Dr. Alex George

I felt even more so like I was a weirdo that was in disguise.

And I think when I became an adult, the remedy to that was alcohol.

It's like, well, in the social situation, which becomes a new school, which is like kind of going out and things, how do I be normal?

I'll drink and drinking will make me normal.

So I think the onward cost of that was huge.

I think it contributed to my experience of

OCD, my experience of anxiety as I grew up

Would I have experienced those things at anywhere near the level of severity?

Probably not if I knew, if I knew when I was young.

I think it is.

I mean, I don't know what you think, but I think when you're kind of presenting a version that's not you, you're aware that it's not you.

You don't feel that any response or any sense of connection that person has with this version you're presenting is truly you, therefore you don't absorb that.

So all the nice things you have about compliments or people being kind or people showing interest in you

just doesn't seep through to the deep sense of self because you know ultimately it's a front.

But when it goes on long enough, you don't even realize you're masking.

And that's the crazy thing is that for a long time, I eventually almost believed my own mask.

I was like, this is who I am.

Until eventually that mask was pulled off and I was like, who actually am I behind all of this?

And it's not like an attempt to

trick or deceive anyone.