Dr. Alok Kanuja (Dr. K)

Um, once that happens to you, it becomes like cocaine for your anxiously attached little kid inside, right?

Like this is the perfect thing.

And then your brain thinks, oh my God, we found it once.

Let's start, let's try to find it again.

And this is what we tend to see with limerence, which is so confusing about it is that it, it,

You know, it doesn't happen with people that you know well.

Like, that's the whole problem is that you have this whole life over here.

You're maybe happily married.

And then it strikes from another person who demonstrates something.

And I think what's going on is in your brain, this old pattern that was really, really important and affected your developing brain now gets triggered with this limerent object who is distant and perfect.

So the really interesting thing, we'll get into this more a little bit later, but is that as we get close to the limerent object, sometimes when people experience limerence, they'll start dating the person.

And as they date them, the really weird thing will happen.

Their fantasies don't become a reality.

In fact, there are all kinds of problems that arise.

And then the most screwed up thing is oftentimes their limerence will transfer to a different person.

They'll wake up one day and the prior limerent object has now become...

A frustratingly normal human being in this other person.

The limerence just shifts, okay?

So that's kind of the attachment perspective.

I now want to talk about a couple of other features, okay?