Dr. Alok Kanuja (Dr. K)

Hey y'all, if you want more info on limerence, check out our limerence specific page.

This is a new thing that we're doing that has a ton of information on limerence, links to additional videos, and some info on our coaching program if that's interesting to you.

The link is in the description below, and now back to the video.

So what are the features of this limer beast?

I think once again what we need to do is go straight back to Tenov's book because I think she does the best job of describing this.

Limerence has certain basic components.

Intrusive thinking about the object of your desire, the limerent object or LO, who is a possible sexual partner but not always sexual.

Acute longing for reciprocation.

This is huge.

So you want the person to, like, you have all these feelings, and when you want more than anything else is their approval and their reciprocation.

A dependency of mood on the LO's actions, or more accurately, your interpretation of the LO's actions with respect to the probability of reciprocation.

This is something we have to explain in a little bit more detail.

So people who are limerent.

Usually have like their mood depends on the limerent object, the person that you're obsessive about.

Your mood depends entirely on how they react to you.

So you'll make maybe small overtures for their attention.

And if they respond in a positive way, first of all, you read so much into it.

So this person touched you lightly on the shoulder and then you're like, oh my God, this means that they noticed me.

You feel amazing.

There's this feeling of ecstasy, this feeling of walking on air.