Diana Nyad

So I think the silencing and the shaming is coming to an end.

You know, I don't think it impacted my career at all.

But personally, I can tell you at this, at age 76, even though I am so fortunate to live the life I have, I've had nothing but privilege throughout my life.

I'm loved by people whom I love.

But...

The shaming of it is still, Julia, it still ripples under the surface.

I can find myself, if a stupid thing happens, I'm carrying groceries in, okay, to the house, and I drop a bag, and all the apples roll all over the sidewalk.

I start using the angry and abusive language that that coach used on me 65 years ago.

So it's a—

It's a cycle that doesn't – like people often say, well, you must be over that by now.

There's no such thing as over that, you know, if you've been through real trauma.

You deal with it.

You find your strength.

But it's not like you're over it.

So that incident and those incidents of my teenage years, they ripple underneath in a subtle way, but they're still there.

Well, I guess this is—yeah, this is going to be such a facile thing to say, but the truth is—

When you get to the end of your life, you know, it's like Mary Oliver has called us, this one wild and precious life that every one of us has.

You get to your life and you say, why didn't I deal with that trauma?

So I try to get to the end of every day, Julia, when my head hits the pillow, I say to myself, could I have done any more?

Could I have been more caring to my friend?