Dr. Terri Harvath

I'd like to add to that, the out-of-town sibling dynamic. Because I think there is a pattern that I've seen frequently where, as Lisa was saying, there's a primary caregiver, siblings are living out of town. And sometimes what will happen is when the out-of-town sibling comes home, I believe it's motivated by a desire to make up for the caregiving they've not done.

I'd like to add to that, the out-of-town sibling dynamic. Because I think there is a pattern that I've seen frequently where, as Lisa was saying, there's a primary caregiver, siblings are living out of town. And sometimes what will happen is when the out-of-town sibling comes home, I believe it's motivated by a desire to make up for the caregiving they've not done.

They offer advice to the primary caregiver about what they could be doing differently in order to make their life easier or better. And the primary caregiver rarely experiences that as helpful or supportive. It feels like you're being criticized, like you don't know what you're doing.

They offer advice to the primary caregiver about what they could be doing differently in order to make their life easier or better. And the primary caregiver rarely experiences that as helpful or supportive. It feels like you're being criticized, like you don't know what you're doing.

And so I try to caution both the primary caregiver, but also the out-of-town siblings to have a different conversation about that and to recognize that The person who is boots on the ground needs to be given deference and support because they're the ones who are in the trenches and do, excuse me, doing the work.

And so I try to caution both the primary caregiver, but also the out-of-town siblings to have a different conversation about that and to recognize that The person who is boots on the ground needs to be given deference and support because they're the ones who are in the trenches and do, excuse me, doing the work.

And while there may be things that if I were the caregiver instead of my sibling, I would do differently. It, Unless I'm willing to take that care on 24-7, I really have to take a backseat to that and offer other kinds of help. What can I do while I'm here that would be helpful to you? That's a great point. Of all that you're doing, what would be helpful?

And while there may be things that if I were the caregiver instead of my sibling, I would do differently. It, Unless I'm willing to take that care on 24-7, I really have to take a backseat to that and offer other kinds of help. What can I do while I'm here that would be helpful to you? That's a great point. Of all that you're doing, what would be helpful?

And to ask that question rather than to offer. I think growing up, there was a saying in my household, advice is to be given, not taken. But I actually think advice is to be asked for, not offered. Yeah. And so, you know, I think that, you know, offering to help is better than saying, have you thought about doing it this way?

And to ask that question rather than to offer. I think growing up, there was a saying in my household, advice is to be given, not taken. But I actually think advice is to be asked for, not offered. Yeah. And so, you know, I think that, you know, offering to help is better than saying, have you thought about doing it this way?

Terry. First of all, thank you so much for this conversation. It really, I think, is an important one for all of our communities to be having. And what I would say is that echoing what Lisa said, caregiving sort of spans the gamut. it can be meaningful and rewarding and a source of joy. And also caregiving happens in the context of conflict, historic conflict in relationships.

Terry. First of all, thank you so much for this conversation. It really, I think, is an important one for all of our communities to be having. And what I would say is that echoing what Lisa said, caregiving sort of spans the gamut. it can be meaningful and rewarding and a source of joy. And also caregiving happens in the context of conflict, historic conflict in relationships.

And when there has been a difficult relationship, those caregivers often find it even more difficult, especially because I'm really glad we haven't used the term loved one at all today, but often health professionals will talk about caring for a loved one when they're not all loved. And so I think that caregiving happens in all kinds of families and of every possible iteration of family.

And when there has been a difficult relationship, those caregivers often find it even more difficult, especially because I'm really glad we haven't used the term loved one at all today, but often health professionals will talk about caring for a loved one when they're not all loved. And so I think that caregiving happens in all kinds of families and of every possible iteration of family.

And so recognizing that the family in which the care is happening influences the care that is provided and influences the impact on both the older adult and the person providing care.

And so recognizing that the family in which the care is happening influences the care that is provided and influences the impact on both the older adult and the person providing care.

And meeting the dyad where they are at with whatever that relationship history has been is a better way, I think, to support families than to try and say, well, this is the time when it should all go loving and caring because sometimes care needs to just be good enough and not out of this world fabulous. And it's better for everyone when we can recognize that. Absolutely.

And meeting the dyad where they are at with whatever that relationship history has been is a better way, I think, to support families than to try and say, well, this is the time when it should all go loving and caring because sometimes care needs to just be good enough and not out of this world fabulous. And it's better for everyone when we can recognize that. Absolutely.