Dr. Stephanie Sarkis

People with ADHD aren't fragile.

You can talk to people about things.

And in fact, that's the way that we usually recommend that you do things with the relationships is if something is bothering you, say something.

And if the person gets defensive, you still had a right to say that you were upset.

I think it's a good idea and concept, but for people with ADHD, part of the issue is

trying to figure out how to compensate for those issues.

So when you have problems with the frontal lobe of your brain, your executive functions, which do time management, emotion regulation, impulse control, sometimes it's figuring out how to fix that, but people can still take accountability for their behavior.

So like for your example, if you realize later that your friend said, Hey, the way you were last night was not okay.

You would own up to it and say, Hey, I'm really sorry.

you know, here's how I'm working on that.

Right.

That's an acceptable answer.

Yeah.

And then, then you decide as a friend, you know what, this person's continually late and, and, and I don't hear them taking ownership and I don't hear them talking about maybe how they're trying to rectify this or get better.

Then you have to think about, is this a relationship where I feel like I'm heard or respected and that's with anything.

Well, first, sometimes with ADHD, it's not always possible for people to realize that they're doing something that's harmful.

So for a lot of people with ADHD, they do realize they're running late, but sometimes people don't realize the impact it has.

So it is really helpful when you have a friend that's direct and says, hey, this thing you did, that hurt me.

So people with ADHD do feel a lot of guilt and shame about things like running late because they will have every intention of trying to get out the door on time.

And they just, for whatever reason, variety of reasons, they can't show up on time.