Today, you’re going to learn the simple trick to stop caring what other people think.If you find that you take things personally, worry what other people think about you, are scared of being judged, or find that you can’t stop overthinking, you’ll love this episode.You’ll learn how to stop people-pleasing and start doing what is right for you.Featured in today’s episode is Chrissy Teigen, who opens up about her own struggles with people-pleasing. Mel gives Chrissy the coaching session of a lifetime, and what they talk about together will resonate deeply with you.This episode is both deeply personal and highly practical. You’ll learn:Why you care so much about what other people think.How to Let Them think bad thoughts about you.The tools you need to live your life on your own terms again. Get ready to take back control of your life again and live it for yourself.To listen to Chrissy Teigen’s new podcast on Audible, Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen, click here.Get a copy of Mel’s new book, The Let Them Theory, which she mentions in this episode, here.For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.If you liked this personal, tactical, and relatable episode, listen to this one next: The One Tool to Transform Your Relationships: The Let Them TheoryConnect with Mel: Watch the episodes on YouTubeGet Mel’s new book, The Let Them TheoryFollow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast InstagramMel's TikTok Sign up for Mel’s personal letter Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes Disclaimer
Chapter 1: What is the main obstacle holding you back?
Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Today, you and I are going to talk about one of the biggest obstacles that's holding you back. What is the obstacle? Oh, it's worrying about what other people think and then how hard you are on yourself because of it.
So if you're exhausted by worrying about other people, or if you're tired of constantly feeling misunderstood, or if you feel like you're trapped in this prison of self-criticism, you're so hard on yourself, our conversation today will set you free. I'm going to teach you a revolutionary new approach to life. Let people have negative thoughts about you.
Your power is never in what someone else thinks. Your power is in what you think about yourself. Today, you're going to learn how to use the let them theory to let people have their opinions and focus on living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so thrilled to be here with you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for hitting play on this episode and choosing to spend some time with me. It is always an honor to be together with you. If you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast, I just want to welcome you to the family. Here's what I know about you.
The fact that you actually hit play on this tells me that you're the kind of person who really values your time and that you've made the time to listen to something that could truly help you create a better life. There is no doubt in my mind, you have hit play on the perfect episode because today we are gonna unpack a topic that I personally believe is the single biggest obstacle
that stands in the way of you and your ability to achieve absolutely everything that you want in your life. And what is that obstacle? That obstacle is your fear of what other people think about you. We all have it. We worry about it. We care about what other people think. We try to manage what other people think.
You probably don't even realize how much of a default it is for you to stop and consider what somebody might think before you post something on social media, before you say something at work, before you make the move that you've been afraid to make, before you start the conversation. You always stop and you consider what somebody else is going to think or do in response to it.
And you don't even realize how often you do this. I didn't either until I discovered the let them theory and starting to learn to catch myself whenever I was considering what somebody else would think or how they might react and worrying about it and learning how to say let them, it has been life altering.
And one of the reasons why I thought I got to dedicate an entire episode to this is because first of all, you struggle with this. That's why you chose to listen to this. That's why somebody that you care about deeply forwarded you this episode because they want you to stop worrying so much about what everybody thinks and live your life and be happy. But I'm here to tell you, you're not alone.
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Chapter 2: How can you stop worrying about what others think?
And in fact, anytime you start worrying about what somebody else thinks about you, you actually cause stress and anxiety for yourself. The fact that you're worrying about what everybody thinks so much is actually a major source of stress. And there is an easier way to live. I am going to prove it to you today with the help of Chrissy Teigen.
And it may surprise you that when you listen to Chrissy and you listen to her share, it may surprise you that when you consider her life, well, this is a woman that is so wildly successful. She's an extraordinary businesswoman. She has four amazing kids. She's got an incredible marriage to John Legend. And she struggles with this. And so from the outside, you see somebody who's succeeding.
So you don't think that this is a person who feels misunderstood. You don't think that this is a person who feels like she's living in a prison of her own making. You don't think that this is a person who lives in fear that she's going to pass this on to her kids. And what is it that she's afraid she's going to pass on to her kids?
Well, it's this fear of being misunderstood, this fear that people are criticizing her, this fear that she can never do anything right. And the let them theory is liberating in this regard. Not only for Chrissy Teigen, but also for you and for whomever you share this with.
And so I just want to thank Chrissy because she is giving me permission to share a few segments from her new podcast, Self-Conscious, with Chrissy Teigen. And you can listen to the whole conversation that Chrissy and I had right now if you just go to audible.com forward slash Chrissy and Mel. So on the opening of her podcast, I explained to Chrissy what the let them theory is.
And in case you're brand new to the Mel Robbins podcast family, let me just share what the let them theory is to you as well. So let them theory is a very simple mindset tool that shows you instantly what's in your control and what's not in your control. And there's two very simple parts to the let them theory.
Part one, you're going to use whenever you feel yourself starting to get frustrated or stressed out or annoyed or worried about what somebody else is doing, feeling or saying. Just say, let them. Let them say what they're going to say. Let them think what they're going to think. I'm going to stop trying to control them and just let them. And the second step is when you say, let me.
And when you say, let me, you remind yourself that in life, there's only three things you can control. It's what you think, it's what you do or don't do, and it's how you process the feelings that are rising up. And when you say, let me, this is where you get your power back. let me remind myself that my power is not in what other people are doing. My power is always in my response.
And when you focus on your response, and particularly you focus on showing up in a way that makes you proud of yourself, You're now in control of your life. And so I explained that to Chrissy on her new podcast. And this is what she had to say in response.
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