Eleanor Mills

Okay.

And you want to be in a situation where you can completely surrender to what you're being shown.

And that capacity to kind of open up.

I mean, I've done it a few times since.

And every time I've been shown something which is then maybe I didn't even understand in the moment, which has gone on to be what Coleridge or Wordsworth would describe as a vivifying virtue, which is it kind of stokes your capacity for kind of joy or aliveness in your life afterwards.

I think they're still with me.

Wow.

And actually quite a lot of research which they've done in America shows that for a lot of people, they put this experience of having done psilocybin up there with like giving birth or getting married, that it can be completely transformational in terms of how you see yourself and your place in the world.

And for me, it gave me a great sense of connectedness

to everything, the sense of a life force chugging through me, but also through the insects and the trees and the waves and the sunshine and just feeling linked to it all.

What I discovered was having been given a glimpse of that sense of connectedness and goldenness, I could find it again.

Without the mushrooms.

You could recall it.

I could recall it.

So really, I started meditating and I would think about the golden light and the light that I'd seen through the waves or that sense of connectedness.

And I could find my way back to that place through meditation and I did silent retreats and I've done kind of...

I've done all sorts of silent retreats, constellations.

I decided I quite like my silent self because you stop telling yourself stories.

You stop having to tell a story about yourself all the time and everything becomes quite still.

I quite like Silent Eleanor.