Dax Flame

Now, 185. It wasn't 145, but not 185.

40?

50.

That's frame piece of piece that that's frame. Yeah.

Hold my call, Shereen.

Wow.

So they- You got Life and Fettuccine. He got the- Life and Fettuccine. We booked you Life and Fettuccine. You're going to love it. But that's not the short I did. It's not short at all. It's a seven-hour movie.

Good to see you again, Mr. Dax.

$70?

This is going to be awesome. We just got the pizza, but the driver said they didn't want to be in the video.

Yummy.

How dare you?

Again? Again? Why him again?

Yes, that's it. That's it. You will forever be bound to a studio apartment and never get laid again.

Don't be afraid. Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself. He was hung. The Clintons, they are at fault. They did it all because of the children.

$30.

I asked about my maid in Houston, and apparently she's fine. She's illegal. Well, that's good.

You got so fucking mad.

That's it. That's it.

I exercised also today. And showered.

I played basketball with a friend.

Are you wearing these clothes that you're wearing now, or are you wearing... No, uh, I wore shorts today.

Yeah, I usually wear jeans or pants.

Uh... You can see them if you want.

Yeah, but I never swim.

Is that the Saving Private Ryan? Is that where that started? Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

No, real war. It's coming. If I didn't think I had a chance anymore. You'd just play dead. Play possum. Yeah. Unless there was someone I could potentially help.

Stay in the boat.

Every single person is getting killed?

Yeah, I would probably just point out that every single person has died as they left. Oh, all right.

They would throw me over, you're saying?

But then you would get killed, right?

That would probably, yeah, that would make more sense than just people going forward using someone as a shield. Yeah, yeah. Pretty heavily.

Oh, that's not accurate. Who said that?

I'm jealous. Just tell him. Emma Watson.

Put a spell on her. She asked me to keep it private, but I don't like to keep anything private.

Yeah, he is. Do you want us to cut it out?

How's your day going?

It's better that you're here. Oh, thank you. What kind of things do you like to do?

These things are probably the worst.

I like this as well. Horchata.

That's very good.

What's your favorite place to get it? Mexican food?

Paquito Mas.

We should go there sometime.

Have you got a sleeve or is it a mushroom? I'm circumcised, yeah. Really?

I'm quite horny, so they can wait. I know, but... How big is it limp? I'm uncomfortable with your publicist hearing problems.

How big is it? Average, normal.

Paquito Moss?

I guess make out. Make out? Then? Maybe see whatever you're comfortable with.

I think maybe just play it by ear. You want me to play with your ears? Sure. Wonderful.

In real life or in hockey?

Oh, yeah.

Hi.

It's cool to meet you. Nice to meet you. How are you? Good. Do you go to school? You seem really cool. Cool. Do you like hockey? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Wayne Gretzky.

Would you like us both to be there? So, it would either be just you or just the two of you? No, I'm... I'm probably not going to be there.

Well, I think if there's just one other person on a date, it might feel... Well, I actually don't know.

Oh, like you would bring people?

You and I date each other.

What the fuck are you talking about?

We're on a date. That could be... Distracting? Yeah, but it might make things less...

Okay.

I don't know. I have to think.

Yes.

If I felt comfortable with someone and there was a good, yeah, then I would be comfortable too.

Tokyo.

Right.

Tokyo, Japan.

Lost in translation.

For a couple days.

Okay.

Should probably just walk around and look at stuff. Okay.

I got the flu. So that's why I want to go back and not get sick.

On day two.

Depressing. How did you get it, do you think? You got it from traveling? Yeah, probably just from traveling. Was it a bug or the physical, like you were? They told me it was the flu because then I went to the doctor to see if I needed any medicine and they said it was the flu.

it wasn't COVID it was before COVID after wow wow that's incredible and how long were you there with the flu one week so one day healthy and then six days sick and then I went back so you were in bed for six days well yeah I mean the second day I was kind of like just kind of like walking around but feeling bad and I was like I'm just gonna relax at my hotel and then I just started to feel really bad wow so you spent six days in a hotel basically yes who'd you go with just solo

I was excited. Bought my ticket. Let's take this trip. Well, it's awesome going around, but there's something else going around. It's the flu, and I miss you. Wow. Sick in Japan. Sick in Japan.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

So I can edit. Yeah, he wants to be able to edit and shoot.

Yeah, because I have videos that I have to post still. I could make new ones.

I don't know anything about it, but I would go.

That'd be cool.

That looks pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. I'd like to see that.

Well, I would have to get my passport.

Of course. Okay, there's an 1120. I am supposed to go to New York on Friday. Why? Because someone wanted me to come make videos for them.

You have a five-hour stop.

Round trip. We hope so.

Wow, okay. I'll do it if you still want to then.

Konnichiwa.

Done.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are scared of it. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how that would sound.

To do the Japanese accent while speaking Japanese?

Maybe.

maybe i can't remember specific yeah yeah you how about rednecks have you done it can you do a redneck you know i mean impression you could because it's white go ahead hey y'all hey hey do you do you like do you do you like uh trailers i do do you yeah we do you have one for sale yeah how much yeah well tell us about it i don't want to just buy it okay yeah you're right how much you got

Little bed to bed.

Flat screen? Oh, that's nice. How big? 36 inch TV.

48 inches TV. That's still pretty small, but that's fine.

Yep.

Yeah, I got sick last time I was there.

Can I ask you a question?

My friend said she met you and she said that I'm friends with Dax and you said... Oh, wait, stop, stop, stop.

She said, Bobby said, that guy smells weird.

I didn't ask about the body language.

Can I text her and ask her if it's okay? Yeah, text her. Yeah, text her.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable by confronting you. I asked her if, I told her, I said, can I call you? I want to ask you about the smell thing on Bad Friends.

Nothing yet? She hasn't replied. I turned it off of silent mode so that.

I know that she was... I think at the improv.

Oh, she's a comic.

Oh, new to comedy.

No.

She just told me that story.

Well, I don't have a sense of smell, so I take showers whenever I'm going to be around people because I can't tell anymore since I lost my sense of smell a couple years ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nothing.

Yeah. I'm going to tell you something right now. That's not true. You don't smell bad.

Okay.

You don't hug. That's what I said. I said, I'm usually sitting like seven.

Would you want me to say anything to her?

I wasn't. Yeah, I didn't feel offended. Good.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

23?

John Stewart.

It's on TikTok.

Weil es zu wenige Reviews gibt.

130.

Er sagt ja zu vielen seiner Freunde.

Let's be real.

No.

Okay.

Be honest.

Ja.

What?

Die Ursprungsgeschichte?

It's a smart roll.

Charles Milton.

Ja.

Good, that was fun. I was nervous, but that was fun.

It was hard to tell because it was quite overwhelming. I had never done it in front of that many people, but it was fun.

That Kamala Harris will win?

When will this come out? Right now? It's already over.

Alright, here we go. Let's watch this tape.

I can't hear you. Awesome. I love going to the aquarium. My favorite thing is always just looking at all the jellyfish. But I always just wish there were some peanut butter fish as well. Ich habe mich letztendlich verabschiedet. Nicht meine Schuld, das verspreche ich dir.

Aber sie hatte immer Schmerzen und würde mich wirklich wütend machen, weil ich mir gesagt hätte, keine Sorge, es ist nur in deinem Kopf. Und dann würde sie sagen, nein, ich habe wirklich einen Schmerz. Und ich würde sagen, nein, es ist wirklich nur in deinem Kopf. Okay, ehrlich gesagt.

Ja, es war wirklich Spaß.

Yeah, yeah. People were like, that's awesome. You performed there because people love that place.

No. I just went and just filmed like an outro and then went home.

Oh, he's nice. He's a nice guy. I didn't say... He's a nice guy. Yeah, he was very nice.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Definitely.

Did you already look into the camera and say what you want to say to them? Like, not a, I guess they don't need an apology, but maybe just an explanation, right?

Wow, vielleicht sind sie nicht die richtigen Freunde. Oder wenn du mit ihnen trotzdem Freunde sein willst, kannst du es einfach an die Kamera sagen.

Wie, was ich schreibe?

Hey guys, what they say, I'm not responsible for. I just am friends with them or whatever. And go on their podcasts every week and stuff. I can't be held responsible for that kind of thing. And let's just hang out. Let's ask for their friendship back. And can you just please come on and hang out with me? And here's why. I'd love to have y'all on the show to hash it out. And I'll tell you what.

And I'll tell you what. If you do that, you're gonna have a heck of a time. Because maybe we'll go to six flags afterward. Or we could even... Or we could even... Go to the bowling alley or party. And I could teach you... Oh, sensitive word. Yeah.

I'll give you an example of my... English? But the other one... Spanish and... But here's a little sample. Hola. Ich bin Rudi. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich.

My language. Oh, okay. Tagalog, how do you say it? Tagalog. Tagalog. Tagalog, yeah. I will teach you that.

Just make it up. I love Tagalog.

And I think you will too. What does it sound like, Tagalog? Like Spanish? Let's hear some of it. Hi. Hi.

Nichts, ich mache immer nur Videos und das ist es.

Nun, ich glaube, ich habe genossen, Stand-Up vor einem echten Publikum zu machen, außerhalb eines offenen Mikros. Und dann vielleicht mehr Stand-Up und vielleicht einfach mehr Videos zu machen. Und dann weiter mit dem Dating und so weiter.

Nein, überhaupt nicht.

Nicht, dass ich es kenne. Warum?

Oh, maybe giving me just advice.

Oh, like going to a bar kind of thing?

As if I'm your son?

Okay.

Okay.

I need help.

I just fell while hiking.

Oh, there was a mountain lion that knocked me over.

Yep. Are you okay? I think I need help.

Do you want a blowjob? I'm interested in you.

I don't know. Well, think about it. I gotta go to work. Who wants two more? Oh my god. Me! Let's flip a coin.

I'm coming up.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Like the Kool-Aid man.

Dax, es ist Dax.

You do it.

No, I think you should.

I could step out of my comfort zone and try it.

I would accept your help.

A tux seems like a weird first date thing.

I don't specifically want that.

Oh, it's terrible.

Oh, okay, so whenever I go through fast food places, they're always like, thanks so much, enjoy your meal, and then I say, you too, but I'm the one eating the meal, not them.

Oh, I didn't know it existed. Let's twerk it.

Whenever I go to fast food restaurants,

Okay, I have one.

Ready? I've been getting fast food a lot lately and every time I go through they say, enjoy your meal. You know how hard it is for me to not tell them to fuck themselves?

And the joke is that it's just a funny random thing.

I've been getting fast food way too much lately. Every time I go, they're like, enjoy your meal. And I say, Aliyub, GoPro, all the way.

I've been getting fast food way too much lately. Every time I go through the drive-thru though, they're like, enjoy your meal. And I say, alley-oop, GoPro all the way, beep-beep. And we wrote a joke. And that's very good.

Oh, that was the one that was not a premise. Oh, that was my fault. Premise would be like I think my phone is listening to me and then something funny or like something about red flags or something.

What does that mean?

Ja, 2020. Ja, 2020.

$32.

I think my phone is listening to me. I hope it doesn't hear me when I'm fucking myself.

Exactly, that was perfect. Perfect.

Yeah.

Okay.

Huh? What?

These are so good.

I just wasn't expecting fishing to get brought up in this political conversation.

I'll be real.