Dr. Shadé Zahrai

But what you want to do first is not just an automatic no.

You create a little bit of a delay.

So you can actually process what they've said.

We know from research that even a few seconds, a few milliseconds, allows us to make a better decision when the pressure is on.

So what does that actually look like in practice?

You start with, thank you for thinking of me.

So positive first response.

You move into, let me check with my schedule.

Let me check with my husband or my wife.

Let me confirm I have capacity.

And then step three is, I will get back to you by X time, right?

Thanks for thinking of me.

Let me check.

I'll get back to you.

And then you reflect on whether you actually want to do this thing.

Now, then the next part comes, how do you actually say no if you want to decline?

When we just think about the saying no, it can feel very selfish if you are a people pleaser, if you struggle with approval and acceptance.

So what you want to be thinking about is, okay, how do I make this not a no, but a yes to myself?

Oh.

If I can make this a yes to myself, I don't have to say to the other person I'm saying yes to myself, but it makes the process so much easier.