Ella Al-Shamahi

And it was so funny.

But it was, you know, it was quite an adjustment.

It was like, I've got to now learn to fit in.

And it's funny because I think anthropologists traditionally, and as you know, I am a paleoanthropologist, you know, you kind of go and sit with these exotic and inverted commas tribes and you kind of learn their ways.

and I was like my exotic tribe is just central London that's it me and I would sit there studying people's behaviour and like going alright so this is how they act okay so this is okay alright so that's you know I wrote a book about the handshake

Writing a book about the handshake does not come because somebody is like just casually not questioning.

Writing a book about the handshake comes when you are obsessively reading the behavior of every person around you.

Because in your culture, you never shook hands with men.

I had this one friend who was just like...

oh, you must be so relieved to be free.

And I was just like, do you understand the trauma that I've just been through?

I didn't want this.

This isn't what I wanted.

Certainly, like now, 10, 13 years later, I can look back and go, I'm glad that, you know, I'm not constrained by dogma unless I pick that dogma.

But, you know, let's not pretend that this is a fun world.

I mean, I'd definitely rather be here, but let's not pretend it's perfect.

Like, I think the community thing is such a,

I think this is what I have found really, really, really difficult to explain to so many of my secular friends who are basically my tribe.

Now, let's be honest, right?

I will never, ever, ever be in a community like that again.