Dr. Keith Humphreys

We all get, you know, shit-faced together.

And it's really fun.

Okay, so that'd be one thing.

What else?

Tell me.

And you're not framing this as a struggle between you as the punishing force.

that's going to deny that this person has enjoyed something about this or get something out of it socially.

And you say, so this is why, so this is what we need to decide.

These are the costs and these are the benefits.

It's your life, not mine.

You know, do you want to go for this or not?

And you acknowledge the grief of those things.

Like, you know, man, I used to be so much closer to my college buddies and now I had to skip college.

our annual trip for the first time, because I was afraid I would relapse.

Like, wow, that is a real cost.

I mean, that has to be grieved.

And there are many things like that.

I know people with relationships where one person nagged the other to quit drinking, and then when the person got sober, left them.

because they changed a lot in ways that they didn't like and it turned out there were certain aspects of the person, you know, their drinking problem that worked for that other person.

Whether it was, well, I had more control over the checkbook because you were always drunk and I got to make my spending decisions by myself or, you know, I didn't have to... I find now that we're talking more, I realize I don't like a lot of things you say, you know, before and that is all real.