Diego Perez (Yung Pueblo)
Appearances
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Instead, let me calmly bring my attention back to whatever it is that she's saying. And through that, you can train yourself. And I think when we realize, you know, what are you not good at? You lack patience. Then the next time you have an opportunity to be patient, put a little more effort into it.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Whomever you're in proximity to, especially if there's someone that you really care about, there are going to be moments of disagreement. The key way to solve arguments is totally related on a specific type of compassion. the compassion to pull yourself out of your perspective and see the perspective of another person. That requires deep listening, selfless listening.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
That requires me making sure that even though I feel heated in this moment, I am going to take the time to listen to how the series of events move for you, for you to end up feeling this way. Because ultimately what Thich Nhat Hanh said is fundamentally true. He said, love is understanding. So only through listening, clear communication, can I come to a point where I fully understand you.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And when two people who are in our argument take the time to not win, but instead understand, the tension evaporates.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah. I just met your dog.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It feels lightning quick, and it feels like your impulsiveness is the real you, but that's an absolute illusion. Usually, whatever you immediately react with, the initial sort of impulse, normally that will be something survivalist, something defensive. It's something that...
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
gives you a sign into what your past look like usually that impulsiveness won't create new outcomes for you it'll just amplify whatever difficult outcome has happened from before so i think the key way no matter what whether you're training yourself through therapy whether you're training yourself through meditation whether you're just building self-awareness at home on your own
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's by intentionally slowing down and telling yourself, okay, I feel the impulsiveness, but I'm not going to make a major decision right now. I can feel how full my perspective is that I can't even see clearly. I need to be able to just take a moment to breathe so that I can see more options than just the red.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I think for a meditator, right, for me, like I normally use my breath. I'll like anchor myself back in my breath to bring me back to my body. I'll be able to feel myself again. And then that will help me not just get caught up in the narratives that are just building tension in the mind. But other people have other ways. You know, there's so many different methods out there.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
But I think something that helps you just slow down in that moment so that you can see more options than just this one initial reaction, I think will help you just make different decisions than what you've done before.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
hard moment, any moment of big reaction, moments when you felt big heartbreak, moments when you felt big loss, moments of intense anger where you were defending yourself when you were like 21 or something, whatever it could be, all of that makes an imprint on the subconscious of your mind. All of that literally shapes your mind, which shapes your perception, shapes the way you're reacting.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So all of it is really sort of being imprinted very heavily. And I think there are always these moments when we can decide, okay, I'm actually going to take ownership over my evolution and I'm going to actively redesign the way that I perceive and react to reality. Because the same way that, you know, you can't just run for a marathon. You have to train yourself.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You don't just learn a language overnight. You have to train yourself. So if you want to have peace, that requires training.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
No, I've seen people be really successful in a lot of different manners. I've seen people who take their health seriously and start learning different ways to be able to nourish their body. I've seen that relax their minds.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
i've also seen people who've had you know really serious therapy practices also just transform the way they show up in daily life i've also seen people who you know get a good psychiatrist like help totally balance them out so that they can breathe so they can live so i've seen people take steps forward through a variety of manners and i think it's good because like we don't have the same conditioning you know i
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
really enjoy going to these like long 10 day, you know, 30, 45 day meditation courses. That's not for everybody. You know, it's really, it's hard. If it's for you, fantastic. You should see the 70 year olds in there who've been meditating for like 50,000 hours in their life. They start when one of my teachers, he's 76 now. He started meditating when he was 24.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
He's probably like, I did a rough calculation for my own, right? I've probably meditated like 12,000, 13,000 hours. This guy's definitely meditated over 50,000 hours. His mind, he's a weapon. Knees are still good, but like you should see how peaceful he is and how sharp his, his mind is incredibly sharp at 76. And he's just such a peaceful leader. So I have a lot to learn.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
no it's very challenging and i think whether you're starting a relationship or whether you're in a really a long-term relationship there's still these three qualities that are always really ever important so that's the first quality is kindness usually when you're in in proximity to somebody whether it's a roommate
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
you know, your family or your partner, whoever's closest to you, they're going to see the best of you and they're going to see the worst of you. I think a lot of times we, sometimes because of the vulnerability, it's amazing that people get to see all sides of us, but we forget the sweetness after a while. We forget to bring in that gentleness and that kindness.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
that element is really critical whenever there's good moments or tough moments the other side of it is what i would talk about if you've been in a relationship for a day or a year or 10 or 50 years it always matters gentleness kindness always matters the same thing with compassion like what i mentioned before the specific type of compassion where you're seeing outside of your own perspective
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
The way to solve any argument is to not just dwell in your own perspective. Because if you create a situation where arguments arise and you just want to win, you want to dominate, that means the other person has to yield. And if someone's yielding, there's going to be the buildup of resentment. So it's much better to switch the framework from trying to win to trying to understand.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And the last element is really growth. When you come into a relationship you have to understand that you're coming in with some past pain. Nobody has, you know, walked through life without trauma. Like we all have, and whether you call it trauma or not, you felt some type of pain, some type of hurt that shapes your mind.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So being aware that that will affect your patterns and how you show up in a relationship that calls you in to be able to embrace your growth so that you can undo those heavy patterns and you can build new ones that are actually much more supportive of your own happiness and your partner's.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah. And remembering that your partner is not your enemy.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Like you got to remind yourself. Sometimes it feels like, sometimes it feels like it's like I'm in danger, like, but you're not, you're okay. Like, even if you lose the argument, even if you have to apologize, you're all good. Remind yourself that this person is one of the dopest people in your life. They're amazing.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And we didn't know this, right? When we got into the relationship, so my wife and I got together super young. She was 18 and I was 19. I would say the first six years of our relationship were a giant blame game.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
like it was whenever i would feel tension in my mind my mind would try to figure out why it's her fault and she would do the same to me and we would just go back and forth back and forth constantly trying to win both of us losing all the time until we started meditating and building like when we went into meditating because we wanted to work on ourselves as individuals so i went to meditating because i wanted to save myself like i had so much sadness so much anxiety that my mind just felt like it was like a thousand times right just felt so heavy all the time i was
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
shocked that I went into meditating to save myself. I started building these qualities, patience, understanding, listening to myself better, accepting myself. And then I come out of the meditation retreat and I turn to my wife and I'm realizing, oh, these are the same qualities I need to bring into my relationship. They're not just for me. There's a total bridge there where I'm building them.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
They're helping me, these qualities, but they're absolutely useful in the moments where we're having trouble.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Right. May all others be free before I am.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I can help them.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
They're deeply, deeply interrelated. Even in both the Theravada and the Mahayana tradition, service is incredibly important. We have to be able to help others because if you're doing the opposite and you're just being selfish, then you're just pushing your freedom further and further away. And it's really interesting. I was on a pilgrimage in India.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I went to go see all the major sites of the Buddhist life. And the person who was leading the group, he was telling us he's friends with all these different monks from all different traditions. And he was telling us about a Vajrayana monk and was talking about how you know, people will take the Bodhisattva path and they'll take those vows where they want to help others be free.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And then at some point they make enough development that they, you know, they themselves become free. And then they realize, oh, there's no me and there's no them. So like, it's an initial inspiration, a point of inspiration to help you, you know, put the energy into cultivating yourself to that point where you can literally see beyond the universe.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
No, you're actually just cranking stress.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I don't know if you're going to like the answer because it's devastatingly simple. The answer is acceptance. You have to accept. And there are layers and it's really hard to accept. Accept what? Accept the difficulty. Accept what hurt you. Accept what happened before.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
stop blaming your parents oftentimes we're fighting ourselves we're fighting the past the past that's long gone that's not happening anymore but we're the ones digging it back up because it's imprinted itself in the mind and we're revving it up we're sort of feeling it over and over again but i think in the act like you know the whole the buddhist path just because we keep talking about it the whole buddhist path is sort of centered around just
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
observe it's you know it's just a simple act of observing and through the act of observing there's unbinding and i think that same quality that you find in meditating people also find a lot of relief through different forms of therapy where it's like when you can finally accept what happened when you can finally talk about it when you can finally feel it without running away there is a lot of relief but i think it's hard it's really hard but it's important especially in the relationship context because the things that you're running away from
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
are going to show up as walls and blocks in your relationship. So to be able to deeply just deal with what's happening inside you, be able to accept it so that you can actually take a step forward, that'll show up as you being able to support your partner's happiness better.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I think one of the most useful things is actually what happens before the conflict. It's what we've been calling preventative communication, where when we wake up in the morning, no matter what, we tell each other how we feel, like where we are in our emotional range.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
emotional weather report yeah exactly temperature check and we're just like you know i'm feeling a lot of heaviness moving through i'm feeling down i'm still upset about what happened yesterday at work you know i'm feeling great i slept really well i feel amazing you know whatever it is however you feel we're just honest about it so that the person who
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
feels the heaviness they admit it to themselves they're not walking around with that unconsciously and you know the other person also hears so whenever my partner tells me that she's not feeling great i'm like great amazing thank you for giving me that information because now i know either to give you your space to support you whatever it is that you need but i'm i'm walking around with that information through the day so that i don't make it harder for you and so that i know like
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
If you need your time to yourself, it's all good because it's natural to have ups and downs. But I think having those moments where we, so we'll do it once in the morning and then once sometime in the middle of the afternoon. And it's just so valuable because you understand and you feel within yourself, emotions change. The storm doesn't last.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
and you're cognizant that you're walking around with something heavy because there are times where if you're not aware of where you are in your own emotional range, the mind will just take that heaviness and just try to throw more cannon fodder at it. It'll just throw fuel at it. It'll make it bigger. You'll try to get into an argument. You'll try to project it in some manner.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And when we started practicing just that clear communication in a very sort of laid-back manner, it's not like us sitting down formally and having a check-in. It's just super passive in life.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Literally. But that alone probably has decreased our arguments by maybe like 60%, 70%, because now we took away that ammunition. The mind isn't just trying to just make whatever tension is there bigger. We already know that the tension's moving through and we know if we get snippy at each other or something like that, it's like, oh, I already know that this person doesn't feel good.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Give them their space and I'll give them a little extra leeway and let go of the little things.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
That's when we have to sit down and we talk, you know, we talk and we, we take turns.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
We both listen selflessly. I do my best in the moments where when she's sharing her perspective, reminding myself that like,
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
i don't need to hang on to my view i can just fully listen i'm safe i don't need to see her as my enemy and in the act of that going back and forth both people giving each other that ability to listen selflessly over time even if it's like you know 20 minutes an hour we figure out oh there is a bridge here between us like i'm i'm seeing what happened to you and when we could both see each other
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
it does ultimately melt away. And still, there are times where like, you know, one of us has to apologize and all that. But what we found pretty consistently, even if I said something to her, usually the person who feels aggrieved also throws some fire onto it as well and makes the argument even bigger.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So oftentimes, like both of us end up apologizing in some way because both of us, you know, owned up to some mistakes.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You know, and I think I like how you explain that beautifully. And I feel like the thing that has been newly added, I think even in the past, like two years for my wife and I is trying to make sure that the both of us are living in our individual energy.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
If I'm irritable and I'm trying to figure out some way for my wife to join me in that irritability, she just says no and she just stays in her own energy and vice versa. And I think it's been really valuable in difficult moments because like a lot of life is just problem solving.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
you know like i feel like once my wife and i spent a lot of time cultivating a better relationship between the two of us after that you know there's still like you know family members getting sick like this problem happens over here this problem happens over there and we're just solving problems together that's what like the last two decades you know the last like decade and a half has been for us it's hard but i think the key thing is
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
when i feel that either her or anyone else is trying to get me to join them in their attention i just remember like actually i don't want to feel like that i want to live in my own energy and it's been really useful because there are times where you know we want to pick a fight with each other but
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
whoever is more grounded, if they just remain in their groundedness, it actually helps the whole process be a lot more efficient because you have no one to fight. You're just like, you're just there sitting in your own stress and then the other person helps you, you know, see yourself a little more clearly.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Totally. Totally. And it's really helpful. I think like, I think recognizing the moments where I'm like, I can have a little more balance for the two of us and, you know, she can do the same. I think it's a, it's a gift that we give to each other, you know, where it's like, I'd rather lean in my own peace. And then eventually, instead of inviting you into my anger, I'm inviting you into my peace.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You know, I've noticed that the arguments, they just flow like just a little more slowly. Like we'll talk, we're both heated. And then in the middle of talking, there's little bits of pausing where we're still both sitting in our chairs, still both, you know, riddling with tension in the body, but we're being a little more measured about
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
am I trying to resolve the argument or am I trying to make it bigger? And that's something that, you know, when we were in our 20s, it was just like, make the argument bigger and bigger and bigger. And now we just let the argument take the time that it needs. And if we need to talk about it another day or, you know, hours later, fine, let's cool off.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
But now it's usually just, it doesn't all need to be resolved in this immediate moment. Especially if we both can't see clearly, then we're not going to do that well.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I think one of the key things is that you have to work with the universe instead of against it. Our universe is one of motion. Our universe is one of impermanence. That means that the whole universe is this giant river that's just flowing and rushing forward. And if we try to stay static, if we try to stay attached, then that river is just going to knock us down.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
life is going to be very difficult. But when we embrace change, that means that we're also embracing the own fluctuation of our identity. You know, who I was 10 years ago is long gone. Who I am right now is also in...
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
know it's in transition and ultimately who you think you are like it's going to be gone it's going to disappear you know either through evolution or through your own death but when you're embracing your growth you're just not going to stay the same and i think that's the same thing for relationships yeah you know who we are like who my wife was even two years ago i mean we had this we had this beautiful argument that highlighted it the other day right where
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
my my wife two years ago she was exhausted from all the travel you know we had had she also works as my manager and she like has been you know critical part of the business and with with everything but we were traveling so much for work that she was exhausted she felt like it was affecting her health and i was like i was like cool i was like i don't want you to get hurt i was like definitely i can do more trips on my own you know do speaking events on my own and all that stuff
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And so I ended up changing a little bit of the way that I would talk about things. So I'd be like, oh, I have to go to Boston. And then I said that the other day and she was like, oh, what about me? Like, I can't come. And I was like, oh, I was like, you know, I changed the language for you because two years ago you were like, we're traveling way too much.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I started changing the way, you know, I have to go to Austin. because I don't want you to feel obligated to come because I know that that makes you unhealthy. And I was actually, I changed my language because of what you asked me to do. It was a nice moment because two things, it showed us that it's valuable to ask, like, how do you like your happiness to be supported?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's not going to be the same thing it was two years ago. And also, you know, in that moment, like I felt her attention because she was felt like legitimately left out. And I was like, oh no, I actually did this because of you. And then it just like helped the realization that like, oh, I totally want her around me.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It was a nice moment where, you know, it reminds me like what she wanted as support two years ago isn't necessarily valid. Like I need to check in and make sure that in terms of like our actions, our language and whatnot, that I'm actually being supportive.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
She's ready to travel.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I think one of the biggest red flags is a lack of humility. When someone has a lack of humility in terms of like, they think they know everything, they think all their opinions are right. That means that they also carry a very static sense of identity. If that static sense of identity is there, that means that they're a highly attached person.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So they're not going to have the flexibility it takes to be able to grow together. I think that's something definitely to watch out for. A green flag is the inverse. Someone who appreciates learning. Someone who understands that when you go into a relationship, I may love you and I may feel strongly for you, but I'm not necessarily going to know how to care for you. I have to learn that over time.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I have to learn that by literally asking you, like, how can I support your happiness? Yeah. And I think the other thing in terms of how do you want to be loved?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Exactly. Exactly.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I feel like my, my wife, like the, the way that she feels loved is when I'm taking care of the compost. But like the way I feel loved is by,
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
being hugged right you know touching yeah love languages right totally totally love languages and i tell my wife like the the flip side it's like my my corny dad joke it's like i'm touch sensitive like when you don't touch me i get sensitive right and um and she's just you know that just doesn't matter to her it's like not as important but i think we have to learn that we have to ask and not think that the person is just going to read our minds
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, I think it helps to understand that dishonesty creates distance, right? Dishonesty within yourself, it creates distance between you and yourself. That means you're not appreciating your emotional history. You're not appreciating, you know, your wounds and your patterns. You're just sort of trying to distance yourself away from the things that you feel.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah. Thank you so much. That means a lot coming from you. I'm, I don't know if you know, but I'm a huge fan of yours. I think you've similarly, you've had a massive impact on my life and my wife's life. You've helped us get healthier.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
In relationship, when you're dishonest, it creates distance between you and your partner. And that could be about the small things or the big things. I think understanding that connection is fed by honesty. Like this is what allows this connection to continue because you have to feed the connection and you feed it by just being honest.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Even if it's something small or something large, like whether you like this TV show or not, or like how you really feel about ex, you know, family member, you know, whatever it could be like serious things to small things. I think when you're approaching honesty without judgment and without fear, because a lot of times honesty scares us. We're always like afraid that the home is going to break.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
But having a good understanding that, especially when you're approaching a relationship, not from a place of expectations and attachment, but a place of commitment where you know that you two are highly committed to each other, willingly so, and you support each other's happiness because there's clear information about it and you're choosing to act on it to support your partner, then it's a lot safer to be honest.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Like fundamentally, you know, when I first started writing, I was still breaking a lot of old patterns with like how I'm eating, how I'm treating my body, how I'm, you know, how
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that part of your story. I didn't know that I can feel like how, how much you've overcome and how much that shaped you. Honesty. like it's an invitation to get closer together.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I think, you know, we have to be really careful because we often, human beings are inclined towards black and white thinking, where it's like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it a hundred percent and there's no other way.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
But, you know, honesty is especially important in those intimate relationships that you're very close, you know, your best friend, your parents, or, you know, your partner, whoever it is.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
but then that doesn't necessarily mean that like every time someone says something that you don't like you don't have to like get into a fight with them about it or anything like that you you know you don't have to fight every battle in our most important relationships you know honesty is the thing that keeps feeding energy into that relationship and without it we just grow apart yeah we just grow apart over time or walls develop where we can't even see each other clearly
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
exercising and just balancing all that out i mean from your podcast to your books it's all been so helpful the ultra wellness center i could just go on and on but you've helped us profoundly and i still have a ways to go with my own health journey but do it way better than before so we're all on a journey we're on a journey of our health of love of pretty much
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I'm really grateful that my wife and I, we both really enjoy meditating separately as individuals, right? When we go away to these long meditation courses for like 30, 45 days, we're totally silent. We don't have our phones. We don't have our laptops. We're not in the same room.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, I'll disappear for like 45 days. I'll turn my phone back on. It's like tons of texts. So we'll be totally apart. And what's awesome is like, not only we're experiencing that in our own solitude, in ourselves, we're cultivating ourselves during that time at the mental gym, like we talked about. When we come out, what ends up happening is that so much old conditioning is erased.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Like you'll come out, you know, after 45 days of meditating, your mind just becomes so much lighter and all these old patterns that were hardened,
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
become soft over time because they haven't been replicated so you have much more choices and you come out and you feel like you're a new version of yourself and a lot of your old preferences down to like simple things like the type of food that you like the tv shows you like to watch the books you like to read you're like oh i don't know if i even like this stuff anymore
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Sometimes I'll finish those long courses and I'll listen to the playlist that I was listening to before. And I'm like, no, this is not working at all. You know, this is not, I don't even want to hear this type of music right now. But that means that we push ourselves forward in our evolution as individuals. But that means that I get a chance to re-meet who my wife is.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
and because we're not exactly the same we're discovering ourselves as individuals and we're discovering each other again because so much old conditioning gets deleted and part of that is me not being attached to who she was before what she likes now is way different from what she liked when she was 25 and and i think it's honestly it's pretty cool like we still we love being next to each other and we love doing life together but she keeps changing and that's part of the fun
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, let it go.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Totally. You need a degree of balance because the self-love is what helps you stay energized, rejuvenate yourself. It helps you cultivate yourself.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
and you don't want to like get lost in a relationship you don't want to like become your partner's twin i think having a degree of that self-love is what ultimately helps you not burn out and have the energy to also support your partner and yourself because like if you just make your whole life about this one person giving giving giving you're eventually gonna either burn out or get really really resentful so i think having a balance of the two is really important i mean
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
watching literally like you know watching my wife over time take the health issues that she had and overcome them figure out solutions you know by reading your books by like doing other things like trying to figure out how she could make herself healthier i watched this whole journey go down you know the same time when i was like writing inward and writing clarity and connection and as i saw her get more and more serious about her health i was like dang i should do something too
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I should really put some more energy into it. But that was her own journey. And I think it was, I ended up being inspired by it too. I was a little slower, but.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's what we're here to do. We're here to inspire each other. I think relationships are a long road. It's difficult to be in front of that mirror all the time because you get to see in your relationship what you're good at and what you're not good at. It's very evident. And then you have an opportunity. Do you choose to accept the challenge?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Do you choose to accept the fact that relationships aren't easy? Literally befriending the challenge of relationships is what helps you have a long-term relationship, especially if your partner is not abusive and they're a good person. They want to be their best as well. You still have to accept the challenge of relationships because it's just not going to be easy all the time.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, and it's helpful too, because like sometimes we get bogged down in the mundaneness of life where it's like, you know, we're just focusing on like doing our taxes together, paying the bills, getting the kids to school, like, you know, solving one problem after another. And we forget to talk about, what do you think about this universe? Like, tell me more of your views.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Like what, like- What's the meaning of life?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You know, like sort of bringing that earlier energy and that curiosity and keeping that like, flame a lit. So, cause your partner is like a whole universe in and of themselves. And you two get to like move together, like willingly choose to be two rivers that flow alongside each other.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And, you know, you got to keep getting to know each other over and over again, because you're always changing whether you talk about it or not.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Emotional maturity, it's such a big word and it can be defined in a lot of ways. I think it's ultimately, you know, the peace that you can have when you're feeling your own emotions and having the ability to resolve difficulties between you and another person where you actually want to resolve difficulty as opposed to making it bigger.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I think emotional maturity is actually a large set of skills. It's not one thing, but it's a word that shows that you can listen, that you can let go, that you have self-awareness, that you can see other perspectives outside of your own, that you have a compassionate framework as opposed to an egoic one. And it's a lot of these things coming together so that you can
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
handle down moments without just leaving because i think that's one thing that's that our culture has almost like insidiously like the way media has affected our you know our minds where we see like a lot of romantic comedies and what you see in a romantic comedy is normally two people meet they resolve one problem together one issue and then they're happily ever after you never see the part that happens after
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
But what happens after is constant ups and downs, constant ups and downs. And you know you're in a situation that isn't quite as healthy if you're just moving from one down moment to another down moment to another down moment. Then you have to really reassess, like, is this the right place for me? Should I be in this relationship? But having ups and downs, very normal.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You can still very much so be in a healthy relationship.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Society is built in the home.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Like, fundamental. You look at history over and over and over again, that's what happens. Like, Groups of people, they come together around particular values that are very good values. They sometimes win and they get power. And then power is like a magnet. It pulls out the roughest parts of the ego, all the stuff that you haven't healed, all those deepest wounds.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And then all of a sudden, you're doing the evil stuff that you were once fighting against.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
so that to me i i'm really honestly grateful to have been born in this time period because this is one of the few time periods where you can still work to make the world a better place but simultaneously change yourself simultaneously fundamentally at the root help deal with the potential evils that are lying dormant in your mind and helping undo that conditioning and i think it's beautiful like we live in a time where
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
There are millions of people who are seeing therapists, millions of people meditating, millions of people actively cultivating themselves in all these different modalities.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Exactly. And it's no wonder to me that we had this self-love and wellness movement that I think really started getting big. I mean, it's been going on for a long time, but when it started exploding on social media in 2014, 2015, It's no surprise that, you know, so many people were talking about self-love and developing themselves and overcoming, you know, old wounds.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And now we're taking a look at our relationship and how we can have relationships that are growth oriented, where two people can keep evolving together. And I think this is something that's critical because this will help us, honestly, rear children that are not as traumatized. You can't create a perfect life for a person, but you can create a place that's just less harmful.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I think this is really important.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, yeah. That's when the real tests will come.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
The ego loves similarity.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's funny because the past, I think the past year, my favorite sentence has been, tell me more. And that's just something so simple where I've been honestly retraining my mind because I used to love to debate, right? Like I used to really love my opinions. And now I'm realizing that, oh, my opinions are very ephemeral. Like they're very subject to change.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
They're also like, I don't know everything. So why do I think I know everything? And now whenever I feel the reaction of hearing someone say something that I don't agree with, I feel the impulsiveness of, oh, that's wrong. But I've been retraining myself to say, tell me more.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
you know if it feels important sure let's talk i don't want to debate i'd rather discuss like i don't i don't like this like whole like you know there has to be a winner type thing but if i don't feel like i need to debate or prove anything or anything like that i just say tell me more like i'm i'm genuinely curious like how did you get come to this belief like how did this evolve like you know without judgment without condescension because that's the other thing you get is like people looking down on each other but honestly tell me more is dope man it's been so helpful to just and it's
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
honestly opened up a lot of learning because i don't know everything and especially in the field of politics like left and right i'm always telling people like left and right it's not it's not really taking us that far we need to go up yeah my friend rick warren said i'm not left winger right wing i'm for the whole bird otherwise you fly around in circles
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Definitely on Instagram, Young Pueblo, Y-U-N-G underscore P-U-E-B-L-O. And I'm also on Substack. I've been really enjoying writing longer articles there. And you can find my book in bookstores and on Amazon.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you, Mark. Appreciate it.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's interesting that we started the conversation with the point of freedom because the last chapter in this book is love is freedom. It really ties together the full idea, the full point of evolution of a human being that we see a lot of the saints and seers of the past, the people that we look up to who are really highly cultivated, who take their mind to the zenith of
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
unconditional love you know where they can fully like love themselves and all beings completely right they see no one as an enemy all they can do is have compassion they don't even live within frameworks of ego they live within a framework of compassion kind of like the dilemma exactly and what i try to do is try to point that when we are in relationships especially intimate relationships this is almost like a microcosm where we get to
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
taste and practice small amounts of unconditional love because even though we want to love someone as well as possible we still come in with our own attachments we still come in with with our previous heartbreak with our old pain and as long as we're cognizant of that we can overcome that heaviness of the mind that stops us from taking care of ourselves and the person in front of us better.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
We get to practice love. We get to practice unconditional love in our relationships. And a lot of that is just, we have to be aware, aware of like, where am I building tension in the relationship? Where am I too attached?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Because a lot of times we don't realize that the attachments that we have in our minds, literally, you know, the craving for things to exist in a particular way, these attachments will manifest as control. And that just sucks the life out of a relationship.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
We're talking old school attachment.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I appreciate that, but we're talking old school attachment, 2,600 years ago. What does that mean?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So suffering is an interesting and big word. I think a lot of times people say that the Buddha's teaching is life is suffering or life is misery. These are big words. Sometimes we don't necessarily relate to them. A different way to translate dukkha, that Pali word dukkha, is not just suffering, but dissatisfaction or stress. And now that's something we can relate to. Life is quite dissatisfying.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And I know this firsthand because I grew up extremely poor. That was very dissatisfying. I now am not poor. I'm not wealthy either, but I'm not poor anymore. It's also very dissatisfying, right?
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
So being able to be cognizant of that doesn't help, like it takes that tension away so that I'm not relying and putting my happiness on what's happening externally, that it's something that I'm building from within. But that suffering, that attachment that we have, it creates a lot of dissatisfaction and it
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
sort of just shows up in our life as us trying to force things to be in a very particular way where we want the person that we love to do x y and z why don't you xyz exactly or we want the good things that we really like to always happen continuously infinitely and forever we never want our parents to die these situations are basically attachments that try to fight the truth of impermanence.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Embracing impermanence is a direct opposite of attachment, because attachment wants things to be static, but impermanence is the deep embrace of life being dynamic, which is undeniable.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, and it's just when you deeply embrace that impermanence, it gives you an understanding that there is a dissatisfactory nature to life. And there's also the deeper understanding that who I am is not fundamentally real, right? The sense of self. It's a construct. It's a construct.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's something that's coming together quite rapidly because of mental and physical phenomenon that are just moving so fast that it creates the illusion of I.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And when you're able to let go of that and let go of the attachment to your opinions, the attachments to your views, it helps you relax those attachments so that you can allow yourself to evolve, allow your preferences to evolve, and it helps support the fact that your partner or those who you're really close to they're going to evolve too. They're going to change.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
You have no control over their preferences. Even though the two of you may be highly committed to each other and may be together for decades, you don't have any say over what your partner's hobbies are. You don't really have a say over what shows they're going to like. You don't have a say over the way they want to design their life.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
I think it's scary to think of freedom as a part of relationships. Because immediately people think, oh, that means my partner's going to cheat on me and do all these things. That's not what we're talking about. It's the freedom to evolve. It's the freedom to grow whatever way best supports your happiness.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And when two people who are in our argument take the time to not win, but instead understand, the tension evaporates.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
No, I think a lot of times when we think about relationships, it's like we want our partners to be our twin.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, like I don't want my partner to be my twin. I love the fact that she's different from me.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Tell me your views. Tell me what you think about the world. I'm glad in the moments that we actually get to disagree. I want to hear why, because I do trust your wisdom. So I want to hear more about your view.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
It's deeply tied to the end of craving, right? Because craving, that is taking a desire, right? Some initial motivation, a goal or whatever. But when you're forcing it into craving, it's you're taking that desire and connecting it with stress, with tension. And you're very, very attached to it.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
And the moment that you're able to undo craving, let go of craving, approach life with a much more balanced mind, equanimity, having a balanced mind, that helps you stop replicating all those attachments.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
To do that, you have to... You know this for a fact, right? The mind is built from repetition. The body's built from repetition, right? You eat tons of unhealthy food, eventually you get unhealthy. You eat a bunch of healthy food, you're going to be a little healthier. The same thing with the mind.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
When I go away to meditation courses and I'm meditating for 30, 45 days, I'm literally just taking myself to the mental gym and I'm cultivating three qualities.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
Yeah, it's a lot of time in the gym. But either way, you still have to rely on repetition. I think that's the difficulty with our society nowadays is that all these apps that we have access to in our phones, all of them are trying to just make life easier, make everything faster, easier. And they're very sort of connected towards increasing pleasure in the body.
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
we have to realize that our personal transformation and resolving the issues in our relationships these are very gradual slow things like the best parts of life they're quite slow and they're related to the present moment and so it's almost working against the culture that we're given that we're being fed and embracing the fact that even if you don't meditate even if you don't even see a therapist you can be
The Dr. Hyman Show
How to Love Better: Emotional Healing, Attachment, and Real Relationship Skills with Yung Pueblo
aware of what you're good at and what you're not good at. I think one thing that became clear even before I started meditating was when I started being with my wife, like I realized I'm not good at listening. I need to bring my attention back every time my mind goes off somewhere and I'm thinking about how to respond.