Dr. J. Budziszewski

Because love is not a feeling.

Love is a commitment of the will to the true good of another person.

That is love, and that is true of non-erotic love.

But that's true of erotic love, too, in a Christian sense.

It should have that element of charity in it.

Now, romantic feelings often accompany that.

They don't always.

And if they don't at first, I mean, even in an arranged marriage, for instance, they often come if they've made a real commitment and love each other.

You know, the erotic feelings, the excitement come.

And if they faded away, they often come back.

And as a matter of fact, when you know each other...

Okay, you know what?

You've had intercourse with dozens of women.

It's like wading in the kiddie pool.

You never know anybody in their depths.

And now you're swimming in the ocean.

And it may take a long time to swim, to learn to swim in that ocean and to learn how to deal with the waves.

And sometimes you feel like you're choking because you swallowed some salt water.

And then you figure that out and you learn how to work with the surf and all of this sort of thing.

And it is so much more interesting and so much more intriguing to learn another person.