Emilie Kiser

some bigger thing or a lesson or anything there's there's nothing it's we should have protected him better and and that's that's why it happened what broke my heart beyond learning about your story as i was preparing for our conversation today and to be with you

When I came back, I honestly was fully preparing myself for any reaction I was possibly going to get.

I was just so deeply craving, I think, a sense of normalcy.

And when you're grieving and when you go through something,

any sort of loss, honestly.

I think that that's what a lot of us grip onto is how can I find any sense of normalcy in my life to get me through the day?

For me, that kind of was starting to slowly return to my job that I love so much.

Nothing could have prepared me for the support that I received.

I was really just emotional and blown away and just so grateful.

And I...

very often feel very undeserving just because of how sad and honestly guilty I feel and sad for Trigg that he's not here.

Sometimes I feel undeserving of like, how are we able to still in the best way we can go on with our lives?

And I'm just really grateful that I had so many people that

were just there for me.

My community kind of just said, however slow you want to take it, whatever you choose to share, you can share it.

That's kind of what I prepared myself returning was with the boundaries of, I will just share what I'm comfortable with because I would rather be ripped apart for what I don't share and for not sharing enough than share too much.

of the pain and the heartbreak and the thoughts that I go through every day and be judged for that.

It's just, it's too much.

It's all the time.

I think people look at grief as stages or at some point it's going to end.