Dr. Gabor Maté

Well, think of a human being in the evolutionary period who's not in touch with their body and their gut feelings.

How long do they survive out there in the wild?

So authenticity is another huge survival need.

Great.

So far, so good.

But what happens to a child where the attachment need is not compatible with the need for authenticity?

In other words, if I'm authentic, my parents will reject me.

If I feel what I feel and express what I feel and insist on my own truth, my parents can't handle it.

And parents convey those messages unconsciously all the time.

Not because they mean to, not because they don't love the child, not because they're not trying to do their best, but because they themselves are suppressed or traumatized or hurt or stressed.

So I convey that message many times to my children, believe me, without any conscious desire to do so.

In fact, it was the very opposite of what I wished to convey.

but that they're not acceptable the way they are with their emotions the way they are, that's the message my kids got when they were small.

And most children get that in our society.

And what does the child do with that?

Well, if I give up my attachment for the sake of authenticity, I lose my relationships on which my life depends.

Therefore, there's no question.

What becomes suppressed is our authenticity, our emotions.

And then we become 25 and 30 or 35, 40, and we don't know who we are.

And somebody asks us, what do you feel?