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Fred Luskin

👤 Person
693 total appearances

Appearances Over Time

Podcast Appearances

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It can be for the other person. in an important intimate relationship. So if your partner cheats, you can forgive both to free you and them. But it's an unenforceable rule thinking that if I forgive them, like they're gonna change or they forgive me, we don't have control over the other. Part of the problem

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It can be for the other person. in an important intimate relationship. So if your partner cheats, you can forgive both to free you and them. But it's an unenforceable rule thinking that if I forgive them, like they're gonna change or they forgive me, we don't have control over the other. Part of the problem

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It can be for the other person. in an important intimate relationship. So if your partner cheats, you can forgive both to free you and them. But it's an unenforceable rule thinking that if I forgive them, like they're gonna change or they forgive me, we don't have control over the other. Part of the problem

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

of unforgiveness is our lack of control of what happened makes us feel so vulnerable and threatened that if we don't come up with a strategy that puts some of the control back in our hands, we can feel lost and scared for a long time. The simplest example is an intimate partnership.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

of unforgiveness is our lack of control of what happened makes us feel so vulnerable and threatened that if we don't come up with a strategy that puts some of the control back in our hands, we can feel lost and scared for a long time. The simplest example is an intimate partnership.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

of unforgiveness is our lack of control of what happened makes us feel so vulnerable and threatened that if we don't come up with a strategy that puts some of the control back in our hands, we can feel lost and scared for a long time. The simplest example is an intimate partnership.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

If your partner is a schnook and cheats on you and you don't let that go, then you sometimes bring that to the next relationship. You're going to cheat on me. I can't trust you. If you forgive it, it's not necessarily to help the past partner, but you open back up to a kind of trust so the next partner doesn't have to deal with your woundedness.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

If your partner is a schnook and cheats on you and you don't let that go, then you sometimes bring that to the next relationship. You're going to cheat on me. I can't trust you. If you forgive it, it's not necessarily to help the past partner, but you open back up to a kind of trust so the next partner doesn't have to deal with your woundedness.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

If your partner is a schnook and cheats on you and you don't let that go, then you sometimes bring that to the next relationship. You're going to cheat on me. I can't trust you. If you forgive it, it's not necessarily to help the past partner, but you open back up to a kind of trust so the next partner doesn't have to deal with your woundedness.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

When I got off the phone with those friends, And I had already started the forgiveness project, but it wasn't finished. I realized I need a new story. I can't keep on telling everybody how terrible my mother-in-law is and how helpless I am. I came up with a new story, which is I asked myself, Fred, why are you here? Why are you visiting her?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

When I got off the phone with those friends, And I had already started the forgiveness project, but it wasn't finished. I realized I need a new story. I can't keep on telling everybody how terrible my mother-in-law is and how helpless I am. I came up with a new story, which is I asked myself, Fred, why are you here? Why are you visiting her?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

When I got off the phone with those friends, And I had already started the forgiveness project, but it wasn't finished. I realized I need a new story. I can't keep on telling everybody how terrible my mother-in-law is and how helpless I am. I came up with a new story, which is I asked myself, Fred, why are you here? Why are you visiting her?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

And I said, because I want to support my partner, my wife, and I want my kids to know their grandma. So I said, why don't you act like it? You show up and you're a bear. You're not helping your wife. You're not helping your kids. If you can't do it, don't go. I wasn't there to get along with my mother-in-law. I was there to really support my wife.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

And I said, because I want to support my partner, my wife, and I want my kids to know their grandma. So I said, why don't you act like it? You show up and you're a bear. You're not helping your wife. You're not helping your kids. If you can't do it, don't go. I wasn't there to get along with my mother-in-law. I was there to really support my wife.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

And I said, because I want to support my partner, my wife, and I want my kids to know their grandma. So I said, why don't you act like it? You show up and you're a bear. You're not helping your wife. You're not helping your kids. If you can't do it, don't go. I wasn't there to get along with my mother-in-law. I was there to really support my wife.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It changed my behavior 180 degrees, changed me inside. And it transformed the forgiveness project into something really useful. Positive intention. What do you want? Why are you there? What positive thing can you move forward on so that the grievance is in the rear view mirror and not out your front windshield?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It changed my behavior 180 degrees, changed me inside. And it transformed the forgiveness project into something really useful. Positive intention. What do you want? Why are you there? What positive thing can you move forward on so that the grievance is in the rear view mirror and not out your front windshield?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

It changed my behavior 180 degrees, changed me inside. And it transformed the forgiveness project into something really useful. Positive intention. What do you want? Why are you there? What positive thing can you move forward on so that the grievance is in the rear view mirror and not out your front windshield?

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

That was one of the most poignant experiences of my life. When my wife died, which is now about 13 years ago, I continued to visit her parents and I showed up at their home. And I knocked at the door and she comes out. I mean, we had made a peace together, but we hadn't like healed. And this was a woman who was suffering from some dementia.

Hidden Brain
No Hard Feelings

That was one of the most poignant experiences of my life. When my wife died, which is now about 13 years ago, I continued to visit her parents and I showed up at their home. And I knocked at the door and she comes out. I mean, we had made a peace together, but we hadn't like healed. And this was a woman who was suffering from some dementia.