Elisabeth McKay

I've taught them that it's okay to kind of wait in that discomfort to get what they want.

Let's say, and this is something that certainly happened going back to this idea of it being someone's birthday.

Gordon's and my birthday are a few days apart, and all the littles really wanted to understand, like, because it was Gordon's birthday and all these presents, and my birthday and all these presents, they were like, well, when's my presents?

It's like, well, you guys are both born in December.

It's not for a long time.

Instead of doing the, oh, get over it, or getting them presents to make them feel included, helping them actually navigate their disappointment.

Like, hey, it's okay that you feel sad right now, but yesterday was about daddy, today's about mommy.

Everyone has one day of the year where we get to celebrate your birthday.

Your birthday's here and here.

And don't you remember when we did your birthday, we got X and Y and Z?

Do you remember those presents?

Do you remember how much we celebrated you?

And they're like, oh yeah, I guess that's true.

I think it would be really great if you could be really happy for daddy and wish him a happy birthday right now.

And remember that even though today's not about you, we love you and it's really good for you to learn how to be of service to others and not always only get what you want.

Those are all great ways to help a kid learn how to manage their disappointment.

And to learn how to build internal identity instead of externally ranking.

Who am I?

What do I like?

By the way, you can't get to these things without teaching your kids how to commit.