Dr. Ellen Langer

That next time you're stressed, ask yourself, is it a tragedy or an inconvenience? It's almost never a tragedy. And so when you breathe, you know, I failed the test, I got, you know, dented the car, I missed the bus, whatever it is, so what? And so, you know, you take a deep breath and come back to yourself and realize that most of the things that make us crazed are unnecessary.

You get a lot of this as you get older, but... I teach my students this early on. Why wait? Why wait to recognize that you're the one who's almost always your worst enemy?

You get a lot of this as you get older, but... I teach my students this early on. Why wait? Why wait to recognize that you're the one who's almost always your worst enemy?

You get a lot of this as you get older, but... I teach my students this early on. Why wait? Why wait to recognize that you're the one who's almost always your worst enemy?

Sadly, though, then they believe the ball is still there when, in fact, the ball may be gone.

Sadly, though, then they believe the ball is still there when, in fact, the ball may be gone.

Sadly, though, then they believe the ball is still there when, in fact, the ball may be gone.

Well, it's interesting because our mindlessness, which results, I think, in part to hold on to things, to have control, is the very thing that deprives us of control. Because, again, things are changing. You're holding it still in your mind. And, you know, so you're living with somebody or you meet somebody and, you know, right away you decide what, you know.

Well, it's interesting because our mindlessness, which results, I think, in part to hold on to things, to have control, is the very thing that deprives us of control. Because, again, things are changing. You're holding it still in your mind. And, you know, so you're living with somebody or you meet somebody and, you know, right away you decide what, you know.

Well, it's interesting because our mindlessness, which results, I think, in part to hold on to things, to have control, is the very thing that deprives us of control. Because, again, things are changing. You're holding it still in your mind. And, you know, so you're living with somebody or you meet somebody and, you know, right away you decide what, you know.

size that person up, so now you can control your interactions with them. But what you're doing is ignoring all the times the person is not like that and all the ways that the relationship could have otherwise grown. That we, in general, and this is, I have a psychological treatment for chronic illness. It's all based on the same idea of change. Things are changing. We're always holding it still.

size that person up, so now you can control your interactions with them. But what you're doing is ignoring all the times the person is not like that and all the ways that the relationship could have otherwise grown. That we, in general, and this is, I have a psychological treatment for chronic illness. It's all based on the same idea of change. Things are changing. We're always holding it still.

size that person up, so now you can control your interactions with them. But what you're doing is ignoring all the times the person is not like that and all the ways that the relationship could have otherwise grown. That we, in general, and this is, I have a psychological treatment for chronic illness. It's all based on the same idea of change. Things are changing. We're always holding it still.

And so you have the illusion that you're controlling things. But in fact, you're giving up control by not recognizing for yourself or somebody else. All of our statements of we can't do or we can do. You can't know whether you can or you can't. The fact that you did it doesn't mean that you can do it again. The fact that you couldn't do it doesn't mean you couldn't do it in the future.

And so you have the illusion that you're controlling things. But in fact, you're giving up control by not recognizing for yourself or somebody else. All of our statements of we can't do or we can do. You can't know whether you can or you can't. The fact that you did it doesn't mean that you can do it again. The fact that you couldn't do it doesn't mean you couldn't do it in the future.

And so you have the illusion that you're controlling things. But in fact, you're giving up control by not recognizing for yourself or somebody else. All of our statements of we can't do or we can do. You can't know whether you can or you can't. The fact that you did it doesn't mean that you can do it again. The fact that you couldn't do it doesn't mean you couldn't do it in the future.

Oh, these resolutions are so mindless. But they're more than just mindless. They deny that what we did made sense or else we wouldn't have done it. That one thing that I told you is more important to me than anything else that I came to over all these years of studying.

Oh, these resolutions are so mindless. But they're more than just mindless. They deny that what we did made sense or else we wouldn't have done it. That one thing that I told you is more important to me than anything else that I came to over all these years of studying.

Oh, these resolutions are so mindless. But they're more than just mindless. They deny that what we did made sense or else we wouldn't have done it. That one thing that I told you is more important to me than anything else that I came to over all these years of studying.

You know, so you're going to resolve that you're going to, I don't know, stop drinking, you're going to go to the gym, whatever these New Year's resolutions are, suggests that what you were doing instead of that thing you think you should be doing was not something you should have been doing. And I think that's never the case.