David Spade
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
That is funny that you're just enraged. You're not kind of bothered or a little bugged. You're just furious is funny.
Is he on a couch publicly or is he in a bedroom with the door closed?
A female friend. With a female friend. Here's what you tell your husband to say, which will make it slightly funny and less annoying. Oh, Eliza, I'm going to take to my bed.
Kind of a street weirdo guy. Excuse me? Anthony Hopkins was my dad.
There's a controversy about, there was a big thing that happened between Eliza and David. And we talk about that. And we talk about what she wears on stage, her marriage. It's a fun episode. I really enjoyed talking with Eliza.
Yes. It was an unhoused hobo. I got to hang out with Sir Anthony Hopkins or Tony. But the last day there, I just said, see you, Hoppy. But anyway, we're close. That was a thrill being with him. You know, just couldn't imagine anything more fun.
Creeping around this mansion in upstate New York and terrorizing Bridget Fonda.
Yes, and it is haunted, right?
Really?
Yeah. M-O-H-O-N. Didn't we do a SNL retreat there?
Yeah, you could have played the junior high girl with the ponytail. What's up?
I have, yeah. She goes to the comedy store. She works, man. She's a hard worker.
If you had to guess next Halloween, what would your child go as you think? Would it be Spider-Man?
Three, four, five Halloween rocks. I mean, Halloween is for that age.
The cute kids, twit, cut, tweet, you know. And then the 15-year-old high school dude, could I get some candy?
John Belushi hated women. Yeah. Yeah. He's like famous for quoting. That's a good start. I like pizza. I like movies. And I hate women. Why?
Oh, I think it's true.
I saw him live, but I met him when he was 13.
Bus boy waiter at the Holiday Inn, bringing Michael Jackson and all the Jackson family dinner. Fruit Loops. At a Holiday Inn? Holiday Inn, which was near a regional theater called the Circle Star Theater, 3,000 in the round. The Jackson 5 was playing there in 75. I was a bus boy waiter there. room service guy. And so I got to know him a little bit. I always brought him raw carrots.
Oh, really? Quotes follow forever. Have you ever been like, you read something and Eliza said this and it's completely made up? Obviously you have.
I gave him carrots and left. Also, Little Richard, I waited on him. He answered the door naked. That's true. What city is this? This is San Carlos, California.
Who would be the person you'd most want to meet right now? Like a famous person. Like Taylor Swift. You met her. I'm just throwing it out. Okay. Most famous person.
I see.
And that's very unique and kind of weird. Well put. Kind of sad.
For me, was it was it as him on SNL or him?
Yeah.
he did that character in a special, I think he did a special where he played all these characters at a house somewhere or something. And I remember it standing out. He's like really in the pocket with that character. And then he did the movie. Yeah.
It sounds like a joke.
Yeah.
It's very interesting when you get an out of the blue compliment because if you're just slumping around on a Sunday afternoon or something, and I think you totally forget that you're on TV kind of, at least intellectually. Yeah. And then all of a sudden somebody goes, I love you, man. And then walks away like, oh, thanks.
And that's kind of nice. They don't want anything.
What about the people that you have a professional photo? Let's take a photo like it's my idea. Let's take it.
I've never had anyone say no. I don't relate to it.
I don't want to waste it.
I have a, I have a question about phones and no one's ever answered this to me. Like they make these giant, you know, library book size phones and you know, all that. Could I get a second phone that was tiny that I could just talk on that has the same number?
If you're just around town, you could have like this really light phone with the same number and still have this when you want to go show people videos. Come on, Tim Cook. Get your ass.
This is being recorded. This is me with Eliza.
When I first met David, he had a burner phone. I go, what's that for?
Yeah.
Three performative flex is another possible special for you. Yeah, with three X's. So six specials. Oh, yeah. In a pretty short, well, I guess they would spread them out, but it's a lot of specials. It was in one year. It was in one year. We did two every, two a month. Do you know when you show up what you're going to wear? Because I never know until like 10 minutes before.
I guess I'll wear this shirt. Oh, on your special, you mean? Yeah, on your special.
No, no. You're right. That is a very funny observation.
I'm going to defend Encino right here. The first house I ever bought was Encino. And I would go over the Mulholland Hill into the hella Hollywood, Hollywood party. Who loves you? Go back to the country. I'm defending. I'm going on record defending Encino. I like Encino.
Well, I saw a clip of you. Well, you were wearing it was kind of black. And then there was sort of you were hip flexors were were exposed. Excuse me. Yeah. And it was it was kind of a cool look, you know, I mean. It's very cool. I don't, I just buy- Sounds a bit revealing. I'm trying to be invisible. You know, I have like- I'm a bit of a prude. I have 50 black t-shirts.
I didn't know what I was going to wear. What is the title of it, David?
Yeah.
It's on the flats, but you want to be south of Ventura. You don't want to be in the crime-ridden areas, although they have their advantages and fun, too.
Ms. Schellsinger. Schellsinger. There you go. Ms. Eliza Schellsinger.
I was introduced to Dana Garney a lot. Dana Garney. This next comedian is kind of funny. Dana Garney? It's just reading off a piece of paper. Dana, D-A-N-A, and then they just, the V became an N or something. Dana Garney, ladies and gentlemen.
Let us see if we can guess the title. What was the idea of the show?
A Different Animal, Amazon Prime, March 11th. We shot it in- Where?
Yeah.
Who does, what network was that on? How did I miss a 230 episode? It's like Friends.
I saw some of your stuff. I stopped.
I want to walk around with that attitude. You want to have sex with me. We both know it. We both want it.
But, yeah. Do women comedians who are photogenic, let's put it this way, attract the creep element more than the stud dudes, the men?
Oh, the one called Different Animal?
Yes. That's your next special.
I say, hear, hear. Yeah.
This is crazy. I totally get that. You know, the things that I saw, like if I had met John Cleese, uh, at a certain date, I still, Oh good. I want to wake up.
If you're in your form, I still, Say 6 to 12 or 13, 14, that time frame. Shows you watch, comedians you see. So we get it. But of course, you know now that we're just people who went to a club on a bet and then ended up on television. We get it. Can you kind of emotionally or mentally touch your fame and how much accolades and money you're making doing this? Or is it still a little bit surreal?
You're pretty young. Yeah.
And we get to talk to her just about her process. And I love that word, her process. Tell me about your process. She's someone who went to her first open mic and then was a headliner in clubs within three years, which is not easy to do.
Where are you at on the disciplines? Because we've met different people on this podcast who really do workshop, like Nikki Glaser, Jim Gaffigan, It's an amazing thing. How effortless was or how hard was it for you to get a position on Stand Up Mountain? Did it come quickly or was it a grind?
Wow. That's fantastic.
Do you record always, or do you just go and do it? Do you remember it? It's hard to remember for me.
So I tend to, I can't.
And so I've already started different animal.
Not regular.
You know, this is kind of, this is inside baseball. I love that phrase. But sometimes when you're trying to bid, your setup just happens to be perfect.
Took me a lot longer than that. Took me three years to learn how to hold the mic.
That's smart.
No. So she had a killer hour and 36 months of standup. She has a cool name. We talk about how people just, you know, like I was always, instead of Dana Carvey, it was Dana Garney. Horrible introductions early on in your career. Yours was. Oh, I gave her, I gave her a bad introduction too.
Right.
But yes, that sounds like classic buffoonery.
12 and i think we're going to show them tommy boy okay it's the 30th anniversary i heard uh maybe 20 that's a bummer when you i heard it's the 15th actually it just came out y'all i would never say anything higher than 15 that sounds sickening i don't know i can't believe i've been around 30 years do anything like oh gross
Thank you, buddy. Look at this. New sweater on trying to zhuzh it up for you.
Well, if he doesn't have the oomph, we don't want him.
You know, sometimes they take that out of when it's on TV and stuff. And I never knew that. And I'm like, oh, there's a couple of things they just pull out of movies where you're like, oh.
So some people never see that part.
Let's put in... I have been pitched Tommy Boy 2, and I'm telling you... I always go, you have heard the news about Farley? And they're like, yeah, but it would still, and I'm like, it would still be what?
It would still be what? I mean, you don't think that was 99% of them. They're like, it's about, and I'm like, oh, just a good solid break pad movie?
How do you say it? Dana?
All right, go ahead. Running point. Now, I have heard it both ways, Ike. I think it's running point. And people say running point.
Because there is something when people go, you're going to run point on this job or whatever on this client. Right. So I call it running point. And no one else does. I call it, what's the point?
But you do some, you're part of putting it together or is this, You're executive producer with Mindy.
Picture if you will. Dracker Cologne.
Wally Cox from an old TV show, what?
You know, Wally Cox was on... Wally Cox was on... What did you say?
Eskabros. Eskimo Brothers. But Wally Cox was the bottom left square when I was a kid in Hollywood Squares. And I had no idea he was an Escobro with all these famous people. I just thought he and Paul Lynn were funny, you know, so.
Smells like pussy in here, I think.
You're like, this was all a pizza hunt?
And we couldn't find his pubes. Wow. So he couldn't go on that night.
And you know he's loaded up with something. Every other comment is racist and he just stares at them. And he doesn't say anything.
That's funny. Oh, by the way, Dana, on a side note, you don't have to listen. When I was golfing with Lovitz the other day, I burned him because we were on the green and he was blabbing away and I was walking the other side of the green. I go, oh, you're cutting out.
And I've never used it in real life before, but it was good with Lovitz because he goes, I take offense to that and I'm sorry about your attitude. And then, but it was funny to say he's cutting out real life. Laughed at my own joke. Then laughed at his. All right, go ahead. Back to this guy.
Basically the same thing. So you're doing sketches and you stayed there a long time though, right? Are you one of the longest?
They're fine.
Even if he only got three Oscars, that would be good.
Did you do that peppy tune?
Ignora is some disrespect, by the way.
It's a feel-bad movie this summer.
Was Dune 2 with the popes?
No anorexia popes.
Marcy.
Look at this shit.
Wait a second, it sounds like it's all stacked over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
These are the people you smoked?
That guy gets literally no press.
Don't say Opportunity Knox. Josie and the Pussycats. All the classics. No, I don't... Dave's not a movie guy. When I get on a movie, when I get on a flight, I have to have a TV in the back of that chair. And it just kills time. It's so great. So when I'm on a flight... They have new release. They have old ones. I always buzz through. I can't tell you the last one I saw.
But I will say, I don't think they can call Fern Gully a new release on Delta. Just shouting out. Legally, I don't think they can. And I do watch, I will watch almost anything on a plane because you're stuck. So, God, what did I watch last time? Maybe that Tom Cruise, Emily Blunt.
Edge of Tomorrow.
Love it.
Let me get you in this LeSabre.
I have a serious question for Ike before we get rid of him. Please. You were shooting the movie Blockers, which I think I just met your director recently. Oh, Kay Cannon. Super cool guy. He's also friends with Theo.
Maybe he wrote it. Or did you write it?
He's friends with Theo, pretending to be part of the film blockers, and he was on the set. But it says, because I have a bad neck, and you fucking did a stunt. You hurt your neck.
God, that's the worst. On a movie, too.
What dick joke were you doing where you fell?
Oh, that's good. That's more than I can do.
I've seen those chiropractors on TikTok, but most of the time the people fart on the ones I get, but those are funny too.
Oh, dogs are not used to getting cracked. It's so weird.
He's like this. And the gerbil's like, I was fine. By the way, who's complaining?
We haven't even had... Have we had Mindy on, Dana? We should have Mindy on. Love to have her on.
Let's book Mindy if possible.
Before they like the pranksters on TikTok, you have to give them some baseline.
Or they hit him with a ball in the head and then they both look around like, what happened? I'm like, beat that guy's ass.
I've seen when pranks go bad, I should send you one, Ike. It's Instagram where it goes wrong and they get the shit kicked out of them. It's great.
Yeah, and he's like, it's a prank. It's a prank. Who cares?
I've seen those too. Why would I be like, oh, you're not candid camera. You're some asshole.
I'm going to stop punching you in the face. Don't get me going, Ike.
Good job. On the record with that? Yeah.
Okay, it's 1223 Pacific Standard Time.
Get out of here that fast? Jesus.
Come on, Zoom. Put that thumb.
It doesn't do it when you really do it. Look, I got rain.
Yeah, you know, it costs a little more, but it's worth it. All right, Ike. Anything else, Danny?
whatever running away happy times was anything but bad moms more like bad movie yeah that's really clever come on they're so excited don't go for that such a delicious fun delicious
Yeah, Thoreau. Oh, he's always in the Hall of Fame, man. Beat you.
And you're smart.
Yeah, wet my beak a little bit. Yeah.
This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.
You were with Bobby Lee around then, too? Yeah. He's funny. I see him a lot.
Dude, I like that when I look at your impressions. When does Bo Bice impression come up these days? Not as much as before.
The off-label, obscure Carrie Underwood, right?
Beau Bice's typecast. Yeah.
It's like whoever that week, like go around the room. Can you cover this one? Can you, and you just have to work on some, something close.
I'm such a colossal puss when, when I do movies and they're like, or SNL even, but you hear about these people that are in makeup chair for nine hours a day. I'm like, well, what are you shooting? Like you shoot one half a scene and then go home and undo it all. Like you're only legally allowed to shoot so long and you get all this shit on to look like the blob.
And then you, for the penguin, I would just say, I'm going to sleep as a penguin guys.
But I, you know, so. He got enough good looking parts. Now he's, now he just won something for the penguins, so. I want to actually come up with a lit cigar at some point.
Well, I know you're, I know, I know you from your Raphael Palmaro. I like they bother putting that in your Wikipedia. What the hell is a Raphael Palmaro?
I know that Senator Lucknick, I have a huge jaw and forearms for no reason.
So they're watching the same sketch over and over again?
Okay. I don't know when this airs, but it's February 18th. It's called Lorne, the man who invented SNL.
After only eight episodes, we're going to do Best Ofs?
By the way, I don't know what time we have. How did you end up writing this book?
He had always told me, I would never write a book because I couldn't tell the truth. So in terms of like, you're writing this, and like, what do I include? You, Susan, what do I not include? Is this unflattering to Lauren, who I have affection for, and I think is seminal. And so when he was sharing with you, it was stories that you felt
We did a live podcast with him at David's house.
Mm-hmm.
Let's see. You know, you know, they didn't, they didn't know what to do with the lumber back in Canada in 1954. He has a lot of facts. The steel, the steel manufacturer didn't care for the lumber at all. Yeah. He is like this. And he made it one of his comedy films. Rhythms. He did it as Conehead. Conehead has a lot of that talk in it. Long, free consciousness kind of speeches.
DQ. Oh boy. Don't even mention. Oh, skits gets him going. It's kind of interesting to me. I'm just thinking out loud to myself is that because of his hallowed place and his Mount Rushmore, you know, thing that's been going on for the 50th, um, He had left for five years, did a lot of things, left SNL in 1980. None of them really landed. Comes back in 85, has a rough season. And then I meet him.
So it's part of his comedy.
Or so tonight. At nine o'clock, Chevy will be there. Chevy Chase? No, no, no. Chevy Wilson. One of the Pauls. You'll find with Susan, she's that thing of like, you know, she wants to please and yet she has an eagle eye. And she sees what others don't. Bill Hader is funny too. Bill Hader. Yeah. Bill has a great, Lauren, you have different, you just are very much very quiet.
You know, and... Come back with my show.
All right. Telling. Telling. Right. It's that thing of like, I never met anyone who talked like that, you know, but I do believe that that's what I'm kind of curious about. And so you, you went on this journey and it's not so much just like what makes Lauren tick, but it's sort of like, where's the, where's the marshmallow inside this, this veneer, you know?
Cause I think he wants to be one of the guys and he, I think he is very observant and wonders what people are thinking of him. and gets easily wounded in a way, but he's also so resilient. I mean, he's Trumpian in just that way, which we probably talked about. Just keeping the show consistent, now 50 years, we have data now, a fucking half century. Where did this guy come from? Who is he?
Will that be answered when I buy the book?
So probably in this whole 50 years, that was, would it be a Nate? I went to state school, his Nader or something.
I always thought it was people who started out in comedy and just saw that it wasn't going to happen for them, and then they became a writer or a director or a producer. It's a more consistent job. I did not realize when I was on Saturday Night Live that every single writer essentially wanted to be in front of the camera. I didn't realize that.
Robert Smigel, they all want to be, they all want to be, trust me. Conan. I love that kind of Lauren, you know, well, do you think Michael B here is visiting? It's not very far from the bleachers to where the cameras are. He has so many sayings. It's a little short walk. Yeah, that's funny. But when you do Lorne, you get to kind of inhabit Lorne.
And I do think because the show is magnificent chaos, that's also part of his methodology. He'll be the calm. Was anybody angry?
I don't know if I still do. I think so. Yeah, I do. Yeah, Lorne, he wants to be in the loop. He did not produce the Conan Tonight Show, right, for some reason?
I think in the end of the day, and there's been even current things that I won't mention with different people, that's important to Lauren. And maybe it's how he reacts to other people in his life. You show respect. You want to give Lauren the chance to say, I think you should do it without me. If you started with him and he gave you your break, then you do kind of have that feeling.
Louis C.K. I hired as my head writer. No, Louis Anderson. A. Whitney Brown was not writing for it.
Louis Anderson and Whitney Brown.
Might have been in the 85 season. I think that's when A. Whitney got hired.
Yeah.
Isn't that a weird... That's Topo Gigio right there. Topo Gigio.
They take your Hee Haw money in London. Because he was producing Yeehaw. He didn't like it. I don't like fake art. He just thought the art scene was ridiculous.
No, I watched it. It was funny. It's just that besides In Living Color, which was a niche kind of – primetime, and it was on Fox in the day, primetime sketch. I did one that didn't make it. Martin Short, you'd have to line them all up. That's your next book. Why was there a bazillion sketch shows in primetime in the 50s, 60s, and into the 70s
Did we talk about just, well, obviously you mentioned Lauren hacked life. That's the new phrase. Like you go to buttermilk and you ski, you know, and then you're in St. Barts and you go to Wimbledon and Paul and I would often go out and just buy socks. You go downtown. So, and he did pace himself. That's part of the half century is he does pace himself.
He knows when it's important for him to lock in. And that's especially this Saturday, that 30 minutes is where everything's made. And the whole show is based on ADD and procrastination. So at Lorne's core, does he have both those elements? Because I do.
Yeah, we both have dad stuff. I mean, do all comedians have mom or dad stuff? Right. I don't know.
And then so many swing and a miss, you know, I don't know if you have, I've never totally figured that out.
He does his Lorne, and a lot of it is just good old-fashioned wisdom, well-crafted. We talk about the one that sort of took me by surprise, about this generation or whatever, snowflakes or anxiety or whatever. We were raised in the wilderness, and we got civilized. They're raised civilized, and then we want them to go out into the wilderness. which is sort of brilliant.
I said that to Howard Stern and go, whoa, what does that mean? I go, Howard.
Okay.
I think Lauren has a classic characteristic of somebody who has power in a meeting, and that is if things are going around the room, and then Lauren will sort of sum up something or say something that's not exactly on topic but related to the topic in very few words. And it's like, I just think, I don't know, this is a hackneyed one, but it just needs to breathe or whatever.
Make sure that the audience knows you're actually performing. Don't just do it to each other. So that's kind of one of his superpowers. And that's really important with the suits and universal and stuff. I add that. I was at parties with the suits and Lauren. He doesn't talk a lot, but when he does, it's usually, it's pretty hard or it's interesting, you know?
Yeah. All I'm saying, you know, he never really says do this. All I'm saying is like, do we really have to go there with that right now? Yeah.
You're going to hear something that's a little shocking, a little surprising. How's that for a tease? But if we do a deep dive... The man, the moment, Lorne Michaels, based on the book and what she learned by interviewing. I got interviewed. My quotes are probably silly. I got interviewed, yeah. Got interviewed. Everyone got interviewed. Everyone talked.
I know, because I said to Lauren just in the fall when I was there, I said, you're like an AI. Like you have downloaded the show in your brain. That's a good way to put it. So Lauren's blink is the best blink because he can't even... He's going back to, you know, Danny did that in my early days. Similar to a Chevy idea, you know. So that's why his blink is really good.
He kind of knows, he can't even fully describe what's wrong in a way. But his spider sense, because he's downloaded the show.
Yeah. And he was really kind of right. It was just, you know, it was Joe Montana. Yeah. And Walter Payton. And I'm doing a church chat. And so it just became vaudevillian sexual innuendos. Like we're playing football. Squeeze between your legs. It was just a lot of that. And Lorne was like... you know, does it really, it was like, you know, and he didn't want Churchley for a while.
I think she needs a name, you know, and stuff like that. And he didn't really like the superior dance. He wanted to be more grounded in reality, but like, he never told me yay or nay, but he, the, the, The Joe Montana one, because maybe it was lowbrow or something, it was later in the show, but it killed so hard that the old-timer sound man said, I've been here for 20 years.
I've never seen the needles go that high. Anyway.
Well, I think he wasn't a fan of it, but he probably accepted it as the character grew, got bigger.
Well, that is the thing about catchphrases and or repetitive physical things. Your signature Johnny Carson does the golf swing. I don't know if there's something homey to your brain, you know, Oh, Conan's doing that again. You know, we all do it.
Yeah, yeah. The camera's set up so it looks like you're crushing. Yeah. As a little kid.
Right, sure. Right. And Lorne is, he's, he's open to, if it works, it works. I mean, he just loves a laugh. So if, you know, that, that makes him so high, you know, and, and you see the, how he still just suffers. If the show's going a little flat, you see it in his body language, his attitude. If the show is lifted, it's just, you know, from across the way, your sketch destroys, it'd be like,
You know, and that's like a really good coach that never over praises. But when he does, it means a hell of a lot. Right. Yeah.
So now your book is emerging within this gigantic SNL 50th, whatever you want, extravaganza. And I can't keep track of all the documentaries, people. Were you in that one?
I just went to a little house they rented for me and said, will you talk about Cowbell? I go, okay. So I'm doing it. And then they were talking about Lorne.
I don't even remember what I said, but it's such an extravaganza. And then your book's coming out. I guess that's a good thing rather than if the book had come out during just a regular year.
The one thing people ask me today about the show that I don't have an answer for, just a basic answer, I guess, but how numerologically the cast has started to expand and then become an expansionist cast. So, like, 20 cast members. So people will ask me, why don't they have all those cast members? And I go, well, I guess a safety net or did he ever talk about that?
It's very hard. I talked to some of the young cast members because if you're not in it a lot and then you get in there and then you maybe flub a line or don't totally score, then you go back again. Where I think I was part of the last small cast. And then when David and Sandler and Farley all, you know, we got some really great people to add to us and some left.
But me and Phil and John, I think we're just the three major male sketch players. So I was in four things the first show or five things. Yeah. I have a lot of empathy for the cast members that are in the dugout. They're on the bench. They're not playing.
In my age group, you remember that when George Carlin was on Ed Sullivan in a suit and tie and a short haircut. And then he was like so a symbol of this change in one lane of it when he became the hippie long hair and all that. So there was a whole, I don't want to call it counterculture, but Laugh-In maybe was the last water cooler sketch show that was so different, of course, than SNL.
Oh, that's a good one. And you are was the catchphrase.
And that also squeezes Matt Damon and so forth. All great people doing great parts.
Of course. Well, I did ask and I was I was sincere about it when they asked me to do Biden. I said, does Mikey still want to do it? Does anybody want to do it? And, you know, and they said no. Because Biden was sort of a thankless task. It was a difficult one. And there was the whole energy around, should you make fun of his mental acuity or not? And threading that needle.
So I was totally aware of that. And they're all incredibly sweet. They seem sweeter than we were before. But they're very nice people. But we had Dan Aykroyd come in and do Bob Dole. That was it, once. And then it was all us playing it. So I don't know. I mean, Lorne has his thing. I don't think he likes when people leave. I think when Belushi and Aykroyd left, it kind of left him flat-footed.
And so he, he lights up, I get it. He likes a bench that can come in and, you know, so.
50 years now, a final question. Okay. How much longer since you've been inside this Lorne brain, Will he go?
Kind of a stretcher. Well, there's an element. There's like a soft element of that now, you know? Yeah, a little bit. Because I would want an answer. It goes down. We'll let you know when Lorne gets here. It's 4 o'clock. That's right. Lorne knows how to pace himself and when to lock in. Yeah. So he's doing a soft version of that, you know?
Yeah, when he'll come in and what he might say.
I know. Well, the funniest one is just that he watched the dress show and the Chardonnay should be more pale, you know, stuff like that. But he notices things you're not even aware. But yeah, I think he's going to go a while.
But yeah, it was in the ether. And then Lorne picked up the toys off the carpet and said, okay, we're going to play with these.
I don't know when this podcast airs, but I bet you, Lorne, he is... He's only human. I mean, he will be kind of a little bit relieved when this whole hoopla is over because we can't, unless it was the mic drop, the show ends, he knows that pretty soon, okay, we have 10 more fucking shows to do.
I said, I saw, I saw it for you and you come off great. So I said, you don't have to see it.
Right. And at the end of the day, he is the linchpin. He's bigger than any cast member as far as the history of SNL.
Interesting. But he loves funny people. Yeah, he really does.
Extremely dry, droll wit. Yeah, that hits you pretty hard sometimes. Wow. Well, congratulations. It's hard to write a book. Thank you, guys. Thank you. And I'm sure it's going to do really well. And what was your advance? How much have you got so far?
February 18th.
This flew by. It was easy. We love talking about our old boss.
I can't wait to read my chapter. All right.
Well, they didn't care. It was anti-slick and late, so right out of the bat. I'm just a little curious. Sorry, David, did you have something to say? Not at all. I don't like to interrupt him. Did you see the movie Saturday Night? And what was your reaction to it? I mean, obviously it's trying to get a feeling rather than a linear story. Yeah. But how did you feel about that?
And it's just sort of a comprehensive look at Lorne Michaels through his childhood, all the way through his travails, seasons that were rougher than others, and on and on. So it's a very interesting conversation.
Well, I went into it with kind eyes because I knew it was an impossible thing to really capture. So we interviewed Jason, the director. Yeah. And there were things that I really liked. You know, in real time that there probably wasn't a bulletin board on 8H with like 80 sketches on it right before air or that Lorne Michaels was the update guy until right before air.
So you have to kind of give into it and see, did it capture the essence? Yes, you do. I wasn't there then. They weren't famous. The show wasn't famous because as it evolved, no one would go ice skating right before the show. Most of the show is disappointment, even in the best seasons and the best shows. I'd say maybe if you can get one out of five Great sketch, pretty good.
Most of the time, I was just there for 10 weeks. Most of the time, we all went, well, I guess that's it, and just walked off stage. So go ahead.
I love that reference. I love the reference. It's hysterical, yeah. There's got to be a morning after this. There has to be a party after the show.
It looked counterculture. And I did love when, was it J.K. Simmons? He played Milton Berle and he's doing a song and dance number. And that was a really interesting juxtaposition because the variety shows, everything was shiny and clean and 8-H still looks the same. It's kind of beat up. And if you walk in there without an audience, you're like, it's kind of a shithole. Everyone thinks it's tiny.
I know. Wow. It is true. That's the fun of it. You know? Yeah. Can I just, unless you have something you need to say.
Yeah.
I don't know. I don't get the reference. I just thought he was a funny guy.
Oh, he was always hilarious. And not bewitched. Oh, my God. And bewitched. And wherever he was. But the money was low, too. He just had a great kind of rhythm. You know, just naturally funny. I was just curious. So you knew Lorne during the news show. Is that when you met him?
Just one second. I can talk to you in a little bit. I'll just be right back. I'll be right back. No, I want to talk to you. I really do, but I got to go. Sorry, go ahead. Stay right there. Stay right here.
She wrote a big fat book about Lorne. And it's the 50th anniversary of SNL. It's a good time to have it out. Lorne, the man who invented SNL.
Writers eat. They have to eat. Huxleys. Just feed their brains.
How did he take that failure, if you could even remember, or all of you? Because I did a variety show that lasted eight episodes and kind of blew up the network.
So was this, did you get a full season? I don't know how long.
I like that word. Folks. That's what a lot of politicians say. They go, they go for the folks at home.
They don't say, you can't say men or women. They say for the folks at home.
Oh, and you were there, Dana.
Wow. Did Cher do five? How was her set?
Thank you. I'll take this question, Dana.
Well, funny story. I was born in... No, I'm kidding. Going too far back. I went with Schneider. It's funny because you were mentioning New York clubs. I've never played them. And they had us audition off a young comedian special. They brought us in to audition at probably Catch Rising Star. If that sounds familiar.
And on a tough night and they all came in. From Downey to maybe Smigel to maybe Franken to not Lorne. I don't think Lorne is there. But I remember it was me, Schneider, Tom Kenny. I always say this like it's negative to Tom Kenny. It's not negative to Tom Kenny. He was a San Francisco act that was very just broader.
yeah but anyway he's so rich uh but dennis miller was there too and he was helping and you know before i went on he goes i tell dana he goes spud you know you don't want to kill too hard they don't want some polished fucking road hack and i go so don't do good he's like all right three two one i'm like wait dennis what so anyway i took his advice did not do well His advice was the right thing.
It just, in the whole complexities of it all, I didn't really get it. They were just really looking at the writing of the jokes for me to be a writer, maybe a performer later. I thought it was to be a performer. So I'm like, yeah, I give them the whole JonBenet routine, really amping it up. And then afterwards I got off early because I said, I think I was supposed to do 20. I did 12.
Maybe I think Schneider went off early. Yeah. But Tom Kenny did do very well, but Rob and I got the call to come in and write and perform.
I just knew it was a tough night, but it was, it was pretty sparse, you know, and it was probably half, it's probably 15 from SNL and 15 people. So regular people. So they don't laugh a lot, but they're just looking at sort of, you know, it's the same way I am now. I can watch a comic and even if not killing, I almost don't hear it. I just go, Ooh, that was a good one. Ooh.
You know, like I like it. Who cares if they like it? I was like, I think that's good and well-written or something about it. You can, You can tell, like, name that tune in two jokes. You go, I think this guy's got some game.
And so you know how it is. So at a certain point, you know that. But at that point, I didn't. But luckily, some of the jokes, they kind of liked how I put them together. And that really got me in as a writer that was not ready to be a writer with my legal path.
Just throw yourself in the fire at the end.
Did you ever feel weird about taking a stand-up bit and putting it into a sketch? You feel like you're kind of wasting it and it's a selfish decision to go, do I try to get this on there and then I can never use it again, but it would help here?
that uh fear because as you boys know you know you gotta get stuff on yeah or it's a very bad feeling there you know that's a good way to put it i'm not getting things wrong and people start ignoring you and it's like oh no they go you're not even a formidable opponent here you're just yeah you want to get on so it of course goes into the show if it can
It's a hundred percent.
That's so crazy, but people don't think of that, but it is a weird thing goes through your head. You're like, cause you're running out of ideas quickly.
Every host looks the same and you're like, wait, I got to. I got this guy. The next week it's Corbin Bernson. And then it's, you know, I think I had Corbin Bernson was there when I did it. Yeah. He was, I think he was an overlapping guy.
Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, funny.
Please do.
Oh, the laugh-off.
That got on.
Are you baked in and then Conan can bring some extra people? Is that how it works?
Is Valanche in there?
I don't know if he was the first one to go into the movies and be like, they'd use the actors or the real movie. He'd be inside of them.
He was, I thought he did great. I thought for Conan, it was a little edgier than normal for him to say like it's halftime. Usually Kendrick would be calling Drake a pedophile. I'm like a pedophile joke is kind of a lot for the Oscars and Conan. I was fine with it, but I thought, Oh good. At least he's out of the box a little bit.
Sometimes they tamp down a few things at different shows. They go, I don't know if that's what we do here, that kind of thing. But at least they're saying, hey, it's getting harder and harder to get people to watch. Let's just go crazy. Some of these things pay off these days. Get out there and shake it up.
It's fun to have more free reign. It's hard to get jokes killed. It's like, ah, come on, come on.
Did you go to the Bowery or something? Yes. Oh, great.
I haven't seen it.
not as impressive as carol well you guys i have to say this is would you say that so as far as musical living legends i'd say mccartney there's mick jagger there's i mean there's a couple but those two definitely could be the top two or i'm sure i'm spacing on some people but ringo i mean if you're in the beatles you're up there of course yes uh and mick is such a just a worldwide phenomenon of
You know, legend. So who else is up there? Like it's still, cause when you see Paul, you just get like shook a bit.
Yes, yes, yes, the whole ride. As a little, little, little girl.
Just the haircuts alone shot them up the chart. The haircuts.
At Shea Stadium. That's a legendary.
They have two PV amps. Dana, wasn't it some shitty sound or whatever?
Oh, yeah. That's just nuts. Love it, though. How great. Oh, my God. What a part of history.
Never even heard of that. That's that many times I've never heard of that.
Did you tell McCartney you saw him at the Shea Stadium?
Did you tell him you saw him?
He would have probably freaked out. He doesn't hear that every day.
At Chase Stadium? Oh, Bowery Ball. No.
You know.
Were you sitting or was it standing alone or was it sitting? You get to sit.
There was no... Well, you stand every song anyway because it's a hit.
I think Cheers was more considered just a great sitcom, and Seinfeld was a little off-kilter, not just a sitcom. It was like sort of a different... thing going on there.
Does he say expand in the room? Like, like some ideas are a little more than that. Like he'll go, I like it so far. What else is on there? Or just go write it.
Right. Exciting.
And it's always Macaulay.
For sure. How fun.
You, you wrote on so many though. I've been looking at, you did Modern Family also Hacks, right?
Hacks is a big deal, of course.
I think I saw Hannah at that party the other night. I don't know her, but I think I saw her walk by. Is she possibly taller than I would think? She seemed like, I thought she was tiny.
Yeah. I didn't even put that together for so long.
Love Lorraine. I saw Lorraine at the thing. Oh, yeah. 50th, yeah.
I thought about the 100th, what I'm going to do.
Keep it real.
When people say ba-dum-bum, I literally, it's like cutting your balls off. It's such a weird move to say this is a bad joke, you're stupid, and then they look cool or something.
It's a weird, it's all weird vibe.
I felt like a story that I when that's in the ether. Now, when I'm out and there's a situation. Mm hmm. I almost think of Curb. I was out somewhere and this might even be an episode, but I said bye to everyone. It took me forever to get out to the front and say bye, bye, bye. And then I forgot my keys inside and I go, I'm not going back in. I cannot go through there again.
And just that awkwardness of like, I just left, but they think I'm coming in for, I ditched them or something. And so it just made me think that's one of those weird things that Makes you think of that show. You go, I could picture him in some awkward situation.
But every episode I watch, I think, oh, this is such a good little weird curveball, like just everyday thing, but they make a whole meal out of it.
Well, not really. I mean, it's funner with people that have been there because we talked a little bit about it. But what is your experience of it? You can say anything you want.
I think everyone I talked to had shittier seats than they thought they were going to have. Yeah.
I said, Lovitz, were you at the American Girl store for that too? He goes, no, I was at Banana Republic. That was very close to Radio City. Jealous. Yeah, no, the 50th was a blast to just goof around. But the weekly events of that was that night, what you went to, which was, I think, more fun than people thought. And then the next night, there was like a little toast thing.
And then the next night was the show. So I did get a lot of it. That's why I wasn't at the party forever the night of the show. because I think it was a Sunday, and also I'd just done everything with everybody all week, and I thought, there's a three-story party. I don't think I could do it that long.
Did you go to that thing, or did you skip it all?
I mean, yeah, you should throw it right up there in that cabinet.
Also, is it interesting? Go from, you go from SNL, you go to Seinfeld and you're like, Everywhere feels like it just couldn't be as good. Then you get on a show like Hacks, it's a great show. And you go, okay, that feels good. Modern Family's a great show.
Just clown on everything going on. That was the same thing. I went to some Oscar thing the other night and zip right to the comedians and then just sort of make fun of the whole situation.
It's the only comfortable spot.
It sounds preposterous, but it's true. Yeah. I've heard that. I've heard that. Yeah.
Oh, Comedy and Magic, how great.
The Pipsqueaks twinsies. Two little pixies with a dream. We just did a corporate together. It was pretty fun. We never done one. It was pretty fun.
Dana kind of tinkered with that.
And we have, it's a little chaotic, but it, you know, cause we threw it at him late. If we could have had a microphone out there or something, but it's just fun because they just, they also want to see a picture of us together or something, you know, whatever it do out together. And it made it more fun for us too.
Yeah. It was super fun. They'd never had comedy and they were like, Oh, this is great. So the sound was good.
That's, that is important. You don't hear muffled jokes.
You can't get laughs out there? We're like, I don't think they can hear me. Oh, is that why? Yeah, that is why. They can't hear me. People are yelling, I can't hear you.
Oh my God. Never heard of that.
Openers get the couch sometimes.
That's a good title.
I like it.
Well, that's the number one fear, right? It's public speaking. It's way up there. Yes.
How sad. Yeah.
yeah i got an amber alert i think that day that was new got an amber alert dana and uh i just want to know how much investigation i'm supposed to be in charge of what is my job here what are my duties if the kid isn't laying on my dashboard that's it i feel like the search is over it's a cold case that crushed it the day oh yeah i did it the other night yeah
Danny goes, actually, I got a light. I'm going to run in the back row.
God, there's guys at the comedy store, they get the light and it means now start your act. Because I'm like wrapping up and they're like, what else is going on? I'm like, no, there's no, what else is going on? You're doing your last bit and getting off. Not like, what else is going on?
You're done. That should be a special. What else is going on? That's a good special.
This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.
It's such an omission at this point. It looks weird.
Who were your female peers?
It's all about the same now, but it was more differentiated.
You know, can we talk? Elizabeth Taylor dog.
Huge writing career. Seinfeld. From Seinfeld to Hacks presently, where they're winning Emmys over. Hacks is always doing well. Yeah.
Can we talk? I mean, Barbara Bush. Was Rosie O'Donnell around then or was that a little later?
That's revolting to the audience.
I work with Rita. She was a linesmith. She could write great jokes. It was just boom, boom. Yeah.
joke writers for sure really good joke writer yeah maybe underrated because i don't hear about her enough because i worked there for a week and i was new and i just kept going wow this is you know really i was like it is just bam bam bam bam interesting delivery you know interesting persona yeah yeah she works um a lot she gets a lot of the corporate gigs that uh i want to get
She has a book out, Dana, it's called How to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, a Bar Mitzvah, or Birthday, or any other...
Something like, how do you like New York?
And, um, and then I was hired. Um,
event you didn't want to go to in the first place by caroley for we laughed a lot during this one because she's a stand-up that you knew in the old days i've known her recently and i just saw her at the laugh factory actually so very funny uh great storyteller exactly what we want in this show
Me too. Me too. I say that all the time.
And it's a little stinky, but you bring it back.
Who was your cast? I can't remember.
Anthony Michael Hall.
Survived the fire. Yeah.
Oh, like a Dallas kind of thing?
Okay. We've got, uh, Mark Marin, Dana, who I see a lot of the comedy store comedian, obviously a huge podcaster, one of the OG podcasters that had always, you could always hear he's still going with it, but you know, it was all the big names, all the interesting stuff. Um, and I see him do stand up all the time and I run into him a lot. He's a good dude.
Yeah. You were like Bitcoin. Like no one cared.
It was something else.
And it's always the manager is even older than the old guy.
Pono Music, Digital Circus.
But... Wait, who had the country album? Ringo?
Saw some pussy, wrote a song. Yeah. We know all about that.
They just think. What about the guy that married his car? You know.
Oh, that's good. Well, you know, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger would say that. He'd say, you'd ask him a question like, what happened with those maids? And he goes, this movie is unbelievable. He's like, because you can't use anything but what he says, and he doesn't even acknowledge your question.
Does he ever talk about the maid? We love Arnold.
Once everything came out and he finally goes, all right, let's go bench. In the kid, I was like trying to meet him in the middle. Like I work out.
The whole time, he's not listening to our questions. He's just staring at our physique going, hmm. Look at that rib cage.
I have another question for Mark. This is my second one. Mark, do you think... you don't remember this. You were in the movie Joker. Now, do you think that, did you, do you think what happened to the second Joker in your humble opinion?
I heard about it. I couldn't get through the poster.
I think that's one of those things as, as I backtrack, I think it's one of the things where great movie, Dana was about to say some comments, but the same thing, great movie. And then it's, it's just crazy if you can do literally anything you want. And he just goes, let me just try this will work or won't work.
So weird.
You're forgettable. Yeah.
Those are hard by the way. They are kind of at home.
Yeah. I can't believe you got him out there because I can't believe you got me out there. I can't believe you got Todd Glass out there. So Obama was a bigger one.
Yeah. I had a girl say it to my face. she said it was just an I did an old movie and then I had to kiss a girl I won't say who I had to kiss her and I said hey before and I don't know I've never done this on camera like she goes just kiss me like I'm your girlfriend just anything I don't care and I said alright so I I just kiss her not Not crazily.
I just kiss her, but I touch her cheek and kiss her. And they go, cut. And we're all like, okay. And the director comes up and she says, she's not even one foot away from my face. She goes, can you tell him not to touch my face? Wow. And him was me. She did the correct way. She told the director, but I just made me think of that because I was like, I was horrified.
I'm like, oh, because, you know, kissing someone is so... It's so scary.
And I wasn't like a super French-a-thon. I was just trying to like give her a little mega... You know, you just kiss a little bit. It's nothing crazy. It's a cute little movie. Nobody gets hurt.
So you kissed Bob De Niro. I got like... I did.
You go, hey, I'm ad-libbing.
But were you scared? I did a quick scene in the old days with William Dafoe in my very, very old days in a part that Dana turned down. And...
during SNL and well Paul Schrader was the director and I was almost sick from nerves because I'm good and Willem Dafoe super cool did one scene same thing he wouldn't remember in a million years but of course you get your nerves just ramp up mine were it's De Niro it's still no matter what it's totally I felt okay about it because I don't know like I think I'm getting better at acting but the benefit I talked to Willem Dafoe not a great time not a great time
Not a great time. We've had some toughies on here, too. Some are toughies.
Was it a ratings drop so much you pulled a muscle?
That's what happens when you go, hey, Bob, if you ever want to buzz over to the Glendale, why don't you pop in?
funny fucker that yeah i like him yeah oh my god so fucking funny but i was nervous about that but i i just did the best i could it's all you can do right does anybody call you after your podcast and who has asked for the most to be taken out don't people go take this out take that or do you say no
I see ones and now it's like full sex life. People just have nowhere else to go. So now it's like, here's everything in my life. Here's about my plastic surgery. Here, follow me and my camera into my plastic surgery and my kidney operation. What are we doing?
Well, Rich, it's no offense to him. I was just laughing. Whoever has to follow Obama is just going to be a tough sled. That's right.
But some people are like, it almost seems like they're making up horrible things because they're running out of content. I know. They have a big announcement and you're like, it happens to be your 100th episode. Yeah.
You never really know what they pick up. Sometimes you do an interview and there's nothing.
How did he pass away?
He's a guy that my dad used to tell me, now this is common. And he was funny. And then when Robin was like, oh, this guy. But I couldn't appreciate it growing up. I just thought he was funny. I didn't know how good. You can never really tell. I thought they were all those characters.
Yeah. Give us the unlandables. Yeah.
It sounds like a joke, though. Johnny, Johnny, the show started, okay?
Ed's over there going, oh.
Such a rip. So good.
And like that everyone was drunk was funny. They were like, he goes, oh, I had a few drinks backstage.
What does he say? And look at the black guy over here.
It's the best. That's so awesome.
The Dean Martin, those are the coolest ones.
So you roast Chevy. And I think back then I was thinking, wait, this is the first roast I'm seeing where not everyone is great friends with them. So it's a very odd vibe. I don't think they could have gotten. They couldn't get people. Yeah, we didn't know that back then. I mean, I just thought I used to see Dean Martin and they go, hey, there's my buddy over here. And here comes Red Butt. Yeah.
And I think he had one early. He's a good friend of mine.
But to go-
How big a crowd? It's not a big crowd, is it?
So, so that's, but you know, I think what happened with that was he put in all that work and was very forward thinking. And I think got out right before the money, maybe, or does he still do it?
I did one. I wouldn't get roasted. It's actually good money.
I said I'd host one. I don't even know why. Because all you have to do is be in the vicinity and you're fucked, you know?
So, I mean, I remember that I found that out because I was watching one and they go, speaking of anal warts, Andy Dick's here tonight. And then they put in the crowd and they put a spotlight. He goes, wait, me? I came to watch. I'm not even on the fucking dais. Like, I didn't know it's fair game. They're like, no, we know where you're sitting. We got a camera ready for you.
I got lucky because I was- I was the host, so I was going to get it, but who came in at the last minute? We had a fallout and Coulter. And so afterwards, Jeff Ross said, you know, you had probably the most jokes that you were going to get hammered with that you weren't ready for. And at the last second, everyone shifted those to Ann Coulter. And I was like, oh, thank God. I only got some.
They all sting. I hated them all. I'm not good at getting roasted. I'm like, it's like a thousand stabs, you know, death cuts.
Where were you?
Thank you, Mark.
That's it. And she was Teflon. She walked up with her book and just started plugging it. In fairness, I don't think she knew what she was getting into. She thought it was like some sort of promotion. She brought her book up the day. Everyone's basically saying, hey, fuck you. It was pretty rough.
Yeah. But Jewel was there getting funny jokes by Jewel. Anyway, overall, it was a pretty fun roast. And we can talk about some of this. I can take a shot.
No, I have a glass jaw. I can't. I was out there going, and then I wrote it down. I hate you now. I hate you now. I hate you now.
Yeah, that's kind of... What's funny is I used to think a podcast, because he had it in my friend's car shop upstairs, which he just rented, which was perfect. It was perfect.
Yeah, someone. I think I look to see if there's enough feedback
positive or negative sometimes you can try to have constructive criticism if they say yeah you're always doing this or you always do this or yeah i wish you would change it and then you go god enough people said that something's up you know i have but if it's just random i get a lot of snipers just randomly almost almost 100 of the time if i answer them or i dm them no no don't do that say we got a problem they always go oh my god i'm your biggest fan or they're nicer that's right that's right some might just come kill me so it's really a dangerous game to be honest
favored alien and didn't overwatch it it could probably be still pretty jarring whereas three days of the condor you're kind of like all right i know it's jarring well that's robin redford and who you know go maybe was it fade down away yeah condor where are you condor in the pocket i didn't know what that movie's about and i watched it honestly a year ago i i always heard about it oh it's a weird name i'm like why would i go to this fun fun cool movie
Did he get fired and said, okay, I'm just going to do it on here kind of thing? It wasn't a 97.1 maybe?
Everything.
I thought that was McConaughey. That's not McConaughey?
His old names are so good. Gary Busey. Good.
Is that a car chase beginning?
He's good in a lot. He does a lot of stuff.
Busboys is a beating. We're doing it right now. It's tough. It's hard to do because it's small budget indie, but it's super fun because... Is it small budget indie? Yeah. Well, it's just us. We put it together. We put money in and we just said we just want to go try it and then decide what to do with it. That's scary. Like, don't go pitch it.
He is a handyman. That's funny. He's good with a tool. Oh, yeah.
We might do it straight to video. I mean, straight to consumer. Straight to video, yeah.
But I was like, I got a little bit of a tsunami warning because I remember I thought Corolla's, I think I went on there a little early, where I was like, before the real podcast thing was sort of hitting, which it was sort of a slow, I could get a feel for it before most people because everyone else has just got their head doing their work and they do normal jobs, but
Maybe to the DiNunzio brothers at the Funny Bone? Isn't that somebody? Yeah, it is. I used to send my tape to the Funny Bone, my half-inch VHS, and they're like, they must have a pile of tapes. I'm like, it's been a whole day. Are they going to watch it or not? They don't give a fuck.
Well, Mark, before you let you go, I got to ask you about one movie and then we'll ask Dane if he has any wrap ups, but, uh, You've been very nice to talk. I see Mark at the comedy store now and then we always have a little chat, a couple of laughs and then we get our $48. We get the fuck out of there. Yeah.
And I, Oh, someone said today that to Leslie, you were very, very good and they loved you in it and they heard I was talking to you.
Yeah. I love Mac Davis for sure.
I started to go, oh, no, is this something? And then I said, I'm going to wait until it's a little late, then we're going to try one.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, okay. Thank you for the people that waited till the end. All right.
This has been a presentation of Odyssey. Please follow, subscribe, leave a like, a review, all this stuff, smash that button, whatever it is, wherever you get your podcasts. Fly on the Wall is executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, and Heather Santoro. The show's lead producer is Greg Holtzman.
Did you have a urethra moment? I did when I peed last night.
A goodbye wall.
Is that your tech? Yeah.
That's your IT guy.
Dude, Charlie's here now. Charlie, give me that plastic.
Honestly, put him on Glendale Freeway.
Showbiz, Heather. We got to get Charlie.
He has a lot of stories. And he's very...
Yeah. My dick's name is Mr. Sad, and a side note, and no one's stolen it yet.
Okay, that's all I wanted. Go ahead.
My dick's name is, come on, champ. Come on.
No, I have a question for Mark Maron.
Yeah. All these glasses. I got other choices. I got better ones.
I was going to say, I saw 50 Conan's on here and I was going to say, does that bump your road? Does it, you know, no, it didn't.
Dana, I'm going to put on lipstick to start.
He was in the audience.
No, because I had such a juicy spot next to Bill Murray and then Bill Murray didn't come into the audience for his cutaway. And I was like, oh, I wanted to bullshit with him the whole God dang three and a half hours.
Please. Okay. Gave him a snuggie.
It was more nerve wracking because I woke up and then the room circus didn't give me my breakfast. It was a very nice hotel. I'm not really blaming them. It just gets chaotic. They go, oh, Mr. Spade, we'll do anything you want. What's your breakfast? Oh, make your eggs fluffy. Never came. They never picked up again. So I'm going there like eating it. filthy happy.
No, how about this? So here I go after the Radio City concert thing and I'm supposed to meet Chris for dinner and he goes, Now we're going to the Mark Hotel. I go, or I thought we're going downtown. He goes, no, just come here. We got a seat for you. So I go in, naturally, Paul McCartney's there. So it makes me even more sick. Can't get away from the guy. Can't get away from the guy.
Guy's around too much. So it's along my side is me and then Rock and then Larry, David, and Paul, right? So now there's like 12 people. So I can't really see him. So now it's the sickening, cranking my head. Yeah. He doesn't, I'm a plus one, obviously. So he's being very sweet, but it's hard to see him killing my neck.
And then every time he starts telling a story, honestly, about yesterday or literally everything you want to hear from him, the waiter was over helping us. There's like a team of seven. And so- Huh?
Oh, here's a sketch because literally he goes, and the best thing about yesterday was the guy's like coconut shrimp. And he puts his arm in and I go, yes, thank you. That's for them. And then I look back and he goes, and that's the whole story. And with let it be. And he's like, who had potato skins? And I'm like, Guy, we don't need to top off the waters for a few seconds.
Literally, it was like an assembly line of arms to block stories. And I'm like, guy, guy, I just want to hear this guy say literally anything. I'm a contest winner. And nope, nope, couldn't shut up, couldn't stop. They're all like this, starting gates. That guy's water's down a quarter inch. That's funny.
No, but I did hear some bits and pieces and I couldn't have been, it was the funnest time of the whole thing, of the whole weekend.
Well, it's like a whole history of your life and everyone's there. It's almost like a birthday party. And then everyone says, oh, it's going to be the 50th. No one says anything about after the 50th. So it's like, now what?
Yeah.
I don't go to the buffet, Dana. Don't you have little snacks backstage waiting for you? Oh, in my green room at the thing? Yeah. Yeah. There's a croissant sort of on a warmer with ham and stuff that you probably didn't eat when you did this same gig about four years ago, they said.
Oh, it's crazy in there, yeah. They got a one window cracked open. It's getting hot. So... I will tell you, by the way, the stage, Sarah, at the Good Nights, Dana, was like a crowded subway. Once you got on there, you couldn't get off because everyone smashed.
I was drowning. No, someone picked me up. I do not like to get picked up. I'll tell you that right now. And it cracked my neck.
Don't pick me up. And I'm not going to say names. But you have to be a little more famous if you're going to pick me up at the good nights at the 15th. You cannot. If it's Paul, give me a ladder. I'll get on your shoulders. That's fine.
I will tell you right after this. And I didn't like it. So I walked off the stage. And who did I run into? Kim K doesn't even go on stage. I go, go take my spot. She's like, I feel weird going up there. I'm like.
Yeah, I said, Sarah's up there. I mean, I guess they're letting everybody go up there, so just go.
Kylie Jenner lip kit.
What about when you dress like a normal person in the sketches? I'm like, who is this person?
By the way, we have a hot question for you. Where was Sydney Sweeney, your best friend from Hooters? Because Hooters closed, so we thought of you. Oh.
What happened? Oh, look at you guys.
You saw her? Were you yapping with her?
Wait, what happened at the game?
Oh, my God.
Were you at the game when it was Canada and they started beating the shit out of each other immediately? First time. Eight fights in, no, three fights in nine seconds. America versus Canada, right?
Because they're just dudes and they all get in fights.
Your shoes are knives. That's true. There's no kicking allowed. Let's talk more quickly before we dump you. What about your... The sketch we did together was fun.
We did a New York musical, it was called. And Colin, Jost, and Mulaney wrote it.
They told me, they go, why are you not at the singing at the end? I go, oh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm just sitting in the audience at that point. And they go, no, get back up there and grab a flag.
No, I stood next to you and they go, stand right there and Sarah will tell you what to do. I go, she doesn't know anything.
Could you chase down a fourth? It says in the writer, Mr. Carvey drenches profusely in sweat.
And there's people behind you just up your ass. Like, we were stacked. They're right behind you in chairs. And then you're at the table like this. Oh, I can't move. It's...
Did you get your attitude checked? Hey, by the way, do you have a, do you have a seating chart in read through?
That's where I was. Yeah. Wait, where's the host?
Do you ever watch him glaze over during a sketch? He's like, you're like, Lorne.
Are they calling you out to rehearsal?
Are you a drag racer?
You're in a million things every second and you act like you're not.
That's new?
Oh, she's leaving. By the way, I was going to say you and Marcello both go, here's my number and text me. And then you go, you both say, by the way, I don't really answer and I don't do it. I'm like, um, this is, this is your pitch to text you. Believe me, I'm vibrant, fun, and interesting. So if I text you, it's exciting for you.
Yeah, I know. They literally like, because it's so easy. It's not a band. They're like... Yeah. We've got your water. Yeah. And your microphone. And I'm like, right. They're like, so are you good?
Oh, you mean if I call, I don't think I ever call you though. That's a big step.
All right, go.
God, there's just no answers. Because it's so, it's such a pressure cooker. And every week they go, okay, you just finished a show. Shane Gillis, what do you got? And you're like, what do I got? I just got off the 50th. But at least you had a week off. But what about when they're back to back to back? New host, Ariana Grande. What do you got? You're like, I mean, starting from scratch?
I don't know.
Meaning like a TikTok is shot, edited, tweaked, filtered. Totally. There's no failure.
This guy is going to do a quick five minutes about all the employees that have passed away since the history of this company. And then you're up.
America's on to that trick. They're like, yes, we know it's not memorized. Even in my New York one, I'm standing there fucking around so much in rehearsal, I forget to go, by the way, when we really do this, which card am I on? What am I doing? And Melania's like, ah.
No, but Pete was texting and I'm like, because you know that military first AD or the stage manager from the Marines? He's like, yeah, hey, hey guys. And at the end I go, are there three dumber cast members than us three right now? He's like, no, you guys don't listen. And he explains how to get off. They're going to push this in. Nathan Lane runs out. You got it? And I'm like, yep.
Do I say listen a lot? Yeah. Sickening. Do I really?
And then we all do it wrong. And he goes, guys, You're not doing it." And I'm like, I know, it's not sinking in. And I go, Pete's got his phone and we didn't have phones. And I said, that must drive everyone extra crazy.
By the way, just have a quick announcement before we get rid of Sarah.
She's got a show to do. How many things are you in as of now? Yeah, Sarah.
Oh, yuck.
I was legit in the show this week and I was legit worried about it. And he's like, I don't even know what legit means anymore.
Oh, I didn't see it.
We're looking at you, Ding Dong. We can cut it out.
Oh, look at this quarter-inch tape of gray with no sound.
No, it's a good haircut. So quickly, before Sarah stays longer. I don't care if you overstay your welcome. She's lied to the show. So my tour, they go, you have to have a name for your dumb next standup tour. Like Sarah, you probably have a name for yours, do you?
Okay.
So I thought it was Sarah Squirm, come catch some germs. But anyway, so mine was, I don't have one. I can't think of anything dopey enough.
And then they go, we're extending you one week and then we got to put it out there. So it was the day I got home from SNL. And so they go, what is it? I can't think. And I go- I got a feel for this. I got a feel for it.
Huh?
Because people were like, oh, I like when you're in the audience and you go, I got a feel for it. And then I go, just say that.
That's going to trend.
That was a good idea to throw me in the audience. Because it was such a long sketch. Yeah. I'm like, this one's more about the singing. It's all good.
First of all, they call me my real name. Where's Spade? And then he goes, he went in the audience. He went back to the audience. And then you just said what? Oh, I said, yeah, I got a feel for it. But you kind of went like that with your hand. Yeah, I go, I got a feel for it.
Dismissive.
Oh, yeah. To our Fantasy Springs. It'll be fun to see us. Then we might do a little Q&A at the end. Just...
You're like this. Yeah.
All right, Sarah, we're going to let you go back to your rehearsal because you've been very sweet to hang out with us.
Well, I said we'll steal you for 30 minutes because you're the most fun person, and then we get back to us, and the ratings plummet when you're gone.
Who was your squad that you were talking to? I talked to you when I was leaving and you were waiting by the door. But you looked nice. You had your hair all pixied up.
Get some Qs and As out of the way. There's so many hot takes. Really try to throw it. Hot takes. Hot takes. I didn't even get to the part about Diddy's lawyer quitting. Did his lawyer quit, Dan? I don't know if you've been keeping up with this.
I didn't expect you to agree, but okay, go ahead. Who were you sitting at? Were you at the cool table? No, it was complicated. It was three stories. What? They're like, go to the fifth floor if you want to go to get some crab cakes. I'm like, I kept going higher and higher, going, where's the fun part? They're like, higher. I was like, God dang.
I just saw everybody all week, though. If they didn't have three nights of stuff to do, at the 40th, that was the party to go to because we only had that night. And so everyone was like, we're going to milk it all out. But this one, we had a fun first night, a fun second night, and then rehearsal was fun all day. And so I had to get up and fly. And I was like, I got to feel for it.
We were all about to pile in for the good nights, and he went into that. And once it was, I was like, oh, snap. He's bringing it.
Yeah. You know, when he came on, when I was there and he did the Chris Farley show and he goes, and Chris goes, do you remember when you said the love you take is equal to the love you make? And he goes, yes, Chris. And he goes, is that true? And Paul goes, oh, that was so funny. I mean, I guess I would like to think.
Yeah, you said something dumb.
Peace and love, peace and love.
There's a rumor Ryan Reynolds took two gift bags when he left.
I don't know. Did he do a press conference? I just think it's odd that he's quitting because he also handled Osama bin Laden. So he's had some rough personalities, let's say.
No, what about that speech Tina gave at that toast where she's like, Lauren, I'm going to give you a 50-year review of your performance here. She's like, you've missed five years out of 45. That's not horrible. You've had 19,000 tardies. She gave a great speech, David.
Okay, here we go. This better be a good one. Let's see what it is. Oh, this is the fog I'm worried about. Have you heard about the fog? I've only seen the horror film about it. I like it.
Is that true?
Nuremberg?
Yeah. I mean, they're saying they catch it in rainwater. You can turn that off. But they say they do these reports on some of the stuff. They keep finding stuff in this fog and the rain. I'm telling you, if it's like the chemtrails, all these things I read about, If there's any truth to them, people are going to flip out. I'm not even joking. Like, not even like, hey, we're mad.
It's like, we're going to merc somebody. If those chemtrails are real, which I keep seeing stuff, which makes me, I kind of believe in them. There, I said it. I kind of believe I'm a crazy person. I believe also the earth is square. I'm not even a flat earther. I'm like a new one. Octagon.
There's a lot of things about that that are iffy. There's 9-11 stuff. By the way, you can flip me on anything. You show me a 30-second TikTok. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm sold. But some of it's pretty compelling on different things. Some of it I go, this is horseshit. But there's a couple things out there where I go – I want to ask questions. What's going on? It's a little too blurry.
Like, Hey, this was this way moving along. And you go, yeah, all your life. Then you go, well, we don't have any way to look into that. We're just told one thing. So let's go back and look at some stuff. And you go, yeah, they were right. Or you go, I don't know.
So what does that mean? They call him Bigfoot. They call him medium foot?
Is this Bitfoot?
That was a good journey. I don't mind that.
Yeah, you're right. Thanks. When girls, I tell them, they go, hey, they get to my room, they go, you said you were 5'11". I go, I am? They go, why do you have cat stairs to your bed? I go, don't worry about it. Okay. That's from the old, that's from the last guy lived here.
I crawl up. I go, they're not cat stairs. She goes, okay, kitty stairs. I go, yeah.
By the way, no one's clicking on that one, unfortunately.
He's a real beaut. The dog that whispered to Son of Sam to kill people. He handled the dog for a while. Anyway, I wish them all the best. We have a due process in America. Why do I feel like Sarah Sherman will not be able to figure out how to do this? She's running late, which is so funny. She goes, I'm five away. I'm on the train.
By the way, are we going to cut this part out and say that the Lorne thing, do you want to address it or do you just want to keep it the way it was?
No, I mean, it's just keeping it alive, though. I think people are going to start to understand.
That's what I don't listen to. I can't hear it. I can't hear myself.
She was doing script tweaks on the movie. Yeah, everyone bit hard on that one. I thought you were kidding, obviously. And then when I kept seeing articles about it, I go, oh, all we do is talk about stupid things in the show. It's all...
It did sound kind of ridiculous, but it sounded kind of true also where you go, maybe, I don't know. But that was, I did like getting, because usually every week after the show airs, we get some articles about something that we talked about the show. We never know what. It's like, oh, that, that. And that one was, there was a couple of different things, but that one was the most I heard about.
But it was still funny. All right, one more. Let's do two more.
I love this because I think he's great, and I loved Evel Knievel growing up. What a stud.
School buses, bobbing, bobbing. He'd come in hungover, and even sometimes he'd say to them, There's no way I can make this, so see you at the hospital. But I got to do it. I signed up for it. They're giving me 20 grand or something. And then he does it, and it's like the slow-motion wipeout like at Caesar Palace. You're like, oh, my God. He breaks 100 bones.
I'm like, you're on the train to Rockefeller Center and you think you're five away?
Plug him in. Yeah, he's kind of built like, you know, I think it'll be great.
I'd see it just because I would be into anything. All right. I guess that's a good show.
Thank you, Sarah.
Yep.
Bye, Dana. We'll talk later. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.
Well, what is she doing? A bozo routine on the train and everyone's like... She's juggling. Where is she? She's not taking a train to a podcast studio, hopefully. God, Greg, can you hit her up? Yeah, she goes, I'm going to do it from work now. I go, well, no shit. She's in every sketch.
I call it 30 Rock, yeah.
That's cool. Okay, we covered Puff Daddy. We covered- Oh, you had something planned?
Oh, we were going to tell everyone our first big gig together, Fantasy Springs in Palm Springs, right?
No, I just wanted to give a story that his lawyer quit. And I was like, it must be either he heard something that was a little too rough and just said, oh, I got to tap out. Because why does a lawyer quit? You already know he's a rascal when you get in there.
Is he going to sell them on Amazon? I just told her to jump on. Of course, she can't follow that at all. We have to keep all this. This is how hard it is to have a guest. She's like, can you move it earlier for me? So I said, of course. And then she goes, I'll be late. I go, Didn't we move it earlier? But honestly, I don't care. I don't care at all. I don't care at all. I don't even bring it up.
I don't say anything. I know. Well, she's a friend of the podcast because this would be her.
Funny look is half the... Well, we talked about Fantasy Springs. That show's in March. We can talk about... I was going to ask her... No, I have stuff for her. I have stuff to ask her, some hard-hitting questions. Well, let's do a few headlines, and then we'll jump in. Oh, is Greg even available to do this? Because he's dealing with... Sarah doesn't know what clown suits to put on.
I will tell you, this new James Bond thing... Who will Amazon cast as James Bond for our listeners? Okay, so the trick is, James Bond, they keep, you know, every... They've got this great thing where everyone wonders...
will be james bond and then it's like 10 years in between everyone just wonders wonders every guy that's got a little heat on him is he the new james bond so it helps the brand i guess amazon finally just bought him out totally and said enough but my worry yeah i love amazon my i will be on amazon this amazon is great the uh james bond
I wash my pits with Irish Spring, then we go right on stage. And we have to check LPMs. Heather's going to check our laughs per minute just to see how we do because it's a...
world it's like when disney bought star wars now there's 80 different star wars so now it's like baby yoda james bond there will be a prequel there'll be a young bond there'll be young james bond there it is right there boom right there done and i can play it i don't have to i could play it
I think it's a billion even, but you know what? You give me a billion, you can have Joe Dirt. The high school years, you can have Dickie Roberts, present day. Anyone.
They could have church man after what happened.
Where is she? But anyway, James Bond, forget her. Also in the same vein. Forget her. Has made me sad. RIP Gene Hackman. The guy's a stud.
oddly passed away in an odd fashion. Yeah. But I will say, just focusing on the fact that one of my all-time favorites, I don't know if that's shocking or not, but he always had a lightness to his performance. Even drama, he'd laugh a little bit. He'd always be juggling peanuts and laughing. I started with the Poseidon bench with that guy and then wrote it all the way out.
There's got to be a morning after. Oh no, we've got breaking news. Breaking news.
Heidi's. I stayed in Heidi's for the 50th. It was more than Sarah's, shockingly.
You know, Heidi's got a big one, actually. She's sort of tiny, and we'll put her in the tiny room. Microscopic. You know, Lauren's never said to me, David, I'd like you to zhuzh up your dressing room. It's depressing.
Look at Dana's house. It's stark. There's like a killing going on.
Did Maya Rudolph get the poo flu?
I don't know.
Oh, wait, I flew back with Maya. Look at me, strong.
No, we were southwest through Houston. Yeah, no, I jumped on with Andy Samberg and Kristen Wi- It was so fun. Dude, just picture just laughing the whole time. It was so fun.
Because I'm fucking cool and shit.
I got to lower that. Look, it says Spade on the side, though.
No, I got that as a gift from somebody you know, and I put it up. I don't know anybody except Sarah.
Oh, you see my mullet?
Is that for the movie?
It's for the movie, and then I had to wear the wig over it so I had to get this rid of the sides, and then the back I had to pin up because it's getting too long. You like that back, Sarah.
Sarah, I have a legit question.
No, I did a corporate this weekend. I did in Vegas, the Builders Convention. It was actually pretty fun. I didn't know how big it was. It was eight in the morning, Dana. Let me tell you something. I've heard about ADM and I've read about it, but I haven't read good things.
No, you've been working on your Bloomberg, I think. I saw that on the 50th.
And they get you in a bald cap. You and Kate McKinnon. I walked behind her thinking it was you. So I was going to like give her a kidney punch or something. And I grabbed her and I go, Oh, and she has a bald cap on. It looks just like you. I go. You're not Sarah, are you? She's like, it's Kate. I go, oh my God, you guys look exactly the same. By the way, watch this.
Sarah, is it true you have Lauren's text and I know that you abuse it and you're like in rehearsal going, Lauren, do you know if McDonald's delivers FR for real?
Oh, and you're going to push for it?
Wake up, Dana.
Oh, yes.
Shoes. No, it's like- Jacket man. No, I have maybe 9,000 jackets and I don't even wear them a lot. That's okay.
Hey, Sarah, did you see Keith Richards that day at the 50th? I never saw him.
Or LeBron at the Laker game goes like that.
See, smoke bombs aren't as fun as they sound. You need more shit going on. Is this it? Oh, yeah, there's firecrafts in the Minecraft. See? In the movie theater? Look at my fucking story checks out. Wow. Oh, my God. And who did this? Israel? Yeah, this is Gaza. This is crazy. Like we say Gaza, we laugh. It's so fucking uncool.
Waiting for Gal – yeah, Waiting – I like Gal Gadot.
Well, that's what comedians do. It's too heavy duty.
I love seeing you. Thank you, dude.
I don't think there's one tomato in V8. I don't know what's in it. They were like, this is a fucking shit when you were growing up.
I had V8. It was never – I never liked it. It was tomato juice and I think vegetable juice.
It didn't get around my squad, but I know that I heard about it and I was grossed out by it. Yeah. You know, what's funny is I was just in Las Vegas. Oh, you know, we went to a fight. I was going to tell you this. We went to a UFC fight, right? Theo and I went to a fight, you know, about a year or so ago. And you know what? I called you to go to this fight.
I thought it was in Vegas and it was in Florida. Oh. And then you had a gig that night anyway. That would have been a great card.
So do you remember this story? Did I already tell you this? You know it, obviously. So this time, I just did a corporate yesterday at Vegas. So I'm staying at the Aria, Aria, named after Ariana Grande. Nuh-uh. I don't know. And so I'm over there, and it's connected to the hotel we were at.
Waiting on Gal Gadot.
And the day we went to the show, you like to go early to the fights, as we know, because you go help set up the chairs and armor all the ropes. Because the fight started at like fucking 1. I'm like, we just landed. And you're like, you want to go there? You want to go to the hotel first? I'm like, well, I think it's at 7. And you're being so nice going, oh, you want to wait until 7?
And I'm like, yeah, because that's the good ones start. They're on TV. And it's still three hours. And for Spade to sit for three hours is fucking rough with these brittle fucking bones. So you're like, cool, cool. We'll go at 7. And I didn't know that you wanted to go really bad earlier. So we're eating. And I'm like, this spaghetti is good. You're like, let's fucking go.
So I have a car taking us. It's like a black Suburban, right? Yeah, nice. AC in it. We go out front. He's not there. It's so weird because they always get there early. And you're like, well, we got to go. It's quarter to seven and we got to be there at seven. And we're next to the arena. And I'm like, fuck, where's this guy? And then he hits me up and goes, hey, dude. You go, let's get an Uber.
And I go, well, give him a second. And then I go, he goes, oh, I spaced. I'm sending another car. It'll be there in a second. I go, we're in a hurry. He goes, it's very close. So this is not good. And I see you're janking. First I've seen you kind of get mad.
Because I was getting mad too because I'm like, fuck, where is this guy? And plus we're stressed. So the suburban pulls up. We jump in. And the guy goes, okay, where are you going to? And he goes, you deal? And you're like, yeah. And I'm like, hmm. And then I go, this is my driver. And then I look down and we start- It was international fight week.
This is good. This is how he sounds. This actually sounds like him. It's not nothing better. So then the driver texts me and goes, hey, did you just pull out? I just saw you. And I go- wait, is this not the car? And I go, Theo, what is this? And you go, I called an Uber, dude. It's taking too long. I go, okay.
There's one called Waiting on – is that true? That's a good one if it is. You know what's a good one? Waiting on – sorry, Waiting on who? Rachel Zegler. Oh, Waiting on – That's what her – that's what her – that's what the head of Disney wrote, that book.
So we go, and now I go, and the funny part was I go, hey, dude, all right, if you're going to this T-Mobile, we got to go in the loading dock. That's where we have to get our tickets and enter. And he goes- oh no, that's only for VIP special. And I go, right. And then he goes, you want VIP special? Yeah, and we go, no. And he goes, oh, you have to be special. And I go, oh, we're special.
And he goes, no, no, that's for special people. And I'm like, I get it. And then Theo goes, no, he's special. He does movies and stuff. And he looks back and he goes, No, he no special. Why do you know I'm no special? You fuck. So he wouldn't take us. So then you just go, let's just get out. Yeah. So we just got out in the street and we saw a door and then they go, oh, you. Wrong door.
This is for animals and like lighting. For all of Noah's Ark's animals. And so they go, so we're trying to get a hold of everyone. And they go, you're not at the special door. I know this fucking guy wouldn't believe it. So we had to find a way to get either all the way to the other side or cut through. They finally sent someone to get us. Yeah. But it was quite humiliating.
The guy didn't believe for a second we were special. Not at all.
Snow White, I think the problem was – There was – I don't think there's any problem with casting her. Gal Gadot is gorgeous. She's a good wicked queen. I think they started with the dwarfs and they made them – I don't know what happened. Dwarfs should – I think the idea was they should work. Like if – Right, little people should have the ability. There's seven jobs out of the 10 a year.
You know what's funny is I wish we could show that little clip that you have of the movie.
I don't think we can because can we air it because of the music or not? I don't know.
You know, I don't know. Ask those fucking clowns in there. Did they take off?
It's good with the song. Anyway, that's all.
Yeah, my friend was in Tallahassee. They hit me up. They go, oh, my God, this fucking clip just played. It's great.
I mean it's all – it's tough all the way along the way because we're just doing it alone. Usually we work for a boss, Paramount, Sony, Netflix. They tell us what to do and we kind of just – we're on our own. But we also know there's someone else calling some shots, the bigger shots, budgetary things, this and that, casting we have to agree on.
So I rarely – I've never gone into it like this where it's just me and you and that's good. There's some tough part about it but it's overall the best because we put it up. We're going in. It's such a complicated process so it's almost too much because usually there's someone to cover this and you can kind of oversee it.
But to get into everything about pre-production and budget and casting and locations and all the union stuff, we got to know. That's where it gets hard. And now we've gotten through the hard part. We got it. We shot it through the fires, through all the stuff.
Very tough to get through a movie and then – There were so many things that were tough. I always say after a movie, I'm not doing this again. It's too hard and everyone thinks I'm a huge pussy. But it's more – it's mentally tough. It's hard. You got to memorize stuff. You're driving all day. You're getting out there dark. And it's such a luxury to do a movie that you can't complain to anyone.
I can complain to you. But we're in it together. So we get it. But – and you can tell other people in movies. But regular people go – you know, they, they actually bust their ass. Right. So we're, we're like pretending to be people that work hard. That's our, that's us in a movie.
It's always like, where are they? I'm walking with number two or here's number one. I go for a walk. They just follow me. You know, they walk out of your set, you know, you walk around the trailer and you're like, And you're always miked and you're always – it's all – and it's fucking freezing. I thought it would be too hot. It's freezing.
So let's give them these seven. And then I don't think, I would leave it up to them. Do you guys want to work? I sound like it's so horrible. You guys, I mean, listen, there's a lot that work. People say Peter Dinklage, but they can't name 10 more that are- that work a lot. So hell, leave it up to them.
So anyway, we finish it and now it's rough cutted and now the hard part is just getting it to a point where we think it's good and you're not wasting jokes.
Like a lot of things we did had like – Theo was very good on the set of – we're actually good together because – I think you're great. And if we have a scene and we do it, then we just start goofing around a couple before we leave, get a few extra jokes in. So which one of those do we use? It's very hard to, this is funny for one reason, this is funny for another.
And the rest of your life, people will remember one joke and they'll never see the other three. And you go, fuck, did we pick the right one for that? That for someone who's indecisive like me, and you are kind of too, it's hard to do. And then you just got to pick one, lock it down.
And then we will probably, I think our next step will show it to like 20, 30 people because you really get a feel for where there's a dead spot, where there's something that works.
Yeah. And I have friends and friends are always going to start by saying they like it. And then, but I haven't had fucking one person look at it yet.
I'm too scared. I, um, The director of all these movies, Pete Siegel, who's a great guy, he came by the set one day and he did Anger Management and The Longest Yard and 50 First Dates and Tommy Boy and all these movies. So he, I said, I might have you take a look at it because I just want you as an observer, objectively, where are we with this? And that's the only guy.
But I do want to at some point when you get your fixes in and we get something we kind of like and then we show it. Yeah. And then that will tell us a lot. We'll be like, oh, my God, this is way funnier than we thought. They're laughing at this stuff instead of that laugh. Well, I didn't see that coming like a cutaway. And then they go, oh, this feels flat. And some people might be confused.
At the end we go, where did you understand what this is? People are like – were you guys playing fucking bus boys? We're like, oh boy, we're way off. Okay, you didn't get that part?
Even jokes where people go, I see one clip and they go, oh, that's great. I go, oh, it is? Because I've seen it 10 times. I don't know what's funny anymore. Yeah. You know, so it does take objectively, but it's so fucking stressful.
That's a good question. It's funny because every day has an underlying stress level of knowing your lines, getting things done, losing the light. We got to get this. Is it right? Do we know what we're doing? Is it set up, blocking, all that shit? But I'm giving long answers that are boring. I thought it was fun when we were in the lair with the drugs. Yeah.
When there's a lot of people, it's fun.
And I go, I guarantee you they should shut this down. Yeah. They had as bad, there was like asbestos, like art on the walls and everything. We had to write asbestos into the script because there was so much, it was like co-starring. And yeah, there was, we were underneath like a Sears building in downtown and-
Remember the alarm went off or the old heater went off in there and it just like – I think it was an old nuclear reactor or something or it was an Amber Alert. It made McMuffins. I know that. Yeah. I go, oh, it's lunch. They cleared us all out from the – we shouldn't even tell them this. But anyway, I like that. We were on the desert a lot. It was kind of fun being out.
And then we were in there doing busboy shit with Tim Dillon I thought was funny. Oh, yeah. He's fun.
You have, you have a, David, David, can you put the mic behind you now? Would that help? Um, you have a comedy special coming out. I do. I did a, um, uh, comedy special for Amazon and, we did it in Denver and, um, It's interesting, you know, putting together a comedy special. You're on the road.
And sometimes you want new stuff in there that's a little undercooked because it's new and different and you just started doing it. And then sometimes you want to – and then you want the – and then most of the stuff is polished and buff. So you got to – I did it probably an hour 20 and cut it down to just under an hour. Dang, big gunner, huh? Is this a clip or is that a photo? A little overshot.
Play that clip a little. I just want to see it. Let's see if there's anything clippable here. Oh, this is fucking funny. I feel it already. I was eight years old. I almost got kidnapped. I'll make it funny. I came out weird. Blonde hair. Looked like exactly Macaulay Culkin. And I was kind of tan. I was like shorts. I mean, it was almost entrapment. I'm a bit of a dandelion.
Is the first one – that's not – Dave Grohl.
I don't know if you can tell. I look tough on TV, but these quads are deceiving. Yeah, you're some guy you. Yeah, look at that action shot. Dandelion is because I'm such a fucking puss. And I couldn't think of a good name.
That's who I look like with that fucking shirt on.
Shit, that's hysterical. That was not exactly what I was going for. And thank you for that insulting insult. But no, he seems like a good dude. I just don't. Actually, he looks better than me. Fuck, what am I saying? What the fuck, dude?
He's naked from the waist down with his dong out.
You know, like when they tell you what to wear, I mean, they don't tell you, but they go, what are you going to wear? And of course, I'm not like a...
full girl going to the oscars so i go i don't know so it gets closer and they're like show it so we can hold it up with the back i go i don't give a shit dude so i get there and i'm i have two outfits i have this outfits it's already bad enough yeah i just said outfits so i walk into the rack like elton john like a nordstrom rack no just a rack of clothes oh yeah from nordstrom right yeah so i go in there and i go what about this then i go out there that day and they're like do you still not know and i go i don't know and then uh
I wear the shirt and then I go, I'm going to put – so I just wore a shirt and a coat that I wasn't supposed to wear. Because, you know, and they go, you need a copy of that in case – you think I'm going to ruin this between shows? And they're like, yeah. So I fell for that last time. And then Nikki Glaser goes, I have some dress from like 1930. And I go – well, don't you have to have a double?
She goes, fuck that. I'm not going to. And I go, yeah, what am I doing? Why am I taking fucking orders? Wasting money on extra clothes too. Yeah. And all of mine are like one of a kind. Oh, you can tell that's authentic. One of a kind flannel shirt that you can have in any Google search in two seconds. But it was fun to do. I'm glad it's out. It's fun.
Oh, right. And so they just – this is their new version.
You know, some of the jokes I still do because they're longer now. That's the funny thing is you do a joke and then it's, it's a minute of your act and then now it's five minute chunk. I'm like, oh, but I did the beginning, but now it's so much longer. But I don't really care. I like a couple of things I've done before because they really work.
And then I put in new stuff and then it's just always in rotation of, I'll pull something from the old bag and then I'll have all this new shit. So whatever.
Because, you know, it's never like you do some bit that works and it doesn't work. Like if it bombed and people are like, boo, like you did that before. It's not like that. They still work. Yeah. Yeah, they want to see the new stuff too. And sometimes when I go to people, if I saw you, I'd be like – I remember the first time I saw you and stuff you were doing.
I'd be like, oh, I hope he does this and this and this because those are like my fun ones. I want to tell someone and have them watch them.
And then sometimes I do that with comics and they don't do it and I go – I go – because sometimes, you know, by the fifth special these people do, it's just too watered down. It's too hard to be that good in one year. It's too hard. You don't buff them out. You need to really work on it.
JJ Walker is close to the back.
Yeah. You're printing money. Oh, David, that is not true. If I had your money, I'd throw mine away. Oh, dude, get out of here.
You bought a car lot. Yeah, dude. I got a car. Fuck yeah. You see me buzzing around. Did you just buy the original Joe Derrick car or no? I did not. It was 330 grand. I didn't know it would be that much. Was it really? Yeah, I went to an auction. Did you even look at – were you there on the auction? No, but the guy DMed me and he said, hey, do you want to –
buy the old i was it the fucking real one because i do like cars and i don't have enough room for but i like i have i'm into it i'm like i'm not gonna drive the thing around i'd like to have it just to have it the director of tommy boy has it has a tommy boy car and i'm like those are fun to have so i said uh how much and he goes i'm deciding between three and five hundred grand i go
Closer than this? That's what guys say when they put their wiener in my face. Can you go a little closer? I go, why? What are we doing? This isn't a blowjob. They go, no, no, no. Just try to touch the back of your throat with it. I go, but that sounds like it's heading towards a beach. Oh, is he talking about Kaepernick?
I'm sorry, what? The fucking shitty one at the beginning of Jotar? It didn't even have a Hemi in it. It was a fake. Pretend it was like an old Vega. And we just put like, yeah, this thing.
Is he selling it for...
He hit me up for three to 500 grand. I go.
I was like, yeah. Is this an RV? How many square feet is it? Is it in a good neighborhood? No, I just said, I said, I think I said something to the effect of get fucked. No, I was like, hey, man, I didn't know it'd be like that. I don't know why. Because, you know, in the real world, you got to make a million to clear 350. So I'm like, I don't know if I'm making a million this week.
So I just said no. Even though I said I'd really like it, I just, a little too rich for my blood right now. Mm-hmm. Cause I thought, what am I doing? I just got to park it. I can't really drive. It's fun to have. I'd really honestly have it in my fucking living room. What a cool thing to have. Just walk in. Hey, this is the car from the movie. And so I didn't think he'd get close to that.
Yeah. To who? Probably an Asian guy. No, the guy had a Joder tattoo on his chest. Oh. And he was a full fucking fan. So he hit me up, the guy that bought it. And so now I've talked to him. And what do you guys talk about? I like these guys. We just talk about pop music.
I mean Black Sheep was sort of the next summer and it was sort of the same type of movie. We should have just kept it Pete Siegel and just done it again. He couldn't – he wasn't available. It just would have kept track of like kind of how it was. But I did like Black Sheep. We had another movie that we were talking about at the very end and it would have been great.
Yeah, I mean would I have liked to have like a run and gun buddy to goof around? He would have been all over the place. He would have been working with everybody. I mean even at that point toward the end because he's almost more famous now because everyone looks back and – But when you're in it and he's just getting famous, but still all the big hosts that would come in would go right to him.
So he could have worked with anybody, big directors, more drama. He would have done a lot of stuff with Adam. I mean, he loved Adam and always thought he was great. Sandler, you mean? Yeah, yeah. He was very tight with Adam. And I was just lucky to be in – a couple with him, but he would have been out there doing everything.
I remember when he was in Coneheads, we all were in Coneheads, even Adam was in Coneheads. And Lauren, it was sort of an assignment. You know, we all, he was just like, you're going to play this. And he just had plucked everyone. There's probably 15 people in Messin' L on it. And somehow still didn't work that well, but I loved being in it.
And he was in it and he had a pretty big part and he was funny. Look at him, there he is. Oh, he looks so handsome. Did you get to keep the cone from that? No, but you know what? That will barely fit up your butt. If you – she's really pretty, by the way. That was Michelle Burke. Is it? This is after they took a photo of Farley and they take it so strong that he –
That's Grohl. Yeah, that's Grohl. Who's the guy in the back?
It blows his hair back or something. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's funny as shit. But Akron, yeah, so that was a blast. So I would say the answer is would have loved to keep doing stuff and just have him around to hang out with.
You know, I was pitched a Tommy Boy 2, which was our kids are together and our kids are. But this is, I was pitched it two years ago. And I'm like, I just can't find a scenario with no Farley. It's not – he was the whole movie. Even if it has a good title, Tommy Boy is in the title. But it would be too much of a sellout. I can't imagine. I mean no one could do that.
That's a woman. No, that isn't. It could be. that guy's just a homeless dude that walked on the set.
Were they going to do it with CGR? Use one of his brothers to do it you think? No. It was just like – it was our kids and it was about them and then I was going to come help them on the road or something. But I go – if – listen. There's the magic in the bottle was Chris. And so – I had a good part. I had a lot of fun in it, but it was about Christopher. And so, you know, yeah.
If we did another one back then, it would have been a blast. Yeah.
Wow, that's interesting. I don't know. I never even thought that far. Break pads are so funny. There's endless jokes about them. I mean, that movie, that's what I always say is that if we pitched the Tommy Boy movie just like two guys selling break pads, it's just not –
No, it's just not funny.
And then he's like, I've been having my period for 11 months straight. These are, these are trailer moments. That actually would have been hilarious, David.
They really got effed on Snow White though. That is, it did not work in any way, shape or form.
He did this a lot, you know, which is funny. You get nervous, David. And then he goes like this, pulls on his hair when he's nervous. Like in the meeting with the host, he'd pull on the carpet. And everyone's just like, even like the host is like some Michael Keaton going, is this fucking dude okay? Because they didn't really know him yet. And he was so nervous about shit and always funny.
But he would always try to make you laugh, always try to do anything, fall down at work. Do anything. Oh, fall on the piano. Just anything to get everyone to laugh. Because also he was taken care of. He wasn't writing sketches. So he just was tra-la-la around the office. There's no stress because he's going to be in 18 things. Everyone's going to write him in.
And if you write him in, like that's the big trick at SNL is you got to get someone to write for you. And I would get mad. I'd go, you don't write for me enough. They're like, what do you do? And I'm like, you're right. You just think I'm great. And then they go, wow. There's no proof. And I'm like, yeah.
So you have to kind of do a joke around the office or sort of thirsty but do an impression or something. And someone goes, you should do something with that. And then where they go, oh, you can do that? Oh, we might put you in this because we need someone like that. But mostly I was like smart-alecky stupid shit because – That's the only thing they saw.
I wrote that Hollywood Minute where it was – I was making fun of everybody and that kind of was a good hook for me. But it wasn't enough to be like super characters. That really wasn't my thing.
Oh, that's right. You hit me up.
Can you make a call, Davey? Yeah.
Don't tell Jen. Yeah. He was in The Wrong Miss. We put him in that. He was in Benchwarmers. He's funny in that. Was it fun there for you? You'd never been there, right?
I think China White was. Yeah, that's what it should be. I was around for China White when I was a kid. Like that was the – I was so lucky because you used to do a little sniffy-jiffy, I heard. Yeah. It is fun. There are negatives, but we always start with the positives, especially about that. If I could afford more when I was parking cars and being a busboy, I would have definitely gone crazy.
We'd be there all week and then we'd just come down to the show. But you might have to host it one day. It was pretty interesting there. Would you be able to handle it?
Is that the whole thing? Yeah. What if it's fucking Jelly Pop, your buddy or whatever? Remember he – Oh, yeah. Jelly Roll? Yeah. He came over to us at Koi one time and said hi. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah. I'm trying to think of – I said, hey, the bouncer is coming over. He wants to talk to you. Yeah. He walks over. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I was like, what motorcycle did this guy – this guy.
We took a picture with him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fun.
No, we have fun. We go to UFC and everyone knows. I remember before you even blew up, so many people knew you at UFC. I was like, holy shit, man, these people know this clown. I don't know about that. There we are right there. Look, my hair is quite puffy that day.
My fucking sweater pops. Don't even try to argue that.
It's unreal. In some places, it's six pounds. That is the most expensive place because I won't say the name, but... The steak sauce was seven bucks each. You get a little thing like this of A1 and it's like, dish, dish, dish, seven, seven, seven. And then the bread was 15. I had filet, I had filet of sole, right? I go, oh. You had filet of what?
No, filet of... Yeah. That's rich. Oh, shocking. It checks out as a fish. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Anyway, it's kind of like carp. No, I don't know what it's like. So I get this and they go, do you want the catch of the day? And I know it's a rich place. I go, don't try to rat fuck me, dudes. I'm going to take this dog shit off the menu. It says market price, but I go, fine. I get it.
What you do is they have the fish with their mouth, I guess. Yeah. And something like this. Oh, you're going to go to work for that 150. And the fish is like. Fish is like, I got teeth. No, you do not. Nice try.
I could not, thank God. I could do a quarter gram in a weekend. Then I just, I could only afford 25 bucks. That was it. And even that wasn't money well spent, but don't get all excited. You're getting a boner. It is exciting. I mean, talking about it, doing it, it was fun. It was hard to just quit it, but it's just, I just watch and you go, no way to have a career.
How do you remember to ask questions? I always watch this thing and I'm like, I can't remember shit to talk to people about.
Oh, there's you on us now. Who is that? They're like, ladies and gentlemen, BLM. And they're like, oh, is that the musical group? Is that you all happy? When were you that happy? Never. Fucking shit. Is that AI? Is that Tom Brady's teeth? Oh, my God. I'll rent out advertising space on those fucking chompers. Are those your teeth?
I was about to say, your forearms look good, and they shaved you a little bit. God. Your whole body's shaved. Well, it's going to be as soon as I get in shape.
Oh, I was just talking about this episode. No, I wasn't. What are you going to do with them?
There's no way to have anything good with all this pressure and shit you got to do. And people like to rat you out. And people like to say, this guy, you know, he's a little – Yeah. A little power flower now and then. So if they start getting that word out there – I luckily never got that word. I didn't do any of the whole SNL.
You're kind of a trickster. No, I'm not going to do any tricks. Really? I don't want any weird stuff, yeah. Let me get a couple grams of it. You want a little bit? Oh, if anybody needs money, I would let them sell them for whatever. Oh, that's cool. You could sell them here, part of your merch, if you want. I could have Harper. She could take them. But I don't know. It's too morbid.
I can't even think about this stuff. I get scared.
Okay. I'm pretty agreeable to everything, yeah. Or how, like... Spades, shades. Yeah. Okay. And they're interior shades, too, actually. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, now we're getting somewhere. Yeah. And was there a story about something...
No, you should put it in a t-shirt gun. Yeah. And take it to some bayou horse shit, you know. Rodeo. Louisiana rodeo, yeah. Snake rodeo. Yeah. Snake rodeo. Is that like an orgy? That's what you call an orgy?
look at this shit wait oh my god it's a rolex anyway um is that real now the joke is like i act like it's late i go oh shit it's a rolex and i go like this uh what time is it oh wealth yeah um no this is a real one but it's the only one good thing i have i did get robbed at my house you shouldn't be flashing around Me toddler ate me ashes.
Aren't they? They're not good. They cannot taste good. I don't know. I guess if you mix them with something. My God.
He didn't have a lot. That's the whole fucking story. Dude, he only had a little bit. He only had like the forearm. Yeah, dude.
And that's the funniest part is that I did dabble a little bit before that just because I was in fucking showbiz. And you're from Arizona. You're from Scottsdale. Yeah. It's not still. Yeah. Well, it doesn't mean – it wasn't really the cocaine capital of the world. But I was in the comedy biz and a couple of guys had it and I was like fucking – I would partake just for fun. Yeah. Obviously.
Spade looks pretty cool today. Spade looks healthy today.
Is there a hair? Yeah, it's okay. Here, give it to me.
No, you know what I do? Is if you weren't here... I fucking light it on fire in front of the other ones. And I say, this is what happens when you try to fucking make a break for it. Jump ship on me, motherfucker. And then it burns and it floats down. They all go, what the fuck? And I go, yeah, might want to stick around.
No, no, it's ridiculous and it's fucked up. And our bodies can only hold so much hair. Tiffany, you have raging boners. What? I'm sorry.
Is he the guy that tries to live forever? He's trying to be really old. Is that him? I'm not sure. He also sings for ACDC. That's Brian Johnson, too. That's a different one.
It's his new cologne. Called fucking pig blood.
minimum 2 million worth of surgery on my face. But just to do a light dusting and cleanup, this guy's like every day, it's too much. And girls find that out. They don't want a dude that's spending their whole life to look six years younger. It's crazy.
Fucking sanding their nuts so there's no wrinkles in them. Just fucking mew, mew. You got your wiener out in a belt sander. Mew, mew. No rinks. I mean, I get it. We all do. I'm falling apart. Someone put on my comments the other day, you got old fast, dude. Oh, thanks, you fuck. Oh, thanks. Fly to your house and beat you with a fucking rock dick. I get really offended by the comments.
I'm like this. These people are losers. I tell myself. The guy goes, no way. I'm a winner. And I go, fuck, he's a winner and he's doing this? Look at Spade.
Fucking, look at those pecs though, dude.
Yeah, and can you wear the cheapest chain you got, fucking dude? Spending your money on the wrong shit.
Hey, you want some cherry fucking pie melted down? Hey, nips. Why would you push in on that? God, those bitches are hard-boiled. Those fucking window cutters. Tic-tac-toe.
I mean, I like it now. I'm a little beat up around the edges. I had a rough upbringing.
And then – Oh, yeah, brother. But one time I did a lot and I was like – Yeah. I feel like I should go to the hospital. Yeah. You know?
Oh, it is a good point, huh?
I know. Okay, now here's this guy fighting back.
Oh, yeah, on the movie? Yeah. No, honestly, whatever it takes. I was telling you beforehand. You're tougher than me, but movies are fucking tough. They're tough mentally. They're tough physically. And it's just a fucking grind. You have no life. You get up at dark. You go in. Every day is a problem. Like we don't have this. This car doesn't work. Remember the cars weren't starting.
Every car we had, we're like, did you want it to start? I go, yeah, you have to drive it into the scene. Okay, you got to tell us this up front, guys. I go, I have to tell you a car should start. Well, it was low budget, but it's still, I mean, we make everything look as good as we can. Listen, Napoleon Dynamite was low budget. It's hilarious. So it's just about where you use the money.
It's really just about me and you and just about being funny. So you don't need too much in the background.
We're like 60. Okay.
And I'm like, no, bring the brothers.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it was like pushing cars into scenes. And then, uh, But I thought overall super fun, glad to do it, and excited for the final product.
And you'll walk over there. That's the craziest is – No, I fucking sprinted.
Well, I haven't really done a comedy teen movie since I think Black Sheep and that because – It's like growing up, there's five of us. Wrong Missy was me and Lauren, and she was great. It wasn't even really a comedy. She was like all the jokes. I was just reacting, which is important, but it was sort of her thing. So it was fun to go back and forth and on the set when thinking of jokes and stuff.
That's the fun part. Those are the fun parts of movies. Once we're in it and we're doing the scenes and laughing, then it's fun. The rest of it's tough.
God, could we cry? Could I cry? I'm not crying about the movie. It's fun.
I cry about everything. I cried about the driving.
No, because the funny thing is you just turn into JonBenet. One bump and I'm like, oh, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy and I'm feeling great. And then I made my friend drive me and I got there and he's like – and it was freezing and I was shaking and tight. And he goes, you got to go in there. And he goes, but they're going to ask. Because I didn't stand up for about a year. Right.
Right. I mean, the bottom line is it's funny when you watch a movie, any movie you see, you go, you don't think about how long, how much shit it took. You just go funny or not.
They worked hard. This is some rewrite they loved, a fucking bomb. Yeah, when I go to movies, I used to sit through everything because I love comedy. I love movies. And then about five years ago, I started to walk out of movies. It's very hard. I think attention span and everything where I'm like, or I kind of know where it's going. And I'm like, if there's not enough tricks here, I got to go.
Yeah, if there's not a good bit of fucking in them, I'm out. If nothing else, someone start fucking someone.
Or I'm fucking out. At the very least, dude, yeah. Minimum. Even if it's animals, I'll watch that. Listen, how am I watching that when I know I have stepbrother porn on my phone if I need it? Yeah, dude.
That's not – is that true?
I like that you read it so fast. I'm not even understanding. Male fertility is declining. So what happens? Just let's say I'm in fifth grade. Okay. You get a boner. I'm trying to explain to a fifth grader. Why would I?
Good dish. Okay. Oh, man. Flop it over.
I like the last scene of some dude in this scene. He goes, yeah, and then it's like, one CC like this. The guy's like, oh, yeah, you missed a good batch.
No, sperm races. Yeah, let's look forward to that in 2028, Gavin Newsom, Olympics. First sperm to cross the finish line wins.
Yeah, dude, that's true. The two guys that play it. I like on the side. What do you think? Last one, no opinion. Okay, GA, Georgia?
And they go, they're going to ask. And they're going to have to call the police. I go, no, no, no. Extra scared. And he cranks the heater on in the car. And I'm starting to fucking sweat. But this is a good friend. Because he was there with me for three hours. He goes, you should go in there in a second. But just tell me more. And I was calming down. This was the trick. I didn't know this.
Talking to him. Yeah. Yeah.
No, I want to hear more about the McGriddle. What about on Instagram when they show cars doing donuts and they always hit somebody? Oh, yeah. They go, street takeover. And everyone's like, yeah. I'm like, God, everyone gets hit. You guys get at this point. These aren't professionals. Get out the way. Yeah, get out the way.
Look at that statement, Nicholas. Wait. So the person getting the call.
Here we go. Let's hear more from this horse.
My mom got her knee replaced. Did she? Yeah, you haven't said shit about it. She might want you to call her. Oh, definitely, dude. She's so excited. Oh, where's the movie? That's what she said?
Oh, is it fun? It's going to be funny. I can tell. It just sounds fun. She's very positive. Yeah. She's very positive.
Busboy sounds fun. Yeah.
You know. Dude, you told me you were a busboy for a long time. I was a dishwasher for a year. Then busboy, then busboy, then valet parker. No, I would be longer, except I got fired over and over.
Bring up real Willie.
Does your mom like me?
Look at cute. Is that you in a bandana?
Oh, where were you guys?
Maybe I didn't love you. What if she took off a mask and it was Bobby Lee the whole time? You are always. You're always on my mind. I love Elvis and Willie's great. My mom's favorite person is Willie, favorite performer. You're lying. I swear to God. That's my mom's favorite, dude. Look at him.
And my heart was going from like 3,000 over 2,000 to like started to get – Back to normal and then it got light out. And then I go, let's go home. So gross. And then I go, I'll never do it again. Four days later, hey, dude. I'm fucking jinking. What a great guy. There's me and they make me jump. Oh, yeah.
She goes, oh, he's sexy. I don't care about the wrinkles. He is sexy. He's so good. Yeah. Talent. Oh, my mom says I like to climb up those braids and get into them. Your mom's got a side pony going. Yeah, she rocks. Where are you guys? Which Waffle House is that? Uh, that's one of the, actually it's, that was ranked one of the top 600 Waffle Houses. She's like, you're so rich.
Where are you taking me? You're like, oh, pulling a Waffle House. Oh, you want to go somewhere else?
She's like, no, we can have the Buck 99 special. You're like, mom, I just feel like you're most comfortable here.
This is the last one. Ready? Lot of pee. Man has no idea who's putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Dude, I'll tell you. This guy also is on Instagram trying to fill his pool with piss himself. And it's been a year and it's not that much. And I can tell you it's going to take him longer. I figured out, Dane and I on our podcast figured out if you try to piss to fill up the Grand Canyon. If every person did it once a day, it would take 800 years. Isn't that crazy? It's not that long.
That sounds like a lot, but it isn't that long. But the Grand Canyon is bigger than you think. Dude, remember when your parents left you at the Grand Canyon? No, don't even bring that up. It's such a sore sub. Just glad to see when your mom was happy again. By the way, you don't know maybe Joder's parents. They were maybe doing it as a favor for some reason. We haven't thought of that.
Oh, we'd sing... Abbey Road. Off camera. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking love the Beatles. Oh, I love the Beatles. McCartney, the Beatles. I love it all, man. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I got to let you go. All right. I'm going to stick around for a little bit, but I'm going to let you take off. No, but thanks for having me. Miss you. Dandelion out now. Dandelion out.
We're coming out in the next day or two. Check it out. Yep. May 6th. Amazon. And check it out. Smash that button. Whatever you're supposed to do. I don't know.
In those days, first of all, because it reminded me of my old car because this place is out in the middle of nowhere next to some junkyard where we're shooting. It's a nice area. I mean, it's a nice area if you have no money. So I used to go to this junkyard and go to pick a part. You know what that is where they have all the cars out there? You can go looking for what you need.
And you get a part for your own car. No one thinks this ultra pussy did that. I'd go out there when they got him a socket wrench looking for a Subaru brat handle and go. You know, they go, go out there. And that's how all that Joe Dirt stuff started because I'm like, I did that. Get an alternator. Put it in my Volvo. Put it in wrong.
And just live that gross – and it's 110 degrees out there and you're burning your hands. I remember my old Volvo was a 62 and I – it looked like a planter. I should have shaved the top off.
filled it with dirt and i would take if i ever had a date which was rare it was leaking a quart of oil a day yeah so for those of you at home that don't know that's a lot and i had to buy a quart i mean like like a box of pens oil and then every day at some point i had to put a cord in and if you ever had a date it was so embarrassing because at some point i had to have them put a cord in you know
And I had to explain how to do it. And I had to sit in the front seat and go, no, you got to poke the hole. And then you got to poke one of the other side.
There's a new problem where it's like. I don't want this guy screaming at me. Again, the microphone is too far away from my mug. So there's a new problem with a lot of people on medication. And when I grew up, I don't think anyone was. Now, did we have autism? Did we have ADD? It just – people thought you're weird. That's all. So – or just different. And then now people are on uppers, downers.
So there's – And some boners go away. That's what I'm hearing. So that's why blue chew and boner pills are everywhere and they're for younger people, not just people.
Fucking rock hard. Winged up.
I mean, I don't know what these – Fucking sundial in there.
Like no picture? No picture for that?
You can hang your coat. No, no, I know. Baby boners are really – I feel like when I go to the gas station and they always have like – Those sort of fake ones right there. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Two billion. Impulse buy. And I go, I don't know. I'm getting my stuff. Here's my pretzels. And they're like, hey, rod for the road. I'm like, why not? I mean, I'm going to Irvine. It's a long drive. Who wants a boner to drive around? Anyway, I don't know if that's what they're for.
Well, I think we had the same driver because I think he texted me and said, I got Theo now. But I was, I don't do a lot of bus tours. And we were, I think in Kentucky, it was perfecto for Joe Dirt. And so, so many people were saying, were knowing me from Joe Dirt that I said, fuck, there are firework stands here. Like there were in Arizona when I, grew up.
And so I said, let's, let's find one and pull over. I just want to go in and see what they have, you know, see the new stuff. You got the good stuff. I did ask him, they got the good stuff. And then, uh, so the funny part was we went in and it was sort of an older woman and two young guys and they knew me right away, but I did have a hat on and shades, but they knew it right away.
And then they took me around and showed me all their ones and The Godfather. This one, you know, it's basically just, basically you get to a point where what North Korea has. Yeah. It's really, it gets very extreme. We, when I grew up, Black Cats, The Basics, M80s, Roman Candles were a hit. Yeah. And then Whistling Pussy Chasers. That's what we called them in the movie.
Then we had to switch it to Kitty Chaser. Oh, really? Is that true? Oh, yeah. Whistling bunghole. Yeah. And now spleens, flitters. Yeah. Me and Fred Wolf just made these up. Some sound real. And whisker biscuits. Those honky lighters are for sure. Yeah. Cherry bombs was real. Kicking, whistling bungholes is fake. But we had quarter sticks, M80s.
We'd go to Mexico and get quarter sticks and half sticks of dynamite. Really? No supervision at all, yeah.
They're like, oh, they open your trunk. They go, I've got fireworks. They're like, this is an AR-15. I go, I know, fire comes out the front. It's very murky, what you can describe as fireworks these days.
Look at that shit. Dude, how bad did you fucking miss? You're just aiming for the air. I know.
Yeah, and just light them up in D.C. This looks like the inside of the Minecraft movie when they bring the chicken jockey out. Have you seen that? People light fireworks in there now. There's a part of the movie. That something happens and everyone used to throw popcorn at the screen and now they've gone – now they get in fights and they light up firecrackers and it goes bananas.
So they have to stop the movie now. Is it like – kind of like Rocky Horror Picture Show? A little bit worse because they were contained and they – OK. Something is going to go wrong. Is this Terry? This is like – Is this Back It Up Terry? Let's see it. Are we allowed to show this? It's the darker side of fireworks here. Yeah, yeah.
no one helps him help him I'm like what are you doing Terry help fucking Terry he's blinded he can't see the goddamn control panel God. It's so funny. I cannot stand to watch people that just film things and never get involved. They laugh their fucking ass off no matter what.