Dr. Colman Noctor

Do you know what I mean?

To give you an idea, so let's say baby A is born to two first-time parents and they have a bit of money and they're affluent and everything else.

And that child grows into a situation where their needs are being met and they're being waited on hand and foot and all of that sort of stuff.

And the child, you know, develops a kind of... So let's say the child has...

goes to poo and it's nappy.

And the parents are trying to fix the kid.

They might feed it.

And then eventually they'll get to it.

And the baby develops an idea that, you know, even though these guys are frustrated because they don't get it straight away, eventually my needs will be met.

The world is a safe place.

I can trust people.

People can trust me.

Let's take baby B, who's born to parents who are both substance abusers, living in an inner city flat, have no resources, no help.

When he has a poo in his nappy, he's put into a dark room with a suitor and left there for four hours.

So he develops the sense that the world is not safe, your needs are never met, and you need to be on alert all the time because attack is the best form of defense.

Now, there are two kind of extreme examples, but the variation of the spectrum of those experiences shapes us in terms of how we experience intimacy, how we experience care, how we experience love, all of those things.

Now, attachment theory kind of, it flares up when you start to develop an intimate relationship in your own life.

So when you're starting romantic relationships, all the patterns of attachment that you would have had or that particular style

becomes quite agitated in those relationships.

So say, for example, if you have so you have the secure attachment, which is the holy grail that you want, that kind of, you know, I'm secure in my own self and I'm fine.