Dhru Purohit

we don't want to become so over-familiar with our partners that we don't have any boundaries at all, right?

It's, you know, yes, things can become stale in a relationship, but only when we're not continuing to sort of dive deeper to discover new aspects of each other.

And what's been shown to really drive passion in relationships, you know, there's new research from Dr. Amy Muse and her

lab showing that when couples are able to focus on their own individual growth and then have time to come back and reconnect, that that is going to drive passion more than if couples are not invested in their own self-growth.

And so this kind of comes back to taking care of yourself individually, falling in love with yourself individually before you can connect with a partner.

Because if we are developing aspects of ourselves that are new, that are driven, that are passionate,

And then we're coming back and sharing that with our partner because that's what was critical, right?

In these same studies, couples who are off and investing, this was looking at people who had just started new jobs and relocated.

Couples who are just sort of focused on that new life, that new job, that new passion, but not coming back and sharing that.

that's going to lead, that risks kind of spinning off into separate spheres and losing your sense of connection.

But if both people can be developing a sense of passion and interest in life, and then coming back and sharing that, it's almost like you're seeing each other in a slightly different light each time, right?

I mean, that's novelty.

It's like you're continuing to fall in love because you're seeing more and more aspects of each other, learning more and more about each other,

in ways that you didn't see before.

And especially if one person is investing in their personal growth and maybe the other is, but most importantly is showing appreciation and gratitude and recognition for how the other person is developing rather than becoming threatened by it or scared or closing off.

That's really critical, right?

So it's really just, I think, those larger dynamics where we tend to think, oh, you know, the solution here is for us to spend more time apart.

I see a lot of social media influencers saying that one of the biggest problems with couples who lose passion in long-term relationships is that they become too enmeshed.

Right.

It's not about being too enmeshed.