I just know, though, that a lot of those folks struggle based on – specifically when, again, they – it suddenly is thrust into their life.

Now, again, we happen to be like mid thirties or whatever is better, 25, whatever you said, but like, but I'm saying like, I just thought that part would be hard for you. And that was my only concern about it. I, I don't care.

Like I told you before, I'm not worried about you, how it, I know who you are, like I said, and as you know, and I don't want everyone to hate me either, but I told you if I could transfer whatever negativity that you have to people would say it about me instead.

I know. My brother's not even on Instagram. He's one of those guys. He's one of the good guys that's not on Instagram, doesn't have a profile, doesn't care about social media, any of that stuff. And he's like, if you want me to make a handle with my name, he's like, I will go and answer every one of these comments. He'd be like, you want to know what she does for a living?

You want to know what's up?

Well, I just told you, I would take your account and be like, it's my... Not destroy, but I mean, if someone wants to say to me like, fuck you, you're a piece of shit, you're this person, you have mental health problems. I'm like, cool, because I don't care, as you know. And as I told you so many times, it's like, no one's going to say that to your face anyway.

But look, it's super complicated with social media. And it's difficult. And I, as you know, I tell you to get off it as much as possible, but that's also part of the gig as you know. But I think, as you know.

And sometimes I feel like too, like, I don't know sometimes, especially this last season, what's reality and not because I'm like, everyone else is like, so a lot of you've been asking, I just want to address this thing. And I'm like, no, you just feel the need to address it. I get it. I do too. But I'm like. And then sometimes I think, is that what I'm, am I supposed to be doing that?

Because I see other franchises and I see that they're like having these like Twitter wars and posting receipts and then screenshotting and posting the thing and then blah, blah, blah. And then I see, and now it's so crazy watching everything from confessionals to watch what happens live. And now, and I have very much respect for certain housewives because there's ones that fly at a certain radar.

OK, so but you only seen you. You've only seen episode the first one with Jason Tartick, The Bachelor.

at a certain altitude and handle it really well where they manage to comment and share their opinion and be very genuine and real but they're not like hurting someone Garcelle Beverly Hills is like I watch back now her and I'm like she's a master. Like, she's a master class of housewives.

How to be a part of it, not be afraid to jump in, to be real, to, you know, but it's a constructive criticism or it's an accurate read and a verified read, not just like, I'm here to try to fuck you up because I don't have a storyline myself. Like, so I'm watching it now back and I see it and I'm like, some of these people, I'm like, oh my God, like, you're not a good person.

But you're just talking about the show...

I'm talking about it's hard with like reality versus reality of knowing. I'm like sometimes with the comments or whatnot. So thank you for saying that you would do that. But the reason why I don't, right? Can I? Yes. I can be a verbal assassin. Like we were raised – Like I don't like that part of me. I actually have worked very hard to turn that off. Me too. I don't need to yell F you.

That is correct. OK, I'm not because I'm not judging, though. I don't. Yeah, I'm just saying I saw one episode and I got it. I know what this is going to be about.

Like that's basic to me. I think actually they got one little bit this season where I just like insult me smarter. The level of which I could not even say one swear word, one curse word, but just read you for filth in a second and you would hate your life.

And it's not something you're proud of probably. No.

It's actually I think it's a bad weapon that I have that I – cultivated because of all the trauma, because of having to be on the defense, because of having to fight for everything in life, that I can do it. But it's not something that, and I think most people would use it

and be like, oh, I'm going to make money off of this and get soundbites or whatever, I try to control my weapon of mass destruction.

You know what I'm saying?

I don't want to use it. I don't want to be that person. It doesn't feel good when I say those things to people.

But some evil dictator might use their weapon of mass destruction and they can sleep at night. But also, like you said, you have that. But we talked about... I mean, you say it in different ways. Like, yeah, you can do that. But you're also a very sensitive, emotional person who has tons of feelings. And I think, like...

That's another thing that people, I think, watching the show, knowing who you are. I mean, whatever. I think it's more like WWE, right? How it's produced sometimes, I think there's characters and whatnot.

Was it like watching your sister on a date?

But a lot of things, not the super dark or negative stuff, even people are like, oh, I'm tired of her schtick or whatever. That's you. That's the version of Brynn who wants to have everyone like her and be a people pleaser. And that's that portion of you.

But it's also me, though. I hate when people say that's a shtick. It's not. Unfortunately, that's my personality. But it's my personality when I'm with my friends that I know when I feel safe.

No, it was watching a version of you that is cool. It's fun.

I'm saying it's not fake.

I get to let my guard down. I don't have to think. I'm not afraid. And I just get to be dumb. I like to get drunk and be dumb and say stupid shit and flirt with people. That's my personality. That's my true personality.

I like to shut off and go there. But I'm saying even like in your personality, we're the type who like likes to be at the dinner making everyone laugh and like being silly and goofy and shit. But I'm saying I think my point was is that like that sometimes then gets confused because people see you like giving shit and.

Things you think are harmless. And then when someone says something back to you because you're you're just doing it to be fun or have fun. Right. And then someone's like, you're an evil, awful person and you should go to hell because you said some gossipy thing. And you're like, where did that come from? Because your motivation in those moments is just to be funny. Yeah.

It's interesting.

Even if it's like causing being mischievous or causing mischievous.

Yeah, but, like, again, the idea that you, like, this is, I told you, like, my life sometimes, too. Like, the idea that we have some, like, manuals or huge binders and we're, like, calculating, like, how to get people to turn against each other, get people to not like each other. We don't think about any of that stuff.

It's my fun side. I don't judge. I'm happy for you and anything you do.

No.

The one way to say it is, like, we don't care.

I literally don't care. Half the time I don't want to tell people they're like, and then you tried to ruin this person's life. And I'm like, no offense. Don't flatter yourself. I don't think about any of you. I literally don't. I like you. Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. And it's not maybe because I'm a great person. I'm so in my own head thinking about my eyelash extension appointment.

Yeah, you are for sure. And what I'm doing next. And is this guy going to text me back? And why am I not a mom yet? Yeah. Should I go on a picnic?

I'm, like, thinking about a bunch of stuff that's, like, not – But maybe that – Maybe we're so, like, flippant about that kind of shit.

I'm not, like, sitting in a dark room, like, plotting against castmates.

That's my point.

I don't have to be on the phone every day with you to feel like we're close.

But it's, like, the difference between Pepper and Sugar, your two dogs. It's just, like, I think that a lot of folks feel – That idea that you just described, like I've put in the work, like I don't need to constantly go to the polo bar and, you know, I think a lot of folks do want that connection and I think they do kind of crave that kind of stuff. So I do think that...

You want to make this one serious? You want to go? I just throw the cards.

You have to – I have to do a better job of doing that kind of stuff. Not for us because we don't need it.

Because other people need it.

Because other people need it.

Let's talk about our childhood. I mean, I did say. Get the tissues. I just don't know how interesting that stuff is. So I always want to keep people, you know, interested. And we don't need, like, our trauma out to the world. I don't know how much of it people can handle because it's pretty heavy.

That's a massive point and I do that in real life. But when then you're paranoid that when you're doing those things because they need it. Like, yeah, I want to meet you too. But then you're like, dude, I did that. And then you ended up like flipping it against me and use it. Like it's creepy and it's scary. So it makes you double think like everything. And I'm like, so yeah, I can do that. But –

It's very, very hard. It's just hard.

Two seasons, and I think the highs of the first season and maybe the more lows in the second season, that experience. But I think it's common everywhere. Where do you stand currently? Which I don't think we've really discussed. Because you know my opinion on everything and what should happen.

You said never again.

Yeah, I think it's insanity, right? But, you know, where do you stand on that?

So I'm announcing that I just signed up for a season I was working on. So on that note, actually, so I brought you here to tell you today, I know I promised I wouldn't. I know you told me that to never do it again, but I'm actually gonna sign up. No, I'm just joking. I don't know. You know what?

What I know is that I'm just trying to like, I'm just trying to focus on myself and like, where do I stand? I'm just trying to stand on my own two feet. You know, like I'm just in my own world, you know, I'm doing this pod. I'm doing Hoppy. I have the book. I have amazing brand partnerships. I have a whole team. Like, I'm good, you know? And I want to continue to be happy. I think...

I think to directly answer your question, yeah, sure, would I love to do it again if I could go back to having fun and not feeling like I'm in a CIA, Lockheed Martin, this everything's gonna get twisted that I said, I'll be accused of a bunch of shit I didn't do, I'm gonna be lied about, I'm gonna have to watch scenes back where every single scene is about me, where people don't have storylines, so their storyline is that they think I'm a bad person.

If all of that could go away and we could just go back to having fun,

You know, again, what I said at the beginning, the very clearly two or three years ago, when you explain some some of the stuff that we had on the show, we filmed this really beautiful scene in Central Park as well. Right. That they showed 10 seconds of. Right. So there was no context to it, but also just in terms of like how.

upset you were but in the moment when you first told me about that when I was in Korea on the phone and how upset you were and how I wasn't quite understanding based on our conversation I was telling you something about a girl yeah and and I kept thinking why is my sister pushing back on what I'm saying I'm like I'm a good guy she knows I'm a good guy I didn't do anything wrong yeah

But you were like – I was like, huh, and I couldn't square it. And then finally you just came out with everything to me, right?

And again, so I've been on those calls with you as one of the first calls, if not the first call, and how upset you've been. So then when I hear people – when people come to someone then and say, no, we believe that it happened to you. It's like I don't need you.

How do you experience it? I don't need your beliefs.

I don't need – I don't need someone to tell me, oh, yeah, I trust that you're not lying about some horrific thing that happened to you. It's the definition of insanity.

That's crazy.

So I think, again, as your older brother. It's hard to trust any of that process when I see something as simple as that, I think is one of the most inappropriate things you can say to someone after they've come out and shared something.

But we're going to talk about all of that.

And then it ends with a group hug of someone else.

Well, but also, but I'm just saying in general, then just saying like, no, no, we do believe it happened. It's like, well, what do you say to that? Then, like you said, without looking like a crazy person, because if you know, you just sit there and you slump and you just wait. Yeah, I just thought that really upset me, obviously, that it was handled that way.

Are we? Okay. A little bit.

So with Central Park, we filmed for like an hour, right? And even that scene, I didn't know if I was going to let them include it because I was told that I would have the right whether or not to include it. So at the beginning of the season, the first call that they do is like the catch-up call. And they catch up call and they sit there and say, OK, what's going on in your life?

A little bit. We'll dabble. Dabble in trauma. It's my favorite. I feel like you just see right through me. I don't even know if I want to do this.

What's going on in their life? And one thing that they kept saying was like, so this year, the network really wants to see you dating. We have to show you dating. We have to show you dating. And, you know, like last year I pushed it off. I'm like, well, none of that, which is true. And they don't know the guys that I date would ever want to be on the show. Like, that's cute, sweetie, but no thanks.

You know, they're like proper jobs and things. But then also I was like, also, you guys, I'm going to be honest. I don't know if I want to share this, but I don't want to keep putting you off because I feel like I'm lying to you. The real reason is because of this, because I still struggle with this thing that happened to me and I struggle to get close with people and I struggle to be vulnerable.

So I am dating, but like it goes back and forth. And I'm like, but that's real. So I would actually appreciate if you guys wouldn't hammer me every week. Hey, did you do so-and-so? Hey, did you talk to so-and-so? Because actually that's kind of upsetting to me. They're like, oh, my God, oh, my God. OK, would you ever want to share it? And I was like, I don't know. Like, we'll see.

And then you were in town and then they were like, oh, we should do a re, you know, go back to Mimi's tree and talk about that. And then again, one of the, you know, everyone was so kind last year when I shared, OK, I'm grieving my mother. Look, and everyone has a mother, a grandmother who's people have grandmothers who raise them or their birth mothers that die. People die. Older people die.

The real reason why I was so intrinsically upset is because I felt like I lost that last year with her because I became a shell of myself. I stopped talking to you. I stopped answering her calls. So I was like, I just want to be honest because it was so much too of like, I love that everyone's like, oh my God, you're so fun and sparky and whatever. I'm like, but that's not true. I'm not that.

I mean, I'm cool. It's not uncomfortable for me.

And I'm actually like, I overcompensate sometimes and I force myself in order to be fun and to power through things. Because that's like, I don't lay in bed and cry. But I want to be honest about why I keep pushing off producers, but why I don't want you to dive into my dating life. And the real reason why every time that you ask me in a confessional to share about Mimi, I start bawling, crying.

Yeah. I mean, the lighting is a little bright. I'm not used to being in a studio like this. Yeah, yeah. Look, when we were young, again, I have to get into the whole trauma thing. Remember, we had to go to a psychiatrist or whatnot. Yeah. So I'm typically comfortable sitting in a chair.

I want to be honest. But then being honest, like, fucked me over. So maybe I should just go back to giggling and laughing. Because that was the only time that everyone else felt... Well, because, again, weren't threatened by me.

Well, but that also then, again, people then think because you try to cope in your way and be gregarious and outgoing and affable and friendly and all this stuff that when you get upset that there's something wrong with you, that someone's having a breakdown. And you get what I'm saying? Because you have to either be you have to either be in life sad all the time.

or happy all the time, I guess, right? Because if you show two, then it's like, oh, this person is fake then. Because, yeah, of course, like you said, some of it is just coping and putting on. We all do it in our own way. Like I told you, I might be able to compartmentalize it a little bit better than other folks, even including you. You do it better than I do.

But, yeah, you've been through so much shit. And, you know, it's like you're not allowed to have – Fun or be flirty or just try to cope with it in that way. But then you're also not allowed to get upset when people hurt you either. So it's really a hard box.

And then I'm penalized, penalized for when if I am. OK, well, let's just like I'm not going to. Well, one. one thing that I feel like I got penalized a lot with is, it's really hard. Like, I'm the type of person, I'm gonna avoid it. I've told everyone, I'm gonna avoid it. So if we get into a massive argument, I am not the first, like, in one hour, ready to talk to you.

Which I hate, yeah.

I'm just not. Maybe not even the next day. And I'm certainly not going to talk to you if you don't reach out to me, but you reach out to producers, and a producer says, well, so-and-so wants to film with you tomorrow to talk about her screaming at you in front of your brother. And I'm like... She can call, and look, and that's not, we are on a show. So that's not wrong of her, right?

But it feels like, and this is where I mess up, it feels unnatural. I'm like, I actually got offended. So I would at least appreciate like a, you asked me first and then we're like, okay, look, let's, but then that's not a reality TV show, right? And then the audience get mad because they're like, oh, they made off off camera and then they have to make up.

But it's just when things feel real, I can't, I want you to reach out to me directly. And sometimes I need like 48 hours to cool off.

But in reality TV world, that doesn't work because we're on schedules, we're on whatever. And they're like, okay, so tomorrow you guys are going to talk about it and you make up then. And I'm like, but I don't want to. I'm still mad. It takes me like a couple days to chill out. But I don't have the luxury of that because we're filming for a set period of time. So for an avoidant...

Reality TV is not – you're not – it's very – Yeah, and you're – that's the thing.

You're having a hard time like – Reality versus reality. Working that out for you. And again, even with like the comments, like all this stuff – and I know you're not fixated on them, but I'm just saying like I see that you're hurt by a lot of this stuff. Of course.

Under spotlights.

I'm hurt by every comment. I adore and respect and I think people like Kim Kardashian are like bulletproof and they should run the CIA because for me, I read a comment – And it hurts. And I don't care. People can say they're nothing. They're a peasant. They're a troll behind their – living in their mother's basement and God knows where, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't matter to me.

Yeah. I mean, figuratively or literally now, having people kind of analyze me or whatnot.

When someone says something mean, I do read it and it does hurt my feelings. It does. And it upsets me. And it upsets – yeah, and it upsets my day and has a massive effect. And maybe that's the reason why I shouldn't be doing it because I'm not this –

hardened princess that just wants it so bad and just wants to be on Bravo and wants to do these things and, like, I'm willing to take bullet after bullet from even small BB guns. I'm not. I'm a sensitive person, actually.

Some people don't give a shit.

Some people don't give a shit, and I wish I was like that. I wish I was like that.

Well, that's why I think it's hard. That's why I tell you not to do it. I know. I think it really takes a toll on you because you really do care, and other people you meet in life don't. Again, I'm not saying you're – I wish I was like that. They're badasses. And, again, I don't know exactly – Yeah. A lot of it, though, in life is about you just like what I told you before.

Also, like sometimes you got to toughen up or I do think sometimes you chose to do this, too. So it's always that thing, too.

It's like it was my choice. I made my bed.

Yeah. And, you know, so I'm like, I'm worried that you're going to make the choice again to do this thing, even though I tell you not to. Because you you keep like, yeah, yeah. But I think I don't know. So I don't want you to get addicted to, you know, proving something like a gambler, you know, like they keep losing, but they get addicted to the loss, too. So, yeah. Yeah.

Why you did the show?

I just hope you figure it.

the hell out so I'm thinking that I want to host a contest because okay wait why do you think we're both single?

I mean, you're single because, I mean, for the same reason.

I'm interested in this.

No, I think you did the show because you... How do I say it? I mean, I think you did the show because you thought it would be a good opportunity. Yeah.

No, I think because of our past trauma. Yeah, childhood. I think that's why. I think it's hard for us to make commitments to people. I think we assume the worst is going to happen. Yeah. That nothing we want is going to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm trying to fight all that stuff, but yeah. And I also think I'm a very difficult person to deal with, like, long term. I mean, I'm like you, people are like, oh, you know, he's blah, blah, blah. But, you know, I used to be different too, obviously, right? But, like, even now, I like to be left alone, and I don't like putting up with people's shit, as you know.

So I just think I'm, I think I'm, like, low-key can be an asshole sometimes, you know?

I don't think you're an asshole, Ramali. And I think that what I have some sort of – I have a little bit of, like, an interest now when I think about it. Not like, oh, who does my brother marry or who does my brother end up with, but how it affects me, right, because it all comes back to me.

Which is why I never introduce anyone to you.

But this is my future sister-in-law, someone I'm going to have to spend time with, someone I'm going to be an aunt to. So she can't be, like, a bitch and she can't be, like, boring. Well, maybe boring, but – Maybe I should have a contest and, like – I could find you a wife by having a contest bike. Who wants to be my next sister-in-law?

Sure. I mean, it takes work off my plate to find me a wife. I don't care. I mean, I don't have a ton of requirements. What are your requirements? It sounds nuts. I just want someone who has their own life and then we can come together and share life as well. But I can't – I cannot be like – sorry, I didn't think about this shit. But I just can't – I just have to have someone who's not –

For yourself, and I think you were... There's got to be something there, because I used to watch reality TV and be like, I love watching it, but you have to be fucking crazy to go on. And then I did it, and I was like... Well, yeah, think about, though, you...

Someone who's really independent, you know, who does their own stuff. Same. I like independent. Because I am too. We grew up that way. Yeah, hyper independent. I need my own space and time. And I need someone to know that that doesn't mean I don't love them. I need her to know that I still am going to be there. And I can just, like, show up and be there.

But I also need some time to, like, fuck off and do my own shit once in a while. And not in, like, in a bad, shady way. But just, like, I need some alone time or space. I really... I like... I like... I like just being alone and thinking about shit. I don't always need to be... You know me. Yeah, yeah. I literally just tried to get out of... You're introverted.

I'm trying to get out of... Yeah, I'm trying to get out of everything at all times.

You're trying to leave here immediately.

And I am. And I have to try my hardest to... pretend that this stuff that I'd like to do stuff often. But as you know, you know me. Yeah. I don't. And you're really good about it. So anyway, someone who can put up with my neuroticism, my eccentricities, and hopefully see some value in like me being a moderately intelligent person.

You're hyper intelligent. I know your IQ. Who is your favorite? So we talked about your, what I would like in my family. future sister-in-law out of my past boyfriends who was your favorite?

you know the answer to this good yeah of course I mean there's not even a question yeah are you and Gideon still friends? yes we're friends we talk once a month what do you guys talk about? well you know a lot of I mean a lot of shit really Gideon and I talked for four hours like a month ago because that's the thing I told Gideon we can only talk what did I do a month ago?

No, I mean, a lot of it, again, I mean, a lot of it is, you know, worried about you and shit with, you know, how this season affected you. Right. That was a big concern. Yeah. And, you know, Gideon is concerned about that shit, too. And I actually told Gideon he called me and he's like, I don't know what he said, you know, started with mate or whatever. You know, I love Gideon.

But I was like, I don't know you. Get on the phone and call her. I told her, whenever people reach out to me about you, I'm like...

fucking call her I don't like you know I used to do this with you with with grandma too grandma would call me when you were gone and I was in South Bend right and grandma would be like all parents do that though they call the one yeah but I'm saying it was like where's Brynn what's Brynn I'm like you know like even I shouldn't but even with grandma I was like call her I don't why are why am I the intermediary like I don't know what do you want me to do you know so I yeah I talked to Gid we try not to talk about you a ton and I told you this too though like do you try hard or is it does it come naturally

liked reality tv but if you remember i was telling you for a long time like back in the l a days that you should be in front of the camera you were working at rpr you're working at edelman and i couldn't comprehend why you were doing the other shit And I would tell you, like, be a YouTuber. Like, this is when YouTube was. Yeah, yeah, I remember. Right?

I don't know what it comes—I just—I think Gideon, you know, obviously cares about you a lot. And I think, you know, you guys have an insane relationship, you know, in terms of, like, the complication and how interesting it is to me. And, like, when people ask me to define it, I was like, I don't know. But, yeah, I love Gideon. I love him, too.

I've never said a bad word about him because I think he's— He's the best guy in the world. He's a really nice person.

Which is, too—which is why people are like, what is the—whatever. And I don't need to explain anything to anyone. Yeah. What it is to me is I just don't feel, aside from you in this world, there's no other man that I feel, aside from you, who has my back. So I'm just not in a position to throw people away who love me as much as family. I'm just not. I don't have an extended family.

We don't have a big extended family. We have each other. That's pretty much it. We have our nieces. And so that's it. So when when you've been doing that for years and that's why I'm friends honestly with a lot of my exes and their families and I still get birthday cards from their moms and if they're in lunch in town we have lunch because I see it in their eyes. These people love me.

I'm not in the position of like a maternal or paternal or someone that's like I'm not in position to be like sorry the romantic.

situation ended so I can never talk to you anymore for the rest of my life and no if everyone's comfortable as long as you're not married or it's inappropriate or someone's feelings are getting hurt but if it's just like hey there's a mutual respect there's a friendship and there's so much like honor and love for what we did have again I'm just not in a position to throw out like good people like salt of the earth people I won't I don't care if you think it's weird because I fucked them in the ass like

I don't care. He's a great guy. And I want the best for him. And if he has us happily ever after, I would be happy for him. One day if we have kids together, I'll be happy for both of us. I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller, but I just want the best for everyone. And I'm not going to let people think I'm like, I'm not throwing away amazing quality people. There's few in this world.

Since I was little, I can't remember a time when you didn't make me feel like you didn't care about me. I was actually thinking about this. I think you taught me manifestation. I remember we were driving in the blue car, in the Cadillac. No, not the Cadillac. Chevy Cavalier. Chevy Cavalier. Yeah. I think we were probably like, I was like five or six. Yeah, man. So you were seven or eight.

And we were driving the shitty car, and I remember it was freezing cold out, dead of winter. And grandma would not put the heat on because it would heat gas up. And we never had more than a quarter tank of gas, or we were always putting $3 in or $5 in. So I remember we were driving home, and it was freezing in the car, and she wouldn't put the heat on, so we were freezing in the back seat.

And I remember you told me, you were like, just close your – when? Because you couldn't really pronounce your Vs. It was super cute.

That's wrong. It was R's.

Buen. You would say Buen. You're Buen's brother.

Buen.

Yeah.

Bogo King.

Bogo King.

Yeah. Gwema. I had to fix that speech impediment.

Yeah. Gwema, let's go to Bogo King.

Because I was schooling people out on the recess in basketball, but then they were going to send me to a speech therapist, remember?

And you were really kind of anti that for some reason.

Yeah.

So I was like, yeah, that's not going to work. But I'm like- Burger King.

I eat burgers at Burger King.

I'd be in the mirror and I'd be like, waffle, waffle. But real quick, this is stupid, but this is a really funny story. I remember I went to the first day, and she was showing me pictures, and it was like sky and sun and all this S-word shit.

Yeah, the speech therapist. And she's like, huh. I was nailing all the S-words, right? And she looks at me. I swear to God on grandma. She goes, oh, you must be the R-boy. Oh.

Yeah, I thought it was so trashy. I thought, like, the dumbest people were influencers and creators. And I think because I had to work with all of them. And I just thought it was all bullshit. So I just thought reality TV, influencers, creators, any of this. I was, like, the average person that's, like, okay, Kardashian. You know what I'm saying? Like, I enjoy the content.

God, it sounds a little racist also.

And I was like... That's funny. And I was like... That's funny. And I was like... I was like, yeah, I'm the R boy. But like, yeah, she called me the R boy. Damn. Wild, right? Anyway, sorry.

Okay, and if I remember driving in the car, freezing, being so cold, because maybe we wouldn't put the heater on for gas, and you're like...

when you're just just imagine sorry i'm sorry sorry bright so you're like bread and you're manly eight-year-old ways i wasn't that i was just like when like you were you're so you're the sweetest go ahead though cut to a picture of us as kids with our little froze that's so cute but you were like you were like just think that think of just close your eyes and just think of it really really warm and think actually you're so hot you're so hot that you're so hot that you can't feel the cold

And I remember then I did it and I was like, no, I'm not cold. I'm really hot. It's so warm in here. I'm like sweating. It's so hot. To this day, if I'm walking in New York like I was earlier and it's like freezing and I feel like I'm getting my face ripped off, I literally think like – and it's like I'm cold. I just think, no, I'm not. I'm warm. It is so warm outside. And I literally feel warm.

So I think you taught me manifestation as a child.

I just think – I told you.

In between your speech impediments.

I always think it's cool when you or anyone else tell me stuff that you remember that I said. But I do remember, too, like I thought about this. I think I told you. I mean, my whole life has literally been about trying to get people to be positive. Like, think about it. Like, with our trial and shit, I thought you were going to bring up that one when I was like...

Oh, a quarter penny for good luck.

Yeah, like all this shit, though. Like, I just think I've I think generally, like, I've always felt like I'm a really lucky person. And we've had a lot of shitty stuff happen to us. But yeah, I just I don't see the I don't see how it helps to, like, think negatively in life.

yeah no you're very positive and by the way thank god because that's not something i control right but i'm just glad that i think that way because it would suck to and you know we've talked about it before it sucks to constantly think everything shit and i can't imagine people who have to go through that yeah and anytime i can step into their shoes when i have a intrusive thought that won't leave me for 10 seconds i told you this before i'm like how the hell

Do people deal with that? And I don't do anything to control that. I just don't have them.

Yeah. That's the only difference. I think you're very empathetic with people that might.

Because I know how hard it has to be insane.

Yeah. I think, if anything, we had a pact. In a sense, like, maybe it was, like, a one way where you just were always, like, you're going to, like, take care of me.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think.

Because I remember I get made fun of for my beaver buck teeth or my hair at school. And you would, like, galvanize your friends and, like, make sure that everyone was always.

No one screws with people I care about. Yeah. And I think when I was young, I was the leader of the pack.

But I do also at the same time judge the people that would actually be willing to, like, go on a TV show and share their whole life and blow up their whole lives. I just thought they were idiots. I enjoyed it, but I thought they were idiots.

and you were very protective of me always and then too it's like I was a little bit of a tomboy believe it or not thank god grandma never took pictures we had grandma but grandma you know she was older and she was grandma and she was born in 1939 so I told you I think we kind of created our own little society grandma would go to work we'd be alone when we were

super young like hiding when people knocked on the door right because grab was like they're gonna take you away four years old yeah no i think that we kind of created our own humor and our own perspective and you know that's consequently we have a really easy way of communicating with each other we got shit that you know we're not good at either right for sure and shit we need to work on

And that's what I want people to know about you. But then additionally, yeah, it's difficult, I think, because you never know. It plays games with you. You never know how you're being perceived.

And then, of course, like the one thing you don't want to do, like I'm sitting here already and I'm thinking about like this idea of, you know, when you said the cast, the cast member that you that I most and I'm like, I'm not. But I don't mean that. I mean, like every everyone is fine in my book. I don't.

I think everyone – I think we have to give ourselves grace. We have to give other people grace. I think everyone is trying to figure it out. I think being thrown into this thing is so crazy and everyone is at different points in their lives. And you know what I always think as well? Is that like – I always say – I'm like, oh, I would never do this if I had kids or a husband.

I'm just like not doing anything else. I'm like I'd never – I'm like these people are risking – That level is something I don't deal with, right? While I consider and be like, poor me, after you all yelled at me in an all-cast, I go home and sit by myself and that's hard. Like, have a little grace.

At the same time, you've taught me since we were little, since back in the car, but you've taught me and kept reminding me, especially this season, is just the importance of being positive. Even when you don't feel positive, even when you don't see positivity around you, but to always try to remember that, like,

Right, and now you're – but now that's part of the struggle of this whole experience for you because you had that other side and that other experience. Yeah. And now in this world where you're on the other side of it, you still, again, number one, you pull back to that. Right, right, right.

being positive is like the first step of, of getting to there, like just acknowledging that it's there and, and you don't have to necessarily feel it at that moment. And, and that it, it too will pass. You told me a lot of times, it's like grandma, when we were little, remember I would, get a cut, or fall off my bike, and she would say, don't worry, it'll be healed by the time you get married.

Maybe that's why I'm so messed up, because everything, I'd get like, fail something, or strike out, and softball, and she'd be like, you won't feel this, by the day you get married, you won't even remember this. So now I think, I'm still not married, maybe I'm remembering it all.

It'll be fine by the time you're married.

But it's all about, you told me that too, just stay positive throughout this whole process. And it's going to go over. It's going to blow over. And something else will happen or another show will launch and people will move on and da-da-da-da. And you're right. And it did. And I feel completely different than how I felt a few months ago.

It's never as bad or good as it seems in life.

It's never as bad or good as it seems.

Yeah.

I remember back in the day when you told me when I was breaking – or when Gideon and I – I put the pictures with the ring up and everything. I remember I was like not –

telling people that I called off the engagement because I didn't want to deal with... I was like, I put it on Instagram and I told everybody, like my hairstylist, the people I work with, all these people and they're going to... I look stupid at this point because everyone loves someone who's not to love.

And I remember after ranting for eight hours, I remember sitting in my car, I was parked in LA, you said to me, you go, I love you, but no offense, you're not Kim Kardashian. You go...

Well, first of all, time out. I did not say you're not convinced. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Bullshit, because I don't know those. I certainly did not know who she was.

You said, no offense, you're literally not important. And no one is thinking about you. And I tell it, no one is thinking about you to the extent that you think that they are. They're like, maybe you'll take it down. Like, oh, Britt and Gideon broke up. But you're like, but then they're going on to their next stuff. And you reminded me of that this year, too.

Like, while it stings for a minute, it's not... So anything further than that initial little sting is just me and my anxiety and keeping it at forefront. Whereas like, no offense, but like people aren't thinking about me or me all the time.

The more you can, yeah. I believe, like I said, I believe people overcomplicate their reality. I told you that recently. They create complication in spots where I don't think it is super complicated. It can be in business decisions. It can be in life and personal decisions. But again, I also just think, and I tell you all the time now, whenever you're talking about X, Y, or Z,

talking about something in the past that was negative i don't do it in like an aggressive way but i keep telling you but now you've solved it and yeah you do the time you're like yeah okay thank you again for coming on the pod you're welcome thank you for having me i appreciate it i love you very much and uh yeah onward and upwards

You know, you think about it with like everything that you, because you kind of want to be in control of all this stuff. So you've got like the business side of it. And then now you're also on the other side of it. So it's hard for you, I think, because I think a lot of folks don't have to do that. They've never had that experience on the other side. So they only know this side of it.

Right, and there's pros and cons. And, like, the pro is that I can redline my own contract for a partnership deal. The con is that I'm accused by my castmates of trying to produce a show.

Well, two things, though. Well, number one, well, first of all, just because the only reason I really wanted to come here is just to say one thing. It's like all the – well, you'll like this. All the comments about, like, your work and what you did – eyes your older brother for twenty years starting with your work in dc edelman reagan uh... uh... los angeles back-and-forth u.n

I've had to help you navigate all of those experiences, correct? And you've struggled and you've grinded. I was thinking about this in the shower. We came from absolute shit. We had a grandma who loved us, but we've never had anyone help us with a down payment.

Anything. How to manage finances. How to do anything. So... I mean, it's a wild thing that people can go on and because you're fun and you're pretty and people like you and then say somehow that you've never worked. What did you do? People have known you since you were 38 or 39 years old. You were doing two decades. That's funny. You've been doing. That makes me 23 because I look younger than you.

You've been doing work. And a bunch of hard bullshit work and grinding and struggling for two decades straight.

I know.

And I've helped you with some of it, with pitch decks for Johnson & Johnson.

You've helped me with pitch decks behind the scenes. So when you get the show. You help me all the time. You lent me $2,300 to buy my first car so I could do a massive.

I thought it was $4,300.

No, no, no. It was a Mitsubishi Mirage.

Yeah.

And I was working at Edelman. I was only making $32,000 a year, living between two 99-cent stores because I had to.

On Orange Street.

Yep. Because I couldn't. I had to live near the office, and then I got a new job opportunity where I kind of basically lied on my resume.

Now today we have the most special guest, most special guest to me, probably the most important person in my life, and someone who actually is like by birth contractually obligated to like me because I'm his little sister.

In the Valley, yeah, that I helped you negotiate.

That you helped me negotiate, and the salary jump was 3X. It was my first big salary jump, and I didn't want to – I was scared I didn't want to do it, and I couldn't even have a car, and you lent me the money to buy the car.

And then when the car broke down, you would drop me off at my job in L.A. and take it to the Valley to go work at that firm.

And then during lunch, we'd come back and swap and do all these things.

Yeah, so it's just like, to me, you know, I just think it's wild when people... I get it, though, because... Reality stuff is produced and whatnot, and it's a show.

And they didn't show me working once.

They filmed me once, and they were like, this is boring, because it was me literally just on my computer on a Zoom call, and then all my clients, my skincare clients, the brands you buy at CVS, they're like, oh, sorry, honey, so sweet, but no, we don't want to be on a show, because they didn't know what the show was, and it's reality TV, and these are proper brands that sponsor the Olympics. Yes.

So they don't want to be associated with or. Yeah. And I don't blame them, but I can't help it if the show doesn't show me working.

Yeah. And not and not only that, though, like in terms of like flirting with like size chef in terms of me showing up at 10 o'clock at night at one of your one of your public relation firms. I don't I don't want to name names or whatever because, you know, whatever. But when you when I show up and it'd be nine thirty or ten o'clock and you're.

on Broadway or whatever in the 10th floor working at whatever office you worked at and you're on your spreadsheets and shit or when you're making the pitch decks to go after these big brands that I helped you with like not only did you work but how efficient and good you are at working is insane so again

For people to not understand that part of you and to know how much work you had to put in and literally only take this show because you were suddenly in the midst of this like in between in life. Right. You had left another tech startup. Right. Yeah. And then you take this show. And then since you took the show, it became overwhelming in terms of like your time.

So you weren't able to focus on all the work you had put in. In your career, right? Yeah. So yeah, like what have you been doing since the show started? You've cut back on all your hours, right?

Yeah, because I was filming a TV show, so I had to get a consultant.

And again, it's something you've never done.

But also I didn't need to because when the show found me, I was in a position where I was taking a break for the first time in my life.

Yeah, and like as you know, and we never – I don't do this because I want everyone to be happy and I wish the best for everyone.

I've never claimed to have a shit ton of money. I've never been like, I'm a billionaire. Here's my Rolex. Here's my whatever. I'm like, look how small my diamond is compared to Jenna Lyons. I'm like, here's my rental apartment, one bedroom, where in Domino Magazine you see a clothing rack in the bedroom. I've never claimed to be a millionaire.

I just claim to like – I'm sorry that I'm a female who's 38, which by the way, if you're 38, you should probably have your shit together with your finances remotely. Right. People are freaking out, especially old white men like Jeff Lewis, because I can pay my bills on time. I'm not claiming to be rich. I live in New York.

I'm lucky and I'm blessed.

And I just have rich friends because everyone in New York is rich.

We laughed when we saw your net worth online when you started this whole thing. Yeah, I was like, I wish. You see other celebrities.

But also, I'm not going to correct it.

Yeah, but also, I mean, like you said before, you've been in circles with people who do have influence. That's been your life. You've been in L.A. You've been in New York. Not trying to climb social letters. It's just who you are. On the way in here, we talked about the first time you came to New York, right? Yeah.

And you said you were just enamored and fascinated by the culture, the lifestyle, and it's like the feel and sense of this city.

I was on a Chinatown bus.

Yeah, on a bus, right.

And I came around in the New Jersey Turnpike, and I saw the skyline, and I was like, my eyes just lit up, and I was like, this is it.

I love it. I want it. And to think that that's part of your dream, and it's like a Great Gatsby type thing, right, where you want to be part of those circles and stuff, but not at some... Not at the risk of like – Not at the expense of my own integrity or anything like that. That's exactly it.

Two people from Indiana and the conversations we have and the shit that we talk about and like how down to earth you are. For people to say that kind of shit about my older sister is part of my French – Younger sister.

You think Freudian slip.

Well, either though, right? Yeah. I'll just say it nicely. It's wild. Yeah. Because, you know, I have to always realize.

What's the weirdest thing that you've seen? Like, because I know especially last season, I just didn't care. People were always telling me, oh, my God, everyone's, like, loving you and this and that. And, like, I was like, that's great. But, like, one thing I – someone gave me really good advice before I started all this. And they were like, don't feel the good and don't feel the bad.

When they like you, don't soak it up and let it go to your head. Well, you suck at that. And when they hate it, don't.

That's what you're struggling with the most.

Hey everyone.

No, but I didn't suck it up when people liked me. I just, like, for the rest of my life, I'm like, yeah, I know. People have always liked me. I can – people like me in life because I'm not an asshole. I'm not a bad person. I don't think bad thoughts of you. I'm not perfect. But I've never had people not like me.

Well, that also – but I was going to say – Some people, but like – Number one, like, we're obviously –

crazy like low-key but again another thing that we've always been very um like thoughtful about is not making claims about people and their their mental health as an example when you don't know them right so like i think because the question you were asking me is like what's the i mean the thing to me that's the most horrible thing you've seen about me on reddit

I'm thrilled. You have no idea.

Well, I just don't like this notion that because... You told me to stay off the internet. I told you to stay off everything, but I just... What I'm saying, like, this is what, like... It looks like someone who needs help or something. Yeah, we all need help, number one. But you're not some, like... You know, you're not some... Yeah.

Yeah, you went through a lot this season based on a bunch of different stuff, and it was really hard on you. But I was the one on the phone with you for hours and hours after each of these different things, and you just – you need – support from people who know you and care about you. And I was going to tell you this before, and I told you this before.

Like, everyone in your life who was in your life before doesn't think any worse of you now.

I think it's interesting. I love podcasts. I'm not anti-podcast, so.

Yeah.

If anything, everyone's... They've all rallied behind you because they know who you... Everyone is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the craziest thing.

People I haven't heard from in years, they're like, what the fuck is that?

They know who you really are.

They're like, dude, I've known you for 20 years.

Every name... That's bullshit. Again, because, you know, private in life, but every name of the people we know, people we talked about in the car ride over who you're on boats with and... Yeah. And, you know, everyone, everyone still loves you just the same. And they know who you still are. That's not to say you didn't struggle severely.

Yeah.

About with all this stuff.

It's also to say that I didn't fuck up and I'm not like that. I was like, I was totally like, oh, my God.

It's not what was me because, you know, I'm super critical of.

You're very critical of me.

Of every... Not just you, but of us as a family unit. Because you brought up this idea to me of what did I think when you told me originally you were going to do the show. Yeah. And you were with Gideon, right? And remember what you told me. You're like, I promise I won't... I was scared to call you.

So I... When I got... When I got the cast on the show, I only did three Zoom interviews. I never went in person. Everyone said, oh, no, no, no. You have to meet. You have to go into 30 Rock. That's a must. You have to audition properly. You have to meet Andy in person or at least via Zoom. All these sort of things. I had a 10-minute Zoom. Then I had a one-hour recorded Zoom.

It was okay. Parts of it were interesting and other parts were good, too.

Then I had a 30-minute Zoom. Then I got a call the next day. It's like, hi, we'd like you to be on the show. I was like, you're joking. Don't you want to meet me in person? What if I'm catfishing you? No, no, no. We saw enough. Like, let's go. And I was like, I have to think about it. I don't know. It happened so quickly.

And then I remember when I decided to do it, I remember I was bawling crying when I signed the contract. I was like, I don't know what I'm doing right now, but I know it's going to lead me to success. other things that it's just, it's gotta be another chapter, right?

And it's interesting.

It's interesting. And it has been interesting. It has been fun. It has brought me amazing opportunities, but you were the second person. Yeah. Gideon was in New York. I told Gideon, I signed the contract in front of Gideon. Then we went up Upper East Side to like that Jean George restaurant. We're sitting outside and off of Madison and we called you.

And I remember I hadn't even told you that I was interviewing. I called you and I was like, so, I had like two glasses of wine. I was like, so, I'm going to do something. I got a new job. And then it was a bunch of disclaimers. It was like, I promise that. Like, I'm not going to book everything out. I promise I'm not going to embarrass you. I promise I won't do anything crazy.

When I make dick jokes?

Did you think I was going to like say like, I'm going to pose for Playboy? Because the way that I really sold it in was very like, duh, duh, duh.

I know your jokes and shit, but I know you wouldn't do that kind of stuff. So, I mean, I trusted you. Again, I'm just always worried about, or when you told me, I'm just literally only worried about Like what it's going to – what effect or what toll it will take on you. Right. I don't know any of that world, as you know, and I still don't other than literally your episodes.

Yeah, I just, you know, I've been, you know, I know the shtick. I know the brand, so I've got it. You think I'm doing a shtick? Well, I hope.