Desiree Akhavan

When does your life get to be your own and not your parents or your communities?

As the daughter of Iranian immigrants, I was raised to believe the answer is never.

I let go of my idea of good and trying to fit into it, other people's notion of good, and I ended up finding my own.

My parents are the heart of me.

They built me.

but they don't get to determine the rules of my life.

I was five years old when The Little Mermaid came out, and I was convinced it was a work of genius.

My mother did not agree.

To be fair, she had a point.

In the film, the mermaid disobeys her father to chase some guy and put her entire species at risk.

And to my mom, she was the ungrateful, spoiled product of the very worst in American culture.

Mom wanted me to be like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

And in case you forgot, Belle volunteers to replace her father as a prisoner to a bloodthirsty beast for the rest of her life.

Which, to this day, remains the base level of sacrifice expected of you as a child of immigrants.

When does your life get to be your own and not your parents' or your community's?

As the daughter of Iranian immigrants, I was raised to believe the answer is never.

but I would like to argue that the immigrant parents of the world might have it wrong.

In fact, I think you should disappoint your parents.

I think that maybe disappointing your parents could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

My parents were good, obedient Iranian children.