DJ Shipley

And it became so much easier to be overseas and to isolate, not throw up family photos, limited times you're going to FaceTime, limited times you're going to call home.

Because in the moment,

The last thing I want is for that window to light up.

I've got to run over there and deal with it.

And I don't want to think about orphaning my kids, making my wife a two-time widow.

I don't want to do that.

I can't have that inside of me.

So it sounds selfish, but I've had a lot of amazing mentors that have said the same thing.

If you think that I'm thinking about my wife on that helo flight in, I'm not.

If you think I'm wondering what my kids are doing, I'm not, I'm only thinking about that dude, because I've been staring his face the last 72 hours.

That's the only thing I'm thinking about the Hilo flight in the walk in the patrol atmosphere, everything.

It does, because at a certain point, you start to think that everything is just a time suck or a bandwidth suck.

Like right now, this conversation we're having, it doesn't make me better at work.

It doesn't.

In fact, it just makes me want to go to work to avoid this right now.

It really makes me just want to stay on deployment and not come home so I don't have to deal with this shit.

And then you start to spit and venom.

Talk about trauma, like it sacks up inside of you, gets the right, you guys got Yards of Beer in the UK, yeah?

That's just trauma.

It starts to come out of your mouth.