Dr. Jamil Zaki

The data, again, are really clear that if you ask people to estimate how trustworthy or kind or compassionate or open-minded others are, we miss the mark.

We think that people have much less of all of these positive qualities than they really do.

And that makes us miss out on the ability to connect with people, to collaborate, to form relationships.

The good news is that when we look more closely, when we replace cynicism with skepticism, pleasant surprises are everywhere.

Again, I'm not saying that everyone is terrific.

I'm not saying that there aren't people who are terrible and do awful things.

What I am saying, and what the data are clear on, is that the average person underestimates the average person.

And that leads to all sorts of missed connections, but we can choose to think a different way and connect more effectively.

No, I think that that's a first step.

I really, in my own life, because I struggle with cynicism myself, I try to fact check my cynical feelings.

If I find myself mistrusting somebody who I've just met, that gut instinct rising up inside me saying, what is this guy and who is this guy and what does he want?

I try to say, well, come on, Zaki, what evidence do you have for that cynical claim?

And often the answer is nothing.

I don't know.

So I think rethinking is the first step.

But I also try to do what I call taking leaps of faith on other people.

That is taking small, calculated risks, giving people a chance to show me who they are.

And it turns out that that actually doesn't just allow you to learn more about people.

It exerts a positive effect on them.

Economists talk about what they call earned trust.