Dr. Bill von Hippel

The problem is now we don't need connection anymore. We can survive just fine without it. So we have opportunities for autonomy all the time. Cities are an example. They're full of opportunities for autonomy. And humans are moving there in droves. Every time that we get a choice between connection and autonomy, I fear that we're choosing autonomy.

The problem is now we don't need connection anymore. We can survive just fine without it. So we have opportunities for autonomy all the time. Cities are an example. They're full of opportunities for autonomy. And humans are moving there in droves. Every time that we get a choice between connection and autonomy, I fear that we're choosing autonomy.

It's a form of miswanting because for our ancestors, they rarely could get that choice where they could really pick either. And when they had it, they wanted to jump on autonomy. So now I think that we're constantly choosing to do our own thing rather than to connect. And that's steadily making us unhappy. And our hunter-gatherer friends who still exist on this earth don't do that.

It's a form of miswanting because for our ancestors, they rarely could get that choice where they could really pick either. And when they had it, they wanted to jump on autonomy. So now I think that we're constantly choosing to do our own thing rather than to connect. And that's steadily making us unhappy. And our hunter-gatherer friends who still exist on this earth don't do that.

That's the one thing that you can learn from the Hadza. They're constantly thinking about each other and then thinking about, well, what do I want? And finding a compromise that's much closer to balance.

That's the one thing that you can learn from the Hadza. They're constantly thinking about each other and then thinking about, well, what do I want? And finding a compromise that's much closer to balance.

Yes and no. So we all need to connect, but I believe women need it more than men, largely for the reasons we were talking about earlier, where women need to get more help parenting. So they need to form these tight bonds so people will help them. But of course, men need connection too. And women provide men with a lot of the closest connection that they have.

Yes and no. So we all need to connect, but I believe women need it more than men, largely for the reasons we were talking about earlier, where women need to get more help parenting. So they need to form these tight bonds so people will help them. But of course, men need connection too. And women provide men with a lot of the closest connection that they have.

It is. It's not a huge difference. So if you look at people in their mid-60s, where now longevity is in the offing, right? Men will live an extra two years if they're married, and women will only live an extra year and a half if they're married. So women do more for men than men do for women, but both are getting something out of it. And that's not a huge difference.

It is. It's not a huge difference. So if you look at people in their mid-60s, where now longevity is in the offing, right? Men will live an extra two years if they're married, and women will only live an extra year and a half if they're married. So women do more for men than men do for women, but both are getting something out of it. And that's not a huge difference.

Well, also, I mean, think about how slovenly and disgusting we are. They're probably helping us with our hygiene. They're probably helping in a variety of ways. But yes, I think emotional support really matters. And I think that you need to have something to live for. And kids provide us with that. Grandkids provide us with that. Connection provides us with that. Nobody wants to die alone.

Well, also, I mean, think about how slovenly and disgusting we are. They're probably helping us with our hygiene. They're probably helping in a variety of ways. But yes, I think emotional support really matters. And I think that you need to have something to live for. And kids provide us with that. Grandkids provide us with that. Connection provides us with that. Nobody wants to die alone.

That's a miserable thought.

That's a miserable thought.

It turns out, so their best, well, the person I regard as their premier ethnographer is Frank Marlow. He would live with the Hadza and write about them. And he estimated from his life experience with them that about 20% of them stay married for life. So one in five. Which is not high. Very low. Now, if you think about it, why is that such a high divorce rate?

It turns out, so their best, well, the person I regard as their premier ethnographer is Frank Marlow. He would live with the Hadza and write about them. And he estimated from his life experience with them that about 20% of them stay married for life. So one in five. Which is not high. Very low. Now, if you think about it, why is that such a high divorce rate?

Well, hunter-gatherers don't institutionalize marriage the way that agriculturalists do. When agriculturalists get married, that's a financial arrangement. It didn't matter in the same way to our hunter-gatherer ancestors. When that's no longer nice, they moved out and chose somebody else. And so it's low. It's... They're serial monogamists.

Well, hunter-gatherers don't institutionalize marriage the way that agriculturalists do. When agriculturalists get married, that's a financial arrangement. It didn't matter in the same way to our hunter-gatherer ancestors. When that's no longer nice, they moved out and chose somebody else. And so it's low. It's... They're serial monogamists.

They don't, you know, Hadza tend not to have more than one wife at a time. It happens, but it's rare.

They don't, you know, Hadza tend not to have more than one wife at a time. It happens, but it's rare.