Dr. Paul Conti
Appearances
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
Children... are trying to understand, especially at this stage of life where there's so many connections forming and the child is growing and learning about the world around them, that the child is trying to understand, but without the benefit of abstract thought. and of life experience. But in children, they're trying to make sense of things without those capabilities.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
So then the idea is, it must be me, because there's not the thought, oh, people can have issues of their own that can impact how they're responding. So in one sense, they're responding to me, but they're not really responding to me. They're responding to what's inside of their head. So if I say, mom or dad, can I have something to drink?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
And the person says, just go in the other room, or just yells at me, I didn't really do anything wrong. My mom or my dad was in a bad place. They can't do that. So the attribution is to
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
self, which is why the lessons that we learn in childhood can be so, so difficult into the future, because we don't have the capacity for the abstract thought, we don't have the life experience, so we attribute the negative things around us to ourselves.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
And this is where there was an English physician named Winnicott who wrote about the idea of raising children so that the child can feel good enough. And this wasn't an idea of limp over the line, that's not what good enough meant. Good enough means solidly good enough, that I'm good enough to face what there is for me to face.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
If that's something negative, I can get myself through negative things and also I can get myself to better places. I can find better for myself. If I get knocked down, I can get back up.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
again these are the lessons that we that we want and if we can get through childhood and we can if we if we didn't get through childhood so feeling good enough and there's aspects of not good enough we carry along in all of us then we can go back and look at that and we can change that later in life and at the deepest level
The Mel Robbins Podcast
How to Stop Caring What People Think of You
I don't know, guys. Let's try this.