Dr. Ciara Kelly

But then there's the step-parent role for both them to each other's children.

There's the step-siblings, if you like.

There's the kids from this family and the kids from this family.

It's not necessarily the Brady Bunch.

They may not all like each other.

They may have issues there.

And then, of course, there's ex-partners that are still in the mix to the extent that they are still co-parenting this kind of cross-pollinated family.

Yes, what you're saying there is the new partner sees their partner's children as rivals.

Rivals for affection.

I do, but what I'm really hearing is,

a jealousy thing exactly like it is a rivalry a jealousy thing they say he's spoiled they say he's lazy they say he's all but what they're actually saying is he takes so much of her time yes that kid takes time from my partner that I see as mine and he needs a good font up the arse well I mean literally that's what I know but I'm saying that's the dynamic I would hear and you're kind of going well that's a difficult old place to be in

And I think the first thing is, so if we're going to try and examine this, the first thing is they are not your kids.

You are not their parent and your role is to rub along with them, I would see it, sort of like a housemate.

and not parent them because they have a parent who lives with them and they have another parent off-site.

They don't need a third one.

Now, they can't be rude to you and disrespectful, but neither could another housemate.

If you were living with a housemate who was rude and disrespectful to you, you'd go, okay, boundaries here.

That's the word I was just going to say.

Don't speak to me like that.

Absolutely.