Dave Masterman

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welcome to significant productions it says above the door of the office this is your last chance to escape if you've got an orthodox mind what the heck

Inside, there was an elite-level meeting taking place between the company's two chief originality whirlwinds, John Robbins and Dave Masterman.

I couldn't be there because I had to take my son to Little Dolphin Swimming Club, which John said was for the best because my cognitive abilities had gone into managed decline.

It was great running a company with your best friends.

What about initiative symposium, said John, reclining in his chair.

I like the word symposium.

It sounds better than a convention or a meeting.

It was two minutes into the latest significant productions meeting and tensions over a simple definition were already running high.

What's actually happening?

Well, in audio these days, the word for meetings actually gab Fester a solution Congress and Dave slipping into his dungarees after emerging from the office cryo chamber, which was there to boost creativity.

The label on the communal office creatine had been crossed out and replaced with creativity, which...

which didn't quite work but John said there's no such thing as a bad idea apart from my idea for a health podcast it was late but Dave and John were trying to work out how best to capitalise on the fact that they booked the Royal Albert Hall for a gig without telling me and the fact that my wife was on the next series of Taskmaster

How could they introduce the show to a new audience?

An impressive silence hung in the air as they both pondered, each using their own time-honoured personal tricks to stimulate the creative juices.

Dave, by now, was adding Himalayan rock salt to his coffee to try and encourage new ideas, and like all media moguls, John was relaxing with an absolutely massive spliff.

Since he'd quit the booze, he'd found that big daily talks of Mary Jane allowed him to come up with lots of great stuff.

But as a consequence, the Sportage glove box was full of Kit Kats and he was too anxious to do stand-up.