Dr. Dolly Alderton

Like, why wouldn't I keep doing that?

And I think the position of the youngest child in the family is to run as far away as you can, kind of thing.

Not because I had a bad time.

We both had a great childhood.

But I just think you are so... You resist replication in such a strident way that to the point of almost alienation, the point where you're almost like...

you almost look for things to not have in common with your family because you are so, when you're growing up and you have three siblings ahead of you and there's so much stuff that happened before you were born and all that kind of stuff, you just, you are so desperate to have something for yourself and nobody else gets it to have a say on or an opinion of or has more information than you do that you run and then you hide.

And I am actually, as a 35 year old now, I'm learning to stop hiding a bit.

I'm learning to share a bit more with my family and let them in on my emotional states a bit more.

And I actually, I'm surprised by how much of a big deal that feels for me sometimes, you know, because I just feel like when you're in that position of smallest one, all of your like, all of your little secrets and all of your little, you know, dollies or everything.

So everything that's just yours feels hard won, even to the point where

My brothers are both really close with my husband, with Gav.

And I have to stop myself from having these spikes of like, no, you're taking the thing that's... I only have one thing and it's Gav.

And if you take him, then I'll have nothing.

I get this scarcity mindset that comes from just being... Feeling quite overcrowded, you know?

And none of this is a judgment on any of my siblings or my parents.

I just think it's about birth order.

I think...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And five people who had witnessed patterns before.

It's like, oh, well, Jill went to that school.