Dr. Alok Kanojia

Yes. And I think there's another like really challenging part, which is that sometimes I think that people who judge therapists as bad are doing a bad job as patients. And this is something we never talk about. We never say that the patient is doing something wrong, whereas like absolutely the patient can do wrong things. So I'll give you just one quick case.

So someone was saying, I didn't make any progress in therapy for two years. And then I switched therapists. And this therapist gives me no agency. They don't talk about what I want to talk about. They're very insistent that I just do this thing. But like, I feel like they don't care about what I want. And then you'll post this on the internet, right? Which is where the backlash is.

So someone was saying, I didn't make any progress in therapy for two years. And then I switched therapists. And this therapist gives me no agency. They don't talk about what I want to talk about. They're very insistent that I just do this thing. But like, I feel like they don't care about what I want. And then you'll post this on the internet, right? Which is where the backlash is.

So someone was saying, I didn't make any progress in therapy for two years. And then I switched therapists. And this therapist gives me no agency. They don't talk about what I want to talk about. They're very insistent that I just do this thing. But like, I feel like they don't care about what I want. And then you'll post this on the internet, right? Which is where the backlash is.

And you'll get a bunch of other people who will say like, yeah, screw that therapist, find a different therapist. Whereas as a therapist, I'm looking at this and I'm saying, hold on a second. You had two years of unproductive therapy and you probably did what you wanted instead of what you needed to do. And now the second therapist is like, hey, what you wanted to do didn't help you.

And you'll get a bunch of other people who will say like, yeah, screw that therapist, find a different therapist. Whereas as a therapist, I'm looking at this and I'm saying, hold on a second. You had two years of unproductive therapy and you probably did what you wanted instead of what you needed to do. And now the second therapist is like, hey, what you wanted to do didn't help you.

And you'll get a bunch of other people who will say like, yeah, screw that therapist, find a different therapist. Whereas as a therapist, I'm looking at this and I'm saying, hold on a second. You had two years of unproductive therapy and you probably did what you wanted instead of what you needed to do. And now the second therapist is like, hey, what you wanted to do didn't help you.

Let's do something else. And so there's a lot of nuance there where like, you know, it's really challenging. But sometimes as a therapist, the way to help someone is to like face the difficult stuff. And some people do not like that.

Let's do something else. And so there's a lot of nuance there where like, you know, it's really challenging. But sometimes as a therapist, the way to help someone is to like face the difficult stuff. And some people do not like that.

Let's do something else. And so there's a lot of nuance there where like, you know, it's really challenging. But sometimes as a therapist, the way to help someone is to like face the difficult stuff. And some people do not like that.

Hold on a second. Whose responsibility is it for you to keep coming back? I see. See, now what you're doing is really subtle. You're making this very interesting tightrope that you want the therapist to walk. Right. Where they need to like push you, but push you the right amount because otherwise you're going to leave.

Hold on a second. Whose responsibility is it for you to keep coming back? I see. See, now what you're doing is really subtle. You're making this very interesting tightrope that you want the therapist to walk. Right. Where they need to like push you, but push you the right amount because otherwise you're going to leave.

Hold on a second. Whose responsibility is it for you to keep coming back? I see. See, now what you're doing is really subtle. You're making this very interesting tightrope that you want the therapist to walk. Right. Where they need to like push you, but push you the right amount because otherwise you're going to leave.

Yeah. So I think it's super challenging. I know it sounds wild, but a big part of this, I mean, I've had plenty of patients who don't take responsibility and don't do their part. And we don't say that often enough.

Yeah. So I think it's super challenging. I know it sounds wild, but a big part of this, I mean, I've had plenty of patients who don't take responsibility and don't do their part. And we don't say that often enough.

Yeah. So I think it's super challenging. I know it sounds wild, but a big part of this, I mean, I've had plenty of patients who don't take responsibility and don't do their part. And we don't say that often enough.

Yeah, so I think one of the biggest things, and I think people don't do this enough, so one of the biggest things is talk about how the experience of therapy is going for you. So if you feel like you're not making progress, tell someone. Tell your therapist, hey, I've been coming here for six weeks. I feel like I'm not making progress. Or I've been coming here for six months.

Yeah, so I think one of the biggest things, and I think people don't do this enough, so one of the biggest things is talk about how the experience of therapy is going for you. So if you feel like you're not making progress, tell someone. Tell your therapist, hey, I've been coming here for six weeks. I feel like I'm not making progress. Or I've been coming here for six months.

Yeah, so I think one of the biggest things, and I think people don't do this enough, so one of the biggest things is talk about how the experience of therapy is going for you. So if you feel like you're not making progress, tell someone. Tell your therapist, hey, I've been coming here for six weeks. I feel like I'm not making progress. Or I've been coming here for six months.

I feel like I'm not making progress. So there's a really subtle thing where patients want to make their therapists proud. And oftentimes making them proud means pretending we're getting better. And I think that doesn't help anyone. And saying, hey, I'm not making progress. So this is what's working for me. This is what isn't working for me.