Dr. Nicole LePera

It learned how to handle conflict, disconnection, unmet needs.

And so those then, right, that learning is what most of us meet sometime in our adulthood, right, when we seemingly instinctually feel disconnected.

driven to certain emotions or reactions or even roles in our relationship despite wanting to change knowing that they don't serve us because again they are so wired into our body so it takes us not only understanding maybe more compassionately

why, right, maybe us staying quiet now in an argument where we could speak up at one time that maybe helped prevent conflict in childhood so we can see that part more compassionately, but at the same time, we can now show up differently, right?

We can teach our body that it's safe to speak our mind or to express our needs to someone else.

Or for me, right, the overachiever, I can understand that I learned that that's how connection and worthiness was created for me in childhood,

Right.

But I can understand now that I can be worthy in other moments.

I can be worthy in a moment of rest even because that's what we want to do.

Right.

We don't just want to understand why we're struggling.

Most of us want to change and limit or decrease the amount of struggle that we're having.

That's a beautiful definition.

I would say they shape our habits, our relational patterns, our personality traits, even our preferences.

And it's confusing because we've repeated them for so long outside of our awareness that some of us are – they even feel like –

They're who we are, right?

We feel like we're just choosing to be independent, especially if you grew up in a Western society, right?

Because relying on others at one time meant hurt or disappointment or sensitivity, right?

We've practiced being so hypervigilant to the environment for so long that we just feel like we're a highly sensitive person.

It's just who we are in temperament.