Faith Salie

Their wedding?

Their funeral?

That's my plan, though, actually.

Oh, your flight?

It's like crypto. It is. I hate that.

What are we taking away from our children?

Cocaine-like. Yeah, you want to let it rain.

Ukraine.

Federal aviation workers?

Wildfires.

Netflix?

No, $81 trillion. Oh.

World Cup.

Oh, he was an arse.

Do you think that Trump really focusing on Mexico and Canada has anything to do with how good-looking both of their leaders are? Probably. I think... I really, I think there might be something to this. I think he is intimidated by Justin Trudeau's good looks.

Which his wife has noticed. I'm gay and I think he's hot. There you go. And I'm not gay and I think the president of Mexico is super hot. Yeah.

And I am gay and she is hot. There you go. I am confirmed.

Books will be printed on Charmin.

That makes me so sad. Who is clapping?

And I think some people buy them to display. There's a Japanese word, because Japanese have the best words for all these things. It's sundoku. It's your pile of books that you're never going to read. It just makes you look smart. I will say, I had every intention of reading them.

Last week, Sharon McGann had to take her 12-year-old son, Oscar, with her to her admin job at Church of the Blessed Sacrament in Columbus, Ohio. Sharon told Oscar to keep quiet and stay out of trouble. He didn't. He ensconced himself in a confessional. When penitent parishioner Lorna McMahon came into the booth and said through the screen, Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, Oscar froze.

Then he lowered his voice and replied, Tell me all the bad stuff. My child. Oscar heard confessions for an hour until he farted and laughed so hard that his mom found him. But before she did, young, fake Father Oscar doled out some punishing penances, like telling one parishioner to listen to Kidz Bop while praying the rosary a Googleplex number of times.