Deison Afualo
Appearances
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. Yes. What were your thoughts? I didn't see it, but I'm sure I would have liked it. I think, unfortunately, that man and I have a very similar gender expression. You do. We have an amazing... Wait! Wait. We were going to talk fat, juicy, and wet. But we will on the next episode. We will. We will on the next episode.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And also, I have cities that I want to drop because they're coming up very soon. I just got back. I was sold out in Brooklyn and Philadelphia. Truly some of the best shows that I've ever had in my life. And I just wanted to shout out these other cities that are coming up, I believe, this week. I'm going to be in Sacramento on February 19th, San Francisco, February 20th.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And then Salt Lake City on March 6th. Boise, which I've added a second show to on the 7th. You guys, go get that Boise second show. Yes. And then Toronto on the 14th or the 15th. I'm there for the weekend. The first two shows are both sold out. And then Buffalo, New York on March 16th. Vancouver on March 22nd. I added an early show. The second one's already sold out.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And then Edmonton is also about to sell out.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
edmonton yeah at the mall no i remember do you know the mall the pirate ship one dude tell me why it's almost sold out got covid there yes remember yes oh my god i worked out at the gym there i had just gotten married and we flew to edmonton that was really rough yeah anyways i'll be there and it's almost sold out so make sure you come see it these um these stand-up shows have been literally healing me and it's been
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, it's been like the best. So I'll see you guys there. And now on the next episode, we will talk about Fat, Juicy, and Wet. And at that point, if you guys don't want to hear it, I don't care. I still need to. We'll talk about it. Okay. Now make it loud. Put your ears together for Dason Afualo. Thank you so much for being here, Dason.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
This is a very exciting time for us. I've been listening to two idiot girls. I've been watching you all over my feed. And now to see you in front of my face.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with straight people hearing us refer to each other as dykes and being like, whoa.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
As long as they don't say it at us. I don't want to hear the slur pointed at us. And I do.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And this is where we always differ. We always differ because I feel like Mackenzie's like, you got to watch it. And I'm always like, or what if my dentist called me a dyke? I don't know. I don't like it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
it oh my god it's beautiful it's really really good i miss amy i miss that show you said her name and i was like i just saw every image of her flood back into my mind we need more reality with queer women yeah i agree especially because i loved love island like the uk version i haven't watched in a while but that like during quarantine that was like my
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, they burn through quicker, which is great to me.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And when she's on her period, we do watch a movie together.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
You know, it is actually, there is not an equivalent to the closeness that lesbians have when they break up. Like there is not a straight version of that at all.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I was trying to think of a fish pun for silk chiffon, and it just didn't come to me. It's milk chiffon. Obviously. As the cover. Yeah, it's good. Fine. All right. All right.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
OK, I just had this epiphany because I was on the road. I was doing shows and I we also do shows for like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of queer people. Yeah. And in Minneapolis, I went back to my home where my parents live and I looked around and I was like, I can't believe that I'm the only dyke here.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No, I think that that is one of the tenets, weirdly, of our whole thing, because when we met each other, I only had friends that I would have sex with because I was like, that's what I thought. You were just slutty. Oh, yeah. And I was the only gay person I knew. So when I saw a lesbian, I was like, we better. We are in love.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It's predestined for us to have sex with each other because otherwise, what are we doing here? Yeah. And then Kenny was like fully just trying to be my friend. And Mackenzie was my first like queer friendship. And I was like, oh, this is healing.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. I had no idea that it. Look at us now. I know. Look at us. Still not having sex with each other.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
physically our hearts are fucking emotionally all the time constantly i felt that in the room see and i knew you would get it yeah i knew you would get that i feel that 100 wow well we're really really really glad we're so happy you're here that you're here i'm obsessed with all of the nail choices that you have thank you yeah i just started doing the two short ones yeah tell me about when you started to do the two shorties because there's a lot of
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Can we tell them what's happening around?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I won't. My job is to fuck around with my friend.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No, there is something too to be like, don't, I know. Yeah. I know what I'm going to do.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Imagine I just had these three full long, but these two short. Just keep them guessing. Keep them guessing. What are you doing over there?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It's just these two. You figure it out.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. Whatever. I'm free. You know what I mean? I want different options. So I think that that's very fun. Here's my question.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
When you go to the manicure and the nail salon, do they,
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Thank you. Your eyes pop. I miss you. I obviously like your whole outfit. We talked about it in the car. You picked me up. I look like John the Baptist, but I hobbled to your car. Nearly fell. You look good.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
ally wow i feel like sometimes it's nice when you have a rapport with the person that is like giving you these services because i feel like i would go to like strangers all the time no i feel that yeah and then when you go to strangers who are also fully straight they're like that's like i'll pull up my i'll they'll see my full leg hair for a pedicure and they're like
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
You can't ask people what they want. Oh, my God.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Not the upper lip. Yeah. That's horrifying. I feel like that's such an L.A. thing, too, as well. Because you'll be at the dentist in Los Angeles, and they'll be like, would you like lipo while you're here?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
no thank you though i'm not like the pt and they're fully like do you need a bbl yeah well you're here about it yeah it is fucked up that every doctor's office that i go to now does have like pamphlets for the most insane medical procedure 100 it's like i shouldn't be getting veneers no no at these places i'm at the optometrist and they're like do you need filler for your lips a little just try it yeah they're like i'm like excuse me vampire facials here
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Dude, have you ever gone to face gym? No, it scares me. What does that mean? You're on the right. What does it mean? And it scares me are the two correct responses. You know that I'm going tomorrow. I know. Why? Is that why you brought it up?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, of course. I'm so scared. Dude, I'm teeing you up. I know. Well, yeah, I'm nervous. They do like facials and stuff, right? They do facials. They're like, it's a workout for your face. Okay. And that's, I am nervous about it. Yeah. I'm super scared to go. I'm scared for you. Thank you. But I think it'll be fine. I'll keep you posted. I started to do more.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I'm going to come back looking different. Mackenzie's.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Something about me, a full grown man in a blouse is doing what I want it to do for my whole vibe. I know.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
and a bbl yeah they convinced me they gave me a bbl it was it was a discount it was buy one get one yeah so i had to buy the bbl yeah and they gave me a free facial one cheek get the other cheek free yeah dude yes wait what was i saying oh i got when i got married i started to do like a lot more of the pampering type things because i feel like yeah i wanted to enjoy it and then i sometimes in the past i'm like i think this is too femme for me like i don't know if i'm going to enjoy it sure pampering too
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
and that is something that I feel like I learned because I'm like a soft dyke but I also was like I don't know there's like a barrier of entry sometimes when you're kind of like I don't know like more masculine yeah where I'm like I don't know if I want people to
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
In like those spaces, like the leg hair, the body hair, the like, the no nails and the all, I'm like, I don't know if this is gonna be fun for me.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
100%, because then I'm like, is this gonna be whatever in my head? And I went to go get my first ever facial. Face Gym literally rocked, by the way. Has it good? The best time. Okay. Not sponsored by Face Gym. No, sorry. Also, it's so expensive. It's so expensive. It's so expensive. I literally am like, I could never go back. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But then the second facial I went to, I had claustrophobia the whole time. So be careful out there, kids. I've never gotten a facial.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
They cover your face up. Oh, my God. Let's all go.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Go to a face gym only. Yeah. Are there things that you like to pamper yourself with other than nails that, like, really – I feel like also you have such a beautiful whole essence about you. Oh, thank you. Like, you have a very beautiful balance of this, like, you're powerful and you're so queer. And, like, it's nice to see.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I'm into it. Okay. Okay. But for real, we have very exciting news. Ray and I are going on a spring tour. It's rat. Sorry. You bitch. Can I tell them what you told me in the hallway earlier? What'd I say? Oh, no. We'll do it on a private. Okay, fine. Sorry, it was about tuna in a cover band. We're going on a tour. Yes.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Like, are there things that you do that you're like, this makes me feel so like me? Like, I'm seeing the cunt shirt and I'm like, that feels important to me.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And I'm like, no. I think there's something interesting about how People perceive femmes within the community and without. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I look at you two and I'm like, these are very obviously gay people. That's what I tell people.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yes. It's nice when you are able to... I feel like a lot of people are... holding on to like queer or pan as this placeholder of like, maybe there could possibly be one single man that could possibly be the one. Whereas like your, your whole experience that you're feeling in your whole life and all of your preferences are 100% women. You're like, but 0.1 could be, but maybe, yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But when you finally are able to like feel a term and you're like, Oh, I said dyke about myself. I said lesbian to myself. I told somebody I'm a lesbian. And then inside your body is like warm. It's like, Oh yeah, you found it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
They're so scary. Yeah. Especially as a baby gay or when you're younger. Oh, a thousand percent. Yeah. Because you feel like you're putting yourself in a box and, like, what if I...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
change my mind or something happens in five years or something people are gonna get mad nobody's mad yeah no one's gonna care yeah nobody cares we don't care at all i feel like a lot of too a lot of like queer women with husbands will be like well i just don't want to take up space i don't know if i can say i'm queer and it's like no you can this is this space is for you you're not pulling away from it you're adding to it yeah there's more of us what are we doing yeah the more the merrier absolutely the more the merrier
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
and it's two dykes and a mic going hog wild yeah uh we are hitting so many cities will you tell us some of the cities that we're hitting yeah wait it's called going hog wild and our promo is on a motorcycle we had to rent a motorcycle from a stranger on craigslist it did come with a man yeah honestly that guy was fine no he was chill yeah he was chill but i want to drop these cities and then i want to tell a little bit about the photo shoot so we're going to be in cardiff on four one what month is four
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
on the back line yeah 100% I feel like I was the only person who's openly queer on my rugby team when I went to college shut up can you believe that that doesn't make any sense I've met them and I will just say girl jury's still out yeah now though now that time has passed I'd say half of them have come out as queer.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
One hundred percent. You know, the pipeline of like rugby, like joining rugby in college and then because not a lot of high schools have rugby. No. Yeah. And then when you realize that it exists in college, it's such a you're like, got it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
We're all queer. Do you think it's because of the physicality of like? just wanting to be around women and possibly tackle them to the ground?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It's actually, I think it's not exactly that. Because if you want to be close to women and you're closeted or straight or whatever, women are so naturally close with each other. You touch each other a lot. You braid each other's hair. You're like, straight girls are big. We kiss. I don't care. But rugby is a very specific community of people.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It is so... But how would you know that as freshmen? Well, I think it's like, I mean, you learn quickly. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I mean, it is like it's a it's one of those trauma bonding type of sports. You spend all your time together. You exercise with each other. You're very close physically, but also you're drinking so much more. And like the camaraderie is so strong.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
So you mix all of those things together.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And they, like, are accepting. I like that so many people.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I can feel it in the room when I walk in. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Did people. Oh, never mind. I can. I remember people clocked you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
April. April. That took me way too long. April Fool's. April Fool's in Cardiff. So we're kicking off our tour on April Fool's Day. And that was intentional. We didn't just think of that right now. That's my comedy anniversary. Wow.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. I didn't know that I was being clocked. One of my one of my best friends that I've had since elementary school. I mean, like since we were like kids, single digit age. Yeah. I was recently talking to her. I'm like, well, when I grew my hair out in high school, like. I was fully passing.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And she was like, if you ever saw a photo of her, ever, any photograph ever taken of Rachel, you're like, that's a dyke.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Well, I was a little boy for so long. And I also saw some pictures of you as a kid. There was like a tomboy face I feel like I saw.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But I really thought in high school, That I was, like, I was closeted, too. So, like, I had a secret relationship, but I thought for sure, like, I was, like, crushing it. I was, like, I was a homecoming queen. I played trumpet. Like, nobody knew. I played trumpet, LOL. Yeah, gay. I played the saxophone, so, yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I don't know. I had the cello, and I was, like, this is a woman. No, that's gay. Cello's also so gay.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Something about it is, like, just fuck already. Like, it's too much.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Me lugging this fucking massive thing around.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
If you have an instrument that has a neck that you have to play it and do this.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It's also gay because it's finger forward, right? Yeah, it has to be.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No, you're too straight. There's something happening here. Wait, anyways, my friend was like, I told her, I was like, off, just her and I talking. I was like, I'm like, well, nobody knew I was gay in high school. And she was like, Rae, when you would leave, she's like, everyone would ask me, like, does that one know that they're gay yet?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Is that your 12 or 11? I thought it's your 36. It's my 36, kid. I taught Joan Rivers everything that bitch knows. Phyllis Diller was my baby. Finish the dates. Phyllis Dillard was my baby? Okay, we go out. Stop. We start the tour. We go out as Tuna.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I just didn't realize that such a quintessential part of being a high school girl is being obsessed with boys. And I was obsessed with girls. And I think people can tell. Even, it doesn't really matter how you present, kind of how we're talking. Like, a queerness can be felt. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And I wonder if, like, at that time, boys were so used to girls being, like, trying to, like, get dates to homecoming. And I was so worried about just being on the golf team.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I was like, I actually am raising a fish. What?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
So, no, I'm not worried about who's asking me to homecoming. It's like, as long as... Were straight girls really that, like... Boy crazy? Yeah, they were. I think every high school is different.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Wait, what's your family like? Because you said you guys weren't allowed to date.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
People are cowards, but sorry. Yeah. People are cowards. Well, people don't like the word butch, but I have always identified with how hot and powerful that is.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, your vibe is sexy. Yes. I like this. Your outfit today looks good. It's very cute, yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. So the straight girls were very much like not having sex, but only talked about boys. Yeah. Which is an interesting vibe. What was your high school's like? Do you think you were clockable in high school?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No. I went to an all-girls school. So there were no boys around to even like...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
be interested in but the boys i did have crushes on were also very feminine and that's what i wanted to ask is like when you were like you had all these crushes on these guys what were they like and when you look back is there kind of a common thread between them they were kind of feminine i think that yeah like i fall for a white boy of the month every every month like as even now as a dyke like i'm like oh yeah jeremy lynn white i'm locked in yeah right but if you ask to kiss me you're disgusting get away from me yeah
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. Wow. But none of, neither of those are feminine. Wouldn't you consider them?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
There's not, he's not rugged. I think that they both look like little ratatouille boys. Incredible.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Here's the thing. I unfortunately am so into Tuna, I don't even want to go hog wild anymore.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But this is how I think it goes back to how you were describing your queerness when you were in high school and you were like, maybe it was there or whatever. You'd be like, boy crush, boy crush, boy crush. But you would want to sit and look at them. When you were at a crush on a girl, you were like, I can't get close enough to you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I know, because we go out as Tuna, the band, Tuna, and we play like, all the things you said, all the things you said, running through my head, running through my head.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I feel like there's a ton of lesbians that are like, oh, I can look at that and appreciate what it is.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. But then a woman, I want to be near. I want to be spending time with you. I want that quality time. I want to get to know you. I want to talk.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I don't need I've never seen a man and ever felt like I need to get to know them ever.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
no one needs to know more than three men.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Three max. And if you know more, then they should be doing work on your car. That's it. Or paying you or something. That's it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
More than three. I literally made my stomach hurt. Imagine we were here and then there were four men. And then I think about that on the reverse side. I can't think of a number of women that I wouldn't want to get to know. And not even like romantically or otherwise.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And then we do a podcast. I'm not opposed to this. Okay. Do you want to open the show as Tuna? Don't play. Okay. It's Going Hog Wild featuring Tuna.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I love you guys. There's depth there. Okay, let's get into some Ask a Dykes.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Oh, yeah. I've got to ask a dyke tonight. I've got to know.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Okay, we have this first Ask a Dyke was emailed into us from, and I'm sorry, it is a white man. He does apologize, which is cute. He does say hi Dykes. First of all, don't be mad at me, but I am a man. And I can tell by his picture he's white. But at least I'm gay, so I hope that helps a little. Okay, that counts, yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Anyways, I'd love for you to help settle a debate between me and one of my best friends. She's queer. And for our purposes, let's call her Sylvia.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
So I've been dating this guy and things are going really, really well. Legit, we'll probably marry him. No big deal. But we had our first sleepover recently while staying at a cabin with some of his friends. And our first night in the cabin was a little rough regarding sleep. New place, new sounds, new man, et cetera. So none of us could fall asleep or stay asleep long.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And I proceed to hold a fart captive for what felt like nine straight hours. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but I wasn't about to rip ass on this man I really liked during our first night together.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
A few times I snuck away to the bathroom but encountered stage fright knowing that a wall was essentially made of plywood separated my future husband from what would likely be an absolute trumpet blast.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
He's a great writer. It feels like I'm in the room. Somehow I survived the night, but I was able to handle business the next morning. I'm guessing he went out into the woods. When I told Sylvia about this, she was dumbfounded to the point of rage. She couldn't fathom why I didn't just fart in front of him. She said with increasing anger. And this is a direct quote.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
If you're in bed with someone and you've got a fart, just say, listen, I got a fart. And then tell them that and they will laugh. And then you fart and giggle about it. What the fuck is wrong with you? Is what this lesbian said to him. I tried to reiterate that this was our first night together and I won't be holding it in three years down the road. But this man...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
with this man, but I think that it's pretty unsexy to cut off somebody's oxygen supply the first night. Incredible. She dug in her heels. She stood her ground. This is the battle of lesbian versus fart. So who's right? Me, Sylvia, or the fart?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Wait, they're like what cities? Okay, can I say some cities? April 1st, we're going to be in Cardiff. April 2nd, Brighton. No, it's just Brighton. Okay, yeah, I got it. I got it, I got it, I got it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
You did this to us. And now I'm feeling like I'm shameful because you did this and you didn't break. You're making me weird. Yeah. I'd rather not. You're making me weird.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Rae, what are your thoughts? Who's in the right here?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Okay. I feel when I put myself in the shoes of the farter. Not the farter. Because if I'm in the shoes of someone. The sleeper. Yeah. Mm-hmm. If somebody was first night and they're like, yo, you're not going to belerve this, but Papa's got a toot bad. Yeah. I would laugh and I'd be like, you have my blessing. Let her rip.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Men are gross. Yeah. And if I put myself in the shoes of the listener who wrote in, I don't know if I could have done it. And I know I have this energy as somebody who's like, I'm open, I'm confident, I'm playful, right? Like, people know. Like, look at me.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But I think that you have my energy. Exactly. Deep down. Deep down? Yeah. I'm a Kenny. Shameful. Yes, shameful. I'm going to the roof, honey. I think this would, yes. I'm pulling the fire alarm. I'm calling the cops. I'm calling the police.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
april 4th london april 17th we're in madison madtown badger shout out april 18th minneapolis my hometown april 19th washington dc april shout out riley yeah right dog right dog april 26th we're in denver may 10th st pete florida i love st pete oh my god our st pete shows rock we almost called my dad live in st pete that's true oh i can't wait May 11th, we'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. May 17th, St.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
It's one in the morning. I'm taking a shower. We're turning on all the water. Okay.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I'm like hiring a stunt double to come in and pretend like I'm sleeping next to you, but I'm actually outside dripping five miles away. I don't know if my body, well, I'm there. I'm like surprisingly not chill with Nazara. Let's say night one with Nazara. I would have passed away before I would have because I don't even know if my body would let me. I would be chill.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
If Nazara was like... That's my wife. If Nazara was like, I have to rip ass night one, I'd be like, for sure. But I don't think I could even if she said to me like, babe, you seem super uncomfortable. I'd be like, I have to... They bury me in the ground.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Babe, are you okay? You're shaking, babe. You're shaking. You're all clammy and sweaty. Something's super duper wrong with you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But I don't think I could actually do it because I have body shame and my body's a lockbox and I don't know if I could look my now wife in the eyes night one and... So I understand both sides. I'm more chill about it happening than letting my body do. Do you know what I'm saying? What about you, Ken? Where are you at? Who's winning? Sylvia, the toot, or a writer?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
The writer. To me, I still have not tooted in front of my wife.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
How long have you been together? Five years. That's crazy.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I'll never. Mackenzie. I say I have shows. That's your family? I say two dykes and a mic is on the road. And then I go out and I leave for three days. I get a hotel. I get a hotel and everything. It's three days of toot. Honestly, it's hazardous. It's so bad for our marriage. Yeah, I'm on the side of the author. I'm on the side of the farts. I just think farts are so funny that I wouldn't care.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No, but I'm also married to a person who does not care and she'll do it in front of me constantly. Like she bombs me all the time. She bombs you. No, it's like mustard gas. It's bad for us. So we're two sides of the coin. But I think that that's what makes us funny. So good. That's beautiful. That's powerful.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Okay, we have another Ask a Dyke. I hope we helped you. Or whoever sent this in.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Are we not supposed to say their name? Hold on, let me see. Leah, hold. Leah, hold. Leah, you know what? Just bleep it anyway.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Thank you, Leah. That's our editor. She's the fucking best.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
bun I think she's talking about the bun she's talking about the whole kitten caboodle she's not talking about a sausage hot dog she's talking about you go to the ballpark can I get some relish on this dog with the bun we're at Costco you know what I mean I'm hoping that she's talking about the bun if she's talking about the hot dog then she's just mistaken what a strange thing to refer to a vagina as I can't stop thinking about what they must do for work it's gotta be medical
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Or massage. If it's medical. Massage. I was hoping massage.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Louis. May 18th, Chicago. You're blowing into mine.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Because if it's medical, I mean, I guess what you have a procedure. You go home and then the whole team was like, wow, did you see that massive hot dog?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Sorry, go ahead. Wow, Leah, cut. You know what? Cut all of Rachel. Leah, mute my mic. Okay, May 11th, we have Atlanta. May 17th, we have St. Louis. May 18th, Chicago. We're coming back to Talia Hall. That was one of my favorite venues that we performed in. Oh, my God. That place rocked.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Waxing. Yeah. Just. Now I have a question.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And from behind. Do you guys think ethically? Yeah. You can be openly lesbian and be a waxer. For sure. I think so.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Plus, like, lesbos aren't, like, do you know how you think about that?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Right. You know what I'm saying? This is such an interesting Ask a Dyke.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
because i'm like what other terms would you guys if you were in this scenario what other terms would you use for a vagina i mean i didn't want to say it i've heard clam burger before which i'm not proud of i'm not proud of saying in front of you guys right now at like noon i don't like it yeah but i've heard it at work i tell you i don't know coochie like yeah coochie seems because then you know what you're talking about hot dog is so it is confusing it's so confusing
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But now that we've brought up the bun, now I do understand.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Well, if you're talking about it in the form of a hot dog, it's got to be. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
This is all interesting in general because I do feel like if I was at a job where I saw nudity, I would never make eye contact with the hot dog.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And I would never talk about it with my coworkers. No. Right? However, I do want to leave space for human nature, right? Yeah. You're with your coworkers. You're letting your hair out. You're talking dogs. You know what I mean? For sure. Like, that's human nature. But I don't think we've ever had an ask like this before. I like his, am I the asshole?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Is the question, yeah. No, you're not. I would say no. You're not an asshole at all because all of us had no idea.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yes, there's human nature, but I do feel like the person is the asshole, not our listener.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, I agree. Thank you for that bizarre ask. That was really wild. Huh. Okay, we have one more.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Oh, my God. I was dressing slutty that time last time we were there. I can't wait. Let's dress like... Total Sluts. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. The fall tour? Too nice of a mic.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
love help dykes dykes help sos it's us in underpants yeah running are you thinking captain underpants i'm always thinking you're giving captain energy okay yes i am okay dayson what are your thoughts on this i think if she's clear on her intentions when she's going on these dates with other queer women yeah um i don't think there's anything wrong with that
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Put it in your profile. Yeah. I used to swipe on people all the time and that was in their profile. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. And then at least if you're flirting in those DMs, you know where that person is and hopefully they can figure it out via that before you even get to the date.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Always being up front is going to get you further than being cagey. Also, I feel like people can tell. Isn't she being cagey? No, like if she were to not be up front. If like...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Total Sluts. We have a tour name, but you and I both are now changing everything. Okay, well. How about this? Yeah. In the fall. Fall tour. It's called Total Sluts featuring Tuna. Lock it in. Don't let us forget. Okay, so we have Chicago. Then we have two nights in Seattle. We have May 30th and May 31st. We're at the Neptune in Seattle. Guys, sell that out. That's my favorite venue.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
mid during the date she was like by the way i've never done this yeah like i think it's okay to up front before you get on the date to be like this is kind of where i'm at i think it's sweet for sure i want to know where everyone's to be honest about your experience yes and i i know like a lot of our listeners will be like oh i'm insecure i don't have like a lot of experience or whatever like that's never been something that like i don't judge somebody's queerness based on like your body count of women yeah i don't even people you
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
been with I agree no I like don't care to me that's more misogynistic than anything yeah a thousand percent yeah because like men like to be like I've been with way more women so that makes me more of a man more experienced yeah yeah which I'm like that's so not the same way with queer people when you guys heard this voicemail though do you think that she's like because she's like I'm just not sure I need to figure it out as like somebody who's been like queer or like knew I was a dyke much longer when I hear that I'm not sure if you mean like
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Because when you're on a date, there's so many reasons why it wouldn't work out. There's so many reasons why. Any type of person you're with, man, woman, whatever, you could be with them and be like, oh, I don't have a spark. You live too far away. We don't vibe, whatever.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
When I hear it like this, I'm like, do you mean... Because you don't need to go on a date and be like, hey, this might not work out. It might not work out for so many reasons. Do you think they're saying, are they trying to just sleep with a woman?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I think they're trying to find out if they're gay or not.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I feel the same exact way. I don't think when you're on a date with a woman or whoever, it's, Do you can figure out your sexuality via a first date? I agree. I think that's almost the worst place to go searching for your sexuality.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I think because they're asking us, like, do you think I can do this? Like, what's the best way to go around it?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. I kind of think it's less. It sounds to me like, you know, you're queer. Yeah. You know, you're open. You know, you're questioning. You're attracted to multiple genders or like open to.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
not just men like it seems like that's already there like I think you can like let yourself off the hook of trying to pick a box and be like you are open you are experimenting with these things like for sure it's not about let me go on a date with a woman to see if I'm gay I would say change your mindset to why don't you go out with people and see if you like them yeah yeah
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah, for sure. Because you'll you'll find you'll have great sex with somebody. You have bad sex with somebody. And that doesn't make then four plus four equals. Now, I think I'm gay. Yeah, I think it's like there's a lot more nuance to the dating experience.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
That being said, eight is the gayest number.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Those two circles just fucking each other.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Of course. Oh, eight. A double entendre. How does she do it all? Wow.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Incredible. Wait, did we see her at the Grammys?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
No, I didn't. I didn't see you. Was she there?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Stunning, really? Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Leah put up a picture of Kaylon. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Well, but great question. That was a great question. I also appreciate that you're trying to protect the queer community. At the root of this question is you saying, like, I don't want people to feel used. And the best way to do that is to make sure you're not using people. Yeah, I agree. I think you're being upfront about it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another episode of Two Dykes and a Mic. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. And I'm Rachel Scanlon-Lee. Wow! Happy Tuesday, gay! You can't say gay. You can't say that. Hey. Hey.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
But great question. And thanks for asking.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Thank you so much. Um, Jason, it's been an honor, a blessing and just the best day of our lives to have you here.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
We have June 7th. That's right. Pride month. The Europeans are like, wake us up when it's over. We have June 7th in Portland. June 12th, we are in Pittsburgh. Then we're in Brooklyn. I'm so excited for Brooklyn. Brooklyn in June 13th. I'm going to go to Canal Street and I'm going to get a bunch of shit. We're going to show up. Fully dripped. Sorry, Tuna's going to show up.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
So Tuesday is the best day to post. That's what we do.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Hell yeah. That's the gay day. It's the gayest day.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Well, thank you so much for being here and for being so open. You're so fun to be around. This rocked. I'm Rachel Scanlon. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Tuna's going to show up in full Gucci. Then we're going to end our tour June 14th in Boston at the Wilbur. Dude. Which is math... Massive.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Massive. Massive flavor. Mask for presenting. Mask. Mask presenting. That's a mask presenting person in Australia. I can't fucking wait for this tour. Me too. It's called Going Hog Wild. Going Hog Wild featuring Tuna, the band. And if you're thinking to yourself, I've never seen a Two Dykes and a Mike show. Or I have seen it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
If you haven't or you have seen us live, this is going to be an entirely new show. Ray and I have so many new things that we're coming out with this year. We're very excited.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And not to be weird. Yeah. I don't even know if I should tell them this. Tell them. But basically, basically every city is different. Which I think a lot of other podcasts when they tour, they have a show. It's the same thing. Yeah. And they do that show in every city. You're like, oh, I've seen Wicked three times.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And it's the same thing every time. Yeah. Sure, it's good every time.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Ours is like that. But every once in a while, I'm Glinda. And then in some cities, you're Glinda. Bet you didn't see that coming. Surprise. I show up in a bubble. Hello. Mackenzie's the bubble. Ew. Ew. You can't say that. H-R. H-R.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
That's a bit much. I'm so excited for this tour. You can get tickets right now at 2decksandamic.com forward slash tuna. Don't. They'll be like, it's not here. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 2decksandamic.com.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I'm so excited for this tour. I can't wait. It's a brand new show. And we're adding new segments. Yeah. And it's just like the most fun. We're also doing something on this tour called Mackenzie's Minglers, which started as a joke.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
re the finger pit and then it became a reality because we were like hey can we add a different level of tier for ticket buyers who want to show up to meet each other to talk to each other to like well we had so many people dm us being like i'm single i don't have anybody to come to your show with is it weird if i come by myself no
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And this is the place where you can actually meet people. You can meet community. Yeah. I love it.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I love it, too. And I mean, like, I think I'm going to go hang out in the finger pit. I call it the finger pit, obviously. But it doesn't have to be sexual. But it can. But it also can be community forward. Yeah. But I do commune with my mouth and my fingers. Dude, HR.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Nice try. Nice try. You call me the F slur. Nice try, F slur. You're not allowed to say that. I missed you. I missed you. I'm happy that we're here. I'm happy that you're here. And we have an amazing guest today on the pod. True. This episode rocks, but we do have something pretty exciting to announce as well. We are no longer going to be a podcast.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
What the fuck? You can't say that. No, but I liked it. Okay. Okay. So those are our dates. That is our tour. Please go check it out. TwoDikesAndAMike.com. I had the best time on that hog with you. Dude, same. I'm going to send some video to Leah. We spent five hours on that photo shoot.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Somebody at one point, maybe it was the motorcycle owner.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
He was like, oh, don't you want, pointing to me, don't you want to be in the back for a couple shots? And we were like, no, there's no point. What are you talking about? I would be the laughing stock. Of the world. You would be.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Did you ever see the music video with Kanye and Kim? Of course, of course. Bound. Yeah, Bound 2, I believe. Bound 2. Sorry. The sequel. Yeah. The squeakle. And I, we were giving Bound because you were facing me for most of it. And we really were bouncing on it. It was so cool. We had a lot of fun that day. I would do that any day with you. Buy me a hug. I would love to.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. It's going to, I think I'm starting to reach. A new level of unhinged. Oh, I have. And bringing that energy to our tour is going to be to be with all you guys, all the dykes and all the Cheyennes out there. Yeah. Like all the sharks. It is some of the most fun. Like performing live is literally my most favorite thing. And when you and I are on the road together, it's hog wild.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Do you know how many? Not a lot, but I have signed a lot of pecs. No, I know. It actually is per capita a lot. Yeah. People used to show us their tits. Now they're like, check out this top surgery scar. And I'm like, fuck. It's so much better.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Rock on. 100%. Okay, what else did we want to talk about?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Well, we do have a guest, but I feel like, can we settle in for a second? Because the Grammys were unbelievably gay. The Grammys were so gay. Let's talk Dochi.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Let's talk Dochi. Can I? I cried, by the way. I bawled my eyes out when she was like, there's only been two women. And then she went...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
three I was crying any win there's certain like queer performers that like are on the rise right now that when they are winning it just feels like we're all winning we're all winning no 100% we won that whole award show first off the fact that and no shade no shade no shade lover
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
The fact that Taylor Swift won nothing. Kind of fun. Meant a lot to me. Sorry. Meant a lot to me as a blonde gay woman. I finally started to be like, oh, we're doing better now. We're here. Yeah. It rocked to see Dochi win. Dochi and a jock. Can we have a moment of silence for Dochi and a jock? When they ripped off her clothes. Oh, my God. And she was on those treadmills in just that. Oh, my God.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I was like, honey, don't look. I don't want my wife leaving me for Dochi. And she won't harm you. And she would.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Dochi can take all of our wives. You're lucky she just doesn't want to.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I know. That's the thing. She doesn't need to. But she could. But she could. And I'm well aware of that.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And I'd be like, I hope you treat her well. And she'd be like, I won't. I won't. No, it's like, I want to send Leah because Mackenzie and I, I was in, was I in Brooklyn or Philly?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
So we were live Snapchatting, texting our experience together from one coast to another. Right. While watching it. I want to send, because I'll show right when I found out that Chapel won, we're excited. And also how you and I were really just like, we were dialed in on Bruno and Gaga. Yeah. Well, they looked like.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
He was saying we have something really exciting. We are now doing poetry exclusively. We're turning this little dog and pony show. Into a band.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Like us. You know what? It's not even that they looked. Bruno's energy is your energy. Gaga's energy, weirdly, is the energy of a bipolar queer woman. Which isn't me.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Every once in a while, you'll mention that you're fully bipolar and our fan base is like, wait, this whole time? No. No. I have good brain. Fine. And what song were they singing? They were like, all the leaves are sunning and then something else. Oh, California Dreaming. When I saw Gaga in full with this singing California Dreaming, I'm like, that is you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I fucking love Stephanie Germanotta. I fucking love her. I love her so much.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Kristen. Everything about this award show was queer and fun. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I really, really liked when Queen Latifah was honoring Alicia Keys. Queen Latifah, and I'm so serious when I tell you that I had a visceral reaction to to seeing her take the stage. Can I be honest?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Into a band. It's called Nuna. What did you say?
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I think Queen Latifah is the sexiest woman alive, full stop. I don't think that there is another woman who has the essence of Queen Latifah. Her cape thing? Her smile. She's so hot. It fucking hurt me. So sexy. I was like shaking. No, I know. And it's like she you can tell that she would protect you. Yeah. Respect you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Nuna. It's called Tuna. There's two Munas and we love fish. Hi, we're a band called Tuna. I'm so in. I'm not even kidding.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. And then disrespect. And then disrespect you. She's.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. Unbelievable. Let's Leah, please put up the convo that Rachel and I had about Queen Latifah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. I'll send you a lot of stuff, Leah. Anyways, all to say, this Grammys was unbelievably queer. Yeah, it was cool. It was unreal. I had a really fun time live watching it with you. I know, same. Also, a lot of Shakira. A lot of Shakira. What were your thoughts on the Beyonce winning album of the year? I felt proud. I felt like the earth is healing. Yeah.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I wished her acceptance speech was a little longer. I know. She didn't talk as much as I wanted. I was hoping for like a, fuck you. I know that's not her style. I know, but I wish she was petty. I wish she was petty because she deserves to be. And that's the thing is a lot of...
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
people in her position i have to rise i'm so sick of it i'm sick of queer people and women and black women rising above and taking the high road i don't want to be petty as fuck get down in the mud no i know when they go low go low go low kick them in the teeth sorry sorry but like please i'm sick of the academy different types of academies not recognizing black women yeah
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
or queer women or black queer women. I'm sick of that.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
And then you have to be like, thank you so much. What would have been way more fun is if Beyonce went up to get the award and then dropped it and said, I don't even want it. Fuck you.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Yeah. And that's what I was hoping for. She's Beyonce. She's going to be so classy. But I was very happy that she won.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Me too. Yeah, that rocked. It was awesome. It was a fun time. I was so glad that I was around cable.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I will say this too long. It was too long.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Four hours is too long. I did miss half of it. That's longer than a football game. It was incredible. I could have watched Lincoln the movie one and a half times. I wish that Bruno would have done Fat, Juicy, and Wet. What were your thoughts on Benny Blanco doing that flip off that piano? And I know it's not Benny Blanco, but it's... And it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Tuna is funny. A cover band. Sorry, a tribute band. Of Muna, but there's just two of us. We do all of them. Don't say a tribute. It's a tribute band, Tuna. I mean, tribute band is when they pass, right? I don't know. I thought it just meant we would dress up like them. Tuna's hysterical. It's really good, dude. It's us. All of them. Somehow. There's a way. Technology can, AI, et cetera.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
Because we all knew what you meant. I wish... I didn't see that part. I actually now want Benny Blanco to do a front flip off a piano.
Two Dykes And A Mic
#299 - Gayest Grammys with Deison Afualo
I want Benny Blanco to do a front flip off of Salima Gomez. That, for some reason, feels like allyship to me. Don't you think?