Dr. Todd Rose

the overwhelming reason why most people self silence is decency they actually don't want to hurt people's feelings they don't want to create conflict and they believe incorrectly that other people are just too sensitive these days and yet when we ask people in private opinion research about their own views you know 75% of Americans are like I'm not sensitive I would like to hear other opinions but they are so convinced that everybody else is just fragile and

that they're just self-silencing, and now we're just living under this, like, cascade of illusions.

It does.

I mean, you think about it, just anyone who's listening, you know what I mean.

We've all had those moments where we thought we're the only ones in the room who hold a certain view, and rather than speak up, we just say nothing, right?

And...

That's happening.

It's happening in our families.

It's happening in our workplaces.

It's certainly happening in higher education.

And it's affecting, like you said, not just our politics, although for sure our politics.

It has seeped into everyday issues that matter, like, for example, even our definition of a successful life.

What could be more personal than the life you want to live?

Well, at my think tank, Populous, we did one of the largest private opinion studies ever

on what people mean by a successful life.

And in private, what you get is their trade-off priorities, including things you wish people cared about, like relationships and character, just being a good person, getting a good education and making a contribution in life.

But when you ask them what most Americans would say, you get a completely different picture.

They think everybody else cares about zero-sum, someone's got to lose for me to win, and it's all about wealth, status, and power.

And to put a finer point on that, out of 76 possible items that we had people trade off in terms of what matters to them for success, they thought that most Americans valued being famous more than anything else.

So they just think most Americans want to be famous, and that's their view of success.