Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Every week. Every week. I mean, it's probably one of the, if not the most gratifying part of my week. I'm a big believer that if you're a mental health practitioner, you practice mental health. So that's a privilege to be able to be in that room and to work with clients. But

Every week. Every week. I mean, it's probably one of the, if not the most gratifying part of my week. I'm a big believer that if you're a mental health practitioner, you practice mental health. So that's a privilege to be able to be in that room and to work with clients. But

It would be so easy when you're dealing at a macro level, large populations going on YouTube, writing books, to get distanced from what is happening to individual people's lives. One of the tricky bits with research is we study populations. We study samples, right? We study hundreds of people. What happens in the room is something very different.

It would be so easy when you're dealing at a macro level, large populations going on YouTube, writing books, to get distanced from what is happening to individual people's lives. One of the tricky bits with research is we study populations. We study samples, right? We study hundreds of people. What happens in the room is something very different.

And you start to recognize, A, how badly these relationships harm people, their schemas of the world, their schemas of themselves. And B, how much potential for intervention there is with these clients through very, very simple approaches around education about narcissism, validation of their experience, breaking through self-blame and teaching them to trust themselves.

And you start to recognize, A, how badly these relationships harm people, their schemas of the world, their schemas of themselves. And B, how much potential for intervention there is with these clients through very, very simple approaches around education about narcissism, validation of their experience, breaking through self-blame and teaching them to trust themselves.

I mean, hundreds, hundreds, really. And I even use the word survivor. I hate to call them victims because I don't even think they're that passive. I mean, I think that they just weren't. No one ever taught anyone this, right? I'll give you the example. When people are in a relationship with somebody who's living with addiction, it's very clear what they're dealing with.

I mean, hundreds, hundreds, really. And I even use the word survivor. I hate to call them victims because I don't even think they're that passive. I mean, I think that they just weren't. No one ever taught anyone this, right? I'll give you the example. When people are in a relationship with somebody who's living with addiction, it's very clear what they're dealing with.

You have a person, they're using a substance that's altering them, that's altering their behavior, that's taking them away from who they are in person. People in relationships with addicts will say, I'm in two relationships. I'm in a relationship with a sober person, and I'm in a relationship with somebody who's using or intoxicated or denying or defending their use. Two people.

You have a person, they're using a substance that's altering them, that's altering their behavior, that's taking them away from who they are in person. People in relationships with addicts will say, I'm in two relationships. I'm in a relationship with a sober person, and I'm in a relationship with somebody who's using or intoxicated or denying or defending their use. Two people.

And it breaks the people in those relationships, and we're willing to call it that. The experience people have in narcissistic relationships in a way is no different. With the added bit though, that at least with addiction, people can say, I see what the behavior is. I see what the issue is. Addiction's a disease and we know it's treatable. Narcissism, not so much. And on top of that,

And it breaks the people in those relationships, and we're willing to call it that. The experience people have in narcissistic relationships in a way is no different. With the added bit though, that at least with addiction, people can say, I see what the behavior is. I see what the issue is. Addiction's a disease and we know it's treatable. Narcissism, not so much. And on top of that,

The narcissistic person has this very well-developed, very successful behavioral repertoire. They can go out in the world and they're able to be charming and charismatic and confident and smart and the center of attention and running companies. And behind closed doors, they psychologically eviscerate the people they're with.

The narcissistic person has this very well-developed, very successful behavioral repertoire. They can go out in the world and they're able to be charming and charismatic and confident and smart and the center of attention and running companies. And behind closed doors, they psychologically eviscerate the people they're with.

spouses, partners, family members, close friends, maybe people who are below them in an organization, people where they can kind of get away with it. So the people they're harming, the world thinks this person's fantastic. At least a person who's in a relationship with an addict, people say, okay, I get it. They're using, this is hard.

spouses, partners, family members, close friends, maybe people who are below them in an organization, people where they can kind of get away with it. So the people they're harming, the world thinks this person's fantastic. At least a person who's in a relationship with an addict, people say, okay, I get it. They're using, this is hard.

But for the folks in narcissistic relationships, a lot of people say, aren't you lucky that you're married to that guy? And the person's like, oh my gosh, are these people, they're mind like, so what do they do? They blame themselves.

But for the folks in narcissistic relationships, a lot of people say, aren't you lucky that you're married to that guy? And the person's like, oh my gosh, are these people, they're mind like, so what do they do? They blame themselves.

So I'm almost curious to ask you, before I almost contaminate you with what my definition is, what's your working definition? What's your working model of what narcissism is?

So I'm almost curious to ask you, before I almost contaminate you with what my definition is, what's your working definition? What's your working model of what narcissism is?