Dr. Alok Kanojia (Dr. K)

So when people say this, you should put yourself out there, they have subconsciously figured out this strategy.

And the main reason that it's easy for some people to figure out and some people it's hard to figure out is the difference between their baseline distress tolerance.

So if you were wired in a way where

the signals are really, really high, then it's really hard to get used to it.

And instead we run away.

Whereas if you are wired, if you're more extroverted, if you're more open to, if you have a higher degree of openness, depending on your temperament, you can put yourself out there more easily.

And this is why people will tell you to put yourself out there and they make it sound so simple because it is simple for them.

Because their experience of it is way easier than yours.

That's why they can tell you, and it happens automatically.

They don't even understand these phases.

It happens automatically for them.

So they just tell you, hey, just like do what I did, right?

It's like, just do a cartwheel, bro.

Just do a cartwheel.

It's that easy.

So I can understand people's frustration.

with putting yourself out there as advice because it doesn't work for some of us and at the same time it is still what you have to do but we can explain to you what the steps are and then you can put yourself out there now there's one really important caveat to this which is in the phase of distress tolerance one of the key things that you don't want to do is engage with your anxiety

so when you have anxious thoughts there are two things that can happen you can tolerate the thoughts or you can engage with them and here's what engaging looks like if you all have experienced anxiety you know it oftentimes doesn't it's not just one thought one thought oh my god like i'm gonna fail this test and then what happens is there's another thought if i fail the test

I'm going to fail the class.

If I fail the class, I'm going to drop out of college.