Dr. J. Budziszewski

But anyway, I love my wife.

I love my children.

I had my children already then.

We were married young at what passes for young now at 19.

So we were married all through grad school and working and all this sort of thing.

And, you know, when you don't have faith, it's much harder to maintain a marriage when you don't have grace.

This is the, especially under the circumstances of today's world.

And we'd had a quarrel and...

Because I loved my wife, it was just devastating to have a big quarrel.

And she's gone to bed, and I'm sitting on a chair in the living room, and I'm weeping.

And I sort of bring myself under control, and I actually prayed to God.

I said, I don't think you're there.

And I think I'm talking to the wall.

But if you are there, you can have me.

But you're going to have to show me because I can't tell anymore.

And that was true because I'd torn up my own mind.

To tell yourself things like there's no difference between good and evil, you have to ignore so many things.

You have to deny, you have to forget so many memories.

You have to ignore so many things about everyday experience of goodness and of the wonderful and of the horrible.

And you have to, in order to tell one lie to yourself, you have to tell so many lies to yourself that it messes up your mind.