Dr. Maya Shankar

Being part of a community.

she visited this really funny sounding museum called the Museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia, which has all these exhibits that are dedicated to relationships that at one point failed.

And as Florence was walking through the museum reading about these lovelorn tales, she started to see that, one, she was not alone in her heartbreak and the emotions that she felt.

I think a lot of times when we're ruminating, our brains can trick us into believing that we're exceptional in some way, right?

That the very complicated knot our mind is tied is unlike anyone else's and that we can't possibly learn from other people's experiences.

But she's walking around the museum.

She's reading all these exhibits.

She's like, wait a second.

This singular feeling of heartbreak is so universal.

And actually, I can absorb the lessons that they have to teach me.

And what she learns from all of their stories is that everyone had unanswered questions on the other side of heartbreak.

The idea of closure was fool's gold.

And so what she actually had to do was to become more comfortable with the idea of living in a world where there were so many unknowns.

And she ultimately, at the end of her experience, comes to see that there's a little bit of magic in that, in not knowing exactly how life will unfold and not knowing exactly what the answers are to all of her questions around her heartbreak, and that it was still possible to live a happy, fulfilling life without having those answers.

And one of the devilish features of rumination is that it can trick us into believing that if we can get that clarity, somehow everything will be fine.

So it's like, if I can just figure out why they broke up with me, then I'll never have someone break up with me again.

If I can just figure out why they betrayed me, then I'll never be betrayed again.

If I can just figure out why I drove them away, then I'll never, you know, and that is all just fiction.

That's a game that our brain is playing with us.

because it's desperate for some sort of certainty or closure, but it actually isn't.