Douglas Stewart

Yeah, I always, I think, felt ill at ease in gay bars, even when I came of age and I was 18.

And mostly because I was looking to have an emotional connection with people or an intellectual connection.

And bars are about drinking and dancing, as you say.

And I was looking more to make friends and just to feel like I wasn't so invisible in the world.

One thing that was really formative to my youth was there used to be a magazine that was like a teen pop magazine.

And in the back of that magazine, there would be personal ads, other young gay youth from across the country, all across Britain, who were placing personal ads.

And then you would respond to them and you would end into a correspondence with this person.

And it was, you know, sometimes it would turn into dating, sometimes it might turn into sex.

But for the most part, it was just long form correspondence.

It was letter writing.

You would write and you would wait and then you would write again.

And in a way, I was looking at those letters the other day and I come across almost as like a Bronte sister, how sort of sweet and innocent they are.

You know, it's like, tell me about the weather where you are and explain your family to me.

And, you know, have you seen anything good on television?

And when I think about modern dating now, about how it gets to sex quite quickly, I think, you know, I look back on that time and I feel very lucky to have been in this sort of letter writing phase.

And actually, that was the first time.

That was how I fell in love.

That was how I met my first love was through these personal ads.

And then the next person I thought I was falling in love with had told me he was a 22-year-old man.

And then he turned out to be 48.